Drinky Crow Movie Review: ALEX JONES' TERRORSTORM

[Van Cruncheon]

So thanks to the far right kook brigade here at my place du emploi, I found myself in possession of that digital bible of Hansism: Alex Jones' Terrorstorm. DVDs with hand-written labels were sitting in the kitchen nook, along with a cryptic Bible verse reference: Proverbs 29:12.

"If a ruler hearken to lies, all his servants are wicked."

OMGOMGOMG! 9/11 nutbar time! Of course I immediately stuck the DVD in my laptop.

Dramatic thumping music! Badly-rendered shapes over hyperactive backgrounds! IMAGES OF HITLER, THE GULF OF TONKIN, BUSH JUNIOR -AND- FDR!

T E R R O R S T O R M!

Oh fuck, this is AWESOME.

Then: Alex Jones' cracking and weathered patron's voice, telling me THE WORLD IS AND WAS LIES.

More Fincher-esque fast cuts across OMG DISTURBING IMAGERY OF STUFF BLOW'D UP AND DEAD KIDS. This is the wages of GOVERNMENT! Alex Jones is chiding me: every day, governments and corporations conspire to enslave my mind, and yet I do nothing. The Beast is not slumbering. He is vital and he is gonna deep 666 humankind via his agents in the US Goverment and the UN body.

Nooo!

Alex talks about Hitler and the Reichstag fire, and how they used Reirom Senior to dupe the German masses. Then we get FDR and Pearl Harbor; and later: the Gulf of Tonkin. We've all been trixxx0r3d!

Then: 9/11. NEVER FORGET...THAT THE DEVIL, THROUGH THE AGENCY OF THE CIA AND GEORGE BUSH JUNIOR, ORCHESTRATED A DEVIOUS PLOT TO DEPRIVE YOU OF YOUR RIGHTS. THE PATRIOT ACT, WERE IT PENNED IN GERMAN, WOULD HAVE BEEN CONSIDERED EVIDENCE AT NUREMBURG!

(at this point, godwin am cry)

The amateurish Final Cut Pro demo set to a technodirge pumps on. Stark raving "experts" are polled about the towers and their architecture; conjecture is interpreted as fact; and government representatives are quoted out of context as minor chords punctuate their every word. THIS IS OMINOUS SHIT, FOLKS! YOU FORGOT 9/11!

TERRORSTORM. This is fucking awesome entertainment. http://www.infowars.com, folks.

I give it 4.5 out of 5 person who believes in the development and protection of a Jewish nation Eragons!

[The Fake Shemp]

 

Bravo!

[Van Cruncheon]

[TVC15]

Bravo!

During the montages of mutilated children and such, there'd be fraction of a second cuts of footage from Apple's famous 1984 commercial, along with scenes of Bush giving speeches on a giant screen, a la 1984 and the chancellor in V for Vendetta.  Then the movie gets right down to business:  comparing the 9/11 terror attacks to Hitler and Himmler's rise to power.  The movie godwined itself within the first 5 minutes, and it was glorious.

I said Tom Clancy's TerrorStorm would probably be a kickass videogame.

[Van Cruncheon]

MAF suggested last night that a Tom Clancy game needs a twist where like 3/4ths of the way through the game, you discover YOU are the "terrorists" working for the evil US Government/UN/NWO/person who believes in the development and protection of a Jewish nation Cabal/Church of Moloch invading "Los Vegas," a prosperous socialist utopia south of Mexico City. That would be so AWESOME I would DIE.

[Flannel Boy]

So you're saying you were finally convinced?

[Van Cruncheon]

No, but I was hugely entertained!

[Human Snorenado]

Did it go into detail about the evil elder yeti who run everything from their secret underground bunkers, emerging only to take young, supple brides in the night?

 

[Van Cruncheon]

That's why I docked it half a point: the anti-semitism was muted and they didn't reference Roman imperial cults at ALL.

 

[TVC15]

Actually, you didn't watch NEAR the whole thing, Drinky.  I guarantee that somewhere in that movie he at least refers to the likelihood of Nero burning Rome down and blaming it on the Christians.  That would clearly fall into his definition of state-sponsored terrorism.

[Van Cruncheon]

I'm gonna rewatch it again tonight without skimming. I guarantee I'll jerk it at least ONCE.

[TVC15]

Oh, there was also a jew in it that looked like Reirom.

[Flannel Boy]

I'm busy writing about positivism and don't have the time nor the stomach to watch it, but I found it on google video. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5948263607579389947

ENJOY! 

LOL it is getting 4.5 stars at google or 4.5 out of 5 person who believes in the development and protection of a Jewish nation Eragons!

[VALIS]

Ya may like the website I threw together in a day a couple weeks ago, links to hundreds of free Google videos on nutjob subjects. Plenty of 9/11 nutjobbery but the insanity goes beyond that, especially in a lot of the vids in the UFO and Alternate History category, like people claiming more than half of us are space babies from another planet. Great stuff. 

http://www.valis666.net/

[TVC15]

Ya may like the website I threw together in a day a couple weeks ago, links to hundreds of free Google videos on nutjob subjects. Plenty of 9/11 nutjobbery but the insanity goes beyond that, especially in a lot of the vids in the UFO and Alternate History category, like people claiming more than half of us are space babies from another planet. Great stuff. 

http://www.valis666.net/

Oh god.  I know what I'm doing tonite.

[Tigerriot]

   Fantastic review!