My stomach is staging a revolt against me. :( (also, dog flatuation inside)

[Human Snorenado]

I was out and about this morning running errands and shit, and decided to grab some breakfast.  Well, there was a Hardees nearby and I've been seeing those strawberry biscuit ads, so I thought "hey why the fuck not" and drove in.  I haven't had any fast food in... probably close to a year.  So I order two strawberry biscuits, a buttered biscuit, and some hash brown doodads.

Jesus Christ, WHAT WAS I THINKING???  My stomach is slowly dying inside me.  I managed to finish like half of that meal before I realized what a terrible, terrible idea it was to get that fucking "food".  I did bring the rest of it home and fed it to the dogs, who seemed mightily impressed with it.  But now not only is my stomach turning loops, begging me to let it come up the way it went down, but the dogs have started a massive fart binge.  Dog farts are the fucking worst, and apparently Hardees dog farts are like, DOUBLE WORST or something.

So if I never post again, it's probably because my stomach exploded as I was slowly asphyxiating from dog flatulence.  Thought you guys might want to know, or something.

[Tauntaun]

I was out and about this morning running errands and shit, and decided to grab some breakfast.  Well, there was a Hardees nearby and I've been seeing those strawberry biscuit ads, so I thought "hey why the fuck not" and drove in.  I haven't had any fast food in... probably close to a year.  So I order two strawberry biscuits, a buttered biscuit, and some hash brown doodads.

Jesus Christ, WHAT WAS I THINKING???  My stomach is slowly dying inside me.  I managed to finish like half of that meal before I realized what a terrible, terrible idea it was to get that fucking "food".  I did bring the rest of it home and fed it to the dogs, who seemed mightily impressed with it.  But now not only is my stomach turning loops, begging me to let it come up the way it went down, but the dogs have started a massive fart binge.  Dog farts are the fucking worst, and apparently Hardees dog farts are like, DOUBLE WORST or something.

So if I never post again, it's probably because my stomach exploded as I was slowly asphyxiating from dog flatulence.  Thought you guys might want to know, or something.

  dog farts 

[Phoenix Dark]

egg farts coming from your mouth>dog farts coming from your ass

[Eel O'Brian]

it's funny when a dog farts and they act all startled by the noise, like "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT"

[cool breeze]

What a terrible lapse in judgment if you decide that eating at Hardees is a good idea.  Maybe tomorrow you will decide to eat at Arby's or Checkers.

[Fragamemnon]

that whole experience sounds tvctastic.

Seriously though, fast food is not something to mess around with that early in the morning unless you're used to it. I can't touch the stuff in the morning without going into a gastric shock followed up by a ruinous colon explosion. Hardees is the worst fast food joint you can hit in the southeast, seriously not even Bojangles will work you over that bad.

[Eel O'Brian]

their hot ham 'n' cheese sandwiches are awesome, though, and not greasy at all

i also like the mushroom burger and the hawaiian chicken sandwich, both also not greasy

but yeah, the rest of their food is drenched in grease, particularly those "frisco" sandwiches

[Crushed]

i have done an art based upon your illustrious tale and life




is this accurate

[Human Snorenado]

I just used the bathroom, and feel like I'm not going to die now.  I also opened the windows and banished the basset hound to the little fenced in yard area, because he was farting so bad that even he was upset by it.  He'd lay down, fart five minutes later and look around, sniffing the air, then yelp and run to a different part of the house.  Rinse and repeat.

Crushed- more or less, yeah.

[Bocsius]

Greasy food in the morning... screw that.

Scratch that...

Food in the morning.... screw that.

[Human Snorenado]

Funny that, my dog has been farting alot too.

He also took a massive shit on the floor last night. I walk him 5-6 times a day and he's really picky about where he shits so sometimes he wont do it. How do I fix that? I'm running out of yards mayne.

You have to use positive reinforcement.  Always carry some kind of treat with you, and when he starts to go potty say "go potty!" and then give him a treat when he's done.  If you do that and DON'T reward him when he goes in the house (but don't punish him, either) he'll figure out that going to the bathroom outside = good behavior that is rewarded.

[muckhole]

it's funny when a dog farts and they act all startled by the noise, like "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT"

  Also, our shepard used to let out the "silent, but deadly" variety. Sitting there panting happily, the suddenly her eyes would narrow, her mouth would close, and her ears would go back slightly. Anyone who hasn't seen what I'm talking about has missed out on pure, smelly comedy gold.

[Human Snorenado]

Funny that, my dog has been farting alot too.

He also took a massive shit on the floor last night. I walk him 5-6 times a day and he's really picky about where he shits so sometimes he wont do it. How do I fix that? I'm running out of yards mayne.

You have to use positive reinforcement.  Always carry some kind of treat with you, and when he starts to go potty say "go potty!" and then give him a treat when he's done.  If you do that and DON'T reward him when he goes in the house (but don't punish him, either) he'll figure out that going to the bathroom outside = good behavior that is rewarded.

I think he did it in the house because I slept in my bed last night so if he cried for me to wake up and take him out I didn't hear him.

I'll try the treats thing, but theres no fucking way I'm saying "potty".

Well, you don't have to say "potty".  Use any word that you ONLY use when he goes to the bathroom.  You could say "Spiro Agnew!" if you want if you ONLY say it when he's going.  The point is, eventually when you want to just run him outside to do his business real quick and come right back in, you can take him out, say the trigger word and he'll do his business.

[Bocsius]

Make the trigger word "Metroid."

[cool breeze]

Make it: It's Morphin Time!

[Ganhyun]

Make it: It's Morphin Time!

This.

[Brehvolution]

Lol @ crushed pic.

Feeling bad for TCC.

[tiesto]

When I think of dog farts I think of an interracial porn site 

[Van Cruncheon]

i had gastroenteritis all yesterday, and jesus CHRIST stuff would NOT stop spewing from all my orifices. also, butt pee is the worst thing ever. it was CLEAR at one point!

[Eel O'Brian]

and then your butthole gets all burned and raw and you have to dab at it with the toilet paper because it hurts too much to wipe

[Reb]

Moist toilet paper rocks.