So it's like 5:15. I'm at work. The heat came up around 4:30 changing the relative temperature of my office from "Fridge" to "Early Spring Chill". My phone rings. It's my boss- He has, unbeknownst to all of us, decided to sponsor a comedy show. And because of the 15 inches of snow on the ground, half of his audience didn't show up. My office mate and roommate Mike is smart enough to know what's coming out and he makes for the door. I begrudgingly agree to come and fill out the audience- They're filming for some kind of movie, so I figure, "How bad can it be?".
I walk the few blocks to the comedy club figuring I'll pick up a few comp hours and when my one year eval comes up in a month maybe this will be thing that gets me my fat raise. The one that'll raise my salary above minimum wage.
So I get there and because my boss is the man in charge I get this front-row center seat. It is precisely the place to sit if you want comedians to know that you don't find them funny or if you want them to fill the dead space of their act with inane comments about you.
I'll spare you the horrible details of the evening and skip straight to the highlights: Caroline Rhea told a lot of jokes about her tits. Not only is that gross, it isn't funny. The next comedian told jokes about how hard is to drunk drive and about how he feels bad about fucking drunk girls but "whatever". Statutory rape is hilarious!
Also, they kept the doors open the whole time. It was 9 degrees at one point. They took my jacket when I came in. I was fucking FREEZING. So cold. It's basically like a John Paul Sarte play- It's dark and cold and everything is supposed to funny, but it isn't. This goes on for OVER TWO AND A HALF HOURS
God, I'm exhausted. I think I'm getting sick. Anyway, let's get to the meat of the story: Judy Gold is a terrible fucking comedian. She is the worst. I fucking hate Judy Gold. So when Judy Gold takes the stage, I take the occasion to look like I just found out I have terminal cancer. She makes some joke about how I need to get laid or pop some pills and I am generally delighted. This is a rare opportunity.
Afterwards, I step out to take a piss and Judy Gold is in the hallway telling some dude about how "That fuck in the front row won't laugh" and "It's a fucking comedy show, what is his problem?" at which point she spies me and says, "You're a real fucking asshole".
At the very end some guy from Soul Plane told some jokes.
In short: I have never had less fun, but I would totally do it again. I hate Judy Gold.
This story makes no sense. I have a fever. But I figured I'd share. Okay enjoy f u.
