Today is going to be the day it happens. I can feel it. I'm so sick that I had to call into work. I'm so hot. I can feel the reaper circling my bed, and he's coming for me. Been hearing crows all morning. This is it. This is what it feels like to die. Last night I prayed to multiple deities, asking for it to come either quickly or painlessly, and it's become evident that my calls have been ignored, and all those gods are going to let me waste away in misery. Since they ignored that request, I am guessing that they are also ignoring my pleas to let me into whatever paradises they have been advertising despite me mocking their existences my entire life. My morning plans include combing the bible for fine print that I can potentially D&D-style rules lawyer myself into heaven with. Time is short, which is why I am going with the bible. There are more Christians in the world which means their religion might be closer to being right, and even if it bullshit, perhaps some sort of FF7-esque LIFESTREAM has made their delusions some sort of reality. Plus if I have time I can look through some of them old testament things and get cool with the jews.
I guess I had better put a brief will here since I have none.
To MAF: My DVDs and Blu-Rays. Prole can have the doubles. Distantmantra can have any doubles that Prole may already have. If Distantmantra has what I've got, contact Element.
To Prole: All of my beloved Apple products and my collection of niche erotica.
To Patel: I really don't know what to give you. I am pretty sure our music collections are semi-comparable and I know your comic collection molests mine. I guess you can have the copy of Mana Khemia I bought and never told anyone about. You're into that sort of thing, right?
To cohen: Kinda same as Patel. I don't know what to get you. How about my collection of signed Neal Stephenson first editions. You love CYBER LIBERTARIANS, right?
To Triumph: I have either a signed copy of Timequake or Bagombo Snuff Box. No Cat's Cradle, but it's free, so shut your entitled liberal cornhole, hippie.
To demi: My soiled underwear collection, and my collection of empty Tylenol PM bottles.
To Cajole: All DVDs in my collectiont hat feature 70s boobs, plus and X-rated cartoon DVDs that may pop up in my mailbox after my death.
To BlueTsunami: My beloved 40D and all my other camers.
To EricP: You can have my books and digital media collection. Just take all my external hard drives. There are backups there, too.
To Willco: My 360 HD-DVD drive.
I also request that I be buried with all of my money and my beautiful jewels. Also, Prole, cremate me and use my ashes to baptize the new Party Mansion. That's how I'd want it. Also, Prole, if my mom contacts you and asks how I died, tell her I got AIDS just like my dad always said I would
