The Teach Me How To Cook Thread

[Robo]

Someone tell me why my spaghetti tastes like electrical tape.

I need a good tomato sauce recipe, fit for a cooking notice/imbecile.

[Cormacaroni]

Someone tell me why my spaghetti tastes like electrical tape.

I need a good tomato sauce recipe, fit for a cooking notice/imbecile.

You're in luck, because this is something I've put a lot of time into trying to find the right recipe. And it's also conveniently idiot-proof. And it's a seriously slow day at work.

You need:

• 2.4kg of tinned whole tomatoes - 6 cans, in other words. If you don't know what's good, get an Italian brand. Tomatoes are obviously key to this recipe so you may have to try a few brands before getting something you really like
• fresh garlic - DO NOT USE GARLIC POWDER. It tastes like shit. and it has the texture of sand in a sauce. I use 3 big cloves
• dried chilis
• fresh basil - about a handful
• Optional - red wine or balsamico vinegar

Now this is your BASIC marinara sauce. There are a ton of variants using onions, various other veggies, meats like salami and bacon, more/less garlic etc etc. But this will serve admirably as a basis for dozens of different pasta dishes, as well as pizza sauce, sauce for meats etc.

How to do it:

• mince your garlic - If you don't know how to do this, read on. It's tough to explain without pics, sadly. First, peel the cloves. Cut them in half, and pick out the core (it gets bitter when cooked, because it cooks faster than the rest of the garlic. Then make a bunch of vertical incisions in the clove, almost but not quite cutting through it. Then a bunch of horizontal incisions. Finally, slice it vertically again at 90 degrees to your initial slices. You should end up with very finely minced garlic, which is good because you get more flavor from it that way
• pour your extra virgin olive oil into the pan. You need about 120ml of this, which is a volume which may shock you. DO IT ANYWAY
• add the garlic
• turn on the heat at medium temp
• when bubbles start appearing around the garlic (which should be pretty quickly) turn down the heat to low

• toss in your couple of dried chilis - i usually put them in whole but if you don't want it so hot, you can deseed them and break them up if you want. Putting them in whole means you can remove them later though, which is a nice option
• leave the garlic to roast until it turns golden brown. This should take 3-4 mins on a low heat with that much oil but keep a close eye on it. If it burns, you have to start over, because the oil will now taste bitter and acrid

• Add your tomatoes. Don't break them up yet

• Stir, then stew on low heat for about 40 mins. Then break up the tomatoes roughly and add the basil
• Season with salt and pepper

After removing basil and chilis, breaking up tomatoes and seasoning:

• You can add some red wine (1-3 glasses, depending on how rich you like it) or a tiny bit of balsamico (potent stuff this, so be careful)
• Leave for another 30-40 mins. After that, you're done. You can either remove the chili peppers and basil and serve it chunky, or leave it all in and use a blender to puree it. Good either way. Or if you're really picky, remove the chilis and basil and then puree. Season with salt/pepper again to taste

Here it is, all reduced down and pureed and ready to rock.



You can then use it as a base to make stuff like this:

[Cormacaroni]

I use extra virgin, but I can see from the wiki page how big the temperature differences are between the different oils so it seems it's not so good when I'm leaving something in the pan to fry, since the temp is probably fairly high.

But for many other things it should be fine - I'll have to experiment more.  Thanks.

Obviously, the longer you leave it in the pan by itself, the more likely it is to burn. If you're cooking something like steak where the pan needs to be scorching hot, add the oil just before you add the steak or whatever.

[Cormacaroni]

Here's a recipe I invented that you might like:

*snip*
When it's done, add the clove of chopped garlic, remove from the heat and serve. I usually eat it straight, but it makes a JAWSOME taco.

Sounds great, but why add the garlic at the end rather than before adding the meat, so the flavor gets transmitted via the oil? Just curious.

[MrAngryFace]

Probably don't want it to reduce, especially if its for something like a taco. You want the full punch of garlic bitz.

[Bildi]

Obviously, the longer you leave it in the pan by itself, the more likely it is to burn. If you're cooking something like steak where the pan needs to be scorching hot, add the oil just before you add the steak or whatever.

So if you do it like this you can use olive oil?  Cool. 

[Cormacaroni]

Obviously, the longer you leave it in the pan by itself, the more likely it is to burn. If you're cooking something like steak where the pan needs to be scorching hot, add the oil just before you add the steak or whatever.

So if you do it like this you can use olive oil?  Cool. 

Yeah. Hell, you can deep fry with olive oil if you want. But every kitchen should have EV olive oil in it anyway.

edit: oh, the reason I tend to use olive oil for everything (except Asian stuff) is that oil doesn't keep indefinitely, contrary to what many people think. So I use it as fast as possible. The more ways you have to use it, the faster you will use it up, enabling you to buy a nice fresh new bottle.

[BlueTsunami]

God, Cormacaroni is like the Hercules of food. Jesus at that steak sauce

I'm totally going to make my own Marinara too. Fuck that bottled shit ;_;

[Mr. Gundam]

My wife's homemade marinara is heavenly. I'd share the recipe, but she's never written it down and does it from memory each time.

[Cormacaroni]

God, Cormacaroni is like the Hercules of food. Jesus at that steak sauce

I'm totally going to make my own Marinara too. Fuck that bottled shit ;_;

Blue Tsunami

death to the bottles! Make your own in huge batches. Once you have the sauce, the rest of the meal takes care of itself. Just sautee some meat, veggies or both in olive oil, add some marinara, mix with pasta. Boom, a new dish is born. And if you make your own pizza dough! Mama mia.

[Cormacaroni]

My wife's homemade marinara is heavenly. I'd share the recipe, but she's never written it down and does it from memory each time.

Beat it out of her if you must! The Bore Must Feed!

[Mr. Gundam]

She also does homemade meatballs to go along with it.

Oh. My. God.

So good.

[demi]

You can then use it as a base to make stuff like this:
(Image removed from quote.)

(Image removed from quote.)

(Image removed from quote.)

(Image removed from quote.)

This isn't food. Where is the potatoes? The Beef? This is an appetizer.

[demi]

Those are party favors. That's not a meal.

[Cormacaroni]

Those are party favors. That's not a meal.

Sorry Demi, guess you'd better go back to eating from the gas station

[demi]

That's wussy food. Mupepe. Just throw a steak on the grill, buy a bottle of steak sauce, throw a potatoe in the oven... dinner is ready.

[Mupepe]

Only if you'll eat it with me, demi.

I added the steak sauce and marinara recipes to the OP as well as a link to your marinading info.

I didn't get a chance to cook last night, but I have all weekend to make some meals.  I plan on making lunch and dinner both saturday and sunday.

[MrSingh]

Only ladyboys cook!!! 

[demi]

Only ladyboys cook!!! 

Clearly, if what you make is that plate of party favors

[GilloD]

Only ladyboys cook!!! 

Clearly, if what you make is that plate of party favors

Okay, I get it. You're the hilarious forum troll. But up until you popped in we were having a pretty good thread. Feel free to contribute- If you have a good "manly" recipe, on with it! Otherwise spare us the act this time out and leave the thread to people who are interested in it.

[Mr. Gundam]

GilloD telling it like it is!



Anyone like to bake? I've learned how to make the most amazing chocolate butter cream frosting cupcakes from my wife.

[Mupepe]

omg do tell!

[GilloD]

GilloD telling it like it is!



Anyone like to bake? I've learned how to make the most amazing chocolate butter cream frosting cupcakes from my wife.

The only sport I enjoy is PIPING

[demi]

Only ladyboys cook!!! 

Clearly, if what you make is that plate of party favors

Okay, I get it. You're the hilarious forum troll. But up until you popped in we were having a pretty good thread. Feel free to contribute- If you have a good "manly" recipe, on with it! Otherwise spare us the act this time out and leave the thread to people who are interested in it.

I did post one - meat and potatoes, or are you too busy riding your high horse to see that

Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooser

[Draft]

I've got two ears of corn. Fresh corn. Still in the uh... skin and everything.

What should I do with them?

I cannot grill them. Apartment living. Everything else is available though.

[demi]

Peel them and boil em, rub butter on and eat

Its corn wtf

[Draft]

Peel them and boil em, rub butter on and eat

Its corn wtf

Shut up man, maybe someone knows a neat thing to do with them.

It's not every day I have corn that doesn't come in a bag or a can.

[Mr. Gundam]

Peel them and boil em, rub butter on and eat

Its corn wtf

Shut up man, maybe someone knows a neat thing to do with them.

It's not every day I have corn that doesn't come in a bag or a can.

You could always get a grill pan. What about roasting them in their husks in the oven?

[MrAngryFace]

Peel them and boil em, rub butter on and eat

Its corn wtf

Shut up man, maybe someone knows a neat thing to do with them.

It's not every day I have corn that doesn't come in a bag or a can.

http://www.targetwoman.com/articles/cooking-corn.html

[demi]

It hasnt been a week... wtf is this

[Cormacaroni]

So I took a crack at GilloD's pork recipe. I used some different spices and a marinade of sake, white wine vinegar and lemon juice but it was basically the same. The pork came out very tender and flavorful. Went well with a beer! Me likee.

[Mupepe]

I went ahead and made some pork chops last night based off of a recipe i found on the net...

Ingredients:
1/2 cup self-rising cornmeal mix
1/2 cup dry breadcrumbs
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2-1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon chili powder (I added this in)
4 porkchops
2 eggs, beaten
Olive oil (I used olive oil instead of vegetable oil)
Seasoned salt (optional)

------------

Directions:
In a shallow dish mix together the cornmeal with dry breadcrumbs, pepper and garlic powder.
Place the eggs in another dish.
Dip the chicken into the egg, then into the cornmeal mixture coating on both sides.
heat oil in a skillet over medium-high heat.
Cook the pork for about 4-5 minutes on each side or until done, seasoning with seasoned salt while frying if desired.
-----------------------------

So all in all it turned out pretty good.  The pork was somewhat tough.  Any way to fix that?  I threw in the chili powder because as a hispanic I like almost everything to be a bit spicy.

[Cormacaroni]

Pork toughness - see my post above. Marinade, marinade, marinade.

[Mupepe]

Damn.  I didn't have time last night to marinade.  Looks like I'll need to start planning ahead more.

[GilloD]

Peel them and boil em, rub butter on and eat

Its corn wtf

Shut up man, maybe someone knows a neat thing to do with them.

It's not every day I have corn that doesn't come in a bag or a can.

My fave corn recipe: Just take a knife and cut the kernels from the cob. Toss 'em in a hot pan with some butter (Use the EVOO+Butter trick to keep your butter from burning), then add some sage. Corn and Sage are a wonderful team. I'll sometimes add cream at this point to make a kind of fancy "creamed corn", but more often that not I'll leave it out.

[GilloD]

So I took a crack at GilloD's pork recipe. I used some different spices and a marinade of sake, white wine vinegar and lemon juice but it was basically the same. The pork came out very tender and flavorful. Went well with a beer! Me likee.

(Image removed from quote.)

Looks good! Mine usually comes out a little more "stew"-like, but that could be due to your marinade. Good thinking, but I rarely have the foresight to marinade something!

[Cormacaroni]

Damn.  I didn't have time last night to marinade.  Looks like I'll need to start planning ahead more.

You said a bunch there. I usually take meat out of the packaging and start it marinading as soon as I get back from the store. Even if I don't know exactly when I'll eat it, I know it'll be ready. But it's true of cooking in general that you have to have a plan ahead of time if things are really going to turn out well.

[Mupepe]

Ok, so tonight I want to make a light pasta based on some things I've seen in recipes.  It's going to be a bit of experimentation.

I was thinking of cooking the pasta regular (i no rite?)

And then using some olive oil as a base for some light sauce.  I'd put a little bit of broth in it for flavor.  Fry some garlic in it and then toss the pasta with it. 

Does anyone have any experience with this?

[Mupepe]

How do I do pesto?

[Mupepe]

Cohen

Thanks

[Mupepe]

Ok, so change of plans.  It turns out I was out of garlic.  And being the lazy guy that I am, I didn't want to go to the store to get more.

So I decided to try ramen noodles.

So last night I made some homemade broth.  I stewed some beef chunks and spices overnight.  I just experimented basically.

So I made the noodles.  Boiled them with some salt.  Then I drained the water, added some oil in and browned the noodles with some white pepper.

Then after I browned the noodles, I added just a little broth in and just let the noodles cook in the broth some.

Then I poured it into a bowl and enjoyed.  It took about 15-20 minutes and it was awesome.  I put too much salt in the broth I think though.  It was a tad salty, but still really delicious.  Also, according to some recipes I saw, you can use beef bullion, but then I figure, I might as well by the fucking 12 cent packs if I'm going to do that.

[Cormacaroni]

Mupepe will not be tamed! Fie upon your recipes!   

I have to ask: why did you 'brown' the noodles?

[bagofeyes]

yakiramen?

[Mupepe]

Mupepe will not be tamed! Fie upon your recipes!   

I have to ask: why did you 'brown' the noodles?

Some website said it was a good idea.  I don't know if it made an actual difference, but it made me feel like I knew what I was doing :'(

yakiramen?

I don't know what that is. 

[bagofeyes]

like yakisoba

[Mupepe]

bagofeyes: yeah, that looks a lot like it actually.  so it's not really ramen then??  i fail.  websites lie.  etc.

cohen: is there any general rule on when I should/should not brown noodles?

[Cormacaroni]

bagofeyes: yeah, that looks a lot like it actually.  so it's not really ramen then??  i fail.  websites lie.  etc.

cohen: is there any general rule on when I should/should not brown noodles?

Well, here in Japan, noodles are never fried for use in broth as far as I know. Fried ramen noodles are fried noodles, with no soup. Ditto for soba noodles etc. That's not to say it can't be done or anything.

[Madrun Badrun]

OUCH POUCH OUCH FUCK HELP.  I JUST MADE A THING WITH HOT PEPPERS AND NOW I CAN"T FEEL MY LIPS OUCH. 

[bagofeyes]

 

[Madrun Badrun]

o fuck I'm never doing that again.  I have to catch my breath. 

I put three of these things in this

and then just dug in.  Didn't feel it for a bit then it was like fucking hell fire in my mouth.  fuck. 

Now my lips like like a chicks. 

[Mupepe]

dude that looks fucking delicious.  did you make that from a box?

[Madrun Badrun]

No.  It's just chicken breast cooked in a tin foil swan with bell peppers and hot peppers with lemon or lime juice and then pasta on the side.  If the chicken is mostly defrosted it takes about an hour at 350-375 and just cook the pasta ten mins before it's done.  Actually i think G was the first one to tell me how to cook this.   

[Cormacaroni]

Christ you lunatic, take the seeds out at least! 

[Cormacaroni]

updated the marinara sauce post with pics, since i happened to be making it tonight anyhoo

http://www.evilbore.com/forum/index.php?topic=23900.msg610329#msg610329

[tiesto]

I love making simple stir-fries... olive oil, salt, pepper, and diced green peppers/string beans/broccoli/carrots... serve it over a bed of rice, and then stir up some chicken marinated in a soy sauce/teriyaki sauce/corn starch/sugar mix. It's a pretty basic meal but it tastes delicious. Stir fries are like all I really know how to cook well... now that my brother (who did a lot of the cooking for my family) moved to the Bronx, I'm gonna be doing a lot of the grilling and cooking, and quite frankly, I suck at it and have VERY little experience with it. So this thread should be of good help to me.

[Mupepe]

I love making simple stir-fries... olive oil, salt, pepper, and diced green peppers/string beans/broccoli/carrots... serve it over a bed of rice, and then stir up some chicken marinated in a soy sauce/teriyaki sauce/corn starch/sugar mix. It's a pretty basic meal but it tastes delicious. Stir fries are like all I really know how to cook well... now that my brother (who did a lot of the cooking for my family) moved to the Bronx, I'm gonna be doing a lot of the grilling and cooking, and quite frankly, I suck at it and have VERY little experience with it. So this thread should be of good help to me.

Holy shit.  Can you post a more detailed recipe?  That sounds great.

updated the marinara sauce post with pics, since i happened to be making it tonight anyhoo

http://www.evilbore.com/forum/index.php?topic=23900.msg610329#msg610329

[Mupepe]

Ok.  So I want to make a homemade pizza tonight.

Does anyone have any good recipes for the dough and sauce?  Help please  

[Mupepe]

I sure am.  I don't expect it to turn out super awesome since it's my first try, so lemme at it

[GilloD]

Ok.  So I want to make a homemade pizza tonight.

Does anyone have any good recipes for the dough and sauce?  Help please  

I have a great pizza dough recipe, I'll send it tyou when I'm home from work.

[Mupepe]

What are some good cheeses to put on top besides just mozzarella?