RETAIL SUX

[T234]

 

GET A JERB THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE A CASH REGISTER PEOPLE

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

As much as it sucks, I think every teenager needs to be some minimum wage chode that gets treated like shit to learn some perspective.  I worked in retail for a couple of years.  I remember that everything was pretty much laughed through but when it came to the question of unions, it took a half day, watched propaganda videos that vilified every aspect of the union (this is K-Mart) and had to sign three sheets basically saying I'd never form a union and if I did, I would get canned.  So at the beginning, you are at the mercy at the store manager.  Which fortunately, she was pretty nice.

The first day, I had to get trash for the departments and the trash bin had a snag in it.  When I lifted it up, several hour old ketchup, mustard, Coca-Cola, and other undesirable liquids spilled all over.  I made the mistake of wearing semi-decent clothes and had to throw it all away because the reeking stench would not go away, even if you washed it.  Then for the next two weeks, I was the stock boy or more affectionately known as the stock bitch.  If the toilets overflowed, it was my job to get it done.  I almost because a misogynist because the women's toilets always had shit all over them or clogged the toilets.  For every 5 bathroom calls, 4 were in the women's and 1 were in the men's.

In time I had to lobby of sorts to get to a department.  I was able to get in but to keep costs low, sometimes you had to work three departments.  So there was always someone that needed help but you were waiting on another customer and another customer was waiting to buy a fishing license.  Not to mention, you had to straighten up your department at the same time.  So despite your shift ending at 10 pm, getting out before 10:45 was a rare luxury.

Then the environment stifles any work ethic.  I went up to the registers and was the fastest in the store and 3rd fastest in the district.  I qualified for a 50 cent performance raise for this reason.  Instead, I got nothing but excuses as to why they couldn't do it right away.  For a week, I was fastest in the district area but still, excuses.  Eventually, I stopped bothering.  I knew I wasn't going to get the raise I was supposed to receive so there was no point in working hard.  My HR boss began sexually harassing me and when I wasn't interested, my hours were cut from 40/week to 12.  Two months later I left for university.

The best part was the white trash I had to work with who constantly stole or brought their bucktoothed squeezes to fuck in the employee bathrooms during their break.  One guy talked for an hour about his sister's fake tits.  They were huge but she was so fucking ugly, it was more tragic than anything.  That or the middle aged perverts that would blatantly check out teenage girls.

That was my experience.

[MrAngryFace]

Retail taught me a lot. Without the 6 or so combined years I wouldn't be as good of an employee as I am now. That being said I had some pretty horrible days while working retail

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Retail taught me a lot. Without the 6 or so combined years I wouldn't be as good of an employee as I am now. That being said I had some pretty horrible days while working retail

Share.  I did and I always enjoy hearing stories of retail hell.

[MrAngryFace]

I'd have to really think, its been over two years since my last year of retail when I was a department lead, which afforded me some comforts. I think the funniest moments were:

Lady brings in chair covered with shit (literally) and returns it. WE TAKE IT cause Staples return policy is lol whatever.

Old man comes in asking for a fax machine that's simple. I sell him the simplest one we have (one big button, 4 mode buttons, and the dial buttons) he comes back an hour later angry that I sold him such a complicated fax, and reiterated that he wanted a fax machine that only requires he press one button. I tried to explain the need to DIAL THE NUMBER.

Producer at the local playhouse is getting copy jobs done at our copy center. She gets upset with an order and begins yelling at the top of her lungs in a lol theatrical manner. She then storms out of the store, and then plays at falling on her ankle. She then sits on the floor moaning, again theatrically, about how she hurt her ankle, eventually she left after we ignored her. We stopped doing copy jobs for her after that.

Stupid employee ran the baling wires for the cardbord bale through the machine, when we attempted to dump the bale LOL. :/

Stupid employee broke down at the register, crying in front of a customer. I got mad and sent her to the back room, where she told the manager she had to pay for car repairs and thats why she was so upset. OH NOES CAR REPAIRS. She was dumb.

Working the copy center one night the 40 something cashier ex cheerleader was working register (now overweight). A 30 something man walks by her register and out the window. She dials copy center and in the creepiest voice says "That man was SUCH A DISH". I say "jesus" and hang up the phone, and she hangs up on her end and begins cackling madly from across the store.

I get a call in the backroom one morning at 5:30am, the truck is late with the freight. Its the driver. "Hey where are you" -- "Im almost there" -- "Whats going on "My tummy aches, I needed to stop, it aches" -- "uh ok, just get here". When he arrives he bolts straight for the bathroom.

Bored one night another employee and I spent 30 minutes stalking the abnoxious inventory control lady who was ancient. We started making a game of throwing those small magnetic sticky security strips to her back when she wasnt looking. When she tried to leave for the day LOL. (This was at my first store, I did very little work back then.)

Once we got freight in and the truck driver didnt know how to raise his trailer. I had to take him outside and tell him what level to push under the trailer :p

Its hard to remember much since i've been away from retail for over two years now, I mostly remember weird employees.

[MrAngryFace]

Retail is more fun when youre not managing anyone. I was department lead of Office Supplies then had to take over Business Machines cause I was able to outsell the old Business Machines lead as the Office Supply lead

I really hated selling plans, I was good at it but its just hard to come to terms with. Still, the pay was good compared to the low level positions and I had rent to pay.

[Candyflip]

More ridiculous stories please! I could read stuff like this for hours

[MrAngryFace]

The only retail I'd want to work in these days would be Best Buy or Target.  One has fun things, the other has hot employees. 

But thank god I'm not in retail anymore. 

I'd probably do Staples again, or one of the book chains. I dont mind pushing club memberships or some add-ons, but plans just eat at my soul.

[BlueTsunami]

I'm looking for a job right now and I'm trying my fucking hardest to avoid retail. Even more so considering I'll be working at whatever job I get for 6 Months atleast and this will overlap into the Holiday Season. FUCK NO

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

BT, I'd start looking around now.  If you wait until November, retail hell is your fate.

Some stories I have:

It was 12/24 and 10 minutes before closing.  The manager stands by the door, making sure customers are moving as quickly as possible since she is to go to a family function immediately after.  So this fat fuck waddles in and starts buying stuff.  Ok, as long as it is quick.  He buys stuff quickly but then at the very end, he wants a 36" TV.  Ok, that kind of sucks but whatever.  If all things went well, this will be the last customer.  After paying, we follow him and discover he is driving some POS tiny Daewoo.  It is probably the smallest car I've ever seen and he wanted a lot of stuff, including a huge ass 36" TV in box.  So he says, "Ok, load er up."

"Sir, there is no possible way this TV can fit in your car."
"Well, why not."
"This TV is way too big.  Even if we take it out of the box (it is lightly snowing now so that isn't a good idea even if it was possible), we could not get it to fit."
"WHAT THE FUCK."  My manager was getting pissed.  The dreams of her getting to her family by 5:30 were dashed.
"Sir, you're going to have to get a larger vehicle.  If not, we can hold it for you and you can get it on the 26th."
"GOD DAMN IT, I PAID FOR THIS AND I NEED IT FOR TONIGHT."
"Well, then you're going to need to get a bigger vehicle now then."  The guy then drives off in his crappy ass Daewoo.  My manager and I walk in and call our families to let them know a distinguished mentally-challenged fellow is keeping is back.  From 5:15 on, it was just us two.  She was getting upset and I was getting pissed.  We tried to remain positive but she launched a rant about customers, liberally using the word "fuck."  Considering how she is a 50 year old lady, it was shocking.

Finally, a little after 6, he flies into the lot in a beater truck and nearly sideswipes a light post.  He gets out and is pissed.  We're pissed also so we immediately walked over and got it in the track.  He then peels off and almost hits my car because he tried to take a corner too fast.  I hoped the fucker went off a bridge and killed himself.

==================================

Another holiday, there was a huge Thanksgiving day sale.  There was a sale where if you get a GBA, you get a free game that is in this bin.  It contained a bunch of useless, shitty shovelware but when I got to work, there was a long line.  I got there early (15 minutes) and had to put up with an earful of abuse from customers wanting their shit before the store opened.  I said nothing and just stared off.  Fuck them.  So when we opened, customers made a beeline towards the GBAs.  I was in that department and got out a pallet of GBAs in their box.  We had to have at least 100 GBAs, maybe 200.  Customers immediately began running up to the pallet and started tearing apart the box to get the GBAs.  Since it had packing tape, you needed to cut it open.  A lady ran up and tried using her fingernail to open up the box.  She couldn't and in anger, threw the box into the clothing section that was adjacent to the electronics.  I said, "That wasn't necessary" but she didn't hear me.  Another guy got out this switchblade with dried blood and opened up a couple boxes.  I was freaked out because with the way he looked, I was going to contribute to that caked blood on his knife.

I finally just started opening up the boxes then and there and told everyone to form a single line to make it easier.  Customers couldn't handle that and someone ran off with a box of GBAs and tried to exit.  By that time, an officer was present and caught the distinguished mentally-challenged fellow.  He began screaming and cursing and the entire time, making us laugh our asses off.  Things began to calm down after as I think customers realized that they were acting as bad as he was.  Everyone was a lot more civil and everyone got what they wanted and I wasn't hacked and slashed by angry knife wielding customers.

===============================================

There was a bum that lived under a bridge near the store.  He was half starved and the store manager was sympathetic and let him eat breakfast for free.  That arrangement worked well for a couple weeks until he wanted a free dinner too.  The employee knew about the free breakfast and said that he couldn't get a free dinner as well.  The bum threatened to kill the employee and she was sent home as she pretty much feared for her life.  The bum was no longer allowed in the store.

A month later, the bum charges to the bathroom and customers begin complaining.  I guess the bum turned the men's bathroom into his new house for a while as he was bathing himself.  Any customer walking in, he would shout down.  So the store manager went to the back and kicked him out.  He scurried away and went out a security exit, setting off the fire alarm.  When we got in there, it was sad.  Shit was everywhere and was clearly smeared on the walls.  The room stunk not of shit but of just garbage in general.  A pile of used paper towels laid in a pile in the corner, right next to the waste basket.  Fortunately I was not stock bitch and the stock bitch who cleaned it up quit immediately after.  Even the store manager didn't say anything and understood.

It doesn't end there.  The bum dies sometime after and the city says that the store manager is now the owner of the bum's property under the bridge and needs to clean it out by the end of the month.  She ventures down there and discovers a wealth of stolen store goods, alcohol bottles, porn mags, and even a syringe or two.  Since there were the syringes, she had to call a private biohazard cleaning company to clear it up.

=========================================

All the depraved shit happened at K-Mart because we were at the shittiest part of town and since K-Mart stores were closing, customers felt like they could trash the place as they see fit.  It wasn't a day in the Electronics department if you didn't find a bunch of empty DVD and CD cases.  We had to get an officer to stand by at all times because of the rampant theft and customer problems.  The only reason why I stayed there was that the job market in my area was so pathetic that there were virtually no openings for anything.  Looking back, it was more hilarious than anything else but I was probably the most defeated, cynical 17 year old there was.

[Bloodwake]

GameStop story

This actually didn't happen to me, but I was present:

A customer walks in, makes a purchase, and plans to pay with a debit card. Now, our credit card machines glitch sometimes and they go into spanish. It's slightly annoying but it's not really a big deal.

The guy looks down at the machine and asks "Doesn't this thing speak Ahmurican (american in redneck)"

Our manager says, "Yes sir, but the machine glitches and goes into spanish every once in a while."

The customer goes "I won't shop at a store that don't speak ahmurican" and proceeds to walk off.

This may not sound that funny, but considering the mass amount of bitching that takes place on GAF about GameStop about various reasons, and why this customer walked out, and it makes it even funnier.

God damn this state.

[Beardo]

ok, ridiculous story:

At our store we had employees called "guest facilitators".  They were the people who would walk behind the lanes and direct customers to any that were open.

For a couple of months we had a 60-something guy working for us who only had 3 fingers on each hand and they looked almost webbed.  We could tell this guy was a pervert because he would always come through my lane and talk to me and my bagger anytime a cute girl just went through.  He also was very touchy-feely with customers putting his hands or arms around them (women) while directing them to our lane.

Some of the moments I remember before he got fired (for sexual harassment) was when he came through my lane and asked me if I could smell this women menstruating.  When I said I couldn't, he put his webbed, 3-finger mit in my face and asked me if I could smell it now.  Another time he came through my lane and was like "hey dad, guess what.  I got a little stinky finger last night" - as he proceeded to put his nasty webbed tri-glove in my face again.  

---

Other stories are actually more kinda "mean" when I look at it in hindsight and I sorta feel bad for.  We have this village distinguished mentally-challenged fellow (seriously, distinguished mentally-challenged) who always walks around town with his sister.  He also most likely fucks her and is always at town hall meetings complaining about things.  He actually stood outside the high school wearing a sign saying something like "Three Rivers coach doesn't keep promises" while ringing a bell.  He did this for months.  Months.  It was all because he was supposedly promised a new football jersey, but was given one from a previous year (even though he was like 40 years old and had no business getting one anyways lol).

Anywho, back to my story - He would come through my lane all the time and I would be mean to him.  I would do it in a way he thought I was being nice - like when I'd say "nice shoes, Richard.  You don't even have to tie them." Well, one time he came through my lane asking if I knew where his sister was.  I had no idea, but I told him that she was in the bathroom.  The bathrooms entrances were right in front of the lanes, and he went to the ladies room, opened the door, and was calling for his sister for about 10 minutes.  It was a town of about 8-10,000 residents and everyone knew him...and everyone was laughing at him because he was yelling for his sister (that everyone believes he's been fucking forever) in the ladies room while everyone could hear it.  In hindsight, it's very mean...but at the time, everyone was laughing.

Also, many retail companies will hire "special" people because they get government benefits for doing so.  One of these women was probably this 50 year old women named Myrtle and she was often paired up to be my bagger.  Now, I was a strange employee - I would constantly do silly things like pretend I was a robot or sing stupid songs etc while customers would come through.  One song in particular that Myrtle seemed to really hate was when I'd sing the Banana Boat song.  She would REALLY hate it.  Heh...customers and co-workers came to learn that she hated it and would actually request that I sang it just to annoy her (she was kind of a bitch lol).  Anywho, one time my team leader actually called my phone and told me to sing the banana boat song really loudly.  So I did.  Without paying much attention, when I turned around I noticed Myrtle was no longer there.  Turns out she ran to go hide in the bottle return room by the pharmacy for about 30 minutes.  Anywho, I never sang the banana boat song again

Before working at Meijer, I worked at a Subway that was connected to a gas station up near Green Bay Wisconsin.  This was my first job (though not really retail I guess) and I got it during the first month of me living in Wisconsin - January 2000.  Anyways, me and my co-workers would always do pranks, but one in particular they did to me was pretty clever.  While I was working, they took my winter coat and soaked it in the sink then threw it in the freezer.  I had no idea this happened until the end of my shift and I was closing.  By the time I found out, my coat was basically ice and it was unwearable.  This sucked because I didn't have a car and had a 20 minute walk to get home in below zero weather.  

Yeah, I'm so glad I'm not doing those shit jobs anymore

Shit. Damn. Those are some asshole things to do.

[FatalT]

Reading these stories makes me glad I work at a Best Buy in a decent city. I love the people I work with. I love all my managers (except one). I've never had any major problems with customers. I've been there for over a year now. Media is the best department to be in.

[pilonv1]

working for so many years in retail makes me cherish my non-retail job now.