My roommate is always bothering me

[GilloD]

I get home around six, stretch out to watch some TV and go to bed. I work long hours and I like to relax. But this motherfucker is always coming up to me trying to get me to watch some old ass Twin Peaks DVDs. Why wont he leave me alone?

[TVC15]

Oh wait, I get jokes.

[Van Cruncheon]

i have a similar problem. the older of my two roommates always wants me to mow the lawn and watch tv shows with her. the younger one steps on my gout-ridden foot for her amusement. gaf, what do i do?

[Eric P]

fhuta?

[Tauntaun]

i have a similar problem. the older of my two roommates always wants me to mow the lawn and watch tv shows with her. the younger one steps on my gout-ridden foot for her amusement. gaf, what do i do?

Give the younger one booze to fall asleep then give the older one booze to make sexy time happen. 

[Bocsius]

Gillo: Kill him. That will be end of that.

Professor: Kill them. That will be the end of that.

[Van Cruncheon]

i have a similar problem. the older of my two roommates always wants me to mow the lawn and watch tv shows with her. the younger one steps on my gout-ridden foot for her amusement. gaf, what do i do?

Give the younger one booze to fall asleep then give the older one booze to make sexy time happen. 

tauntaun, oracle of evilbore

[Reb]

Booze, the source of, and solution to all life's problems.

[Brehvolution]

Booze, the source of, and solution to all life's problems.

QFT! It even remedies alcoholism.

[hyp]

just hope your wife doesn't have a foot fetish prole.   

then again, it could be a turn on. 

[bagofeyes]

Hey, I got up to go to the toilet earlier, at 5:30 am, and you were still watching TV

[Human Snorenado]

Guys, I've got serious problem with my roommate.  He works overseas in Asia like 350 days a year and expects me to take care of his two huge newfoundlands in exchange for free rent on a beach front house.  How the fuck can I set this asshole straight?

[Reb]

The answer is something with giving the newfoundlands booze and sexy time.

[bagofeyes]

Kill the dogs and burn the house down

[Human Snorenado]

I like the dogs tho, they're much more well behaved than my basset hound. 

[muckhole]

I'm not at home right now so I can't make it, but I'm pretty sure Advice Puppy would say:

"Kill the roomate"
"Keep the dogs"

[cool breeze]

I walked in on my old roommate masturbating to pictures of a diseased vagina and penis.  No sex or anything between them.  Just two pictures, one of a nasty vagina and a funky looking penis, and this was sexually exciting him.

[Phoenix Dark]

i'll never understand how people can possibly not secure their environment before jacking off. i've come close to being caught due to some mental lapses on my part but i've never been caught.

[tiesto]

Guys, I've got serious problem with my roommate.  He works overseas in Asia like 350 days a year and expects me to take care of his two huge newfoundlands in exchange for free rent on a beach front house.  How the fuck can I set this asshole straight?

Ask him to bring back some Asian ladyboys next time he returns home.