I know you're trolling me, yet still I find myself enraged
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EL CERRITO, Calif. - A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors - naked - and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said.The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said.John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan."You can't get much more concealed than that," Horgan said.Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident.Sheehan, who was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon."When you're talking about an awl or an ice pick and you're dealing with somebody who's fresh out of prison, it's a weapon. That's a stabbing instrument," Horgan said.It was not immediately clear what Sheehan was on parole for. A person answering the phone at the jail Friday night did not know whether Sheehan had a lawyer.
Maybe he got that tingly feeling in his rectum?
God, that is the greatest news story ever. It starts with a random naked dude masturbating on a tree stump and ends with him pulling an awl out of his ass.
