Author Topic: the new constitution thread (Read 1288 times)

Van Cruncheon · « **on:** January 14, 2009, 04:06:45 PM »

since we here at the 'bore -- well, the icons, at any rate. the rest of you scum can watch and learn -- are probably a lot smarter and better educated than the stupid founding fathers who believed in a giant spacebound superghost and thought black people were worth 3/5ths of a whitey instead of the scientifically measured 81.333% of a whitey, i am thinking that we should leverage the collective brainpower (of the icons) around here and come up with a proper bill of "rights" for future generations.

let's start, shall we? canucks, being filthy socialists and worth roughly 2.725% of a black person, are not allowed to participate. for the purposes of this exercise, malek is an american. cloud, having wisely disavowed her canuckunist roots and probably owning like a thousand military-grade swiss firearms, is now roughly 100.00001% of an american and can also participate.

1. every citizens shall have the guarantee that the game consoles they purchase will host legitimate games, and to be free of the tyranny of waggle and non-games. nintendo, being a maker of non-games and a tacit infringer of this fundamental right, will be exiled and/or abolished.

2. every citizen shall have the right to as much opioid and pseudo-opioid prescription drugs as they can possibly get their grubby little proletarian hands on. no law shall be made abridging that right, unless it is a law making a bridge to carry all those cheap canadian drugs to our country.

3. every citizen shall have the right to live without the tyranny of the free market and libertarian dogma. the government shall make no rule respecting libertarians, and is in fact encouraged to regularly mock their religion.

ADD MOAR.

Tauntaun · « **Reply #1 on:** January 14, 2009, 04:09:12 PM »

Tauntaun will make sexy.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

On yo bootay!

[close]

Bocsius · « **Reply #2 on:** January 14, 2009, 04:14:29 PM »

North and South Dakota will now be simply known as "Landfill."

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #3 on:** January 14, 2009, 04:18:38 PM »

5. Every adult male citizen, after not engaging in sex for a period of four years, is to be given one mercy fuck. No fatties.

6. No citizen named after a state shall be allowed to vote. The parents of the aforementioned children are no longer allowed to procreate.

7. Churches shall be taxed, and the tax revenue garnered shall be used to fund abortion clinics, gay marriages, and biology classes with a focus on Darwinism.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #4 on:** January 14, 2009, 04:22:44 PM »

8. tauntaun shall be made an icon post-haste, along with drohne, fragamemnon, and distantmantra. jinfash shall be lepered; the same for father_mike.

Eric P · « **Reply #5 on:** January 14, 2009, 04:26:08 PM »

9. irony is forbidden from those who do not use it well.

demi · « **Reply #6 on:** January 14, 2009, 04:30:29 PM »

Male citizens will be of a set weight, of my choosing, and must require a set amount of body hair.

demi · « **Reply #7 on:** January 14, 2009, 04:31:05 PM »

I just cut Malek's 5th rule. Fuck off Malek. I rule #1 go cry in a corner

Brehvolution · « **Reply #8 on:** January 14, 2009, 04:36:24 PM »

10. The lord's prayer will be replaced with this:

O Lord, please don't burn us.
Don't grill or toast Your flock.
Don't put us on the barbecue
Or simmer us in stock.
Don't braise or bake or boil us
Or stir-fry us in a wok.
Oh, please don't lightly poach us
Or baste us with hot fat.
Don't fricassee or roast us
Or boil us in a vat,
And please don't stick Thy servants, Lord,
In a Rotissomat.

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #9 on:** January 14, 2009, 04:39:38 PM »

Quote from: demi on January 14, 2009, 04:31:05 PM

I just cut Malek's 5th rule. Fuck off Malek. I rule #1 go cry in a corner

Cockblockers!
In order to pass a motion suspending an amendment, three-fourth of all icons must vote in favor of the motion. All votes are to be cast by using cock picks: erection pics for yay; flaccid pics for nay .

Fragamemnon · « **Reply #10 on:** January 14, 2009, 05:09:24 PM »

chief business executives shall be liable for shareholder losses incurred due to their misleading statements, if unable to cover the losses, the money will be raised via auctioning of their television rights to the executions of themselves, their spouses and children

the department of defense's requisition and command and control procedures will be replaced with an RTS interface and the pentagon will be moved to seoul , south korea for operations by experts.

CajoleJuice · « **Reply #11 on:** January 14, 2009, 05:11:41 PM »

Showings of [insert word here] Movie parodies will actually be gas chambers, to rid the world of anyone stupid enough to enter.

Robo · « **Reply #12 on:** January 14, 2009, 05:13:10 PM »

And film critics too. I like that one.

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #13 on:** January 14, 2009, 05:32:19 PM »

10. every tenth year, one day shall be assigned as "free day." on this day, no actions are considered criminal.

muckhole · « **Reply #14 on:** January 14, 2009, 05:37:20 PM »

Quote

being filthy socialists and worth roughly 2.725% of a black person, are not allowed to participate

*sigh* Back of the bus again. :'(

I'll have to write my local MP, which in this case would be Malek.

demi · « **Reply #15 on:** January 14, 2009, 05:39:28 PM »

Muckhole you can be my white house intern

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #16 on:** January 14, 2009, 05:44:36 PM »

Quote from: muckhole on January 14, 2009, 05:37:20 PM

Quote
being filthy socialists and worth roughly 2.725% of a black person, are not allowed to participate

*sigh* Back of the bus again. :'(

I'll have to write my local MP, which in this case would be Malek.

My hands are tied. Withhold ketchup chips and web cam pics, and the other icons will crumble.

CajoleJuice · « **Reply #17 on:** January 14, 2009, 05:46:06 PM »

11. The sole form of identification on the internet is your erect cock. (or tits)

demi · « **Reply #18 on:** January 14, 2009, 05:51:11 PM »

yeah you would like that cajole, you voyueristic freak

Crushed · « **Reply #19 on:** January 14, 2009, 05:56:24 PM »

12. The head of state, The Office of the Grand Luminous Imperator, can only be held by a Male Heterosexual of the House of Willco, provided that he be of pure Jew blood, circumcised, and a full member of the International Banking Cabal.

13. Any Male Descendant of the original Framers of Thiss Moste Goode Constitution, present at "the new constitution thread," shall be provided with state-procured concubines of agreed-upon specifications (race, age, health, species, etc.).

14. Men discovered in the Act of Buggery with another Man, shall be condemned to the stocks. A "W," for, "Wilde Homo," will be branded on their right buttock, which will be bared to the world for any Lawful Citizen to sodomize during the criminal's confinement.

15. If a Man is found to be buggering a cheeseburger Surprise, then the aforementioned Punishment is not to be enforced; rather, the offender will be ceremoniously become a member of the House of Maurice.

16. All members of the House of Maurice must speak Portugese, and work as part of the state-procured concubines.

BlueTsunami · « **Reply #20 on:** January 14, 2009, 05:58:14 PM »

17. US Porn Industry shall make their porn in the likeness of porn produced from Eastern Europe/Russian Empire

muckhole · « **Reply #21 on:** January 14, 2009, 05:59:39 PM »

Quote from: Night Man on January 14, 2009, 05:44:36 PM

My hands are tied. Withhold ketchup chips and web cam pics, and the other icons will crumble.

No more browsing in just goggles and a scarf, I suppose.

Quote from: demi on January 14, 2009, 05:39:28 PM

Muckhole you can be my white house intern

Hmmmm. Chief of demi's staff. Literally.

demi · « **Reply #22 on:** January 14, 2009, 06:01:20 PM »

Yeah baby

Tristam · « **Reply #23 on:** January 14, 2009, 06:26:44 PM »

Quote from: Night Man on January 14, 2009, 04:18:38 PM

5. Every adult male citizen, after not engaging in sex for a period of four years, is to be given one mercy fuck. No fatties.

Reb · « **Reply #24 on:** January 15, 2009, 05:39:40 AM »

Quote from: Eric P on January 14, 2009, 04:26:08 PM

9. irony is forbidden from those who do not use it well.

I like this one, add sarcasm and sayings.

Boogie · « **Reply #25 on:** January 15, 2009, 07:26:09 AM »

dammit

Positive Touch · « **Reply #26 on:** January 15, 2009, 08:35:10 AM »

-At the end of every fiscal year, a group of randomly-chosen C.E.O.'s will be dropped of in America's ghettos so that we can play The Most Dangerous Game with them.

-The majority of the military's budget will now go into research on the creation of cyborgs, with a focus on developing laser arms.

Tauntaun · « **Reply #27 on:** January 15, 2009, 09:23:42 AM »

- When ordering fast food they shall give you 5 packets of ketchup instead of the normal 3!

Tauntaun
Icon
Bootylicious
Doin you up da butt

Reb · « **Reply #28 on:** January 15, 2009, 09:54:17 AM »

Quote from: Tauntaun on January 15, 2009, 09:23:42 AM

- When ordering fast food they shall give you 5 packets of ketchup instead of the normal 3!

Tauntaun
Icon
Bootylicious
Doin you up da butt

In England you can take all the ketchup you want with you.

Tauntaun · « **Reply #29 on:** January 15, 2009, 10:20:40 AM »

Well, they do have those little paper cups you could fill with ketchup but that's only good if you're staying there. I NEED MOAR WHEN I LEAVE NUKKA!

Reb · « **Reply #30 on:** January 15, 2009, 10:22:24 AM »

Quote from: Tauntaun on January 15, 2009, 10:20:40 AM

Well, they do have those little paper cups you could fill with ketchup but that's only good if you're staying there. I NEED MOAR WHEN I LEAVE NUKKA!

Ha, you crazy American, they have packets!

This could be you:

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Author Topic: the new constitution thread (Read 1288 times)