"It was just so exotic; the dolphins gave me an aching erection"

[ParticleReality]

Two weeks ago I took my wife and kids on a vacation to Sea World. It was the first thing we had done as a family since my wife and I decided to give our marriage another shot, and things seemed to be going pretty smoothly. We were all just so happy to be a family again. You should have seen the looks on my kids' faces when we told them that I was moving back home; it was like watching them open gifts on Christmas morning. My wife and I were happy too. We had finally turned a corner, and we'd started making progress. We were going to couples therapy and all that jazz. We had decided, though, to hold off on the lovemaking for a while until we felt comfortable being physical with each other again.

Anyway, we were all at Sea World and it was hotter than hell, so we decided to go to a show to cool off for a while. It was one of those shows where the dolphins jump up and do tricks and then the big killer whale splashes everybody with water. And at this show I started watching the dolphins jump around, and it just captivated me. I admired their soft slippery skin. It was just so exotic; I had never felt that way before. Looking at those soft underbellies and long slender fins was like seeing the face of God. I came out of my dolphin-induced trance and wiped the sweat from my brow. It was then that I realized that I had an aching erection. I became alarmed, but that only made it throb harder. For the entire rest of the show I tried my damnedest to keep my arousal in check, but every glance I took at the cetaceans in the pool below induced a surge of hormones from my perspiring testicles.

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When the show ended and my erection still hadn't subsided, I began to panic, because soon we would have to stand up to leave, then my family would see my shame. So when people began to stand, I stayed put.

"Daddy, let's go," my kids said.

"Just a minute," I said. "Daddy has to rest for a minute."

"James, you've been sitting the whole show. The kids want to see the shark exhibit," my wife said.

"I know, honey. Just give me a minute," I pleaded.

"James, are you OK?" she asked.
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"Yeah, I'm fine." I could feel the sweat streaming down my face, and I was sure that my eyes looked glazed over.

My wife came and sat down next to me to try to comfort me. "Honey, what's the matter? You look -- " She stopped when she saw the bulge in my pants. "Is that ..." The look in my eye must have said it all. I gave a look back at the pool, and she must have understood because she stood up and addressed the children.

"Let's go on ahead, kids, Daddy's not feeling well." Then she looked back at me with venom in her eyes and said, "He's sick."

Eventually the erection subsided and I met them back at the car. None of us spoke the entire ride home.

When we got home my wife simply packed two suitcases for me and told me to leave. There was no use in saying sorry.

So right now I'm living down at the Super 8 Motel and I'm afraid. I'm afraid for my marriage, I'm afraid for my kids, and I'm afraid for myself. I just keep thinking about that day and I wonder what I've become.

http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2008/07/15/dolphins/index.html

The wife sounds like a total bitch. Come the fuck on, he got an aching erection because she doesn't put out enough. If she did, he would of gotten the aching erection from looking at her soft slippery MILF vagina.

[MrAngryFace]

dudes get boners, thats all he has to remind his wife























...still, dolphins...wtf

[Van Cruncheon]

there's a financial opportunity for synbios here

[Flannel Boy]

there's a financial opportunity for synbios here

holy fuck

 

[Joe Molotov]

(Image removed from quote.)

Hawt. 

[Bildi]

I got a major erection at an accounting conference the other day and I have no idea why.  It lasted for over half an hour and I was really worried it wouldn't subside in time for lunch (for which I would have to stand up). 

I tried thinking of fat chicks, shifting in my seat, and even stealthily reaching in my pocket and trying to see if something was restricting blood flow.

It was terrifying.

[Powerslave]

Are you sure you weren't thinking about me?

[BobFromPikeCreek]

Does no one do the belt tuck?

[Joe Molotov]

I didn't remember where I read it, but if you sit on the edge of your seat, put your feet flat on the floor, and then lean forward, that usually does the trick. It's always worked for me.

[BobFromPikeCreek]

I didn't remember where I read it, but if you sit on the edge of your seat, put your feet flat on the floor, and then lean forward, that usually does the trick. It's always worked for me.

Wow. If that works you are a hero. I get random boners all the time. The belt tuck works, but this sounds even better.

[Bildi]

Are you sure you weren't thinking about me?

I can't be 100% sure, no. 

I didn't remember where I read it, but if you sit on the edge of your seat, put your feet flat on the floor, and then lean forward, that usually does the trick. It's always worked for me.

I'll remember that, thanks.  I hardly ever get public erections, but every few years it rears its head.  So to speak.

Here's another remedy I only was told a few years ago.  If you have hiccups, take about a 40% breath and then take tiny sips of water from a glass without inhaling or exhaling.  After say 10 sips, problem solved.  Works every time for me.

[Flannel Boy]

I still don't understand why his wife was so angry with him; it's not like he got the erection on porpoise.

[Eric P]

I still don't understand why his wife was so angry with him; it's not like he got the erection on porpoise.

MORE LIKE ON POR....fuck.  you made that joke

[muckhole]

I still don't understand why his wife was so angry with him; it's not like he got the erection on porpoise.

DAMN YOU! 

I got a major erection at an accounting conference the other day and I have no idea why.  It lasted for over half an hour and I was really worried it wouldn't subside in time for lunch (for which I would have to stand up). 

You should have just stood up, showed it off, and announced that you had filed for an extension.

POW! CRASH! ZING! 

[tiesto]

Eew, dolphins.

[lordmaji]

She was looking for a reason to leave. She was probably fucking w/ him to begin with.

[Tauntaun]

I still don't understand why his wife was so angry with him; it's not like he got the erection on porpoise.

DAMN YOU! 

I got a major erection at an accounting conference the other day and I have no idea why.  It lasted for over half an hour and I was really worried it wouldn't subside in time for lunch (for which I would have to stand up). 

You should have just stood up, showed it off, and announced that you had filed for an extension.

POW! CRASH! ZING! 

[Tucah]

I still don't understand why his wife was so angry with him; it's not like he got the erection on porpoise.

[laesperanzapaz]

I still don't understand why his wife was so angry with him; it's not like he got the erection on porpoise.

[Bildi]

I got a major erection at an accounting conference the other day and I have no idea why.  It lasted for over half an hour and I was really worried it wouldn't subside in time for lunch (for which I would have to stand up). 

You should have just stood up, showed it off, and announced that you had filed for an extension.

POW! CRASH! ZING! 

That reminds me of an accounting pickup line I thought of the other day.  Unfortunately I've now forgot it, but it had something to do with extensions and was very, very funny. 

I still don't understand why his wife was so angry with him; it's not like he got the erection on porpoise.

  I'm using the rofl smiley way too much today, but it's well-deserved.

[TVC15]

That story is as fake as fuck.  Dan Savage would have told this dude to stuff it.

[Himu]

can a dolphin jack me off even though it has no hands?