Kidney stones are horrifying

[Billy Rygar]

Look at these fuckers.  Jesus.

[MrAngryFace]

Yeah, so lay off the Orange Juice kids!

[muckhole]

I think I swam by them today in Duke Nukem. Don't touch them, they 'splode!

[TVC15]

I bet due to the relatively low amount of these on earth, they would make a decent commodity to base an economy off of.  I will give anyone here one thousand dollars per ounce of authentic kidney stones.

[Bildi]

HOLY FUCKING FUCK.

These have officially replaced having a swab inserted in the end of my penis as my most feared thing on earth.

[TVC15]

I imagine TVC having fever dreams of victorian prostitutes birthing basketball sized kidney stones in opium dens

I will have children and raise them with diets designed to produce the largest kidney stones possible--so large that the children might die in the extraction process.

[TVC15]

I'd also like to take this opportunity to say that the Anderson Cooper porn I had designed would have blown minds.  I had him jamming buttered corn on the cob into my eye socket while I was screaming, "IT'S A HOLE, ANDERSON; FUCK IT LIKE ONE."

[muckhole]

HOLY FUCKING FUCK.

These have officially replaced having a swab inserted in the end of my penis as my most feared thing on earth.

I think I'd still take these over that umbrella-opening swab dealie they use for STD's. *shivers*

[Bildi]

umbrella-opening swab dealie

That's a very powerful phrase.  I'm really squirming here.

[muckhole]

I dunno, kidney stones can pass over days.

Now I know you've never had an STD test. I'd let them hit my kneecaps with a rivet-gun before doing that again.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

I had a kidney stone earlier this year

at the least the test ends

I spent about four days thinking I was going to die until they finally RELIEVED the pain by sticking a 4-foot plastic tube up my dingaling

reminds me some time to tell you how they remove the tube

[muckhole]

I had a kidney stone earlier this year

Between that and Refridgeratorageddon 2008, I almost want to buy you Donkey Kong Jenga.

[TVC15]

I had a kidney stone earlier this year

Just think, you'd have made yourself wealthy if my my country existed.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

the kidney stone was awesome because I was on warfarin for my pulmonary embolism at the same time

so my piss was super bloody and I was in danger of dying everytime I stood up to go to the bathroom

it felt like it, too

[TVC15]

I think super bloody piss may have to make its way into my Anderson Cooper porn fanfic.

[Bildi]

reminds me some time to tell you how they remove the tube

Please do.  This thread is really making me uncomfortable, so I want to see how far we can push it.

[Tristam]

I had a kidney stone last year. Worst and most painful experience of my life and the first time I got down on my knees and prayed for death.

You know it sucks when shoving a jagged rock through your pisshole is usually described as the least painful part.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

reminds me some time to tell you how they remove the tube

Please do.  This thread is really making me uncomfortable, so I want to see how far we can push it.

they apply a local anaesthetic but they don't put you under

you get put in a set of stirrups and a doctor comes in and sticks a metal claw inside of your urethra, it is literally like the claw game is going on inside your penis

he says "we're going to remove it on three ... 1 ... 2"

then he rips it out on 2 because he's an asshole and the whole point is to catch you by surprise
you know those cable ties with the little serrated edges? it feels like someone has yoinked out of those out of your dick, turning it inside out

because of the local anaesthetic it doesn't really /hurt/ but it sure as fuck feels like you've had your soul ripped out through your urethra

the next time you pee, though? THAT'S when it hurts

[Howard Alan Treesong]

I had a kidney stone last year. Worst and most painful experience of my life and the first time I got down on my knees and prayed for death.

You know it sucks when shoving a jagged rock through your pisshole is usually described as the least painful part.

I got mine while I was on vacation in Japan. I speak Japanese (thank Christ) but my medical Japanese is spotty at best. The attack hit about midnight, by 430 AM I was wandering around the streets of Osaka trying to find an emergency room and when I got there I thought for only the second time in my life that I might actually be dying.

It felt like I had swallowed a razor blade and it was working its way through my digestive track, shredding it with every breath. It was unquestionably the most painful experience of my entire life.

[Tieno]

So you have to piss that out? Jesus fucking christ on a stick.
How do kidney stones form? Are they man's pearls?

[Tristam]

I had a kidney stone last year. Worst and most painful experience of my life and the first time I got down on my knees and prayed for death.

You know it sucks when shoving a jagged rock through your pisshole is usually described as the least painful part.

I got mine while I was on vacation in Japan. I speak Japanese (thank Christ) but my medical Japanese is spotty at best. I was in Osaka looking around trying to find an emergency room and when I got there I thought for only the second time in my life that I might actually be dying.

It felt like I had swallowed a razor blade and it was working its way through my digestive track, shredding it with every breath. It was unquestionably the most painful experience of my entire life.

Eh, I was on home turf and I probably looked just as pathetic. When the sharp pain in my side woke me up at 5 a.m. I had no idea what the matter was. I thought my digestive tract was blocked by something so I found some juice in the fridge and drank half the carton -- I figured the acid would help dissolve whatever was clogging up my system. All the acid buildup from the juice just made me puke everywhere. My roommates weren't home so I drove myself to my university's hospital, pulling over twice to puke along the way. Hunched over my steering wheel in pain, I looked in vain for a parking spot. Eventually I gave up, accepted that my car would probably get towed, and parked next to something that sort of resembled a curb (at this point I was convinced I was about to die anyway). I stumbled out and hobbled into the emergency room, gave them all my info, and sat writhing in pain and waiting for treatment for another hour. I finally got a bed but then had to wait another half-hour till the doc came in (I puked again in the sink in that time frame). Then they shot me up with morphine. After a couple more shots, all was bliss.

I don't want to know what the fuck was happening behind the curtain to my left though. Dude sounded like he was getting tortured. Oh how he screamed.

So you have to piss that out? Jesus fucking christ on a stick.
How do kidney stones form? Are they man's pearls?

I forget the formation process specifics, but here's what you need to know: 1.) Don't consume too much sodium, 2.) If you do, make sure it's accompanied by a lot of water.

I think Patel mentioned he got it after eating wings smothered in special sauce or something like that (sodium galore). I got it the morning after I snacked on salted cashews all night. I think mojo said he got one too and that he got it after snacking on sunflower seeds and soda.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

yeah, when I finally got back to the US it got REALLY bad

I went to the emergency room and they shot me full of whatever the stuff that's even stronger than morphine is. woo howdy

my best friend (female) was there for me in the US and sat in the room on her laptop while I was drugged up. apparently she took advantage of my drugged state to ask me all sorts of questions about my life that I would never tell her under normal circumstances ... when I regained consciousness that evening she was like "hahahahaha" and I was like WHAT and apparently I had told her about all the secret one-night stands I'd had and never told anybody about before, not even when drunk

kidney stones - destroying urinary tracts, destroying the trust of friendship :'(

[TVC15]

Yeah, but don't these things take years to form?  Having a sodium-rich snack the night before is just a metaphorical drop in the bucket.

[Beezy]

Holy shit at the kidney stones stories.

How do I avoid getting them?

[TVC15]

I can't begin to imagine the punishments life has for me.  Part of my aversion of doctors has to do with a fear of getting cancer.  If I were told I had cancer, I'd opt to just put a bullet through my head rather than wade through years and years of treatments that would greatly compromise my quality of life even if I did beat it.  I am fairly certain something chronic and debilitating is waiting for me in the future.

[Cormacaroni]

A friend of mine got hit by one when home alone. The pain was so bad that it took him several hours just to get to his phone to call the ambulance. The phone was 6 feet away.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

I should also mention that by the time I was back in the US I had a pretty serious sinus infection going on

thanks to being up for 24 hours straight three times in the previous week (flight to Japan, The Kidney Stone Experience, flight from Japan)

so I could hardly speak, my throat was so fucked up

man, what an awesome time

also my surgeon was named "Ramin" and I was like "haha ... Ramin ... sounds like Ramen ... I like Ramen ... I'm not gay though ... it's cool if you are though ... wait, no, I mean ... uh ... so sleepy"

I'm lucky I still had my dick when I woke up

A friend of mine got hit by one when home alone. The pain was so bad that it took him several hours just to get to his phone to call the ambulance. The phone was 6 feet away.

walking around the abandoned dawn streets of Osaka with the pain in my gut was probably the closest thing to living a post-apocalyptic zombie movie I'll ever feel. it felt like I had taken a bullet to the gut and was wandering in a pain-fueled haze looking for the medical supplies to let me make it another day.

[Cormacaroni]

I can't begin to imagine the punishments life has for me.  Part of my aversion of doctors has to do with a fear of getting cancer.  If I were told I had cancer, I'd opt to just put a bullet through my head rather than wade through years and years of treatments that would greatly compromise my quality of life even if I did beat it.  I am fairly certain something chronic and debilitating is waiting for me in the future.

oh come on. think of all the fun you'd have posting new threads like 'my eyeball just fell out, should i be worried' and 'i think just threw up my appendix (pics inside)'

[Howard Alan Treesong]

oh and to add insult to injury

while I was drugged out of my mind dying of a kidney stone

my team was on a TEAM BUILDING EXERCISE aka open bar event

laughing it up, drinking it up, having a grand ole time

fuck-ers

[TVC15]

I should also mention that by the time I was back in the US I had a pretty serious sinus infection going on

thanks to being up for 24 hours straight three times in the previous week (flight to Japan, The Kidney Stone Experience, flight from Japan)

so I could hardly speak, my throat was so fucked up

man, what an awesome time

also my surgeon was named "Ramin" and I was like "haha ... Ramin ... sounds like Ramen ... I like Ramen ... I'm not gay though ... it's cool if you are though ... wait, no, I mean ... uh ... so sleepy"

I'm lucky I still had my dick when I woke up

A friend of mine got hit by one when home alone. The pain was so bad that it took him several hours just to get to his phone to call the ambulance. The phone was 6 feet away.

walking around the abandoned dawn streets of Osaka with the pain in my gut was probably the closest thing to living a post-apocalyptic zombie movie I'll ever feel. it felt like I had taken a bullet to the gut and was wandering in a pain-fueled haze looking for the medical supplies to let me make it another day.

You were pretty rough.  I remember the first time the pains hit, you were theorizing that you had accidentally swallowed a chicken bone without noticing.  I felt pretty bad for you because you really did a good job of selling the pain.

I can't begin to imagine the punishments life has for me.  Part of my aversion of doctors has to do with a fear of getting cancer.  If I were told I had cancer, I'd opt to just put a bullet through my head rather than wade through years and years of treatments that would greatly compromise my quality of life even if I did beat it.  I am fairly certain something chronic and debilitating is waiting for me in the future.

oh come on. think of all the fun you'd have posting new threads like 'my eyeball just fell out, should i be worried' and 'i think just threw up my appendix (pics inside)'

That is where the aversion to doctors comes in.  As long as I didn't know for sure what was going on, I'd try to rationalize it on some level.  Once a doctor conclusively tells me that it's cancer, and the rest of my life will suck to some degree, even in a best case scenario, well, that's a lot tougher to rationalize.

[Beezy]

A friend of mine got hit by one when home alone. The pain was so bad that it took him several hours just to get to his phone to call the ambulance. The phone was 6 feet away.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

I also took like five hot baths that night

I kind of alternated between sitting in the bathtub and curling up in the fetal position on the bed

and complaining about the pain to TVC

I dunno, I suppose I was still functional (ha) which means it wasn't as bad as some? or maybe I just have a really high pain threshhold. I mean, I still did legitimately think I might be dying.

[TVC15]

I also took like five hot baths that night

I kind of alternated between sitting in the bathtub and curling up in the fetal position on the bed

and complaining about the pain to TVC

I dunno, I suppose I was still functional (ha) which means it wasn't as bad as some? or maybe I just have a really high pain threshhold. I mean, I still did legitimately think I might be dying.

I was also concerned because of the whole international factor, and that you had other recent health problems.  It's really gay to say so, but I was worried about you.  Especially because it seems like a bunch of us have had really shitty 2008s.

"I wish you had told me about this vomiting problem earlier.  We could have cleared it up no problem.  Now you have kidney stones."
"..."
"and cancer"

If anything, vomiting often is keeping things from getting to my kidneys.  This means I would be a very poor man in my own country.

[BlueTsunami]

I used to eat a lot of salty shit, eat candy and didn't drink that much water. I think I'm due for one of these.. fuck. I hope I'm not too late in my switch to drinking a good amount of water and cutting back on salt.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

I also took like five hot baths that night

I kind of alternated between sitting in the bathtub and curling up in the fetal position on the bed

and complaining about the pain to TVC

I dunno, I suppose I was still functional (ha) which means it wasn't as bad as some? or maybe I just have a really high pain threshhold. I mean, I still did legitimately think I might be dying.

I was also concerned because of the whole international factor, and that you had other recent health problems.  It's really gay to say so, but I was worried about you.  Especially because it seems like a bunch of us have had really shitty 2008s.

aww

my 2008 has been pretty shitty

but at least I can remember it, unlike 2007

[TVC15]

I also took like five hot baths that night

I kind of alternated between sitting in the bathtub and curling up in the fetal position on the bed

and complaining about the pain to TVC

I dunno, I suppose I was still functional (ha) which means it wasn't as bad as some? or maybe I just have a really high pain threshhold. I mean, I still did legitimately think I might be dying.

I was also concerned because of the whole international factor, and that you had other recent health problems.  It's really gay to say so, but I was worried about you.  Especially because it seems like a bunch of us have had really shitty 2008s.

aww

my 2008 has been pretty shitty

but at least I can remember it, unlike 2007

Your 2007 was okay.  The only reason you can't remember it is because I went a little heavy on the GHB while you were visiting us in Seatty.  If you can't remember it, it's the year that Audrey Tautou let you fuck her dumper.

[cloudwalking]

man i thought it was unbelievable pain when i simply had a kidney infection. having kidney stones sounds like fucking hellish torture.

they suspected i had kidney stones at first but that was ruled out after they gave me an ultrasound. i was in pretty fucking unbearable pain but at least i was still mostly coherent.

the worst part was sitting through the shit ton of tests they had to do before they figured out what was actually wrong with me. the very last test they did was having me piss in a cup (which was hard enough what with me being all drugged up with painkillers and attached to an IV). when they tested my piss they were like "holy shit do you realize how many tons of billions of bacteria have shacked up in your kidneys and are eating away at you?"

apparently the infection had been like a year in the making and i hadn't noticed anything until this intense pain that showed up out of the blue.

and yeah i feel you, patel, about the language barrier. i had to stay overnight in the hospital so they could pump me full of antibiotics, alone, being waited on by people who spoke no english. thank god they had things mostly figured out by then, because i didn't know any german medical terms at the time. i would have had a hard enough time explaining a cold to my doctor.

i guess the moral of the story is, if your kidneys get fucked up in whatever way, get ready for a world of hurt

[Bildi]

the next time you pee, though? THAT'S when it hurts

Thanks for relating that horrifying experience.

Hurting when you pee afterwards must be really bad, because it hammers home that your little buddy's really been damaged.

it was one the humiliating moments of my life

Great story!

[Himu]

this thread is like

uh

i'm horrified

[Beardo]

How do you avoid these?

[GilloD]

My Mom said that her kidney stones were worse than childbirth

[Positive Touch]

My Mom said that her kidney stones were worse than childbirth

I've actually had guys tell me that the injuries they sustained in Vietnam were a fucking joke compared to the pain they experienced passing these monsters

although it is kind of funny how much the stones actually look like monsters from various games I've played over the years

[Beardo]

I would imagine that battle injuries probably arent that bad (unless you lose a limb). Shit, I would take getting shot over a kidney stone or giving birth any day.

[Joe Molotov]

i was naked on the floor.....covered with pubes

Hey TVC, got some more material for you.

[Tristam]

yeesh those kidney stones look horrifying alright

I never had kidney stones, but i'm dealing with gallstones at the moment. they say they have the same symptoms and "attacks" (although i'm sure someone is thinking "what a pussy" )

the attack feels at first as if it's a minor stomach ache. then is kinda spreads out to my chest and abdomen (they get hard like a rock) like the worst muscle spasm you've ever experienced. i can't take any position to feel less pain, and it's always hard to breath (i have to take short rapid breaths that always leads to a hyperventilation in my case ). these attacks stays for at least two hours up to six.

The pain of kidney stones doesn't really "spread" though -- in my case and in all others I've heard, the pain is superconcentrated. I remember reading about kidney stone drama on GAF after I had mine and I thought it was funny how closely their descriptions matched my own thoughts. I remember thinking it felt like Mike Tyson (early 20s MT, not post-prison MT) was miniaturized and placed inside my stomach and was throwing haymakers into the walls of my belly and that motherfucker WOULD NOT LET UP. I tried to distract myself from the pain in my stomach by biting my lip hard enough to bleed but it remained as present and intense as ever. The only time (before going to the hospital) that the pain let up at all was when I hopped in a steaming hot bath. That offered about ten seconds of mild relief until the pain came back as strong as ever.

ok, now all you have to do is ask a dude who has kidney stones "what's worse, kidney stones or a kick in the nut?"

we really need to put an end to that dispute.

I've taken incredibly hard shots to the nuts in the fifteen years I've played soccer. At worst I'd feel intense pain for about a minute and more mild, stinging pain for a half hour. The kidney stone pain was incredibly intense and maintained the exact same intensity for hours (until I got my morphine).

[Jansen]

unless you've had them you can't imagine the pain these fuckers cause.

i go on thursday to have a catscan to make i passed all the little fragments from the last time they crushed a stone.

getting kicked in the balls is NOTHING compared to kidney stones!

[cool breeze]

I'm glad I drink a lot of water

[TVC15]

Well, I had a nightmare i sprayed hot bloody piss all over my bathroom last night and was rushed to the emergency room. :'(

I would drink every drop.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

I had the worst nightmare last night, ugh

[TVC15]

You can't just say that.  You have to give us something.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

I dreamt I was about to sleep with this hot girl, but before I did, I asked if she'd been tested for STDs recently

she got really offended that I would even ask that question, shoved me away, got out of bed and left the room

then my alarm went off

my subconscious cockblocked me

[Howard Alan Treesong]

[TVC15]

Did she look like Kosma with a gash?

[Howard Alan Treesong]

nnno

though now that I think about it, it probably was Kosma's fault

[Joe Molotov]

I was reading one of those dream books, and it said that if you dream about STDs, it's your body trying to tell you that you have kidney stones.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

And AIDS.

[close]

[Howard Alan Treesong]

so what you're saying is, a dreamcatcher is kind of like a condom for your subconscious

[cool breeze]

what's a dream book?

[fistfulofmetal]

why did i read this thread

the only comparable situation i've been in is when i had my hemorrhoid.

[TVC15]

so what you're saying is, a dreamcatcher is kind of like a condom for your subconscious

I almost watched Dreamcatcher last night.  True story.

Also, if you had sex with Kosma, you'd be having sex with sexy asians via the transitive property, what with his third world fuck tour and all.

[cool breeze]

They are to explain your dreams? Is there an online dream book?

I'm still confused about a dream I had a few years back where me and this girl who went to another school were singing songs from Grease in Hill Valley, but most of it revolved around sliding under a park bench.  I'm so confused because I vividly remember this dream and I hardly ever remember any of them.