Author Topic: Self-absorbed wah-wah-ing (Read 6134 times)

EmCeeGrammar · « **on:** April 13, 2009, 06:19:14 AM »

So I have a problem. Lately (like 4 years) I've been having trouble keeping interest in, uhh everything. Completely wrecked my gpa in high school although I passed what I needed to. There's alot of things I think I could be interested in but I'll maybe spend a week at most before giving in to apathy.

I'm figuring its vanilla depression so last year I decided to make a real effort to socialise. But it turns out I can't maintain interest in someone else either. I read all about the active listening and open ended questions and whatnot, but I overlooked an important item in the first chapter. You have to genuinely give a shit. Another weird thing is that I barely have an associative function when someone is sharing an experience. They finish and I've crossreferenced nothing with my own life. Compound that with piss poor communication and a memory thats basically a useless illegible smear. So I can't really blame folks for finding me stupid andor boring. At times it feels like my lack of hobbies/interests contributes to my lack of opinions. I also made sure to go out and about with some coworkers (titty bar/bbq/xbox night/pot/mountain climbing/concerts/cycling) but again, I never felt comfortable no matter how hard I tried to focus on the activity and not myself. How does a self-centered manchild go about changing himself?

For the past few months I haven't really done much. Just sitting around bored. Trying to not get too depressed, playing maybe 2 hrs of a few games before I get sick of that. Been saving some money for whatever I decide to do. I imagine I could set goals for myself, but I'm looking at a huge blank canvas. I have no clue what I want.

I gave the false impression that I was formally diagnosed with Asperger's. Not true. At least ASD has the tradeoff of intellect for social distinguished mentally-challenged. The limited times I spent with the psychologist yielded nothing exact. Likely depression, possibly ADD, but hey the money ran out in November. I have saved $600 since then. I don't want to waste that on a potential wild goose chase that is the psychiatric practices. But I can't think of a better option that doesn't end up with me succumbing to apathy again and again.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #1 on:** April 13, 2009, 07:38:40 AM »

anti-depressants

brawndolicious · « **Reply #2 on:** April 13, 2009, 08:05:38 AM »

will make it worse.

demi · « **Reply #3 on:** April 13, 2009, 08:06:15 AM »

get rid of the wii

Barry Egan · « **Reply #4 on:** April 13, 2009, 08:21:59 AM »

Quote from: am nintenho on April 13, 2009, 08:05:38 AM

will make it worse.

Positive Touch · « **Reply #5 on:** April 13, 2009, 08:39:16 AM »

seriously, all this apathy and awkwardness is because of depression. you should start trying out anto-depressants asap.

brawndolicious · « **Reply #6 on:** April 13, 2009, 08:43:04 AM »

no, if you can diagnose a "dopamine imbalance" from a few paragraphs on a gaming forum then wow but anti-depressants are way over-prescribed for any little emotional issue and it sounds like this is in every way a simple attitude problem. There's probably very complex, personal reasons he has for having trouble socializing and being ambitious but it also sounds like maybe just relaxing about it is the best solution. Gradually change your behavior as you interact more rather than trying to find a specific issue that would cause these problems.

Akala · « **Reply #7 on:** April 13, 2009, 09:08:37 AM »

I like the title you chose.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #8 on:** April 13, 2009, 10:49:40 AM »

Quote from: am nintenho on April 13, 2009, 08:43:04 AM

no, if you can diagnose a "dopamine imbalance" from a few paragraphs on a gaming forum then wow but anti-depressants are way over-prescribed for any little emotional issue and it sounds like this is in every way a simple attitude problem. There's probably very complex, personal reasons he has for having trouble socializing and being ambitious but it also sounds like maybe just relaxing about it is the best solution. Gradually change your behavior as you interact more rather than trying to find a specific issue that would cause these problems.

Quote

So I have a problem. Lately (like 4 years) I've been having trouble keeping interest in, uhh everything. Completely wrecked my gpa in high school although I passed what I needed to. There's alot of things I think I could be interested in but I'll maybe spend a week at most before giving in to apathy.

fistfulofmetal · « **Reply #9 on:** April 13, 2009, 10:52:10 AM »

phew
makes me happy knowing other people are more fucked up than i am

CrystalGemini · « **Reply #10 on:** April 13, 2009, 10:59:39 AM »

You really think this is the right place to look for advice?

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #11 on:** April 13, 2009, 11:13:43 AM »

I'm not so sure endorphins make you feel better about the world.

Eric P · « **Reply #12 on:** April 13, 2009, 11:16:55 AM »

Quote from: Willco on April 13, 2009, 11:13:43 AM

I'm not so sure endorphins make you feel better about the world.

actually they do.

they're your body's own Rose Tinted Glasses.

but whenever I feel a little down I tend to read something that cheers me up. Like Wodehouse.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #13 on:** April 13, 2009, 02:57:18 PM »

I have basically the same problem.

brawndolicious · « **Reply #14 on:** April 13, 2009, 03:12:16 PM »

Quote from: Chipopo on April 13, 2009, 10:49:40 AM

Quote from: am nintenho on April 13, 2009, 08:43:04 AM
no, if you can diagnose a "dopamine imbalance" from a few paragraphs on a gaming forum then wow but anti-depressants are way over-prescribed for any little emotional issue and it sounds like this is in every way a simple attitude problem. There's probably very complex, personal reasons he has for having trouble socializing and being ambitious but it also sounds like maybe just relaxing about it is the best solution. Gradually change your behavior as you interact more rather than trying to find a specific issue that would cause these problems.
Quote
So I have a problem. Lately (like 4 years) I've been having trouble keeping interest in, uhh everything. Completely wrecked my gpa in high school although I passed what I needed to. There's alot of things I think I could be interested in but I'll maybe spend a week at most before giving in to apathy.

Yeah, that type of apathetic behavior COULD be triggered by actual life events rather than just his brain chemistry being broken. The fact that this autobiography spanned a whole 3 paragraphs makes it a bit hasty to suggest prescriptions. Those could easily do more harm then good if he never needed them.

drew · « **Reply #15 on:** April 13, 2009, 03:19:50 PM »

class A drugs

drew · « **Reply #16 on:** April 13, 2009, 03:24:07 PM »

Quote from: Kosma on April 13, 2009, 03:23:23 PM

Hey if you die for any word, it might as well be heroin

fixed

Barry Egan · « **Reply #17 on:** April 13, 2009, 03:29:11 PM »

am nintenho: M.D.

am nintenho: Hmm, it says here you've been trying to move your leg for the past 4 years.
patient: yep.
am nintenho: and it's just not moving?
patient: yep. What should I do?
am nintenho: Have you tried moving it?
patient: ...
am nintenho: It sounds to me like you just need to move your leg.
patient: but...
etc. etc.

Eric P · « **Reply #18 on:** April 13, 2009, 03:29:28 PM »

Quote from: Drewsy on April 13, 2009, 03:24:07 PM

Quote from: Kosma on April 13, 2009, 03:23:23 PM
Hey if you die for any word, it might as well be tacos

fixed

double fixed

brawndolicious · « **Reply #19 on:** April 14, 2009, 01:17:54 AM »

Quote from: Chipopo on April 13, 2009, 03:29:11 PM

am nintenho: M.D.

am nintenho: Hmm, it says here you've been trying to move your leg for the past 4 years.
patient: yep.
am nintenho: and it's just not moving?
patient: yep. What should I do?
am nintenho: Have you tried moving it?
patient: ...
am nintenho: It sounds to me like you just need to move your leg.
patient: but...
etc. etc.

No, being apathetic is a really, really vague "symptom" and it sounds like this is a problem he's had for most of his adult life. The fact that he's trying to improve his behavior makes me think that he at least does care and isn't clinically depressed and should instead reexamine the way he acts in real life. But again, 3 paragraphs etc etc.

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #20 on:** April 14, 2009, 01:44:55 AM »

You're a narcissist, you think you're above everyone but you realise you'll never achieve anything great so there's not point in trying anything anyway.

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #21 on:** April 14, 2009, 04:19:10 AM »

Quote from: Fresh Prince on April 14, 2009, 01:44:55 AM

You're a narcissist, you think you're above everyone but you realise you'll never achieve anything great so there's not point in trying anything anyway.

This makes my gut churn, because it sounds about right.
Sometimes I think all these attempts were just ways I could make myself more interesting.

Goddammit. Seriously, my intestines are bunching up.

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #22 on:** April 14, 2009, 04:36:42 AM »

At least you're not a recursivelyenumerable-narcissist with false modesty.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #23 on:** April 14, 2009, 10:20:10 AM »

what is it with depressed people being attracted to the narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis? My friend did this too...

If you genuinely had NPD you would not have had the self-awareness to type up the op. You would not have difficulty finding things to say to people. You would say absolutely anything so long as it provoked a response.

So why are you ignoring the obvious suggestion in this thread (get a prescription for drugs) ?

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #24 on:** April 14, 2009, 03:00:46 PM »

Quote from: Chipopo on April 14, 2009, 10:20:10 AM

what is it with depressed people being attracted to the narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis? My friend did this too...

If you genuinely had NPD you would not have had the self-awareness to type up the op. You would not have difficulty finding things to say to people. You would say absolutely anything so long as it provoked a response.

So why are you ignoring the obvious suggestion in this thread (get a prescription for drugs) ?

Money... the psychiatrist is like $300 per visit. Then medication costs (no clue).
I may have to save for a few more months.

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #25 on:** April 14, 2009, 03:07:40 PM »

Quote from: EmCeeGrammar on April 14, 2009, 03:00:46 PM

Money... the psychiatrist is like $300 per visit. Then medication costs (no clue).
I may have to save for a few more months.

I don't have to pay to visit my shrink.

Tauntaun · « **Reply #26 on:** April 14, 2009, 03:35:25 PM »

Quote from: Malek on April 14, 2009, 03:07:40 PM

Quote from: EmCeeGrammar on April 14, 2009, 03:00:46 PM

Money... the psychiatrist is like $300 per visit. Then medication costs (no clue).
I may have to save for a few more months.

I don't have to pay to visit my shrink.

A picture of flannel girl?

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #27 on:** April 14, 2009, 07:12:58 PM »

Take out the word narcassist and my point still stands.

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #28 on:** April 14, 2009, 07:15:41 PM »

tl;dr

My prescription: quit playing shitty non-games.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #29 on:** April 14, 2009, 07:22:30 PM »

yea play WoW you loserz

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #30 on:** April 14, 2009, 07:26:13 PM »

Olivia Wilde Homo · « **Reply #31 on:** April 14, 2009, 07:46:44 PM »

Since you're a Nintard, I recommend therapy by looking at a bunch of sales charts. Use Wagamama Girls Mode chart if that still hasn't worked.

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #32 on:** April 14, 2009, 07:49:55 PM »

Quote from: Phoenix Dark on April 14, 2009, 07:22:30 PM

yea play WoW you loserz

This from an unrepentant former nthing that pulled the nintendo on scam. So you KNOW anything she/he/it recommends will be a quality game, yep.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #33 on:** April 14, 2009, 07:55:55 PM »

Quote from: Fresh Prince on April 14, 2009, 07:12:58 PM

Take out the word narcassist and my point still stands.

Except his posts display self-hatred, not self-admiration...including the post where he agrees with you.

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #34 on:** April 14, 2009, 08:02:07 PM »

Is this back and forth really helping him? No.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

You think you're above everyone but you realise you'll never achieve anything great so there's not point in trying anything anyway. - This statement indicates his self hatred anyway. I defined narcissim wrongly; clearly I'm not a psychologist

[close]

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #35 on:** April 14, 2009, 08:09:36 PM »

Quote from: The Card Cheat on April 14, 2009, 07:49:55 PM

Quote from: Phoenix Dark on April 14, 2009, 07:22:30 PM
yea play WoW you loserz

This from an unrepentant former nthing that pulled the nintendo on scam. So you KNOW anything she/he/it recommends will be a quality game, yep.

I had nothing to do with the crappy Nintendo On thing. Most of my ideas came to fruition

WoW

Barry Egan · « **Reply #36 on:** April 14, 2009, 08:09:48 PM »

who gives a shit about helping the dude?

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #37 on:** April 14, 2009, 08:13:35 PM »

See a psch, you pay what you get for. See: Malek

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #38 on:** April 15, 2009, 01:43:12 AM »

Can I schedule an appointment and have a trial prescription by the end of the hour? I don't want to go devastate my saving so the doctor can take his sweet time analysing me. I can go to the affordable psychologist for that.

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #39 on:** April 15, 2009, 01:50:06 AM »

I was joking about Malek. If it is depression -even in the USA- there must be some non-for profit group that offers counselling.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #40 on:** April 15, 2009, 02:04:30 AM »

Quote from: EmCeeGrammar on April 15, 2009, 01:43:12 AM

Can I schedule an appointment and have a trial prescription by the end of the hour? I don't want to go devastate my saving so the doctor can take his sweet time analysing me. I can go to the affordable psychologist for that.

yea I was thinking about this earlier today...there really are no guarantees I suppose. You might show up and have the psychiatrist keep the drugs from you and suggest more sessions. The only thing I can think of is talking with the psychiatrist before hand and explaining your money situation, and making sure he says over the phone that he'll write you a prescription. Although I don't think many legit doctors would actually do that.

Cormacaroni · « **Reply #41 on:** April 15, 2009, 05:11:46 AM »

Nothing about the OP screams 'I need psychiatric help' to me, really. How you feel doesn't necessarily seem any different from someone in crappy situation with family, friends, work or the opposite sex, say. I've seen plenty of people bootstrap themselves out of these periods of apathy without drugs. The love of a good woman, the discovery of a hobby you enjoy or the company of friends should be all you need to pull you out of this. No-one can realistically offer you a timetable for finding any of those things if you genuinely lack the motivation to go out and get them yourself, which is probably very discouraging but...suck it up, buttercup. Life sucks all over, and your situation could be massively worse. You're not living in Darfur, for example.

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #42 on:** April 15, 2009, 06:16:22 AM »

Quote from: Cormacaroni on April 15, 2009, 05:11:46 AM

Nothing about the OP screams 'I need psychiatric help' to me, really. How you feel doesn't necessarily seem any different from someone in crappy situation with family, friends, work or the opposite sex, say. I've seen plenty of people bootstrap themselves out of these periods of apathy without drugs. The love of a good woman, the discovery of a hobby you enjoy or the company of friends should be all you need to pull you out of this. No-one can realistically offer you a timetable for finding any of those things if you genuinely lack the motivation to go out and get them yourself, which is probably very discouraging but...suck it up, buttercup. Life sucks all over, and your situation could be massively worse. You're not living in Darfur, for example.

I'm not suicidaly depressed anymore. But all of those things you listed are things I have attempted but gave up on because I grow bored with it. I can't hold a conversation or pursue a hobby because nothing holds my attention for long. The attitude adjustments I've gone through means that although I realise I have it pretty good and its not the end of the world, its just a dull life.

Tangibly, my memory and communication and concentration have deteriorated to a detrimental extent. I would like to have those back. I would like to enjoy these pursuits I've gone out on a limb for and not center my whole life around "sad little me". But its got to the point where its like I'm trying not to think of the giant pink floating elephant every waking second. I would love nothing more than to get over myself. Be problem-oriented and not self-centered. I have tried this alone for so long but I've concluded that there's nothing wrong with some outside help.

I'm 22 Kosma.

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #43 on:** April 15, 2009, 06:51:12 AM »

I enjoy listening to others small talk. So I disagree about people living boring lives. I just can't seem to emulate it. There's also the poor memory issue too.

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #44 on:** April 15, 2009, 08:08:36 AM »

What are you, rich or something?

Cormacaroni · « **Reply #45 on:** April 15, 2009, 11:12:12 AM »

You got bored with it or you just didn't get what you expected out of it?

I'll second the "travel" option. Growing up in Northern Ireland during the troubles and Thatcher etc was pretty horrible on the whole. Traveling really helped me realize that life doesn't have to be like that. The biggest danger is that you may never go back

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #46 on:** April 15, 2009, 04:07:08 PM »

Quote from: Cormacaroni on April 15, 2009, 11:12:12 AM

You got bored with it or you just didn't get what you expected out of it?

I'll second the "travel" option. Growing up in Northern Ireland during the troubles and Thatcher etc was pretty horrible on the whole. Traveling really helped me realize that life doesn't have to be like that. The biggest danger is that you may never go back

A little of both. For the notion of travel, I don't feel like there's a lack of things to do in my immediate area. I didn't have a horrible life and its not bad now. I'm fine if it turns out I am wrong, but I don't feel capable of making myself happy or entertained currently. Like I think videogames are cool, but I can't spend hours learning their intricaticies [sp?] like I used to because... I don't know, I just get tired of it quickly. I don't hold games or movies or music etc up to great expectations. I am losing interest in everything and don't know why exactly.

chronovore · « **Reply #47 on:** April 16, 2009, 04:34:09 AM »

Try exercise.
Try travel.
Try eating foods that you'd never eat.
Try not eating.

Do something that you normally wouldn't do. Try it for longer than you think you should. Break your own rut. Go walkabout and figure out what's up outside your own life, outside your normal environment. There's too much in the world to be bored.

Life: you're doing it wrong.

Reb · « **Reply #48 on:** April 16, 2009, 05:55:09 AM »

Quote from: EmCeeGrammar on April 15, 2009, 04:07:08 PM

Quote from: Cormacaroni on April 15, 2009, 11:12:12 AM
You got bored with it or you just didn't get what you expected out of it?

I'll second the "travel" option. Growing up in Northern Ireland during the troubles and Thatcher etc was pretty horrible on the whole. Traveling really helped me realize that life doesn't have to be like that. The biggest danger is that you may never go back

A little of both. For the notion of travel, I don't feel like there's a lack of things to do in my immediate area. I didn't have a horrible life and its not bad now. I'm fine if it turns out I am wrong, but I don't feel capable of making myself happy or entertained currently. Like I think videogames are cool, but I can't spend hours learning their intricaticies [sp?] like I used to because... I don't know, I just get tired of it quickly. I don't hold games or movies or music etc up to great expectations. I am losing interest in everything and don't know why exactly.

The thing with travel is, you get confronted with all kinds of things. You're not sitting around at home thinking about whether or not you want to play another video game.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #49 on:** April 16, 2009, 06:43:39 AM »

spoiler (click to show/hide)

People with major depression can not simply shake off their feelings with positive thinking and recreation. Four years is a long time.

[close]

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #50 on:** April 16, 2009, 08:05:43 AM »

Going travelling, risking further isolation is a pretty stupid idea.

Reb · « **Reply #51 on:** April 16, 2009, 08:18:27 AM »

Quote from: Fresh Prince on April 16, 2009, 08:05:43 AM

Going travelling, risking further isolation is a pretty stupid idea.

Sitting at home, playing games hasn't worked for the last 4 years.

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #52 on:** April 16, 2009, 08:54:15 AM »

I'm not a psych but going, 'Fuck it, I'm travelling.' is not a good idea after being used to that environment for so long. Hell if he finds small talk interesting he doesn't need something as drastic as that at this stage, just maybe go online, go to a few dates with zero expectations and revel in the small inane talk.

Reb · « **Reply #53 on:** April 16, 2009, 08:57:24 AM »

I think the general consensus is that he should go and do something.
Travel is a good way to force yourself out of a routine of solitude and get in a situation where you are forced to act.

It could be too much, but hey, at least you tried.

Cormacaroni · « **Reply #54 on:** April 16, 2009, 10:57:05 AM »

Kosma

It could also be that what you will ultimately find fulfilling has nothing to do with your own personal happiness. Helping other people, or doing something just because it needs to be done and no-one else is stepping up. Happiness doesn't just stem from having fun or doing enjoyable things. I find it most often comes AFTER doing something really hard or unpleasant.

tiesto · « **Reply #55 on:** April 16, 2009, 10:58:54 AM »

I'd love to do more traveling, especially to foreign countries (def. want to hit up Japan, Australia and Eastern Europe)... but don't have anyone suitable to travel with. My friends usually prefer to stick to domestic traveling (well, basically going to Miami for WMC but that's it).

cool breeze · « **Reply #56 on:** April 16, 2009, 11:22:13 AM »

I'd like to travel more, but my two problems are that I only really have parts of the summer free and I couldn't make up my mind on where to go. I'm a bit too indecisive with making up my mind and ultimately I will try and just pick somewhere I've never been before, and I traveled a lot with family when I was younger.

Quote from: Kosma on April 15, 2009, 06:22:22 AM

You know why you cant hold a conversation? Cause most people lead fucking boring lifes and have nothing interesting to tell. you've just been conditioned to accept this as normal and that you should be interested.

That is so true. The things people talk about are the most uninteresting sounds that could come out of a persons mouth. Just yesterday I was talking to one lady who was on about how she liked this one guy, but he didn't want a relationship, yet she was still interested in getting it on or something and SHUT UP NO ONE FUCKING CARES. I wish I could just be an asshole and tell them to fuck off instead of lying about another event I have.

Reb · « **Reply #57 on:** April 16, 2009, 11:29:11 AM »

I once took a course with a bunch of overconfident "young potentials".
When after 6 days one of the girls started crying because she felt like she was the only one that didn't get it, I told her that was first interesting thing I saw her do.

Propagandhim · « **Reply #58 on:** April 16, 2009, 11:36:20 AM »

I agree with Chipopo's posts. 4 years is a long time. Some SSRIs are really helpful- really changed some of my family members' lives.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #59 on:** April 16, 2009, 11:50:54 AM »

That sounds pretty lame actually.

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Author Topic: Self-absorbed wah-wah-ing (Read 6134 times)