I'll work on fixing the basic emoticons in the morning.
The deal was this, something in Apache went haywire and basically crippled the server. Even after rebooting it, once we jumpstarted Apache, it came crashing down. I was hoping to get our host in our technical support, but our OS was outdated (we were using Fedora 4) and no longer supported. Plus, we were using a third-party back end since GoDaddy charged extra for even the most basic web-based control panels. The downtime cost of reprovisioning and upgrading the server was too high, and at the same time, demi got us talking to another host. So we jumped hosts, reinstalled the software and got all the backups running.
Really, thank demi - without him, we'd likely be staring at that index.htm file some more.