Dell's Indian tech support chat.

[Ecrofirt]

The guy's name is 'Fernando', but I'm convinced he's Indian.

Jesus fucking christ motherfucker, just send me a fucking motherboard!

06/25/2008 11:18:30AM Session Started with Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764)   
James O'Meara: "Hello"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "Thank you for contacting Dell’s Small and Medium Business Hardware support, my name is Fernando. How can I help you?"   
James O'Meara: "This computer is listed under Meridian Leasing Corp., so you know"   
James O'Meara: "In any event, the integrated NIC is giving me lots of issues"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "ok let me help you with this, to update our records, may I have your E-mail address?"   
James O'Meara: "sure. *@*"

James O'Meara: "The NIC lights up randomly (whether or not a cable is plugged into it), it DOESN'T light up sometimes when I've got a known working ethernet cable plugged into it as well as a known working ethernet wall jack."   
James O'Meara: "And Windows either reports the network connection as being disconnected or having 'limited or no connectivity'"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "are you currently chatting with me from that system ?"   
James O'Meara: "no"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "and also please let me know if you have ran any recent updates of software has been installed"   
James O'Meara: "The system has the same Windows XP image as 200 other identical models on campus, and it's the only one with this issue"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "ok what we have to is try to see what is the status of the network adapters on the device manager let me know please if it shows any yellow or exclamation mark there , to get there we have to go to my computer Icon and the right click on it to select mana"   
ge , we should have the device manager option there   
James O'Meara: "I've also re-imaged the PC as well as uninstalled and re-installed the device drivers for the NIC. Several times."   
James O'Meara: "Fernando, I've done extensive work troubleshooting this NIC already"   
James O'Meara: "The NIC shows up as working properly in the device manager, but I assure you it doesn't work properly at all."   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "ok Thank you very much for all this information..."   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "just one question James have you ran the Dell hardware diagnostics for this card"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "we will probably need an error code to make sure the card is not responding or at least we have to try to run it and see if completes"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "and also we have to make sure we are getting the correct driver from our support site"   
James O'Meara: "I haven't run the Dell Diagnostics for it, but regardless of what code returns for the NIC, the thing just doesn't work."   
James O'Meara: "Fernando, we used Symantec Ghost to deploy the exact same image to 200 computers. this is the only one with a NIC issue."   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "got it, let me check what we can do we are definitely having a Nic card failure I will try to complete this case to have the part replaced I might encounter another quick step to try we are required to troubleshoot Thank you for your patience"   
James O'Meara: "Thank you Fernando."   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "so then the system is continuously dropping the Internet signal correct ?"   
James O'Meara: "It cycles between saying it's got 'limited or no connectivity' and saying that the cable is disconnected."   
James O'Meara: "ipconfig reports "Media disconnected""   
James O'Meara: "ipconfig /release and ipconfig /renew don't do anything"   
James O'Meara: "disabling and re-enabling the NIC doesn't work. Doing a Repair on it doesn't do anything. Re-installing the drivers doesn't work."   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "just to double check James can we try to install a driver on this Nic card ? I can send you the link to download it and copy it real quick into that system"   
James O'Meara: "I've checked the cables as well as the wall jack, and both of those work"   
James O'Meara: "Fernando, I've told you twice now that re-installing the driver doesn't work. I also told you that it's got the exact same image as 200 other Optiplex 755s ultra smalls we got on campus in the beginning of the month. This is the only one with a NIC issue."   
If it was a driver issue, all of the PCs would have this problem.   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "ok Thank you let me see what I can do to have this resolved for you James"   
James O'Meara: "Fernando, all I'm looking for is a parts request. I'm completely confident that the NIC is dead, and I'd just like to get a new motherboard so I can swap it out."   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "and this is most likely ,to resolve the problem however we are required to troubleshoot based on the information you are giving me I might be able to bypass many steps but we still have to get to that resolution on my database it will take me a few minute"   
s but I'm sure I can help you James   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "Thank you very much for your patience"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "also James this part is required to be replaced by a Dell certified technician , I can still the part only but I have to inform you that if the part is mishandled the warranty will not cover the part anymore , let me know if you would like onsite technici"   
an or the part only at this point ?   
James O'Meara: "We don't need an onsite technician Fernando. Thank you, though."   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "ok, I'm still working to have this approved Thanks again for your patience James I will let you know as soon I have the case approved"   
James O'Meara: "Fernando, I went into a chat session to save myelf some time. I'm certified as a Warranty Parts Direct technician, and this is taking much longer than just going to the warranty parts site and ordering the part."   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "I'm just completing the case , I have to ask for the approval I'm on it as soon I have confirmation we can send the motherboard to resolve this I will let you know"   
James O'Meara: "ok"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "ok I've just got the approval thank you for all the patience"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "May I have the address where we can send this motherboard"   
James O'Meara: "sure thing"   
James O'Meara: "Attn: James O'Meara
*
(   
James O'Meara: "my number here is 570-208-6074"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "Got it, all I have to do now is just place the order and create the reference numbers you need , so once again to confirm would you like the part only service or the onsite technician ?"   
James O'Meara: "yes, parts only service please"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "ok Ill be back in 5 more minutes with your reference numbers Thank you again for the patience"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "ok James this is your Case #613270000 and Dispatch Reference #104851188 for the part"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "In accordance with your service contract, we have setup a "Parts Only" dispatch. The part(s) will be shipped by next business day carrier based on parts availability."   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "If the dispatch is setup after 5:00 p.m. local time it may be deferred to the next business day. You should receive the part(s) in 1-3 business days."   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "You will find a return airbill in the box with the replacement parts. Please replace all included parts (including cables) and pack the old parts back into the box. Affix the included airbill to the outside of the box and call DHL at 1-800-247-2676 to hav"   
e them returned to Dell Inc.   
James O'Meara: "Sure thing"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "Please return the parts within 5 days of receipt of the replacement part(s). If Dell does not receive the part(s) back within 10 business days, you will be invoiced for the cost of the replacements."   
James O'Meara: "ok"   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "you’ll be receiving a transcript of our conversation via email. If you require assistance in the future, please visit us online at www.Dell.com/SmallBusinessChat or call 1-800-456-3355. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"   
James O'Meara: "No, thank you."   
Agent (SMB_Fernando_167764): "James, we do appreciate your business. Thank you for choosing Dell. Have a great day!"   
06/25/2008 12:24:36PM Session Ended   

Notice the time.

A fucking hour, and I still haven't closed this fucking call.

[The Fake Shemp]

Next time, you should tell him you did it for the lulz.

[abrader]

best thing to do is know all that shit they are going to ask you to do, call them up and say its yer second call, and when dickface tries to get you to jump thru hoops tell him that you already did what he is asking with a previous agent on a separate call.

He will look and he wont find a ticket - then you can act double pissed that they made you do all that shit before and lost the ticket....it helps speed me thru.

[Ecrofirt]

best thing to do is know all that shit they are going to ask you to do, call them up and say its yer second call, and when dickface tries to get you to jump thru hoops tell him that you already did what he is asking with a previous agent on a separate call.

He will look and he wont find a ticket - then you can act double pissed that they made you do all that shit before and lost the ticket....it helps speed me thru.

I got blindsided with this because our computers typically have gold support. My normal chat sessions are all of 5 minutes, and most of that is waiting for the dispatch to go through.

[Ganhyun]

Yes, obviously he should have been able to just go ahead and click on through his "troubleshoot sim" to send new motherboard. I dont see why he made you go through all those needless hoops. Its painfully obvious that its the nic on that machine if 200+ others with same os and drivers work fine. And the cable and jack are known to work.

This is why i hate dell's support.

[Powerslave]

where is the fucking chat, that thing is a maze


tl;dr

[The Fake Shemp]

Ecrofirt:
GREAT NOW I FUCKING SMASHED THE BOARD OUT OF RAGE YOU INDIAN SONOFABITCH!

Fernando:
I apologize, James, but I cannot find rage in my troubleshooting database.  Can you piece together the motherboard so we can retry several steps before coming to a resolution?

Ecrofirt:
I HOPE YOUR CHILDREN BURN IN A FIRE!

Fernando:
Have you tried shutting the PC on and off?  Or unplugging it for 30 seconds?

Ecrofirt:
THAT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING ARGH!!!

[Fragamemnon]

Indian techs, much like US ones and pretty much anywhere, range from really good to beyond useless. I work in a field where I'm exposed to a lot of different companies with a lot of different hiring practices in this regard, and I can't say that the Indian techs are any worse than any other ones.

The one beef I do have with them isn't with them, but their culture-they are often overly passive and too eager to please, and often don't "get" the notion of urgency in a business environment at all.

[siamesedreamer]

The tech support problems give Indians a bad rap. I would estimate 15%- 20% of the students in my business school classes are from Indian. They're all extremely intelligent...especially in mathematics - the great equalizer. Put us American students to shame in that regard.

I do agree with Frag that they are overly passive though.

[drozmight]

mmm.... mathmatics.  I love it.

[Powerslave]

Fernando:
Have you tried shutting the PC on and off?  Or unplugging it for 30 seconds?

lol

[Fresh Prince]

Fernando is actually a common Catholic surname in India due to the Portuguese missionaries etc. 

Other than that, most Indian phone techs (and techs in general) are only good as their training this was probably a newb trying to make sure he went through every step properly.

[Ecrofirt]

Most of Dell's support is in Mexico, and they do sound like Indians.

I got sick of dealing with them, so I got certified by Dell, and now when I need to get parts, I just log on to their corporate website, tell them what part I need and get it the next day.

I've got Warranty Parts Direct certification, but I had a bunch of stuff to call in, and I typically find the Gold Support Chat to be a bit easier for stuff like that.

[ToxicAdam]

One time it took me twenty minutes to return a laser printer that THEY double shipped. After being on hold for 5 minutes, I spent the next 10 minutes unsuccessfully explaining myself to an Indian gentleman .. then finally lucked out and was transferred over to their Canadian support. Once there, I got the direct line to the Canadian support and have never called that 1-800 number again.