Author Topic: marriage heart attack moments (Read 3960 times)

Van Cruncheon · « **on:** August 07, 2008, 11:32:50 PM »

so my wife was exercising downstairs, and i am upstairs. i had just spilled a bit of canned soup on the tray table i was using for my laptop, and nabbed some toilet paper to wipe it up. having done that, i flop back down on the couch to browse this shitty forum.

then BING im from a "friend". "lol cigarillo you check this out it's hilarious" and i click the tinyurl. i know better than to click his links, but i do anyways becase morbid curiosity and a love of the absurd define me. it is a fat chick getting fucked by a greyhound, and kinda tame for him. normally i get footage of folks being tied to jeeps and torn apart, or japanese women discharging maggots from their asses.

right when it starts my wife busts in. on the tray table is toilet paper, and like a stupid fucking ass, i am trying to close the window like a fucking teen because WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO. years of college roommates have trained me thusly!

FUCK. "uhhhhhhh" she says "uhhhhhhhhh"

thankfully, my pants are on, and i can demonstrate that the toilet paper has beef stew stains, not semen, so i am off the hook. but JESUS CHRIST COULD I LOOK ANY GUILTIER.

right now i could use a percocet! LET THE JOKES START. i cleared my history so NO PEEDEE I DO NOT HAVE THE LINK, search for bbw + greyhound yourself!

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #1 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:33:48 PM »

oh fuck, move this shitty thread

MCD · « **Reply #2 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:34:15 PM »

just be honest with her.

Crushed · « **Reply #3 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:34:37 PM »

would your wife walking in on you posting to evilbore (and failing) count as a heart attack moment

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #4 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:34:52 PM »

that i am into fat chicks getting railed by track dogs? who can be honest about that?

duckman2000 · « **Reply #5 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:35:02 PM »

Ah, the desperate window closing routine.

Isn't it amazing how difficult it can be to close a window under extremely high stress conditions? I accidentally opened up a window with a link to something even worse last time I tried that.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #6 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:35:09 PM »

she actually reads evilbore from time to time, although i hope not tonight

MCD · « **Reply #7 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:36:48 PM »

Quote from: Professor Prole on August 07, 2008, 11:34:52 PM

that i am into fat chicks getting railed by track dogs? who can be honest about that?

she will understand.

duckman2000 · « **Reply #8 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:37:18 PM »

At least it wasn't the PS3 browser. "Do you want to exit browser?" with hot stuff faded but certainly visible in the background.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #9 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:38:45 PM »

Quote from: McDragon on August 07, 2008, 11:36:48 PM

Quote from: Professor Prole on August 07, 2008, 11:34:52 PM
that i am into fat chicks getting railed by track dogs? who can be honest about that?
she will understand.

i'm not even sure the folks who FILMED that clip understand

Tabasco · « **Reply #10 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:40:25 PM »

I think you do hope she is reading tonight. She caught you masturbating to bestiality. You stammered and couldn't come up with a good explanation. Now that you've had time, you posted this. Hoping she will see it and buy this shitty story you've concocted.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #11 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:41:18 PM »

you sound like tvc!

she has already bought my story, thankfully, and my love for hot doggy-on-chubby action will be forever disavowed

Crushed · « **Reply #12 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:41:39 PM »

beef stew and disgusting stuff leading to a deceptive situation

That reminds me of a story. Something my uncle did years and years ago.

He was on a plane with a friend, and they had a can of beef stew for whatever reason. At some point, the friend decided to take a sick bag and pour the stew into it. He then called the stewardess to take it away. The stewardess grabbed this bag of what appeared to be partially digested meat and vegetables floating in brown vomit, a common situation.

Suddenly my uncle leaned over and said "Wait, lemme get the big pieces first!", grabbed a piece of floating beef, and popped it into his mouth. The stewardess quickly ran away with the bag and never appeared again for the rest of the flight.

duckman2000 · « **Reply #13 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:42:27 PM »

Quote from: Tabasco on August 07, 2008, 11:40:25 PM

I think you do hope she is reading tonight. She caught you masturbating to bestiality. You stammered and couldn't come up with a good explanation. Now that you've had time, you posted this. Hoping she will see it and buy this shitty story you've concocted.

That's what I was thinking. All us married sods have done it, so hey. It's OK, Prole.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #14 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:43:03 PM »

Quote from: duckman2000 on August 07, 2008, 11:42:27 PM

Quote from: Tabasco on August 07, 2008, 11:40:25 PM
I think you do hope she is reading tonight. She caught you masturbating to bestiality. You stammered and couldn't come up with a good explanation. Now that you've had time, you posted this. Hoping she will see it and buy this shitty story you've concocted.

That's what I was thinking. All us married sods have done it, so hey. It's OK, Prole.

oh my

MCD · « **Reply #15 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:43:49 PM »

nah, i am just playing with you.

just tell her you were buying a surprise gift for her on the internet...yeah, that sounds good, i hope.

Crushed · « **Reply #16 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:44:41 PM »

Quote from: McDragon on August 07, 2008, 11:43:49 PM

nah, i am just playing with you.

just tell her you were buying a surprise gift for her on the internet...yeah, that sounds good, i hope.

"Surprise honey, I was buying a gift and checking out different models! Different models of dog to fuck your fat ass, from DogsForFuckingYourFatWife.com!"

cool breeze · « **Reply #17 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:44:45 PM »

The only time someone caught something nasty on my screen was when I was reading a french blog trying to find scans of a game, then I scroll down and see a massive cock (the dick itself wasn't big, but the image was blown up) while my dad was there talking to me. Luckily he wasn't looking in that direction, and luckily a button on my mouse closes all the windows, so there was no real trouble.

I also have a bad habit of finding bad things or walking in at bad times on people. I saw my roommate looking at diseased vagina one time. I also found homosexual porn on my friend's brother's computer, and another case of homo porn on another friends computer. I found a bunch of hentai on another friends computer. The only friend this didn't happen with is someone who hid his videos well, and wasn't embarrassed about that stuff at all. I remember I went on a trip with him once, and in the back seat of the car he was just casually watching a porn with me next to him and his mom in the front seat.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #18 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:45:17 PM »

hey, i had to explain to her why i was watching a beheading clip once -- that one took some real creativity. again, THANKS FORMER COLLEGE BUDDY

forunately, he has sent her shit, too, so he will forever be the perfect ~~excuse~~explanation!

MCD · « **Reply #19 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:45:36 PM »

Quote from: Crushed on August 07, 2008, 11:44:41 PM

Quote from: McDragon on August 07, 2008, 11:43:49 PM

nah, i am just playing with you.

just tell her you were buying a surprise gift for her on the internet...yeah, that sounds good, i hope.

"Surprise honey, I was buying a dog to fuck you, from DogsForFuckingYourFatWife.com!"

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #20 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:54:45 PM »

If you're lucky she'll pick up on the hint. I expect a WDYB thread next week from drinky with the post being "my wife picked up a few bags of cookie mix and a greyhound"

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I hear if you make the dog wear socks her back won't get so scratched up. just saying.

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i'm posting from the bath tube. just saying.

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Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #21 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:55:59 PM »

i wish to hear more about your second anus, arvie. is it tight?

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #22 on:** August 07, 2008, 11:59:21 PM »

Let me know the next time your wife is in the room and I'll send you a picture.

BobbyRobby · « **Reply #23 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:03:34 AM »

i was once sitting on my living room couch strung out at 4AM. the remote was missing, and i was too tired to get up and change the channel. my roommate came downstairs and caught me jerking off to an episode of sabrina the teenage witch.

duckman2000 · « **Reply #24 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:06:53 AM »

I think the most suspicious picture I've had up when my wife walked by was this picture my dad sent of some dude dressed like Santa Claus, a big smile on his big bearded face and an even bigger cock in his hands, and fishnet stockings down to his knees. She didn't know my family at that point.

T234 · « **Reply #25 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:07:19 AM »

Quote from: BobbyRobby on August 08, 2008, 12:03:34 AM

i was once sitting on my living room couch strung out at 4AM. the remote was missing, and i was too tired to get up and change the channel. my roommate came downstairs and caught me jerking off to an episode of sabrina the teenage witch.

no shame in that brother

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #26 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:09:02 AM »

Depends, there were two Sabrina shows. One is MUCH shame

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #27 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:10:46 AM »

It could have been Hannah Montana.

HMJODF!!!

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #28 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:12:19 AM »

you wife must trust you. if i found my husband quickly exiting websites while in the vicinity of toilet paper covered with brown stains i'd be concerned

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #29 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:13:26 AM »

i think it was more that my pants were on and i didn't look aroused

demi · « **Reply #30 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:14:45 AM »

sheesh what'll happen next - phonecalls from hannah montana?

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #31 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:15:56 AM »

tvc has already revealed his plans for hannah

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #32 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:17:53 AM »

I've only been almost caught once. It seems like you only almost get caught when you're looking at something absolutely ridiculous - in my case, Beetlejuice's porn video with a fat black prostitute

BobbyRobby · « **Reply #33 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:25:31 AM »

Quote from: The Iconistrator on August 08, 2008, 12:09:02 AM

Depends, there were two Sabrina shows. One is MUCH shame

it was the episode where sabrina wanted to go to a violent femmes concert and her aunts transformed into teenagers so they could chaperone her. the teenage aunt zelda was hot

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #34 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:27:09 AM »

oh ok, so it wasnt the cartoon. Youre safe. Aunt Zelda was pretty hot

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #35 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:27:44 AM »

drinky open this next time she is around

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hirsuties_papillaris_genitalis

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Joe Molotov · « **Reply #36 on:** August 08, 2008, 01:13:54 AM »

Tell her you're looking for new things to try. Who hasn't thought about spicing up their marriage a bit by having a threesome with a dog?

Mandark · « **Reply #37 on:** August 08, 2008, 02:31:09 AM »

You could get in the habit of blurting out "You wouldn't divorce me over this! We've got a kid!" then letting her conclude what she will.

Empty bluster can feel more reassuring than panicked shame.

Or so I'm told.

Powerslave · « **Reply #38 on:** August 08, 2008, 04:58:19 AM »

Did you show her the IM window?

chronovore · « **Reply #39 on:** August 08, 2008, 10:05:30 AM »

Just tell her that a BBW getting railed by a large dog is SO exciting that you managed to jizz beef stew.

lordmaji · « **Reply #40 on:** August 08, 2008, 10:10:02 AM »

that is an odd moment man.

Has your wife caught you wanking off before?

That shit is awkward.

I think my old lady has only caught me once or twice that I know of.

But hey... I thought she was sleeping!

AdmiralViscen · « **Reply #41 on:** August 08, 2008, 10:39:01 AM »

Quote from: Crushed on August 07, 2008, 11:41:39 PM

beef stew and disgusting stuff leading to a deceptive situation

That reminds me of a story. Something my uncle did years and years ago.

He was on a plane with a friend, and they had a can of beef stew for whatever reason. At some point, the friend decided to take a sick bag and pour the stew into it. He then called the stewardess to take it away. The stewardess grabbed this bag of what appeared to be partially digested meat and vegetables floating in brown vomit, a common situation.

Suddenly my uncle leaned over and said "Wait, lemme get the big pieces first!", grabbed a piece of floating beef, and popped it into his mouth. The stewardess quickly ran away with the bag and never appeared again for the rest of the flight.

Reb · « **Reply #42 on:** August 08, 2008, 10:44:52 AM »

Carelessly leave pictures of Greyhounds around the house.

Mupepe · « **Reply #43 on:** August 08, 2008, 11:19:30 AM »

Quote from: Mandark on August 08, 2008, 02:31:09 AM

You could get in the habit of blurting out "You wouldn't divorce me over this! We've got a kid!" then letting her conclude what she will.

Empty bluster can feel more reassuring than panicked shame.

Or so I'm told.

Tauntaun · « **Reply #44 on:** August 08, 2008, 11:46:48 AM »

Quote from: Rebiak on August 08, 2008, 10:44:52 AM

Carelessly leave pictures of Greyhounds around the house.

Yeah now may not be the best time to talk about getting a dog.

bagofeyes · « **Reply #45 on:** August 08, 2008, 11:48:26 AM »

I'm glad I don't have a second mother

Kestastrophe · « **Reply #46 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:23:34 PM »

Wife lets me porn it up, although I never do it when she's around. If she saw me watching some weird shit like dog-on-woman then she would probably shake her head and make fun of me

Powerslave · « **Reply #47 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:24:40 PM »

So you do watch dog porn

ananus · « **Reply #48 on:** August 08, 2008, 01:06:55 PM »

http://www.evilbore.com/forum/index.php?topic=23195.msg587344#msg587344
http://www.evilbore.com/forum/index.php?topic=23195.msg587383#msg587383
aha!

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #49 on:** August 08, 2008, 01:36:50 PM »

i am pretty sure i do not have a bbw fetish!

Tauntaun · « **Reply #50 on:** August 08, 2008, 01:45:52 PM »

Quote from: Genghis Cohen on August 08, 2008, 01:38:08 PM

My wife has never caught me looking at anything untoward, but it will happen i'm sure.

<_<

>_>

Are you married to an asian? Are those her wary asian eyes?

spoiler (click to show/hide)

SHE'S WATCHING YOU!

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The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #51 on:** August 08, 2008, 06:31:37 PM »

I don't buy that this is a separate incident after the whole Dog Island fiasco. You're a sick puppy.

News:

Author Topic: marriage heart attack moments (Read 3960 times)