Help me avoid my bullshit jury duty......

[Tigerriot]

Get a load of this shit.  I get called up for jury duty.  You're probably thinking "So what's so crazy about that?".


Well, they're asking me to call them EVERY NIGHT for TWO WEEKS and any of those nights I might get a message telling me to show up at this federal court house the following morning.  This courthouse is nearly 90 minutes from my fucking house.


So in other words these assholes are holding my life hostage for 2 fucking weeks, and if I get chosen to show up, I'm on for a fucking 90 minute drive there, and a 90 minute drive back for however long they see fit.  God forbid I get chosen for a fucking trial.  My job is also held hostage, as each night they have no idea if I'm showing up the next day.  I have never know a single person in my life that's had to do this 2 week bullshit plan.


This bullshit has me so annoyed, and it's like a cloud hanging over my head each day as the time to make that phone call approaches.  I'm not a fan at all of going into the big city around here.  I get very anxious getting on a subway, and traveling to a courthouse, and being questioned about what I think about various things, only to possibly get stuck on a jury to convict some asshole of some crime he may or may not have actually done. 


So, as of right now, I've made 3 phone calls out of my 9 total I'll have to make.  I got lucky and the 4th of July falls in my 2 week window, so I get to skip that day.  I just want to know if anyone has any advice for how to skip out of this bullshit now?  I know all the usual suggestions like "Tell them you're a racist" or whatever, but I'm not so sure about doing that.  Anyone got a better suggestion?

[Powerslave]

Tell them you're a racist

[Eric P]

just tell them that you can tell if someone's guilty the second you see them

but really you most likely won't have to do anything, but thankfully your job is protected if you have to go to jury duty

[Powerslave]

Tell them you're a tell them you're a

[MyNameIsMethodis]

Do what larry david did and say you hate distinguished black fellows.

[Tigerriot]

Oh god quit being such a little bitch.

I knew someone would reply with that line.


This is the thing that pisses me off.  My father is nearly 60 years old, and he's never once been called up for such a thing.  My mother is the same age.  Never once called up for such a thing.  I know dozens of people in my life and none of them have ever been called up for a 2 week sentence like this.  Jury duty is almost always a one day affair, unless you're actually chosen for a jury.  In this case it's a 2 week minimum sentence, and I'm driving 90 freaking minutes each way.  I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING, and somehow I get chosen for this bullshit.

[Tigerriot]

I've been called three times.  Quit fucking whining.

Yeah, and I'd bet any amount of money you weren't on the hook for 2 weeks, and you weren't being asked to travel 90 minutes each way.  Again, that is the problem.  If I were called up for regular jury duty I wouldn't bat an eyelash.

[Narag]

Have you called the jury administrator and discussed why it is this way? Maybe there's a miscommunication of some sort but talking to the right people is much better than asking how to scam your way out on a forum.

[Tigerriot]

Have you called the jury administrator and discussed why it is this way? Maybe there's a miscommunication of some sort but talking to the right people is much better than asking how to scam your way out on a forum.

Yes, I actually called today, and she basically told me "Unless you've got a doctors note saying you can't show up, you're not getting out of it".

Yes, the 2 week term is apparently normal for federal court.  I guess it's just extremely rare that people get called up for this particular courthouse where I live, because we're not close to it at all.

Even though I've lucked out now 3 days, I just know damn well I'm getting sent down there one of the next 6.

[Powerslave]

damn quit bitching dude!

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Maybe while you're on the way there you can pick up some Vagisil for yourself.

[xnikki118x]

Maybe while you're on the way there you can pick up some Vagisil for yourself.

90 minutes each way sucks, though. Demand gas compensation?

[MyNameIsMethodis]

Maybe you should've thought of this before you decided to live in the greatest country known to man. 

[FatalT]

Maybe you should've thought of this before you decided to live in the greatest country known to man. 

No one chooses to live here. We're born here. Of course, you already knew this.

[Van Cruncheon]

show up in a ryder truck

[Brehvolution]

DO your civil duty!

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Because paying taxes on property, school, and sales doesn't mean shit. We are all slaves to the system our grandparents voted for.

[close]

[Rman]

Jury System

I've served in a criminal trial myself.  It was no big deal, TR.  Plus your work is secure.

[TVC15]

Just tell them you're a PS3 fan.

[FlameOfCallandor]

Maybe you should've thought of this before you decided to live in the greatest country known to man. 

No one chooses to live here. We're born here. Of course, you already knew this.

You chose not to leave. 

[Van Cruncheon]

tell them you're a MONSTER GHOST and ask the jury proctor to poop his/her pants

[TVC15]

Maybe you should've thought of this before you decided to live in the greatest country known to man. 

No one chooses to live here. We're born here. Of course, you already knew this.

You chose not to leave. 

Borders all around the world are closed.  It's feasible to hate America and effectively be stuck here.  Born into prisons, that's what borders force us into.  Sing Sing or the US. . .same difference.

[Tigerriot]

Maybe while you're on the way there you can pick up some Vagisil for yourself.

I lol'ed.


As I sit and count down the hours til my phone call tomorrow. 

[crimsondynamics]

Why don't you just commit a felony and get caught red-handed?

You can then plead not guilty when the police charge you, and you'd avoid jury duty.

Of course, you'd still be in court, but you wouldn't be sitting on your butt all day. You'd be in the dock - it's so much more exciting being on trial!

[Cravis]

Tell them you strongly believe in the death penalty and capital punishment and that you believe the law is wrong. You're not innocent until proven guilty you're guilty as charged until proven otherwise. 

[crimsondynamics]

...or, do the Sudoku maneuver. That did wonders for the Australian jury.

[DJ_Tet]

I've had Jury Duty three times, I think they call people who vote, or are registered.  Once I was on a jury, we decided that the lady who 'slipped' in Harris Teeter was full of shit and didn't give her any money.  It was raining that day.

Another time, I got seated for a jury and the people were defending themselves.  I decided I liked the chick's chances against the auto body shop, but she threw me off the jury just from sight alone.  That kinda sucked, I was pulling against her after that.

Jury duty does suck, though, and being required to drive 90 min each way is ridiculous.  No way you'll recoup that money from their 'per deim.'

[Tigerriot]

Jury duty does suck, though, and being required to drive 90 min each way is ridiculous.  No way you'll recoup that money from their 'per deim.'

Thank you.  Finally someone who gets it.

90 minute travel times is not the norm for anyone's jury duty.  Nor is the "call us each night for 2 weeks" bullshit.  Somehow I got stuck with it though.

[Tigerriot]

i thought you'd just gone to prison? can people with criminal records serve on a jury? I have no idea!

I went to a special kind of prison.  The crazy prison!

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I was kidding about the prison thing.

[close]

[Ganhyun]

i thought you'd just gone to prison? can people with criminal records serve on a jury? I have no idea!

I went to a special kind of prison.  The crazy prison!

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I was kidding about the prison thing.

[close]

Maybe that could get you out of it?


Edit: oh, you were kidding.

[MrAngryFace]

[youtube=425,350]_MFebZlUJ7E[/youtube]

Larry knows what to do.

[Tauntaun]

^

Just say, "Well, there's a reason that the prisons are filled with mostly blacks and mexicans." 

[Homemade Milk]

Tell them you're a racist

agree

[ShogunOfFear]

Just go and show up.  Have a seat next to everyone else then just start masturbating.  Everyone will look at you funny and someone will ask you to leave.  Problem solved.

[Tauntaun]

Just go and show up.  Have a seat next to everyone else then just start masturbating.  Everyone will look at you funny and someone will ask you to leave.  Problem solved.

  Only choice for a MAN!

[Homemade Milk]

Just go and show up.  Have a seat next to everyone else then just start masturbating.  Everyone will look at you funny and someone will ask you to leave.  Problem solved.

  Only choice for a MAN!

other than the fact that you still have to drive 90 minutes there, then 90 minutes back.....real smart

[Ganhyun]

Just go and show up.  Have a seat next to everyone else then just start masturbating.  Everyone will look at you funny and someone will ask you to leave.  Problem solved.

  Only choice for a MAN!

other than the fact that you still have to drive 90 minutes there, then 90 minutes back.....real smart

180 minutes 1 time is much better than 180 everyday for two weeks.

[Tauntaun]

Just go and show up.  Have a seat next to everyone else then just start masturbating.  Everyone will look at you funny and someone will ask you to leave.  Problem solved.

  Only choice for a MAN!

other than the fact that you still have to drive 90 minutes there, then 90 minutes back.....real smart

180 minutes 1 time is much better than 180 everyday for two weeks.

That's right, that's logic right there, we're using the scientific theory.

[Ganhyun]

Just go and show up.  Have a seat next to everyone else then just start masturbating.  Everyone will look at you funny and someone will ask you to leave.  Problem solved.

  Only choice for a MAN!

other than the fact that you still have to drive 90 minutes there, then 90 minutes back.....real smart

180 minutes 1 time is much better than 180 everyday for two weeks.

That's right, that's logic right there, we're using the scientific theory.

I knew You'd see the logic there.

 

[Yeti]

So are you a juror yet?

[Hollywood]

Can't you just make up some crazy shit that you're fucked up in the head and saying you'll vote guilty no matter who is in there, cause you're sick of the world and want to take your revenge? If there's a will, there's a way. Call and (act?) crazy and you'll for sure get out of it. Or if you meet the other jurors, tell them you'r fucking crazy and get them to rat on you.

Or you could be like that famous story, which I don't remember what it was called, where someone is on trial for murder and he brings in all the same items that were brought in as evidence when they deliberate. Then he changes all the jurors minds to vote not guilty when he was the only one who thought so at first. Then you can get a story like htat written about you.

[Tigerriot]

Well, it finally happened.  Today was phone call 6 of 9, and I came up snake eyes.

I'm supposed to report for duty Monday morning at 8:30am.  I guess that means I'll have to leave the house about 6:30.  


I'm trying to weigh two decisions here.  Go and deal with this bullshit day, and hope to God I don't get stuck on a jury, and have to travel down there day after day til the trial ends.

Or

Call up Monday morning and leave them a message stating I'm not going to be able to make it due to car troubles.  They have a line reserved for that sort of thing, so it's clearly an option.

My thinking is that maybe I'll just get pushed back into the pool of people, and maybe I'll get another summons months from now, but then I'll just never reply to the initial request, which I've read may result in them just leaving you alone.  After all, they can never prove you received the mailing, and they're probably not gonna send people to track you down.

But it's also possible that this delay on my part could just result in them saying "Ok, we're just gonna set a specific date for you to show up now", and I'll really just be pushing this whole thing back to the starting point again, and I'll have to show up on a specific date.  

I'm just not sure which option to choose here.

[Tigerriot]

I really had convinced myself today that I got lucky, and because of the 4th of July weekend coming up, they probably weren't really starting a bunch of trials this coming week.  Apparently I was completely wrong.

[Tigerriot]

You may just have to go in for a day or two.  I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Yeah, but I have some pretty strong anxiety about this sort of stuff.  It's hard to explain, but I used to have all sorts of anxiety issues, and now I've gotten to the point where it's really on very specific types of situations which freak me out.

The big one is simply being in a place where you can't leave if you want to.  For example, when I got married it freaked me out that I would have to stand up there for 20 minutes during the service.  If you want to leave, you can't until it's over.  That sort of feeling of being "stuck" freaks me the fuck out. 

In this case I'll be brought into the court room and questioned about whether or not I can be fair in such a trial.  That's what has me freaked out.  Getting "stuck" in that courtroom and having to answer questions is not cool with me.

That type of fear can be a powerful thing.  I realize the logical thing to do is just go and deal with it, but that anxiety part of me says "No, just avoid it at all costs".

[Tigerriot]

You should probably get some xanax for these types of situations.

 
I actually had to do that for my wedding, and my brother's wedding where I was the best man, and my friends wedding when I was the best man.  The thing is, I hate taking medications unless absolutely necessary.  I do have a few pills laying around, but I even have some anxiety about taking pills. 


But in the end that might be the best thing to do.

[Hollywood]

You should probably get some xanax for these types of situations.

 
I actually had to do that for my wedding, and my brother's wedding where I was the best man, and my friends wedding when I was the best man.  The thing is, I hate taking medications unless absolutely necessary.  I do have a few pills laying around, but I even have some anxiety about taking pills. 


But in the end that might be the best thing to do.

Get drunk, works for me. If you can't find an excuse to get out of it, I'll bust your car up for you with a baseball bat the night before if you want. Then you don't have to worry about an excuse. Ta-da!

[muckhole]

I would strongly suggest showing up dressed as a mime. And don't talk, just try to gesture all your opinions.