I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today

[The Fake Shemp]

Wow, has there ever been a movie about nothing like JUMPER?  Not a single character is likeable too.

[Great Rumbler]

Someone described the movie to me the other day and even that was so boring that I almost fell asleep.

[The Fake Shemp]

Someone described the movie to me the other day and even that was so boring that I almost fell asleep.

I'm pretty sure the entire movie was about Hayden Christensen teleporting from product placement to product placement.

[The Fake Shemp]

I looked at this saturday.  From I gathered it was about guys that "jumped" and other guys who may or may not have been able to "jump" trying to stop them.  I really don't know what any of that means, so I rented Idiocracy.

Not only that, but they don't explain the following:

a) Why "jumpers" can teleport (if it was some kind of genetic mutation, the fact that its been around since The Middle Ages makes no sense)
b) How many "jumpers" there are
c) Why "paladins" want to kill them, other than Sam Jackson thinks they're an abomination
d) Why "jumpers" are so fond of product placement

[Oblivion]

Willco, that's pretty much what every review said. Jumper had a lot of potential but botched everything up by having you not give a shit about any of the characters.

I did like that fight scene with the 2 jumpers, tho.

I looked at this saturday.  From I gathered it was about guys that "jumped" and other guys who may or may not have been able to "jump" trying to stop them.  I really don't know what any of that means, so I rented Idiocracy.

Idiocracy is one of the best comedy movies ever, and better than Jumper by quite a bit so you did the right thing. Also shits on anything made by Judd Apatow. Yes, I said it.

[The Fake Shemp]

No, they don't.  They do have a machine that's capable of opening wormholes from some kind of jump residue that "jumpers" leave behind that they can jump through.

Hayden Christensen is the most unlikeable character, as well.  He has a mediocre home life - oh noes!  So what does he do?  Rob a bank and spend the rest of his life living in high rises, having one night stands and desecrating world wonders and national treasures.  What an asshole.  I was hoping Sam Jackson would anally rape him.

[demi]

[youtube=425,350]mZpxsXHrFUY[/youtube]

.

[Joe Molotov]

I looked at this saturday.  From I gathered it was about guys that "jumped" and other guys who may or may not have been able to "jump" trying to stop them.  I really don't know what any of that means, so I rented Idiocracy.

Not only that, but they don't explain the following:

a) Why "jumpers" can teleport (if it was some kind of genetic mutation, the fact that its been around since The Middle Ages makes no sense)
b) How many "jumpers" there are
c) Why "paladins" want to kill them, other than Sam Jackson thinks they're an abomination
d) Why "jumpers" are so fond of product placement

I like how Hayden's like "Bubububu...why are you doing this to me!!! I didn't do anything!  :'( :'(" Yeah, nothing except rob a few dozen banks, you douche.  I also like how his mom shows up in the last few seconds, and is like "SUPRISE, I'm a Paladin!" Wow, that just added a whole other unnecessary layer to an already unnecessary movie. Most worthless movie I've seen this year (haven't seen Love Guru or Zohan yet).

Edit: I also like how this war between Jumpers and Paladins has been going on for centuries secretly, but yet they (A) make no attempt to be secret about it, leaving a wake of destruction everywhere they go and (B) the entire war apparently consists of one jumper and about four Paladins.

[The Fake Shemp]

What the fuck, demi?  That is the most ridiculous promotional tie-in ever.  It's almost as irrelevant as the movie!

How did a respectable director like Doug Liman get caught up in a crap movie like this?

[cool breeze]

I wish I had the power of Nightcrawler.  I also wish I had a jetpack after watching The Rocketeer yesterday.  A teleporting jetpack would be badass.  Why hasn't this been a movie yet?

[Solo]

This is the worst movie Ive seen in a really long time. I caught a double bill of Atonement and then Jumper on the flight back to Edmonton several weeks ago. What a contradictory flight that was.

[Great Rumbler]

[youtube=425,350]mZpxsXHrFUY[/youtube]

.

 

[Grecco]

He jumped into a commercial? Wtf

(I do think Rachel Bilson is hot tho)

[Joe Molotov]

This looks worse than Cloverfield.

If you took the moster out of Cloverfield and made the whole movie about the yuppie party at the first, it would still be better than Jumpers.

[Oblivion]

This looks worse than Cloverfield.

If you took the moster out of Cloverfield and made the whole movie about the yuppie party at the first, it would still be better than Jumpers.

That would also make it better than the original Cloverfield.

[Phoenix Dark]

This looks worse than Cloverfield.

lets not jump to conclusions here

[Solo]

Comparing which is better, Cloverfield or Jumper, is like comparing what is better between picking up a cheeseburger or passing kidney stones.

[The Fake Shemp]

Cloverfield actually had a character you could root for.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

The monster!

[close]

[Solo]

At this point Im just doing it because I know it will get you going   

[chronovore]

Apparently the books don't have paladins or any of that crap, and are all the more interesting for it. So it's another case of Hollywood buying the rights to something that works as a book, then figuring out how to "put the H-wood magic on it" until it's dead.

http://www.avclub.com/content/feature/book_vs_film_jumper

[EvilBoris]

 what were they thinking with samuel l jackson's wig?

[WrikaWrek]

The movie begun, some kid gained powers, the movie ended.

True piece of shit.

[Raban]

Yeah it was pretty bad. Everything, I mean.

[Scurvy Stan]

This is the worst movie Ive seen in a really long time. I caught a double bill of Atonement and then Jumper on the flight back to Edmonton several weeks ago. What a contradictory flight that was.

I would have jumped off the plane.

[xnikki118x]

I've never seen or hward of it, lol.

But why were you in the hospital, Willco?

[The Fake Shemp]

I had a severe asthma attack.  It's been really bothering me recently.

[xnikki118x]

Oh wow, that really sucks! I'm glad you're better now, though!

[The Fake Shemp]

Not entirely, but I'm not in an emergency room, at least!  Take that, air quality.

It was probably my scariest attack and I had a pretty server precursor this morning.  If it wasn't for the fact that my neighbor is home since his kids are visiting, I would've had to call the paramedics.

[xnikki118x]

Yeah I figured you were posting from home, which is always a good thing.

Thank god for small miracles about your neighbor, huh? Wow.

[Tauntaun]

Saw this movie in theaters, man what a piece of crap.   

Breathe Willco......BRRRREEEEEEAAAAAATTTTTTTHHHHHHEEEEE! 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Tauntaun revitalizing sexy time!

[close]

[Eric P]

adds a whole new terror to asthma, doesn't it?

[The Fake Shemp]

JUMPER convinced me NOT to move towards the light.

[Eric P]

JUMPER convinced me NOT to move towards the light.

how else could you come back and post about it?

[muckhole]

Demi, did you play the game?

There was a game?!

[E-DuB]

[youtube=425,350]mZpxsXHrFUY[/youtube]

.

So an Hp advert within a Windows Everywhere advert within a Jumper advert. That's three degrees of SMH

[Trent Dole]

I can't believe my store nearly sold out of this movie, but it did.