Cynical C Blog-One Star Amazon reviews on classic movies, music, and literature

[Rman]

2001: The Space Odyssey

Rented this one just to laugh at how movie-makers in the 50’s and 60’s thought the world was going to look in the year 2001. I figured we would see ridiculous flying-cars, jet-packs, meal-in-a-pill, talking-robots, etc. Then I figured I was gonna write a review here talking about how wrong they were (since the year 2001 has already happened and it was nothing like that)and reccomend it just for a laugh. Here’s how it really went. I popped it in the player and to my surprise it just looked like a fake documentary about monkeys with a couple of guys in really fake looking monkey costumes. Kind of like Planet of the Apes. 5 minutes in: Still monkeys (no narraration or anything either). 10 minutes in I asked myself “How are they going to stretch this out for a whole stupid-movie?!” I will never know. Because when a monkey threw a bone up in the air so high that it went into space and morphed into a rocket-ship I was done with this garbage. Who on earth would predict the year 2001 would be like that!? I returned it shortly after that and rented Mortal-Kombat 2 which was way more realistic with better fighting. In conclusion, you would be much better-off renting a documentary about apes, or even Gorillas in the mist, or maybe Planet of the Apes which this movie is trying to be. AVOID!! Later.

Dark Side of the Moon

SNORE. I can’t believe some of you dorky stoners trapped in the ’70s have the nerve to call this album a “masterpiece” or “one of the best albums of all-time”! LOL, MUSIC NERDS! You people can’t be serious. They didn’t even get any MTV or BET airplay. Therefore, they automatically are horrible. I suggest you listen to a great album like “St.Anger” by Metallica or “Lost Highway” by Bon Jovi if you want a taste of what real music should sound like.

The Great Gatsby

this booke is very stupid, just like all the other secular writers out in the world. quite frankly, they should not be writing about “worldly” things that do not affect people in any way whatsoever! after reading this book, your life will be the same as before you read it…why not read a book that will change your life and the way you think of things? what book is this? it is “THE BOOK”… the BIBLE! God loves you no matter what, but why not give your life to him as he gave his son for you? God Bless You and May Your Days Be Bright!!!



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[Van Cruncheon]

on the beatles' white album

I listened to this whole album the other day because I read the reviews on Amazon. This album is worthless. The only song I appreciated was While My Guitar Gently Weeps. Later, I realized why. Eric Clapton helped out with the guitar. That man has more talent in his pinky than all four Beatles combined. The Beatles are the N’Sync of the 60’s. I wish people would realize this. N’Sync, Backstreet Boys, Beatles? What’s the difference?

[Van Cruncheon]

outside of the patently correct opinions on the beatles, who are the shittiest band in the shittyverse, a good chunk of those reviews are clearly trolls.

edit: although the constant references to the genius of "st. anger" still bring the lulz

[Rman]

outside of the patently correct opinions on the beatles, who are the shittiest band in the shittyverse, a good chunk of those reviews are clearly trolls.

Definitely.  Some are better than others.  Not everyone is as talented in the trolling department as you, Drinky.

[recursivelyenumerable]

the first two Rman sampled are quite lame trolls imo.  I liked the Great Gatsby one

[recursivelyenumerable]

I looked at the site and there are much better ones than Rman posted, wtf Rman.  like this:

This book was God awful. I felt so disappointed when i read that gatsby was murdered. I felt as if the world collapsed on me as i read this catastrophic event. Gatsby is the miz an and daisy is a sliz to the iz ut. Scott Fitzgerald i wish u were alive so i could kill u. Love DGS!!!

sliz to the iz ut   

[Dickie Dee]

I am very open minded when it comes to literature (I even read through Mein Kampf without any objection) but I just hated this book! If it wasn’t required reading, I would have stopped on the fourth page! I think Salinger could have done much better!

[Greatness Gone]

In his defense, 2001 is a pretentious film that borders on being incredibly pretentious. It isn't bad, due to the great cinematography and all of the HAL stuff, but it definitely isn't Kubrick's best.

Eyes Wide Shut <3

[Joe Molotov]

Eyes Wide Shut <3

SNORE.

[Mandark]

I saw 2001 once when I was a teenager and thought it was tedious.  I've avoided seeing it since partly because I don't want to find myself disagreeing with people who know cinema better than I do.

And partly cause it was so damn boring.

[tiesto]

Is this PD's blog?