EGM - Do they like ANYTHING anymore?

[MrAngryFace]

I havent seen so many 6.* in all of my life. Worst of all, the things they nitpicked were so nonsensical that I actually question their ability to play even the most basic games.

For example Every Extend Extra, one of them levels the complaint that 'there are too many sparkles on the screen'. Im sorry, EEE isnt the graphical joygasm that Geometry Wars is and its somehow too hard to play cause you cant keep track of things. That doesnt even make sense.

Every review was just a pure fucking slaughter brought to you by an unbelievable arsenal of nitpicks. THEN, Lumines II probably scores the highest of all the games for some god damned reason, and its worse than the origina. Of course the people who reviews that game didnt fucking TOUCH any of the others.

Point being the magazine has become completely worthless to read. Their TOUGH ON GAMES attitude does nothing but come across as a front, and the half magazine feature on Halo 3, a game that looks almost exactly like Halo 2, is complete bullshit.

[The Fake Shemp]

They like it when foruming admins read their issues in IRC chat.

[Vizzys]

You should read their comment/letter section they are fucking BRUTAL.

[Phoenix Dark]

I absolutely hated EGM/1UP/etc with a passion for a long time. I can understand that many game sites feel the need to present themselves as objective in this world of moneyhats and "favors", but their antics were stiff over the top. Games would be given extremely low scores for no reason, or poor reasons.

They're essentially the opposite of IGN, who inflate most of their scores.

And on Halo 3: you know better MAF. The game isn't close to done, and they're being forced to show the game in alpha form in order to combat the PS3. Hell, they have said many times that the graphics aren't done, and the textures are place holders. When the game comes out come fall 2007, it'll look amazing.

[MrAngryFace]

the halo 3 thing took up HALF THE MAGAZINES CONTENT. Just call it HALO magazine and be done with it. Half the article was HUGE ASS PICTURES leaving nothing to read but the lame "reviews".

Im not even convinced they like games anymore.

[Van Cruncheon]

1UP doesn't like games, for sure, but they definitely love their contrived internet scenester "personalities"

[Eel O'Brian]

They don't seem to like getting haircuts and shaving, either

[Van Cruncheon]

haircuts and shaving are for NERDS, mang, not for folks that chill around the office Wii and talk in removed tones about how they caught the Death Cab show the other night and how it was kinda meh and does anyone think Lost has gone downhill

[Phoenix Dark]

Halo 3 is the most anticipated game of 2007, and probably more anticipated than Zelda TP: of course they're going to pimp their exclusive story and laugh at internet sites, and of course they got pissed that the info leaked. Your point?

Gaming mags fight a losing battle against internet sites mainly because of price; for the first time in 2 years I didn't renew my Game Informer subscription, mainly because I realize all the info they get is readily available on the internet. But when a gaming site gets exclusive, HUGE stories, they pimp them like hell, and internet sites can't do anything because they don't have the media. Remember when Game Informer dropped the bomb on Red Steel, and how the internet exploded? This is somewhat similar to that. I can't knock them for doing their job and trying to sell magazines in such a hostile environment.

[Van Cruncheon]

i'm supposed to feel sorry for print mags why

fuck i even freelance for one and i can't be bothered to muster one iota of caring

[MrAngryFace]

Id feel less sorry for them if they demanded some integrity from the writers they plucked from fansites.

Jeremy Parish is one of the most inconsistant and actually, just downright horrible game reviewers allowed to splatter thier work across multiple publications.

[etiolate]

I haven't taken EGM seriously since the mid 90s or so. They have changed in ways since then, but never for the better... just bad in new ways.  Around the 90s they became a bunch of suits who didn't even sound like they enjoyed games, seemed like wanna-be news journalists who were stuck covering videogames.  Sometimes I would picture the boss from Dilbert dictating their editorials. About a year ago I got a free subscription and started reading the mag again, just to find that they went fanboyish and that the magazine read like a game forum. I don't want to hear the stupid catchphrases I see online in published print. Now they're back to elitism or disinterest I guess. Politics always were a problem of theirs.  Angry at Atari because they took away their mail pod, bitter at Nintendo for making them look like fools over the SNES CD thing and these attitudes leaked into various parts of the magazine. 

[etiolate]

Oh and also their 'throw a dart at the board' review scores. an 8 here, a 4 there, 7 here, 6 there.  The game is somewhere in that rage! Be able to communicate quality for fucks sake.


^@#%$^*# typos

[Human Snorenado]

Lol @ "videogame journalism"

[MrAngryFace]

Well I HEARD they were cracking down, so basically in order to become better writers, all games have to suck.

[The Fake Shemp]

THE'YRE REAL JOURNALISTS THEY REPORT U DECIDE

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Actually, most of their content is mandated by publishers that pay their bills - take that, fair and balanced!

[close]

[Van Cruncheon]

i really hate that they make me side with dave fucking halverson on this issue -- that people who actually LIKE a given genre should be the ones to review the games, not nostalgic shitheels with axes to grind

[The Fake Shemp]

All EGM reviewers can pick from the following Word templates:

directsequelthatismoreofthesame.doc
blatantripoffofothergame.doc
gaminghasevolvedbutthisgamehasnot.doc
okaygamehamperedbypersonalpreferences.doc
amazinghypedmasterpiecethxfortheadvertisingmoneys.doc

[MrAngryFace]

lol

[Phoenix Dark]

Parish? He's pretty good

The problem with EGM's staff is not exclusive to that magazine or Ziff Davis as a company - it's a problem with the so called profession of videogame "journalism". To me, videogame journalists are the new sports journalists. They're loud, they're obnoxious, and they feel entitled. In reality, most of them are average fanboys with a public podium to vent their personal opinions.

Gaming journalists seem to think they're apart of the gaming industry, when they truly aren't; just as sports journalists aren't apart of the sports industry, nor do they play a major role in it, the same can be said of game journalists. Yet they would have us believe that they're truly special, and they present themselves as such. Because they feel like they're apart of the industry, they lack any sort of neutrality when critiquing it. After all, why would I give a game unfavorable previews when the developers are sooo nice to invite me to exclusive parties, make me feel like one of the guys, and let me access exclusive information which I can use as a badge of honor back at the office, or on the internet boards?

There is no journalism in that. Consider the idea of "previews". Ideally a preview would report on the current progress of a certain project, noting its current status while informing the reader on any future plans the developer has for the game. Yet in reality, previews are rarely negative in tone, and always seem to contradict the inevitable review. So one minute The Godfather is hailed as "an interesting game full of potential that takes on a cherished franchise", the next "a journey into supreme mediocrity". My question becomes, what happened between those 3 weeks to drastically change your position on the game? Did it go from good to bad overnight, or were you just trying to ensure you got a review copy of the game early from the publisher and not be forced to buy it yourself?

Until these types of issues are addressed, the gaming "journalism" community will never be taken seriously as a whole. If "journalism" is defined by men like Bob Woodward, "game journalism" is defined by the likes of Bill O'Reilly and Michael Moore.

[etiolate]

Halverson! Wacky drugs and all, at least the reviews are written with a love for the hobby.

If I had a mag, I would not have every game reviewed.  There are too many games and that will just burn out the reviewers. Do you really need a review of Cars? Why waste the energy and build up the bitterness.

[Van Cruncheon]

i suspect parish was home schooled

[The Fake Shemp]

Phoenix Dark, stop talking out your ass.  There are plenty of fine, upstanding journalists that work within the sports field - you're not talking about journalists, but about analysts. Which is completely irrelevant.

The difference is that sports journalists aren't reliant on the professional sports leagues to pay their bills like the so-called videogame journalists.  That allows them to do stuff like report on the BALCO scandal and give a far more broad view of the sports industry.

Whereas these so-called videogame journalists are reliant on getting the product from publishers, access from publishers and most importantly, advertising dollars from publishers.

[Van Cruncheon]

oooo, here comes some hot willco-on-pd action

[The Fake Shemp]

It always ends the same: me on top and completely spent, doing a victory brow sweep of the sweat on my forehead. I throw him a few dollar bills and tell him to call a cab. What a fagurt.

[Van Cruncheon]

[Human Snorenado]

You should throw the money AT him in a disdainful manner.

[Phoenix Dark]

Phoenix Dark, stop talking out your ass.  There are plenty of fine, upstanding journalists that work within the sports field - you're not talking about journalists, but about analysts. Which is completely irrelevant.

The difference is that sports journalists aren't reliant on the professional sports leagues to pay their bills like the so-called videogame journalists.  That allows them to do stuff like report on the BALCO scandal and give a far more broad view of the sports industry.

Whereas these so-called videogame journalists are reliant on getting the product from publishers, access from publishers and most importantly, advertising dollars from publishers.

You don't know what I'm talking about.

Ever hear of Rob Parker? Or Jay Mariotti? Or Drew Sharp? Yes, I'm referring to idiotic sports journalists, not analysts; so please, stop putting words in my mouth.

I know they're differences. I am merely pointing out the similarities I see between them. How sports journalists seem to think they're magically important and relevent to the industry, and use their podium to reach their ends while preforming groupthink while deciding what's good and not good for the industry. I know there are good game journalists out there, like a Scoop Jackson or a Jack Mccallum.

Yet sadly, they don't get the same exposure as the more bombastic ones in this current sports environment. Which once again reminds me of videogame journalism

[The Fake Shemp]

I do, but not 'cause of the hedonism, but rather because he is home schooled.

[The Fake Shemp]

Ever hear of Rob Parker? Or Jay Mariotti? Or Drew Sharp? Yes, I'm referring to idiotic sports journalists, not analysts; so please, stop putting words in my mouth.

You just mentioned people who write editorials.  For fuck's sake take a journalism class you distinguished mentally-challenged fellow.

[MrAngryFace]

Parish is a complete moron. His review of UGnG is proof of that.

[The Fake Shemp]

I think EGM should let people battle Parish in hand-to-hand combat and if he loses, he has to change the score.

[Phoenix Dark]

Ever hear of Rob Parker? Or Jay Mariotti? Or Drew Sharp? Yes, I'm referring to idiotic sports journalists, not analysts; so please, stop putting words in my mouth.

You just mentioned people who write editorials.  For fuck's sake take a journalism class you distinguished mentally-challenged fellow.

Jay Mariotti is not a sports journalist? You're fucking distinguished mentally-challenged Willco, seriously. There comes a time when everyone needs to sit back and look at things objectively, and it's sad you're too childish to realize that.

[The Fake Shemp]

MARIOTTI WRITES COLUMNS HE IS NOT A JOURNALIST

That's like saying Michael Wilbon (although, at one point, Wilbon was a legitimate journalist) or Tony Kornheiser or Stephen A. Smith are journalists.  I'm distinguished mentally-challenged?

a) I've taken journalism in college - you should try
b) I've worked for CBS Sports Radio

You, like always, don't know what you're talking about. Go tell us how evolution is debunked by your lack of faith in the big bang theory so more plz k thx

[MrAngryFace]

im more upset Parish's awful shit reviews are allowed to populate more than one publication

[Phoenix Dark]

MARIOTTI WRITES COLUMNS HE IS NOT A JOURNALIST

That's like saying Michael Wilbon (although, at one point, Wilbon was a legitimate journalist) or Tony Kornheiser or Stephen A. Smith are journalists.  I'm distinguished mentally-challenged?

a) I've taken journalism in college - you should try
b) I've worked for CBS Sports Radio

You, like always, don't know what you're talking about. Go tell us how evolution is debunked by your lack of faith in the big bang theory so more plz k thx

Wilbon is a sports journalist

[The Fake Shemp]

I want to chain Parish and Phoenix Dark in a dilapidated bathroom with a hacksaw, with MAF as the dude from Saw, and see who cuts their foot off first.

[Phoenix Dark]

I like Parish, and I enjoy reading his articles - even when I disagree with him. And he usually puts everyone to shame on the 1UP Show

[MrAngryFace]

His points are not VALID and often CONTRADICT. What's to enjoy?

[Phoenix Dark]

His points are not VALID and often CONTRADICT. What's to enjoy?

Example? I'm interested now

[The Fake Shemp]

MAF, apparently you are not aware that THIS GAME IS NOT FUN and FOR REASONS THAT I WROTE DUE TO MY LACK OF TIME WITH IT, also IT IS TOO MUCH LIKE ONE GAME and/or NOT ENOUGH LIKE ANOTHER GAME.  ALSO GAMING HAS EVOLVED SO SHOULD THIS SERIES.

[Phoenix Dark]

Zelda lolz

[MrAngryFace]

uh god, his Every Extended Extra review in the latest EGM is teh bullshit.

Or the guy that runs a fucking oldschool nostalgia podcast, then slams UGnG for being too oldschool and appealing to nostalgia, when in fact its one of the best platformers out there. ITS JUST TOO HARD FOR POOR PARISH.

Or his blog where he carries himself like a giant dripping asshole with comments that insult large groups of gamers, and then expects me to take him seriously when I read his 'professional' work.

[Phoenix Dark]

Well you just named a subpar (EEE) and bad (UGnG) game so what's the problem? To make matters worse, but are on the PSP lol, which has no games to begin with

Just because someone likes oldschool games doesn't not automatically mean they're supposed to like every oldschool game MAF. I'm sure you like certain genres/types of games more than others, but that doesn't mean you like every fucking single entry in that particular genre/type.

[MrAngryFace]

oh my god, you ARE dumb. I shoulda kept you banned lol.

[Phoenix Dark]

OMG SOMEONE DOESN'T LIKE THE GAMES I LIKE THEY MUST SUCK DURR

[Van Cruncheon]

you can not like a game and still acknowledge it as quality, dimples

[Phoenix Dark]

you can not like a game and still acknowledge it as quality, dimples

Not if it sucks so bad it has no redeeming qualities, like EEE

[Van Cruncheon]

you mean like zelda

[Phoenix Dark]

On the Wii? Exactly

MAF, apparently you are not aware that THIS GAME IS NOT FUN and FOR REASONS THAT I WROTE DUE TO MY LACK OF TIME WITH IT, also IT IS TOO MUCH LIKE ONE GAME and/or NOT ENOUGH LIKE ANOTHER GAME.  ALSO GAMING HAS EVOLVED SO SHOULD THIS SERIES.

Please try to use a joke like this only once. 

[Tigerriot]

I think it's funny that MAF, someone who seems to shit talk every game that is released these days, is now complaining about how a gaming mag doesn't seem to like anything. 

[Mondain]

EGM turned to liquid feces a few years ago... got the Halo 3 issue to see if it was any different, and not only is it absolutely not, but the December issue (biggest of the year) has only like 180 pages, and all is cluttered with ads... fuck that shit

during the WhippinSean Ziff-Davis debacle of last year i had the chance to go on their forums and ask things to Hsu, and well they're apparently more popular than ever with all these changes, even if their old detailed previews have been replaced by nothing but unsubstancial paragraphs that attempt to be "hip"... so it won't be back on the right track for years to come, if ever... the writing quality and general gaming flair and degree of humility of the editors seem to have become poorer and poorer every month, sadly

im on my second month of an Edge subscription, and finally it makes me love videogame journalism again... a little haughty, but then again save for like 3-4 editorials every article and review is anonymous, so no chance for big douchebags to let their egos run wild

it was expensive to foreigners in the past, seeing as the publication's based in England, but now they have a site that allows people in NA to get cheap subscriptions

[MrAngryFace]

Tiger: I actually have bought more games across 3-4 different platforms than most people buy in a couple years, and have enjoyed the bulk of them. In fact i've supported the DS Lite ever since I got it.

You seem to be developing a track record for making shit up about my gaming and posting habits without doing some research. So I didnt like FF12, so I troll bad Wii and PS3 games and laugh at the Xbox 360 for having almost NO GAMES TO PLAY, is that honestly a crime?

[Cheebs]

EGM sucked after it got rid of previews and cut the page amount by like 500 pages.

[MrAngryFace]

Well even back when most of the mag was ads.

My main problem isnt with ads so much as its clear the writers on the magazine arent held up to realistic standards. I mean they wanna prance around and get called journalists, but its not like they work for their info. PR people SHOVEL them info and pictures. Host them at parties, whatever.

Then they go and write these articles that dont even make sense. I mean the fact that Jeremy's review of EEE got PUBLISHED blows me away. I mean he said there are so many sparkles in the game he cant figure out whats going on. GEOMETRY WARS HAD MORE "sparkles/visual OMGS". EEE is PERFECTLY playable, and the fact that TOO MANY SPARKLIES was his only illegitimate complaint, but it also allowed him to give it a score in the 6's.

That's such bullshit. Doesnt ANYONE read this and say, 'wtf does too many sparkles mean, did you even PLAY geometry wars?'

I mean seriously are there editors with common sense in these establishments to provide any sort of logical nudging to enforce quality reviews that I can fucking count on? God damn the Yoshi's Island 2 reviews are embarassing too. That whole issue is complete shit.

[Bloodwake]

Is it sad that GameInformer is now a better magazine than EGM?

[MrAngryFace]

Lol. At least with play magazine I can buy it for the glossy pages!

[whiteACID]

and why do we tolerate such idiocy being spread about our beloved hobby?

[MrAngryFace]

Not much we can do except not buy the rag, but thanks to all the dorks out there who DO buy it, that doesnt change much either lol.

[futami]

1UP doesn't like games, for sure, but they definitely love their contrived internet scenester "personalities"

so true.

the only genuine one of the bunch, the one who doesn't exude quasi-celebrity pretense, is shane.

i know, he's somewhat of a sony tool, admittedly, but he seems to actually care about games rather than spewing stroke-fodder for gaf xbots.