Favorite Christmas Song (Post Lyrics)

[rocketman]

on the first day of xmas my dealer gave to me
a bag of shrooms and some lsd
we snuck into the park to steal some xmas trees
but the cops pulled up and asked us nicely to leave
we're all fucked up on smirnoff eggnogg
we crunch on candy canes and rev up all our chainsaws
you give us 30 and we'll tie it up at no extra cost
we'll take that 30 and spend it on pot
we're not too bright we flunk all of our classes
get in fights gettin drunk cuz we're bad kids
our dads call us bastards mom's always plastered
we're the closest thing to suburban gangstas
cold air's what we breathe our vests have no sleeves
it's hard to haul trees in subzero degrees
we smell like evergreens

all I want for xmas is my two front teeth
and some mistletoe all up in this piece
maybe a girl that's free of disease
and while I'm thinking, throw in a couple of g's yeah
I want my snowmobile treads to be fixed
I want a ho who doesn't mind my snowsuit doesn't fit
I'm just a hayseed selling trees to break trees
know yer daddy hates me it's drivin ya crazay

even though my nose is runny get the honey's cuz I'm $
but I never get laid can't find my way into long undies
I don't trip, just dip, listen to country
with my piss I write my name because I think it's funny
I'm so into this deciduous lifestyle
you see dead tree and I see a cash cow
I never bargain and I never back down
put the back seat down and I take yer ass to tree town
yer daughter's givin me the eye
so I am givin her a ride
I'll put up the tree myself and put up all the lights
as long as I get all up in her tights

all I want for xmas is my two front teeth
and some mistletoe all up in this piece
maybe a girl that's free of disease
and while I'm thinking, throw in a couple of g's yeah
I want my snowmobile treads to be fixed
I want a ho who doesn't mind my snowsuit doesn't fit
I'm just a hayseed selling trees to break trees
know yer daddy hates me it's drivin ya crazay

[Wobedraggled]

Christmas time is here again
Santa needs a helping hand
We cannot find his evil sheet
To draw his laying for the night
So all the waiting christmas trees
Gonna hear their master sing....

Theres no presents, not this christmas
Theres no presents
Tom and jerry, drinking sherry
They dont give a damn

Christmas time is here again
Santa needs a helping hand
Its getting very, very late
St.peters crossed the golden gate
An donald duck is still in bed
I wonder who hes gonna help

Theres no presents, not this christmas
Theres no presents
Tom and jerry, all done sherry
They dont give a damn

Theres no presents, not this christmas
Theres no presents
Tom and jerry, still drinking sherry
They dont give a damn

Im dreaming of a white.... sabbath....

[Human Snorenado]

Probably the seminal Pogues and Kirsty Maccoll tune, "Fairytale of New York"

It was christmas eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The rare old mountain dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you

Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true

They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold christmas eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me

You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of new york city
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night

The boys of the nypd choir
Were singing "galway bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For christmas day

You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy taco
Happy christmas your arse
I pray god it's our last

The boys of the nypd choir
Were singing "galway bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For christmas day

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When i first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you

The boys of the nypd choir
Were singing "galway bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For christmas day

[Christopher]

"Alone On Christmas"

The cold wind is blowing and the streets are getting dark
I'm writing you this letter though I don't know where to start
The bells will be ringing Saint John Divine
I get a little lonely every year around this time

The music plays all night in Little Italy
The lights will be going up on Rockefella's tree
People window shopping on Fifth Avenue
But all I want for Christmas is you

Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
Nobody ought to be
Alone on Christmas

Things are different since you've been here last
Childhood dreaming is a thing of the past
Maybe you can bring us some hope this year
Visions of sugar plums have all disappeared

Do you remember sleigh riding in the snow?
And dancing all night to "Baby, Please Come Home"
Today's celebration is bittersweet
There's mothers and children crying in the street

Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
Nobody ought to be
Alone on Christmas

Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
Nobody ought to be
Alone on Christmas

I've got to know
Where do lonely hearts go?
Where do lonely hearts go on Christmas?

I'm all grown up but I'm the same you see
I'm writing you this letter cause I still believe
Dear Santa Clause, I'm still right here
Waiting for you to come this year

Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
Nobody ought to be
Alone on Christmas

Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
Nobody ought to be
Alone on Christma

[donkey]

(Image removed from quote.)

fuck you, dude!

this one was mine....

[Wobedraggled]

(Image removed from quote.)

fuck you, dude!

this one was mine....

Snooze you lose.

[donkey]

but do you have this on vinyl?

 

[Wobedraggled]

but do you have this on vinyl?

 

Picturedisk actually

[donkey]

whaaaa?

mine is the boring white cover. :'(

you win this time.

[Human Snorenado]

After working nearly 10 years in retail and having to listen to Crimmus music non-stop for a month or so, I can't stand most of it.  But in addition to the Pogues song I posted earlier, the Rufus Wainwright track "Spotlight on Christmas" is quite good and is the only other Crimmus song I like.

People love the working man
Who does the best that he can
But don't forget all the horses and toys
Never could fix the poor little rich boys
People say they love the maid
Who sweats and toils just like a slave
But don't forget all the diamonds and pearls
Never could fix the poor little rich girls

You can measure it in blood
You can measure it in mud
Let us say for these twelve days
Put the measuring away

Cause it's Christmas
And the spotlight's shining on Christmas
And the spotlight's shining on us

People love and people hate
People go and people wait
But, don't forget Jesus, Mary, and Joseph
Once were a family poor but rich in hope, yeah
Don't forget Jesus, Mary, and Joseph
Running from the law, King Herod had imposeth
And they were each one quite odd
And mensch, a virgin, and a God
But don't forget that what kept them aflow
Floating through the desert doesnt take a boat no
Don't forget that what kept them above
Is unconditional love

And, you can measure it in blood
You can measure it in mud
Let us say for these twelve days
Put the measuring away

Cause it's Christmas
And the spotlight's shining on Christmas
And the spotlight's shining on us
And the spotlight's shining on Christmas
And the spotlight's shining on

People love the working man
Who does the best that he can
But, don't forget all the horses and toys
Never could fix the poor little rich boys

[demi]

Slay bells jingle-ling ring jing jingle-ling
horses, horses, horses, horses
Slay bells jingle-ling ring jing jingle-ling
(gunshot)
Santa Claus suck my balls Drunk as hell
ringing bells at the malls Dancer Prancer Nixon and Cupid
I'm a get stupid, ha ha ha,
eh I sat around all night under the chimney
Holdin my sack like gimme gimme
I know that he's commin he's commin he must Lookin up nuthin but rust, dust.
Turn on my TV the very next day
I see your gettin paid leaden the parade
I'm that sniper on the buildin
Listen to my nine go click,
Santa's a fat bitch
(2x) Santa Claus is a fat bitch
Santa Claus is a fat bitch
Another year and I aint get shit
Another year I aint get shit If I hear him land on my roof
Ohh my undertaker I'm a bust your ass in the too-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooth
Yeah I got somethin to say about St. Nick
Fuck that hoe he never brought shag shit No toys, candy canes, j
just a lump of coal,
So I eat it, cuz there ain't nuttin in the cupboard
So I'll be quick, quick and brief
All I need for Christmas is my two front teeth
I got mine kicked, kicked out my mouth
I need a few new ones could you help me out
Should of known I'd get the short end of the stick
No kinda gift, I didn't get shit. Some say
I was bad, but that wasn't it. It's all because,
(2x) Santa's a fat bitch
Santa Claus is a fat bitch
Santa fuck you cuz your a hoe
Another year and I ain't got shit
Another year I ain't get shit If I hear him land on my roof
I'm a bust your ass in the too-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooth "Oh-ho-ho don't go that way
Rudolf that's the ghetto ho-ho those
boys and girls don't deserve anything"
(in Background: Slay bells ringling jing jing jingle-ling horses, horses,
horses, horses) Santa Claus, Santa Claus, where you been?
I see you got cookies and milk on your chin
I guess you had time to collect your ends
You always been down for your rich friend
But Rudolf, he don't bring his slay my way
Nuthin but dirt and coal for little J
I guess you couldn't fit down my chimney shaft
You need to loose some of that fat ass, eh
All the little rich boys they gettin paid
Countin the toys and rockets they made. Me?
I got a little half little chunk of dog shit
I'm a kill that fat bitch, Santa Claus is a fat bitch
He ate too much
McDonalds Another year and I aint get shit
Mrs. Claus is a ho If I hear him land on my roof
Slice that bitch in the big red coat
I'm a bust your ass in the too-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooth
For the neighborhood
Christmas and everything's whack
Not a creature stirring but a fuckin rat
I aint hearin jingle bells I aint hearin nuttin
Aint smellin no turkey sure as hell aint no stuffin
All that I paid Wished and prayed
That fat mutha fucka would swing my way
Drop off soldiers and rubber balls But
I woke up and found some crusty old drawers
Just as I knew it shaft again, and again, and again,and again
Every year I wake up to the same old shit....house there be no sign of the fat bitch
(2x) Santa Claus is a fat bitch
Santa Claus is a fat bitch
(2x) Another year and I aint get shit
Another year I aint get shit
If I hear him land on my roof If I hear him land on my roof
I'm a bust your ass in the too-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooth
(2x) Santa Claus is a fat bitch
Santa Claus is a fat bitch
Another year and I aint get shit I aint ge-et shi-it
If I hear him land on my roof Ro-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoof
I'm a bust your ass in the too-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooth
(record scratching)
"He's got a fuzzy whit beard and a great big smile,
a bright red hat you can see for a mile,
a bag full of goodies and a great big grin,
hear comes Santa Claus again."

[donkey]

not a christmas song....but it mentions christmas!:

Christmas, Twin Falls, Idaho is her oldest memory
She was only two
It was the first time she felt blue

Cafeteria, Harrison Elementary
Beneath a parachute
I saw her without shoes
7UP I touched her thumb and she knew it was me
Although she couldn't see
Unless of course she peeked

My mom's good she got me out of Twin Falls, Idaho
Before I got too old
You know how that goes
That's where she still was the summer she turned 17
In 1983, three weeks after me
Last I heard was she had twins or maybe it was three
Although I've never seen
But that don't bother me