Thread theft: real life fuck ups

[radioheadrule83]

Stolen from GAF, as I was beaten with the banstick for leading people to sourmath.com a while back (I dunno why, its a good site! Just kidding, don't go there: ever... its one of those prank site things like 2girls1cup. I did warn em!)

Down to the nitty gritty: Gaffer Sphinx asks - can you forgive?

CASE 1 ( men only ):

.- Your girl/wife is pregnant. You always wanted to be a father. Your girl is careless, takes some strange forbidden pills by recommendation of a friend. Your baby is born with different complications. The diagnosis is that the boy will live 4 or 5 years and will have a very shitty life all the way through....

CASE 2 ( anyone ):

.- Your sex life has gotten dry lately. You have sex once a month, if at all. Your partner is frustrated by that and decides to have sex just this one time out of the monogamus marriage, to relieve the anxiety. Some months later after (s)he had this secret incident, you have your yearly medical check-up and turns out you are HIV positive. (s)he admits to have had unprotected sex some months ago....

CASE 3 ( anyone ):

.- You have been saving money for 4 years and your partner has access to your savings. You have been financially preparing yourself to provide education and a quality life to your kids. Your partner takes most of your savings because a friend of his/her was in some trouble and your partner thought was an important matter. Everything is gone. By the time you save again, your kids went to a shitty school and you are drowning in debts from the bank and will take years to get out of the situation.


Personally, case 1 I'd try to look after the kid as best as possible, and restrain myself from killing anyone and everyone... it'd be horrible for all concerned after all. Case 2, I'd kill the ex girlfriend, the person who gave her HIV, and all members of the ex-girlfriends family, probably with fire, before commiting epic an-hero with a frizbee. Case 3, I'd wake the partner up in their sleep, chloroform them into unconsciousness, and then cast them out into the sea on a burning barge containing my remaining money and a Valentines Card with FUCK YOU written on it in my own blood (in lieu of my still beating heart).

The thread on GAF has turned into an entertaining argument between Koshiba and some dudes about whether or not guys can understand the burden of pregnancy. BORRRRING

Can anyone think up more fucked up "cases" that anyone sane wouldn't forgive?

[Eel O'Brian]

i'd let blossom blow me in all cases

[MyNameIsMethodis]

Hey guys, lets steal the most boring, predicting thread on GAF and just let the predictable jokes pour in! Hey i'll start it!

Option 1: LULZ

Option 2: HIV LUL

Option 3: I'll be honest, I didn't even read option 3

[BobFromPikeCreek]

cool

[Positive Touch]

so basically we just use this thread to make up a bunch of stories about how we'd kill women?

[Bildi]

So what's this thread about and when do we start having e-sex?

[muckhole]

Reminds me of those "Would you rather.." questions.

You're eating a Raspberry jelly donut. Would you rather find in your mouth while eating it:

-a tooth that isn't yours (root attached)

or

-a large yellow-ish toenail

[Madrun Badrun]

After we kill all the women, we'll have an hypothetical HIV-orgy.   

[radioheadrule83]

Option 1: LULZ

Option 2: HIV LUL

Option 3: I'll be honest, I didn't even read option 3

Enlightening!

so basically we just use this thread to make up a bunch of stories about how we'd kill women?

Nah think up anything. You can kill men and herms/shims too.

[TVC15]

so basically we just use this thread to make up a bunch of stories about how we'd kill women?

I'd push a bowling pin inside her gash until I heard bones starting to dislocate.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

this thread is awful

[Van Cruncheon]

worst evilbore thread of the ever

[MyNameIsMethodis]

Even worse than a Methodis thread.


Oh wait.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Even Crushed would have made a better thread than you.

Think about it.  Crushed.

[radioheadrule83]

worst evilbore thread of the ever

I know you wanted to keep SourMath a secret, washing and handling all that fat old man widge in the shower and all, but its too late now -- I let it slip. I'm sorry. Don't hate on me braaa.

I'm sorry for the bad thread though.
Are you Drinky or just some other pseudo-intelligent with the same avatar?

Who's who out of the names I wouldn't recognise? This is my virginal thread... it needn't be my last. Where's the love? I promise never to make one this bad or this drunk again if y'all be nice  

[Bildi]

I'd push a bowling pin inside her gash until I heard bones starting to dislocate.

TVC + vaginas = spectacularly disturbing results.

[MyNameIsMethodis]

I was the Baseball prophet Sylar. And the transexual boyfriend of Luke Smith named Methodis before that.


I play joke characters on GAF.

[Van Cruncheon]

worst evilbore thread of the ever

I know you wanted to keep SourMath a secret, washing and handling all that fat old man widge in the shower and all, but its too late now -- I let it slip. I'm sorry. Don't hate on me braaa.

I'm sorry for the bad thread though.
Are you Drinky or just some other pseudo-intelligent with the same avatar?

Who's who out of the names I wouldn't recognise? This is my virginal thread... it needn't be my last. Where's the love? I promise never to make one this bad or this drunk again if y'all be nice  

WAT

[Positive Touch]

so basically we just use this thread to make up a bunch of stories about how we'd kill women?

I'd push a bowling pin inside her gash until I heard bones starting to dislocate.

i wasn't actually asking you to  

[Van Cruncheon]

a misogyny contest between tvc and my brother would break the world's spirit

[radioheadrule83]

misanthropy >>>> misogyny. Except in Guns n Roses songs.
What's the diameter of a bowling pin at its widest point anyway?

[muckhole]

I can't tell you, but I can show you.

[TVC15]

misanthropy >>>> misogyny. Except in Guns n Roses songs.
What's the diameter of a bowling pin at its widest point anyway?

Only 4.75 inches at their widest, according to wiki.  That might not be good enough.  How about if I just use a Hurricane .40 bottle and use some draino as lube?

Actually, I guess that would be wider than a .40 bottle, as long as we're talking diameter and not circumference.  I was thinking circumference for whatever reason.  I'm sticking with the draino, though.

[Bocsius]

I thought we confined the GAF to one thread? How did it escape?

[radioheadrule83]

I thought we confined the GAF to one thread? How did it escape?

[laesperanzapaz]

dont let them get to you radiohead.  in EB, no matter how shitty, you are always welcome and as long as you dont do illegal stuff, the mods here are powerless to stop you

that said, you just made a shitty thread

[Van Cruncheon]

dont let them get to you radiohead.  in EB, no matter how shitty, you are always welcome and as long as you dont do illegal stuff, the mods here are powerless to stop you

that said, you just made a shitty thread

leper this filth, too

[MrAngryFace]

powerless?

[Madrun Badrun]

I seriously think that we should have a policy where new members have no posting privileges until after they have made at least five posts.   

powerless?

Ya.  But I hear the secret non-mods are powerful and angry. 

[Howard Alan Treesong]

I seriously think that we should have a policy where new members have no posting privileges until after they have made at least five posts.   

[Van Cruncheon]

I seriously think that we should have a policy where new members have no posting privileges until after they have made at least five posts.   

best father mike post ever

[Joe Molotov]

Just ban everyone in this thread.

[TVC15]

Another fantasy is soldering (or otherwise solidly attaching) shark sewing needles (or if in a jam, open safety pins) to the end of an electric egg beater, and then inserting it and operating it inside of some bodily orifice that has already been punished into an "open" state with, say, a bowling pin or 40 bottle.

[Bildi]

...

[Positive Touch]

probably time for you to down more booze & pills

[bork]

This isn't GAF.  Stop making threads about GAF.  Stop talking about your fucking bannings on GAF.  Who gives a shit?  Go post your GAF stuff in the outside link thread.