Author Topic: Things I Remember From Last Week: (Read 2585 times)

The Fake Shemp · « **on:** June 19, 2009, 12:37:43 PM »

I saw dolphins, doing flips and shit. Literally.

I finally saw Coraline... on a boat!

My brother celebrated his 21st birthday at midnight by trying to go toe-to-toe with me in booze (two bottles of Guiness, three Stellas, three girly Caribbean drinks, two Long Islands, one "birthday shot", a kamikaze, three Miller Lites and a jagerbomb). The result? After a deckhand thoroughly mopped the aft deck bar and pool area, he spewed all over it. Then he put the CAUTION: SLIPPERY WHEN WET sign on top of his vomit. Then he tried to walk to the bathroom and slipped in his own vomit. Then he decided it was a good idea to jump in the closed off pool to clean his shorts off. Then he told me he was going to his cabin. Then when I left to go to my cabin, I saw him passed out against automatic sliding glass doors - where he refused to go to his cabin and forced me to drag him back. All 140 sopping wet, vomit covered pounds of him.

He threw up for the next twenty-four hours.

I learned that buying and consuming three bottles of sake in record time is dangerous for all parties involved.

I kissed a guy on the mouth - for fake Carnival SpacePoints™.

I got called "that guy from Superbad" a record amount and one shout out of "Andy".

I saw stepsisters taking an outdoor shower with the clothes on and get nasty with one another. They totally forgot the next day. We took pictures. I will post the SFW one, since I know they won't get angry (we're friends now)

I made best friends with THIS guy:

And yes, that is him drinking sake out of a bottle like a savage and - yes! - I'm taking the photo.

Akala · « **Reply #1 on:** June 19, 2009, 01:14:57 PM »

Awesome, sounds like a good time. I see a wheel of fortune machine behind the savage! Casiiiiinnnooooooo

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #2 on:** June 19, 2009, 01:51:37 PM »

We hung out in the casino a lot and played BLACKJACK.

I went it with $100 and left with $150.

My alcohol bill was somewhere in the vicinity of $650.

Tauntaun · « **Reply #3 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:01:50 PM »

Quote from: Willco on June 19, 2009, 01:51:37 PM

We hung out in the casino a lot and played BLACKJACK.

I went it with $100 and left with $150.

My alcohol bill was somewhere in the vicinity of $650.

tehjaybo · « **Reply #4 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:08:49 PM »

If you aren't going to send me the NSFW pics of the stepsisters, this thread means nothing to me.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #5 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:10:15 PM »

To be fair, cruise ships do jack up the price of alcohol. That said, I did drink a lot.

Context was that sake was $12 per bottle (the best deal on the ship), beers were $19 for four bottles and the Drink of the Day was usually $7 each. I gather if you were to do the math, the sheer amount of alcohol consumed is staggering.

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #6 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:13:26 PM »

Quote

Then he tried to walk to the bathroom and slipped in his own vomit.

man, did i ever just have a flashback to my younger drinking days

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #7 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:15:28 PM »

I just broke it down.

My beer tab was like $400. That means I had at least 80 beers.

I spent $100 in sake.

The remaining tab equates to 20+ in hard drinks.

Not to mention, people bought me drinks and we snuck in a good liter of Captain Morgan and Jack Daniels in plastic flasks.

All of that was consumed in a week - not to mention that three of those days, I was doing excursions or was on an island.

Goodbye, liver.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #8 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:17:19 PM »

So the math says I drank about 12 beers, 3 hard drinks and a bottle of sake per day. Not including drinks I did not pay for or stuff I snuck in. That sounds about right. It really doesn't sound like a lot when you break it down per day, but man does it accumulate.

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #9 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:18:06 PM »

They didn't give you free booze in the casino?

THAT'S BOGUS MAN

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #10 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:19:15 PM »

On a cruise ship? Hell no. That's why we'd buy bottles of sake and put them in buckets of hot water. Servers got so ticked (they get gratuity). I would use these dumb coupons I got from mojitos to play the tables, then use the winnings to buy more alcohol.

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #11 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:23:12 PM »

Yeah, I guess they figure you're trapped, so normal casino gratuities don't apply. When I went to visit a friend in Biloxi Mississippi years ago, I never spent a dime on alcohol and stayed drunk pretty much from noon on every day. At least you grabbed all the fun you could out of it, that's the most important thing.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #12 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:29:39 PM »

Oh, I did and then some.

I will say, this is the first trip where I've made really good friends with total strangers. I'm a social guy and I've never had a problem making acquaintances out on trips, but we formed a real, solid group of friends. And we communicate with one another post-trip on an almost daily basis. A handful of us already formed a Facebook group and are looking to rent a beach house at the Outer Banks next year. Or another cruise. Never had that kind of comradery with strangers before.

A few of the girls who I would say are acquaintances and not even friends, even invited me to some kind of Labor Day party.

Disposable White Guy · « **Reply #13 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:38:27 PM »

Quote from: Willco on June 19, 2009, 02:15:28 PM

I just broke it down.

My beer tab was like $400. That means I had at least 80 beers.

I spent $100 in sake.

The remaining tab equates to 20+ in hard drinks.

Not to mention, people bought me drinks and we snuck in a good liter of Captain Morgan and Jack Daniels in plastic flasks.

All of that was consumed in a week - not to mention that three of those days, I was doing excursions or was on an island.

Goodbye, liver.

I was hoping that you would put our ~600 beers split between 3 people at OBX to shame, old man.

smh

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Seriously, don't hold back on how much hard liquor you consumed. We all know you're a hedonist.

[close]

lordmaji · « **Reply #14 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:54:33 PM »

sounds intense Willco.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #15 on:** June 19, 2009, 02:59:14 PM »

Quote from: Disposable White Guy on June 19, 2009, 02:38:27 PM

Quote from: Willco on June 19, 2009, 02:15:28 PM
I just broke it down.

My beer tab was like $400. That means I had at least 80 beers.

I spent $100 in sake.

The remaining tab equates to 20+ in hard drinks.

Not to mention, people bought me drinks and we snuck in a good liter of Captain Morgan and Jack Daniels in plastic flasks.

All of that was consumed in a week - not to mention that three of those days, I was doing excursions or was on an island.

Goodbye, liver.

I was hoping that you would put our ~600 beers split between 3 people at OBX to shame, old man.

smh

spoiler (click to show/hide)
Seriously, don't hold back on how much hard liquor you consumed. We all know you're a hedonist.
[close]

I didn't have the funds to drink that much - the port days served as opportunities for me to NOT spend money on booze.

After speaking to my family, they believe the hard drink count was - in reality - in the vicinity of 50 or so drinks.

Robo · « **Reply #16 on:** June 19, 2009, 03:01:24 PM »

Let's talk more about this dude you made out with. Was he hot?

BlueTsunami · « **Reply #17 on:** June 19, 2009, 03:05:59 PM »

Who's the chick Sake dude is grinding up on? And that sounds like the best Carnival Ship ride ever.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #18 on:** June 19, 2009, 03:09:57 PM »

I didn't "make out" with anyone, it was an open kiss and I literally blew hot air into his mouth.

And it was the sake guy!

The chick was a 17-year-old parading as someone old enough to drink (lord knows she consumed enough booze) and one of the step sisters that was in the shower.

This is totally weird, but get this:

Both sisters traveled with their respective blood brothers and one of the brothers' friend.

Not the ginger 17-year-old, but the other step sister, ended up hooking up with her brother's best friend on the ship. We actually saw them dry humping on the mid deck in front of everyone. It was so friggin' awkward.

BlueTsunami · « **Reply #19 on:** June 19, 2009, 03:11:54 PM »

Kara · « **Reply #20 on:** June 19, 2009, 04:43:04 PM »

Quote from: Willco on June 19, 2009, 02:17:19 PM

So the math says I drank about 12 beers, 3 hard drinks and a bottle of sake per day. Not including drinks I did not pay for or stuff I snuck in. That sounds about right. It really doesn't sound like a lot when you break it down per day, but man does it accumulate.

Yeah that is the hard part about benders. It took me a few years of being an alcoholic before I could push past a week on a regular basis.

Kara · « **Reply #21 on:** June 19, 2009, 04:45:55 PM »

My PR is a solid month BTW. (Pretty much all of December 2008.)

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #22 on:** June 19, 2009, 04:55:29 PM »

But I'm not an alcoholic!

... I am actually typing this on my BlackBerry as I drink a tall pint of Blue Moon.

Kara · « **Reply #23 on:** June 19, 2009, 05:04:59 PM »

No worries man if you were one that would be your third or fourth mixed drink instead of a domestic beer.

E-DuB · « **Reply #24 on:** June 19, 2009, 05:27:02 PM »

Quote from: Willco on June 19, 2009, 01:51:37 PM

We hung out in the casino a lot and played BLACKJACK.

I went it with $100 and left with $150.

My alcohol bill was somewhere in the vicinity of $650.

Good for you man you deserve it

muckhole · « **Reply #25 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:18:31 PM »

Sounds amazing, Willco.

I've never been drunk on a cruise ship. Sounds interesting.

Beezy · « **Reply #26 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:23:16 PM »

Quote from: Willco on June 19, 2009, 04:55:29 PM

But I'm not an alcoholic!

... I am actually typing this on my BlackBerry as I drink a tall pint of Blue Moon.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #27 on:** June 19, 2009, 11:01:56 PM »

Wilco can I party with you if I refer to you as Andy and say "Do you know who this is!" every time some one tries to charge you for a drink?

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #28 on:** June 19, 2009, 11:17:34 PM »

I prefer "that guy from Superbad" rather than "Andy" (which, thankfully, I only got once from two black chicks).

Everyone can party with me - I love to party! ... As long as there is alcohol.

drew · « **Reply #29 on:** June 20, 2009, 01:23:13 AM »

things that i care about willco remembering from last week: nothing

Barry Egan · « **Reply #30 on:** June 20, 2009, 08:04:04 AM »

Quote from: Kosma on June 20, 2009, 06:48:01 AM

The way Willcos step sister is biting herself in the lip

seventeen.

muckhole · « **Reply #31 on:** June 20, 2009, 11:42:56 AM »

Quote from: Borys on June 20, 2009, 04:53:20 AM

The savage guy is my hero. Such tremendous beard

He's only a Viking helmet away from being the ultimate drinking companion.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #32 on:** June 20, 2009, 01:52:23 PM »

Dude, Brandon (that's his name), is seriously the shit. He texted me yesterday to tell me that he got the entire series of Andy Richter Controls the Universe on DVD.

More pictures of my new favorite drinking companion (the beard is epic!):

*two bottles of sake!

spoiler (click to show/hide)

*she's not my stepsister, but she is seventeen, folks!

[close]

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #33 on:** June 20, 2009, 01:53:13 PM »

And what you can't see from those pictures is that he's wearing a black and pink Nike fanny pack!

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #34 on:** June 20, 2009, 01:55:51 PM »

The last two pics are both awesome in their respective ways.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #35 on:** June 20, 2009, 02:04:11 PM »

Holy shit his shoulders!!! Where does the beard end and his arms begin?

BlueTsunami · « **Reply #36 on:** June 20, 2009, 02:06:55 PM »

God, Seventeen! Just wait till the Cruise Ship crosses into International waters

And

at Sake dudes expression with the girly drink. He's totally Mr. Party Hard.

muckhole · « **Reply #37 on:** June 20, 2009, 02:09:31 PM »

Quote from: Willco on June 20, 2009, 01:52:23 PM

Dude, Brandon (that's his name), is seriously the shit. He texted me yesterday to tell me that he got the entire series of Andy Richter Controls the Universe on DVD.

Awesome. You better nail this one down.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #38 on:** June 20, 2009, 02:15:08 PM »

Quote from: Father_Mike on June 20, 2009, 02:04:11 PM

Holy shit his shoulders!!! Where does the beard end and his arms begin?

Dude, his chest hair is unbelievable. He actually entered HAIREST CHEST COMPETITION (and lost, but the vote was rigged). Our last night on the dance floor, all the dudes took their shirts off and he was the only one not yelled at by security because they thought he was wearing a sweater or something!

My favorite ungodly chest hair moment was when we started monopolizing the water slide with our crew. I went down - and due to my weight - with insane amount of speed. I was lucky to not fly off the goddamn boat (I could see the headline - "LARGE MAN FALLS OVERBOARD CRUISE LINER AFTER HE JETTISONS OFF WATER SLIDE"). But Brandon has so much chest hair that when he went down, that it acted like a sponge and he set the record for slowest water slide time trial ever.

Dude, Blue, her age didn't stop her from drinking or hooking up (and we were in international waters).

We also hung out with a short lesbian that I had to pick up and place on bar stools, a white guy that looked like Moby, party hard mom SERIOUSLY named Kandie, etc. Craziest combination of people ever. And due to the lesbian, there was never a shortage of drunken dudes yelling, "SCISSORING!"

E-DuB · « **Reply #39 on:** June 21, 2009, 03:11:28 AM »

Quote from: Willco on June 20, 2009, 01:52:23 PM

(Image removed from quote.)

Those are some crazy hoops

The beard's pretty sweet too

Kara · « **Reply #40 on:** June 21, 2009, 03:35:32 AM »

Quote from: Kosma on June 21, 2009, 03:05:13 AM

17 is illegal in the US?

Netherlands

16

There is no 1 age fits all here.

Narag · « **Reply #41 on:** June 21, 2009, 03:54:32 AM »

Quote from: Kosma on June 21, 2009, 03:40:22 AM

What do you mean?

It varies from state to state, there's no set federal age of consent.

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #42 on:** June 21, 2009, 03:56:24 AM »

Quote from: Kosma on June 21, 2009, 03:40:22 AM

What do you mean?

It varies by state.

edit: beaten

Canada has a uniform age of consent: 16, but 18 for anal (according to the Ontario Court of Appeal, the sodomy law is unconstitutional)

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #43 on:** June 21, 2009, 04:22:20 AM »

Quote from: Kosma on June 21, 2009, 04:03:36 AM

Thats a weird distinction.

Really? Seems like a distinction one would expect from countries strongly influenced by the Bible. Sodomy was completely illegal in many US states until fairly recently, when the laws were either repealed or struck down by superior courts.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #44 on:** June 21, 2009, 11:56:15 AM »

That law just makes the act more dirtier

Cyanista · « **Reply #45 on:** June 21, 2009, 06:43:54 PM »

Like any woman would let you near her anus.

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #46 on:** June 21, 2009, 06:49:22 PM »

Quote from: Cyanista on June 21, 2009, 06:43:54 PM

Like any woman would let you near her anus.

other way around with arvie. And he has two anuses! I wonder if that would be two separate charges.

Bildi · « **Reply #47 on:** June 21, 2009, 06:56:23 PM »

Quote from: Willco on June 20, 2009, 01:52:23 PM

(Image removed from quote.)

How adorable!

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Author Topic: Things I Remember From Last Week: (Read 2585 times)