Well, fuck.
TVC's account is right on the money.
First, we rolled by the ghetto Bellevue Fred Meyer only to find out Mexicans had claimed all the tickets. A pimply clerk sneered at me because I was white, so we left in a huff.
We drove up to the Woodinville Target, where there were only like 10 children in line. It looked fuckin' Dickensian, with them all bundled up and slumbering on camp couches or staring at us with these dead Children of the Corn eyes. There were a few parents. No one was talking, playing games, or watching David Lynch movies. It was unearthly silent. We coulda gotten Wiis had we waited with these creepy little Victorian child-ghosts until 8AM when Target opened, but we woulda wound up killing ourselves in a really dorky take on Henry James. We decided to spare our own lives and PASS.
So TVC mentions that GAF's own oxygen said the Bellevue TRU was opening at midnight to sell Wiis and we head on down there to scope the situation out. On the ride down we discussed how the reality of the launch was so much fuckin' creepier than our notions of what it entailed -- the deathly silent children staring with grey eyes into the hollows of our souls was far, far worse than a bunch of Starfox fans furpiling a morbidly obese Samus Aran. When we saw the line at TRU we rejoiced at first, because it meant we were back in the land of the living.
We were fucking DIPSHITS. Give me the wraiths of children over REAL LIVE NINTHINGS ANY FUCKING DAY.
It was like a 200+ line of GAFFERS. They were ALL japing around shrieking about Gamespot and Jeff Gerstmann, or how they'd met someone from a FAMOUS VIDEOGAMING WEBSITE, or wearing Naruto bandanas, or how NINTENDO WAS GONNA WIN, or how awesome they imagined RED STEEL would be. They were all fat; they were all pimply; they were all male; and I suspect they all really DID have Starfox fursuits in their closets. One dude was dressed as a giant felt wagglewand get-up and he yelled "GOOD LUCK HUAHUAHUHAUHAUHAUAHUHAUHAUHAUHAUHAUA" in a really effeminate voice at us as we scoped out the line. As we passed each person, it felt as though we were being treated to a vocal recitation of the dumbest posts from GAF and Gamefaqs, from squealed aspersions on Sony to mumbled but heartfelt proclamations of love for Princess Peach.
drohne once chided me for mocking earnest fanfolk, saying geeks shouldn't cannibalize their own. I thought he made a good point at the time, but after this experience? FUCK THAT. To quote Dreamcast fanboy Ice Cube: "I'll mix these niggaz in a pot like gumbo." There's enthusiasm, and then there's pinning dignity to the bathroom floor and pissing straight into its mouth; and that whole line-up just REEKED of urine.
We checked Gamestop half-heartedly, but they had a line-up too. Anyway, fuck the Wii. I kinda wanted to play Zelda early, but my pride ain't worth sleeping in a parking lot next to undead children or squaring off with greasy overweight college kids dressed like anime ninjas.
