Author Topic: Borecast Question of the Show: Best/Worst Direct-to-Video Movies you've seen? (Read 7199 times)

Eel O'Brian · « **on:** May 19, 2009, 05:32:58 PM »

Self-explanatory thread title. Let's hear the best and the worst direct-to-video movies/features you've seen. Some answers read on the show, etc etc

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #1 on:** May 19, 2009, 05:37:46 PM »

man, the recent spate of d2v hellraiser movies were awful, although i think fourth robocop movie takes the cake for me

Eric P · « **Reply #2 on:** May 19, 2009, 05:42:33 PM »

stfu there was no fourth robocop was there?

Herr Mafflard · « **Reply #3 on:** May 19, 2009, 05:44:09 PM »

I recently got JCVD and that was a good movie. Van Damme being given a bit more range, and what do you know, the guy can actually act. Who knew!

Akala · « **Reply #4 on:** May 19, 2009, 05:47:54 PM »

Jack Frost. The snowman horror movie one. Best and worst.

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #5 on:** May 19, 2009, 05:50:47 PM »

That's pretty easy.

It's National Lampoon's Dorm Daze 2: College @ Sea. It's about a bunch of mid 20's/early 30's actors pretending to be college students out on a semester at sea. It has fat Topenga from Boy Meets World in it, as well as that skanky Vida Guerra chick with the fat ass- the one who's been on all sorts of FHM and Maxim covers, as well as in lots of rap videos. PD knows who I'm talking about. It's easily more terrible than you might think. I netflixed it a couple of years ago because I met one of the chicks in it at our retail convention in Vegas and she was kind of hot... I rented it hoping to see her boobies, because I am a shallow, shallow man-creature governed by my reptile brain, and that's just how we are. Of course, I sit through 90 minutes or so of the worst "comedy" EVAR and not only does the one kind of hot chick NOT get nude, but NONE of the chicks get nekkid. NONE.

Still, it was easily twice as good as Transformers.

Eric P · « **Reply #6 on:** May 19, 2009, 05:51:06 PM »

do you want like the good american dtv stuff or foreign stuff that gets tossed onto Dimension Extreme which is released to theaters in foreign countries and then only here is it dtv?

Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich · « **Reply #7 on:** May 19, 2009, 05:51:11 PM »

Deadly Toys scared the shit out of me as a kid.

Great Rumbler · « **Reply #8 on:** May 19, 2009, 06:05:47 PM »

Batman: Return of the Joker [PG-13 version]

For "best", of course.

WrikaWrek · « **Reply #9 on:** May 19, 2009, 06:06:15 PM »

RedLine

Veidt · « **Reply #10 on:** May 19, 2009, 06:07:54 PM »

S.Darko [obviously worst.]

Bloodwake · « **Reply #11 on:** May 19, 2009, 06:08:27 PM »

Best: Behind the Mask

Worst: Die You Zombie Bastards

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #12 on:** May 19, 2009, 06:25:28 PM »

I think all of the direct to video/dvd horror stuff should be disqualified, as the bulk of the genre falls into direct to video stuff. Also, the bulk of the genre is absolutely unwatchable crap. Put it this way- when the stuff that's "good enough to get released to theaters" is the SAW/Hostel crap, your genre sucks by definition.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #13 on:** May 19, 2009, 06:33:42 PM »

Mulan 2. My cousin brought it over once when I had to babysit. She laughed at everything...smh. It's horrible

Eric P · « **Reply #14 on:** May 19, 2009, 06:34:39 PM »

Quote from: The Card Cheat on May 19, 2009, 06:25:28 PM

I think all of the direct to video/dvd horror stuff should be disqualified, as the bulk of the genre falls into direct to video stuff. Also, the bulk of the genre is absolutely unwatchable crap. Put it this way- when the stuff that's "good enough to get released to theaters" is the SAW/Hostel crap, your genre sucks by definition.

i think "good" is the wrong term for a lot of that. marketable is the best term for that.

cool breeze · « **Reply #15 on:** May 19, 2009, 06:59:54 PM »

[youtube=560,345]ReTF0t4RFQQ[/youtube]

No Escape

and best, just in case the trailer didn't rock your socks off.

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #16 on:** May 19, 2009, 07:18:13 PM »

Quote from: Eric P on May 19, 2009, 05:51:06 PM

do you want like the good american dtv stuff or foreign stuff that gets tossed onto Dimension Extreme which is released to theaters in foreign countries and then only here is it dtv?

either!

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #17 on:** May 19, 2009, 07:21:22 PM »

Quote from: Eric P on May 19, 2009, 06:34:39 PM

Quote from: The Card Cheat on May 19, 2009, 06:25:28 PM
I think all of the direct to video/dvd horror stuff should be disqualified, as the bulk of the genre falls into direct to video stuff. Also, the bulk of the genre is absolutely unwatchable crap. Put it this way- when the stuff that's "good enough to get released to theaters" is the SAW/Hostel crap, your genre sucks by definition.

i think "good" is the wrong term for a lot of that. marketable is the best term for that.

i'd settle for just plain "watchable" but none of it is that either. it doesn't help that there's a niche market for it so uncritical of their preferred genre that no matter how bad the flick is, it will get watched and talked about.

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #18 on:** May 19, 2009, 07:31:39 PM »

they're mostly for the fangoria set, anyway

Eric P · « **Reply #19 on:** May 19, 2009, 07:40:58 PM »

the best:

horror
Gingersnaps (entire series)
The Changeling (george c scott, made for HBO in the 70s. does that count?)
dog soldiers
call of cthulhu (2005 silent movie version)
dagon
severence
may
cemetery man

though i'm certain many of the above saw theatrical releases in festivals if nothing else

i'm looking at my netflix queue stuff too so this may be a bit

Eric P · « **Reply #20 on:** May 19, 2009, 07:41:10 PM »

Quote from: Eel O'Brian on May 19, 2009, 07:31:39 PM

they're mostly for the fangoria set, anyway

*shudder*

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #21 on:** May 19, 2009, 07:42:40 PM »

Quote from: Eric P on May 19, 2009, 05:42:33 PM

stfu there was no fourth robocop was there?

my bad, there was a tv series titled robocop prime directives, of which i have seen the pilot

it is even worse than i imagined :'(

Eric P · « **Reply #22 on:** May 19, 2009, 07:45:08 PM »

yeah i knew about that and the cartoon

drew · « **Reply #23 on:** May 19, 2009, 07:49:22 PM »

first the url change

now the borecast is taking over the forum

this will not stand, i have an army of guerrillas behind me, ready to fight

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #24 on:** May 19, 2009, 07:51:36 PM »

Cemetary Man was indeed awesome. Hot chick was hot.

Kara · « **Reply #25 on:** May 19, 2009, 07:52:55 PM »

Starship Troopers 2 is way worse than Starship Troopers 3.

Diunx · « **Reply #26 on:** May 19, 2009, 08:03:51 PM »

The best: The Mechanik.

worst: the lion king sequel.

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #27 on:** May 19, 2009, 08:04:10 PM »

Quote from: Drewsy on May 19, 2009, 07:49:22 PM

first the url change

now the borecast is taking over the forum

this will not stand, i have an army of guerrillas behind me, ready to fight

we've done a QotS off and on for a while now

muckhole · « **Reply #28 on:** May 19, 2009, 08:11:35 PM »

Pffft. Best/worst goes to Moon 44.

From Wiki:

Quote

Video box description
"Robots mining priceless chemicals are being hijacked from Moon 44. The Galactic Mining Corporation send their Internal Affairs Investigator, Felix Stone (Michael Pare) to track down the hijacker. Stone goes undercover as one of a group of Company prisoners being sent to Moon 44 to pilot the special helicopters, unaware as are the other prisoners that most pilots who trained before them crashed and died...and that if Moon 44 is attacked, the men will be sacrificed and the robots saved!"

If I recall correctly, they use kids as the prisoner's "eyes" when flying. The chopper pilots can't actually see anything.

Prisoners + kids. Hmmmmmmmm. Thankfully, any implied buggery occurs offscreen.

All that plus Malcolm McDowell, equals a film that is absolutely terrible but compelling.

This is absolutely prime borecast material.

ch1nchilla · « **Reply #29 on:** May 19, 2009, 08:35:02 PM »

Quote from: WrikaWrek on May 19, 2009, 06:06:15 PM

RedLine

Admittedly one of the worst movies ever, but that was in theaters for a week or so.

BlueTsunami · « **Reply #30 on:** May 19, 2009, 08:39:22 PM »

I can't pinpoint any but I used to watch these videos while working Security on Fridays. My Shift Manager would bring in these Dollar Store kung-fu films. There was one film where the climax took place in some obvious landfill that they just set up shop on with a camera. Lots of jumping, cut to underside of the jump and cut to the landing. Just hilarious.

Great Rumbler · « **Reply #31 on:** May 20, 2009, 12:20:39 AM »

Quote from: muckhole on May 19, 2009, 08:11:35 PM

Pffft. Best/worst goes to Moon 44.

From Wiki:

Quote
Video box description
"Robots mining priceless chemicals are being hijacked from Moon 44. The Galactic Mining Corporation send their Internal Affairs Investigator, Felix Stone (Michael Pare) to track down the hijacker. Stone goes undercover as one of a group of Company prisoners being sent to Moon 44 to pilot the special helicopters, unaware as are the other prisoners that most pilots who trained before them crashed and died...and that if Moon 44 is attacked, the men will be sacrificed and the robots saved!"

If I recall correctly, they use kids as the prisoner's "eyes" when flying. The chopper pilots can't actually see anything.

Prisoners + kids. Hmmmmmmmm. Thankfully, any implied buggery occurs offscreen.

All that plus Malcolm McDowell, equals a film that is absolutely terrible but compelling.

This is absolutely prime borecast material.

It was directed by Roland Emmerich!

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #32 on:** May 20, 2009, 01:03:23 AM »

Best
Drive
[youtube=560,345]wiTh-6pkytE[/youtube]

The best American Kung-Fu movie ever.

Worst
Warlords 3000
[youtube=560,345]hQ2WG1_SBbw[/youtube]

Half-assed Road Warrior rip-off, it's pretty much the worst thing I've ever seen, it only gets worst from the intro on.

muckhole · « **Reply #33 on:** May 20, 2009, 11:40:39 AM »

Quote from: Great Rumbler on May 20, 2009, 12:20:39 AM

It was directed by Roland Emmerich!

Reading up on it, I also found out that one of the kids in the flick (the one who looks like he's doing a bad Jack Nicholson all the way through) went on to become an adult film star in gay porn.

Bigger, better things indeed.

tiesto · « **Reply #34 on:** May 20, 2009, 12:24:03 PM »

Probably "Kracker Jack'd", a blaxploitation horror film with like a $25 budget. What starts out is with a fat wigger going up looking cool to a bunch of black people, and then he drops an n bomb, ending with the black people beating him down. Then, the wigger takes revenge on a house party, by killing all the guests, in Friday the 13th fashion (but instead of the "che-che-che-ahh-ahh-ahh" sound from the Friday movies it goes "kra-kra-kra-ker-ker-ker-jack-jack-jack"), complete with ketchup-as-blood. Contains a musical interlude where a bunch of people sing about Kool Aid, and a twist at the end:

spoiler (click to show/hide)

You find out it's not really the wigger who is the murderer, but rather the Maurice-esque light-skinned black guy who everyone constantly picks on for acting "too white".

[close]

Here's the plot:

Quote

Synopsis
Kracker Jack’s the ghetto fairytale of five brothas who throw a house party in The Dirty south, despite previous mythology of a house-party killing spree. PLAYA (the singing ladies’ man), BLING (the rhyming DJ), SWOLE (the muscle), SPLIFF (the smoker), and CARLTON (the light-skin nerd) are shuffling flyers on campus, when Krackerjack (the wanna-be-a-brotha white boy) sweats the fellas about the party. A white boy beat down ensues as the boyz mud hole Krackerjack for the inquiry. Well day turns to night, and of course the party is jumpin’ like a fat girl on a trampoline. Everybody and their momma shows up, but this “killer” party soon turns deadly! Will anyone make it out alive? Is the party all she wrote, if the DJ takes a record to the throat?!! Can a brotha be choked, if he’s used to holding his breath from the weed smoke?!! Find out what really happens when “white bread” goes bad.

Scored a whopping 1.0/10 on IMDB too.

Eric P · « **Reply #35 on:** May 20, 2009, 12:27:55 PM »

the dimension extreme label is actually pretty good stuff sometimes too.

another great dtv film is Botched

[youtube=560,345]9KmNJZ64N4Q[/youtube]

a simple heist goes hilarious horribly wrong on every level and ends up with our "heroes" fighting their way out of a high rise building against viking hillbilly cultists

Robo · « **Reply #36 on:** May 20, 2009, 08:19:01 PM »

Wasn't Troll 2 direct-to-video?

[youtube=560,345]HyophYBP_w4[/youtube]

WrikaWrek · « **Reply #37 on:** May 20, 2009, 08:31:26 PM »

Quote from: ch1nchilla on May 19, 2009, 08:35:02 PM

Quote from: WrikaWrek on May 19, 2009, 06:06:15 PM
RedLine

Admittedly one of the worst movies ever, but that was in theaters for a week or so.

How the hell did that happen. And why don't i remember it.

billyofcourse · « **Reply #38 on:** May 22, 2009, 02:20:44 PM »

Quote from: Bloodwake on May 19, 2009, 06:08:27 PM

Best: Behind the Mask

Worst: Die You Zombie Bastards

Just stop nick. You know you loved die you zombie bastards.

As for me, I watched S. Darko on monday night. Easily the worst movie I have ever seen. It did however exceed my expectations. I was expecting a shitty movie. What I got, was a shitty movie that ended with an awesome song(heaven or las vegas by the cocteau twins), which totally came out of left field.

Tauntaun · « **Reply #39 on:** May 22, 2009, 02:40:04 PM »

Quote from: tiesto on May 20, 2009, 12:24:03 PM

(Image removed from quote.)

I saw most of that. Best part was when the murderer cuts this one guys throat in a hot tub and when this chick comes out to get it on with him she sees he has a MASSIVE boner and gives him head which resuscitates him.

Mondain · « **Reply #40 on:** May 23, 2009, 03:53:10 AM »

Gay distinguished black fellows from Outer Space and Ricky 1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gayniggers_from_Outer_Space

Quote

t tells the story of a group of intergalactic homosexual black men from the planet "Anus" who discover the presence of female creatures on planet Earth. Using guns which shoot deadly rays, they proceed to eliminate females one by one from Earth, which ensures them the ecstatic gratitude of the previously oppressed male population.[1] Before leaving the planet, they leave behind a "Gay Ambassador" to educate the Earthlings about their new way of life. Gayniggers from Outer Space begins as a black-and-white film, but later turns to color. According to Lindberg, this was a "dramatic special effect" to illustrate "the world being freed from vicious women."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ricky_1

Quote

Ricky 1 is a 1988 low-budget spoof film, parodying the first film in the Rocky series. The titular character, Ricky Wanero, is a male gigolo, stripper (The Italian Donkey), and fish market trainee[1] who sets out to beat the "Silver Shadow" (known throughout the film as "The Champ") in the boxing ring. His other adversaries include the Bolivian Bomber and the Mafia. It contains many sight gags, as well as slapstick comedy in the vein of Airplane!. The film never had a theatrical release, being a direct-to-video release. It's also possible that there are only a small number of VHS copies of the movie. As of September 12, 2006, the film has been re-released to DVD.

Perhaps that Baby Geniuses sequel too

ferrarimanf355 · « **Reply #41 on:** May 23, 2009, 01:40:25 PM »

Quote from: WrikaWrek on May 19, 2009, 06:06:15 PM

RedLine

That was released theatrically, I remember...

News:

Author Topic: Borecast Question of the Show: Best/Worst Direct-to-Video Movies you've seen? (Read 7199 times)