I've been gone for awhile, EvilBore, so I'd like to kick this thread of by saying "Hi, I'm fine, The Dark Knight rocks". Now that we've got the formalities out of the way, something just happened to me that caused me to creatively inject some adventure into my life through way of imaginative property, and I thought I'd try and enlist the help of EvilBore to humor me and my devious plans.
Here's the story:
Lo, there I was, jacking off all by myself in my house when my phone went a ringin', and I answered with a modest "Hello?". I was met by what sounded like a crack-addled 20-something honky on the other line speaking way too fast for me to understand all of what he was saying, but I got the gist: one of the crazed man's company affiliates (that I was a customer of, apparently) sent my personal information out and about and the crazed man said I had won $40 in gas vouchers and a 30-day trial subscription to a coupon magazine for $1, to be charged off the credit card information they received from their affiliate. I chuckled patiently until he said he was ready to transfer me to another person for a confirmation on the address and such when I stopped him to spark this conversation:
"Hey, the credit card information you have is of a Visa gift card, I don't own a credit card. I'm 17 years old."
"That's fine, I'm just gonna reroute you now"
"Are you sure, will I receive the gas vouchers regardless of the fact that I'm a minor?"
"Yes, I'm sure"
I laugh again and decide to humor this a bit longer. I'm transfered to either a fat latino woman or an ugly elderly white woman (yes I can discern this through voices), and am told again what I stand to receive for absolutely no charge, save for $2 for two separate trial subscriptions to coupon magazines. This was information received after a battery of offers that I would receive indefinitely regardless of any objection, since according to the woman, it was a "thank you for being with us". After 10 minutes of offers and telling the lady that I actually try to avoid shopping at the Wal-Mart, I finally let the cat out of the bag...again. I tell her the card I used was a Visa Gift Card, to which she replies that her affiliate doesn't usually let those go through. She asks if I have an actual credit card, and I exclaim that it's impossible, I'm only 17. She then pauses to gauge the breadth of this new information and tells me I'm ineligible for everything she just offered, and that I shouldn't have been routed to her in the first place. I tell her I forget if the guy before her even mentioned his name or occupation, but I ask her for the affiliate's information (the one that sent my information around in the first place). I get an address.
28870 US Highway 19N
Clearwater, FL 33761
Suite 200 - Marketing
I Google Maps'd it to find that it's near a mall, but no distinct building I could discern. I checked the Visa Gift Card layout and there are only two transactions, one for iTunes and one for a J.R Brown Incorporated. I did some digging and J.R. Brown Inc. is the security alias for a membership pornography website called Petgirls.com, a site that specializes in the gross degradation of women using bondage and the like.
I figure it's Petgirls that sold my shit out, because iTunes just don't narc its homies like that. The mystery isn't 100% solved, however.
J.R. Brown Inc. is located in Illinois, the address given was in Florida. What does THAT mean?
Well, it may not even matter. I'm slightly angered at the fact that this porn site sold me out to some Credit Card rapists. My question to EvilBore is I want to wreak my revenge upon these scum-sucking nazi chicken-fuckers, but I'm not sure how, or more importantly, WHERE, to aim my laser beam.
Humor me, denizens of EvilBore.
