I really am. I know i sound like an asshole most of the time around here, because i guess i'm trying to compensate for some repressed anger, for shit i've let to pass, for the death of beloved ones, for losing friends to time, for feeling like, that for a kid who used to dream about an exciting world, the world has come to present itself, incredibly hellish at times.
I don't have it in me anymore though, i'm no longer secretly angry about anything, as duckman would say, i'm running on cruise control, and that's not fun anymore. And the holy sarcastic tone, and satirical outbursts without any reason i believe in, are shit.
I really am a sorry for acting like a moron most of the times here, but the "joke character" (was no joke, although it wasn't entirely real), is over.
EB deserves better, and i will do better, it's time to accept i'm not the guy who will slap a ho, i'm not the guy that will make you feel like a piece of shit out of spite, i'm not the guy that bones the barely conscious drunken bitches, i'm not the guy that lies in your face just to make me look better, i'm not the guy that doesn't give a fuck about those who are oppressed, and although i might have seen it as a flaw, in the times it served my interests the least, although i might have been angry at myself for not moving up the ladder at the cost of others, for feeling that sometimes, being who i was wasn't fulfilling enough, driven by the amount of content that is fed into your brain about what's cool and what's not, and i might have once tried to be what i'm not, but i say to you today, this shall not go any further, for i am here, telling you, i am, a good guy.