Author Topic: Evilbore After Hours, vol. 1 (Read 1911 times)

TVC15 · « **on:** February 10, 2009, 01:35:39 AM »

I think it would be awesome if we could have special "after hours" discussions of particularly adult and risque topics, so consider this the first in a series of threads on such things.

So, tonight, I'd like to talk about being really constipated, because frankly, things haven't been moving in several days. I was wondering if anyone had any hints or tips that could help me out. I already drank like a quart of pomegranate juice tonight, which will get my GERD going and bring forth the purple puke in the mornings. The stainy kind, which means I should probably plan on bleaching down the toilet tomorrow before I head to work. But anyway, if that juice did somehow get digested, maybe it would solve my problem because it is a gross purple color like prune juice, which tastes disgusting so keep it the motherfuck away from me.

Suggestions?

ToxicAdam · « **Reply #1 on:** February 10, 2009, 01:39:42 AM »

Eat some bagged salad near/after the expiration date or an entire bag of Sun Chips.

Bildi · « **Reply #2 on:** February 10, 2009, 01:40:11 AM »

Bran and apple sauce?

Cormacaroni · « **Reply #3 on:** February 10, 2009, 01:44:43 AM »

'Necromancer' strength black coffee always does it for me. Not that I get constipated much.

Rman · « **Reply #4 on:** February 10, 2009, 01:45:10 AM »

Coffee helps too. Are you a coffee drinker, TVC?

Beaten by mac.

TVC15 · « **Reply #5 on:** February 10, 2009, 01:48:52 AM »

No--I avoid coffee because I get chemically dependent on things way too quickly, although I have been hitting soda/energy drinks hard since starting classes. So I'm addicted to the less healthy caffeinated beverages now.

Crushed · « **Reply #6 on:** February 10, 2009, 01:50:52 AM »

Sometimes when I poop, I feel like I haven't pooped enough, but there's nothing left to poop out.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #7 on:** February 10, 2009, 01:51:29 AM »

Are you going to a community college?

I have to think of a good subject for tonight. God I should be studying

TVC15 · « **Reply #8 on:** February 10, 2009, 01:53:17 AM »

Quote from: Phoenix Dark on February 10, 2009, 01:51:29 AM

Are you going to a community college?

I have to think of a good subject for tonight. God I should be studying

Yeah, I have to do time since it's been a long time since I've been in school. It's a really good community college, though. I was explaining last night that if I were randomly teleported onto the campus without knowing it was a CC, I probably wouldn't have guessed it were one.

drew · « **Reply #9 on:** February 10, 2009, 01:58:03 AM »

coffee and ciggies

spoiler (click to show/hide)

coke makes you dump the first time you do it after a long break for some reason. it must be something to do w/ stimulants

[close]

Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich · « **Reply #10 on:** February 10, 2009, 01:59:58 AM »

I just drink a fuckton of Chocolate Milk cause I'm a pussy and don't really drink coffee nor smoke.

drew · « **Reply #11 on:** February 10, 2009, 02:01:44 AM »

also orange juice and breakfast foods do the trick for me. gives me intense rushes of stomach pain too. i think its a personal prob tho :\

demi · « **Reply #12 on:** February 10, 2009, 02:18:44 AM »

shove a finger in your butt

demi · « **Reply #13 on:** February 10, 2009, 02:20:46 AM »

i hope that was adult and risque enough of a response

The Sceneman · « **Reply #14 on:** February 10, 2009, 03:13:22 AM »

^

but cigarettes do it for me. Meal, ciggie, shit. Kinda like clockwork

ch1nchilla · « **Reply #15 on:** February 10, 2009, 03:28:11 AM »

Go for a run, eat a salad, and then smoke a cig.

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #16 on:** February 10, 2009, 04:23:48 AM »

How the fuck does a cigarette help with constipation? I practicaly chain smoke and my shits are no more easier to pass for it.

Seriously, just change your eating habits.

cloudwalking · « **Reply #17 on:** February 10, 2009, 04:50:28 AM »

Quote from: jarosh on February 10, 2009, 03:42:03 AM

always have this in the house:

(Image removed from quote.)

http://www.cincottachemist.com.au/product_detail.php?crk=147143

fairly harmless. but works wonders.

yeah this stuff is good, also as an antacid, but i've never seen it for sale in the states and i really doubt you could find it there.

demi · « **Reply #18 on:** February 10, 2009, 04:54:16 AM »

You mean Milk of Magnesia?

WrikaWrek · « **Reply #19 on:** February 10, 2009, 05:04:42 AM »

Actifed.

That's what i take when i'm really constipated. Kinda gets you hammered for about an hour though.

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #20 on:** February 10, 2009, 08:31:31 AM »

Do a big fat rail of blow, coke always made me have to shit after I started doing it.

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #21 on:** February 10, 2009, 08:34:11 AM »

stick TWO fingers in your butt and then make the peace sign

tiesto · « **Reply #22 on:** February 10, 2009, 09:01:20 AM »

Flax, granola, and heavy-fiber cereals tend to do the trick for me...

Also, Korean food never fails to make me poo.

Kestastrophe · « **Reply #23 on:** February 10, 2009, 09:05:18 AM »

thankfully, i've never been constipated, but jalapenos always make me "loose". Not real jalapenos mind you, I am talking about the shitty $0.60 jarred in juice kind

Yeti · « **Reply #24 on:** February 10, 2009, 09:47:54 AM »

You probably don't have anything to poop out since you probably threw it all up.

Ecrofirt · « **Reply #25 on:** February 10, 2009, 10:08:36 AM »

I often wonder wtf people do that plugs up their poopshoot. I mean, jesus, I poop out big long dong logs at least once a day. And if I hole it in, holy shit. I end up shooting a high velocity missile out of my ass, much to the dismay of the poor toilet that gets pummeled with it.

ToxicAdam · « **Reply #26 on:** February 10, 2009, 10:25:02 AM »

Quote from: Ecrofirt on February 10, 2009, 10:08:36 AM

I often wonder wtf people do that plugs up their poopshoot. I mean, jesus, I poop out big long dong logs at least once a day. And if I hole it in, holy shit. I end up shooting a high velocity missile out of my ass, much to the dismay of the poor toilet that gets pummeled with it.

Sometimes it's anxiety. If I have to take a trip somewhere, it takes me 3-4 days before I can go again. It sucks.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #27 on:** February 10, 2009, 11:34:00 PM »

why not give your self an enema with a turkey baster?

Bloodwake · « **Reply #28 on:** February 11, 2009, 04:10:04 PM »

Laxatives. HARSH HARSH Laxatives.

tehjaybo · « **Reply #29 on:** February 11, 2009, 04:12:32 PM »

I've eaten chicken strips, chili, and onion rings from Steak and Shake every day for the past four weeks.

I've never been so regular.

Tauntaun · « **Reply #30 on:** February 11, 2009, 04:16:52 PM »

Quote from: Ecrofirt on February 10, 2009, 10:08:36 AM

I often wonder wtf people do that plugs up their poopshoot. I mean, jesus, I poop out big long dong logs at least once a day. And if I hole it in, holy shit. I end up shooting a high velocity missile out of my ass, much to the dismay of the poor toilet that gets pummeled with it.

This made me

So how's the cornhole TVC?

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #31 on:** February 11, 2009, 04:29:46 PM »

Prune juice mixed with cherry pepto bismol will do the trick, preferably taken in a paper cup

Bloodwake · « **Reply #32 on:** February 11, 2009, 04:33:45 PM »

If it's a harsh enough laxative, it's almost like being raped backwards.

TVC15 · « **Reply #33 on:** February 11, 2009, 04:43:24 PM »

There hasn't been much movement on this. I made a smallish bowel movement yesterday, but I am still very blocked. It's been like 5-6 days

I wonder if this has anything to do with quitting meat.

drozmight · « **Reply #34 on:** February 11, 2009, 04:55:14 PM »

[youtube=560,345]n7CuJ8cR9sg[/youtube]

Fragamemnon · « **Reply #35 on:** February 11, 2009, 05:05:16 PM »

Quote from: Genghis Cohen on February 11, 2009, 04:47:45 PM

Seriously, colace. Laxatives won't do any good if your shit has dried out.

This.

Speaking of pooping, I had some kashi go lean crunch cereal for breakfast the last couple of days and I think it's just a rebranded version of the old colon blow cereral from SNL.

Tauntaun · « **Reply #36 on:** February 12, 2009, 10:06:14 AM »

Quote from: Fragamemnon on February 11, 2009, 05:05:16 PM

Quote from: Genghis Cohen on February 11, 2009, 04:47:45 PM
Seriously, colace. Laxatives won't do any good if your shit has dried out.

This.

Speaking of pooping, I had some kashi go lean crunch cereal for breakfast the last couple of days and I think it's just a rebranded version of the old colon blow cereral from SNL.

Dude, seriously I get such crazy gas when I eat Kashi. I am taking tons of trips to the bathroom and I don't poop most of the time it's just that the force of the explosion might leave doodoo butter on my boxers. $:-\$

TVC15 · « **Reply #37 on:** February 12, 2009, 06:24:02 PM »

There has been nothing--NOTHING--over the past day.

ferrarimanf355 · « **Reply #38 on:** February 12, 2009, 06:27:27 PM »

Quote from: Crushed on February 10, 2009, 01:50:52 AM

Sometimes when I poop, I feel like I haven't pooped enough, but there's nothing left to poop out.

This happens to me, too. :'(

Brehvolution · « **Reply #39 on:** February 12, 2009, 11:36:11 PM »

I think I'll just go watch Chelsey Lately and hump my wife. FMW

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Author Topic: Evilbore After Hours, vol. 1 (Read 1911 times)