Tekken DR Throwdown: White Man, I'm calling you out!

[Van Cruncheon]

As per our previous discussion:

1. Best two of three matches in Tekken DR PSP.

2. Loser eats $10 worth of Krystal burgers from the first-floor vending machine.

3. Loser dies of colorectal cancer.

To assist you in preparation of your defeat and eventual violent death from diarrhea, I must inform you that I am choosing BAEK as my character. You will be defeated by Tae Kwon Do, lamest of the McMartial Arts.

[MrAngryFace]

Who buys the coffin for the person who eats those rancid burgers?

[Van Cruncheon]

The loser doesn't get the decency and dignity of a proper burial. They die as they lived: in shame, their liquified intestines drooling from their ass as they sit hunched over the handicap stall's urine-crusted toilet.

[The Fake Shemp]

This will be good.

[TVC15]

You at least have to give me a week to train.  Imagine the musical montage of me training on PSP.  Eye of the Tiger will play, and there will be a scene of me sitting on the couch in my underwear playing.  Then it will fade to a scene of me playing it on the shitter.  Then it will be me on my bed with my pants around my ankles holding a picture of Shelley Duvall in one hand and my manhood in another, with the PSP tossed on the floor.

[Van Cruncheon]

For that imagery alone, the First-Floor Tekken Tournament of Two -- sponsored by Krystal Burger with whatever remaining money they have after paying off the FDA -- grants you one week of training time. I, as the Ivan Drago to your Apollo Creed, will just lounge around in my burly Communist reverie, secure in my knowledge that I am undefeatable.

[TVC15]

Fine!  This Friday!  I'm already ogling Shelley Duvall's ostrich-like neck in preparation as we speak.