911. What's your emergency?
I'd like to report a robbery.
Yes?
An article on the internet stole five minutes of my life that I'll never get back.
Not sure I follow.
I read an article, took me 3 or 4 minutes, let's call it five, and it was stupid. That stupid article robbed me of five minutes of my life.
Was it armed? *snicker*
Are you mocking me?