Fundies say the darndest things

[Tieno]

Top100 http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/top100.aspx?archive=1
I'll do my own humorous summary
"Debating with an atheist"
Atheist: I deny the existence of air
Facilis: what?? You're breathing now. Air is the necessary precondition for breathing.
A: No. I see no reason why air is necessary for breathing. I am breathing now and i don't believe in air.
F: It the impossibility of the contrary. What else could you be breathing.
A: That is just an air of the gaps fallacy.You just insert air into the gaps since you do not know how people breathe.
F:But how else can you account for breathing?
A:I'm just breathing because that is the way it is. I'm still going to deny the existence of air.


Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldnt understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son


[Note: the boy eventually took his own life.]

Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?

If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol

Gods soldier, Myspace [Comments (304)] [2006-Feb-03]

[Madrun Badrun]

 

[recursivelyenumerable]

If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol

Gods soldier, Myspace [Comments (304)] [2006-Feb-03]

 

[Madrun Badrun]

But what can you do?

[brawndolicious]

No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.

Trinidad and Tobago, CARM [Comments (522)] [2006-Oct-01]

One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]

awesomestnerd, SmashBoards [Comments (442)] [2005-Nov-07]

It's funny because you can actually see some people believing this.

edit-holy shit they keep getting better:

I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie

JohnR7, Christian forums [Comments (406)] [2006-Nov-04]

[Phoenix Dark]

I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations

sigh

Anyway, had bible class today and the guest preacher was owning Malek so hard.

"If a tornado went through a junkyard a million times, would it put the junk together to create a four wheeler?

He said carbon dating was wrong since God created everything at its full blossom, so he created full formed trees and they can't be dated. Which makes no sense to me, and I asked him. I mean, if I magically conjure a full grown, mature tree - and simultaneously plant seeds in the ground that will create another tree overtime - in 200 years both trees will be the same age. If tested they'll both read "around 200 years" basically, they'll have the same amount of carbon, etc.

[drew]

'cool' and 'hip'

good read

[Flannel Boy]

I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations

sigh

Anyway, had bible class today and the guest preacher was owning Malek so hard.

"If a tornado went through a junkyard a million times, would it put the junk together to create a four wheeler?

He said carbon dating was wrong since God created everything at its full blossom, so he created full formed trees and they can't be dated. Which makes no sense to me, and I asked him. I mean, if I magically conjure a full grown, mature tree - and simultaneously plant seeds in the ground that will create another tree overtime - in 200 years both trees will be the same age. If tested they'll both read "around 200 years" basically, they'll have the same amount of carbon, etc.

Malek am cry.

[Veidt]

This thread reminded me of Scrubs for some reason.

[Kestastrophe]

If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol

Gods soldier, Myspace [Comments (304)] [2006-Feb-03]

at least there's a way for virgin-bore to get married  :rapetime

[Madrun Badrun]

want to get married Kestastrophe?  I'll give you a ring in an empty parking lot. 

[Kestastrophe]

want to get married Kestastrophe?  I'll give you a ring in an empty parking lot. 

i'm already married, but I'd let you "divorce" me 

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[close]

more rape justification:

A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire.

Are you calling them victims now? Should've stayed in the house where it's safe.

[Kestastrophe]

A man can have sexual pleasure from a child as young as a baby. However he should not penetrate, sodomising the child is OK. If the man penetrates and damages the child then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life.

smh

[Madrun Badrun]

  where is that from?

[Flannel Boy]

If willco didn't want to get raped, he should have watched his drink.

[Madrun Badrun]

That's a big if.  Where has wilco been anyways? 



O
 

[Veidt]

What the hell, some of the things people think are absolutely disgusting. Frackin' hell.

[Kestastrophe]

The Fact the Earth is Flat is not my opinion, it is a Proved Fact! If the earth really was round, that would mean there arre people who are HANGING DOWN, HEAD DOWNWARDS while we are standing head up?

this can't be real

[Flannel Boy]

PD, are there any cute girls attending your bible classes? (I'm willing to fake belief)

Or do you just go for the awesome analogies?

[Brehvolution]

Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead.

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[close]

[Kestastrophe]

There are NO exceptions to abortion whatsoever. It is God's will that the woman was impregnated, and therefore she must birth the child!

I'm glad to see there were no "abortion is OK if she was raped" replies. If she was in fact raped, she must play the hand that was dealt to her, accept it as God's Will, and raise the interracial baby as her own.

 

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.........

[close]

A missionary I knew watched a bullet headed for him do a RIGHT ANGLE before it got to him.

lol Deacon Manhattan

[Diunx]

Athiests as a Majority sounds like my idea of an utopia.

[Veidt]

This just keeps getting creepier and creepier. Frack, this is just...wow...those people are insane.

[Madrun Badrun]

Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.

Trinidad and Tobago, CARM [Comments (424)] [2007-Mar-01]

 

[about a girl being born with mental disabilities]

This girl is like a leper so what she needs to do is try and find god

if she really believes she can be healed from this state, she will be healed from this state

Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb. If she can repent for what she does god will embrace her and make her as human as you or me but if she chooses not to she'll always be like this

god tests every one of us [emphasis added]

theSAVED, Penny Arcade [Comments (8798)] [2007-Jan-14]


FROM THE PENNY ARCADE FORUMS!

[Veidt]

What the hell, that poor girl    

I'm glad my faith dictates that mentally ill humans, have no sins when they're in that state.  And mentally disabled individuals, get a free pass to paradise.

[Madrun Badrun]

 

[on the sunject of a Bible printing company]

Yes, that is a great company. I bought one of their large print version (old eyes... what can I say?).

The only thing I don't like about them is they sell foreign language versions of the KJB. I don't think that's right. We know the only true translation is the 1600's version in English.

It's too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in... and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English.

 

[Talking about an eleven year old girl who was raped and then buried alive]

god was sacrificing this child as a way to show others the light. much as he did his own child. what a beautiful gift he has given us.

Howie R, Yahoo Answers [Comments (356)] [2007-Nov-08]
Submitted by Zoe

 :'(   Even I can't laugh at that one

[Veidt]

wtf wtf WHAT THE FUCK. FUCK THAT SHIT FUCK THAT.

: ( : (

[Cheebs]

 

Muslims countries aren’t as interested in ID because they don’t need to deal with nearly as much atheist scum evolutionists with their evolving mind tricks. All our liberties are allowing the atheists here to destroy our society. George H.W. Bush was intelligent and thoughtful enough to say that atheists shouldn’t really be citizens. Maybe his son will have the intelligence to make a similar point, maybe in his next state of the union adress outlaw evolution. He wouldn’t need to say much, simply something like “every evolutionist is now an enemy of the Republic,” and then explain why. The muslim countries know how to deal with these people(one of the rare things they do right). Why can’t we follow their lead?

[Madrun Badrun]

A man can have sexual pleasure from a child as young as a baby. However he should not penetrate, sodomising the child is OK. If the man penetrates and damages the child then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life. This girl, however does not count as one of his four permanent wives. The man will not be eligible to marry the girl's sister.

Kirabellydancer , YouTube [Comments (190)] [2007-Oct-21]


 

[Veidt]

Fucking hell, that quote was wrong on so many levels it's not even funny.  

[Madrun Badrun]

Me and like-minded Christian students are trying to organize a mock stoning of openly gay students at our campus. We will be using crumpled up gray/brown construction paper to represent rocks, and will recite bible verses in opposition to their sinful nature. We will throw a volley or two of these "rocks" at every Gay person we happen to encounter that day.

Rebelscum954, CARM [Comments (341)] [2007-Sep-12]

Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.

Pat Robertson, Quotes From the Religious Right [Comments (320)] [2007-Nov-09]

 

A woman for president is a bad idea. Hillary for president is even worse. Do you think America never had a woman for president by coincidence?

[You can transfer that logic to black people, seeing as there's been no black presidents - Anyway it's incredibly insensitive, stupid and unbased.]

As stupid as you think it sounds I totally agree. Blacks should not ever be in positions of power. They should be suppressed back in to slavery.

bricks00usa, Christian Forums [Comments (150)] [2007-Aug-21]

[Oblivion]

This was posted before a while ago. Still hilarious, tho.

However, although I have no doubt that many people would actually follow some of the stuff posted here, it's a good chance most of these were made up.

[Madrun Badrun]

I am 100% pro-life, unless we're talking about capital punishment, in which case I am 100% pro-death.

B®ent, Christian Forums [Comments (120)] [2007-Mar-01]
Submitted by Beckling


It is not known whether God created oil when he made the earth 6000 years ago, or whether oil and coal deposits were generated during Noah's flood 4000 years ago. It does not mattter. What does matter is if you don't believe that God created the earth 6000 years ago, you are going to Hell.

unfit_commander, Yahoo answers! [Comments (101)] [2008-Jan-15]

 

Even if these exact instances are made up I have no doubt that there are people that have these beliefs. 

[Madrun Badrun]

my favorite so far

"Sorry but scientists have just shown that mice DNA is more similar to humans than human DNA. So would evolutionists then declare that humans came from mice? Probably. That's because most people can't think for themselves and are confused about reality. That's why they believe anything scientists say."

Carico, CARM [Comments (152)] [2007-Jan-09]

 

all the evolutionists, tell me something. i know how the big bang "has happened, but tell me, wouldnt an explosion, especially one that size, take away life instead of allow it? think about it.

ex: the a-bomb, the h-bomb, grenades, cannon balls (when fired from a cannon of course), mines, rocket launchers, and anything and everything in between. they all have taken lives.

Agaro, myspace [Comments (143)] [2006-Aug-24]
Submitted by clemsecon

[Phoenix Dark]

PD, are there any cute girls attending your bible classes? (I'm willing to fake belief)

Or do you just go for the awesome analogies?

Nope, just the family usually. We rarely have guests, but today it was a pastor.

[Flannel Boy]

PD, are there any cute girls attending your bible classes? (I'm willing to fake belief)

Or do you just go for the awesome analogies?

Nope, just the family usually. We rarely have guests, but today it was a pastor.

When he made the silly junk yard analogy, did you you think about speaking out?

[Madrun Badrun]

Wait, PD's bible class is family only affair?


edit:

I'm not talking about a simple power outage. I'm talking about enriched plutonium which comes from the conversion of uranium into WMD. It is considered the most dangerous substance known to man and absolutely will shut off the electricity present in planes. All any terrorist has to do is drop large quantities of plutonium from airplanes onto American soil and it will render electricity completely useless. And the chain reaction that will occur from the US shutting down will be global. We Americans have had the capacity to do that to our enemies for years. I had erroneoulsy thought that atheists knew that since they claim to know so much about our universe.

[Emphasis added]

But as usual, you haven't thought things through at all and are speaking from ignorance again.

Carico, CARM [Comments (124)] [2006-Nov-09]

[Phoenix Dark]

PD, are there any cute girls attending your bible classes? (I'm willing to fake belief)

Or do you just go for the awesome analogies?

Nope, just the family usually. We rarely have guests, but today it was a pastor.

When he made the silly junk yard analogy, did you you think about speaking out?

Yea but I didn't say anything. Instead I questioned him on the carbon dating thing, and he didn't respond as much as he simply repeated his charge. Then kinda chuckled and said "uh oh, might want to watch this one" to my parents.

He's a rather combative type pastor with many unconventional views. I always got the impression that he's bitter and doesn't like people who know more then him. He's constantly laughing at the "intellectuals" or doctors, which is funny because my dad is a dentist. He definitely knows his shit with respect to the bible, seems to be politically aware...but eh.

[Madrun Badrun]

More like he's going to tell them that he's totally gay for jesus.  Their Brazilian gardener.