Author Topic: suddenly replying to a girl's message after leaving her hanging for 7 months? (Read 2816 times)

recursivelyenumerable · « **on:** August 09, 2009, 03:50:10 AM »

I'd met her at a coffeeshop, googlestalked her, messaged her on myspace, spent the next month completely consumed by thoughts of her and why she wasn't replying, but when she finally did, and more or less positively, I never bothered responding for some reason (stress from work, nervousness, etc.). But now, seven months later, I suddenly feel like contacting her. Is there any way at all to make this slightly less, uh, yeah?

brawndolicious · « **Reply #1 on:** August 09, 2009, 03:59:45 AM »

No..not to that specific message. She'll be fucking scared.

Maybe you could start up a conversation if you met her again.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #2 on:** August 09, 2009, 04:07:12 AM »

Wait, why scared? I figured she'd think I was a jerk, but scared?

I actually have a quasi-excuse for not replying in that I originally got her message right after I got my fucking tooth knocked out, so I was too depressed to reply, and then later I didn't reply because I'd already put it off too long and it would be weird, etc.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #3 on:** August 09, 2009, 04:16:54 AM »

Also, I lied in the OP when I said I met her at a coffeeshop, I actually met her at a bar. but it was at a table in the corner by the stage where a folk band was playing, not actually at the bar. and we had a long and pretty deep conversation. I mean it was the sort of deep conversation you have with someone you just met at a bar, but still.

BlackMage · « **Reply #4 on:** August 09, 2009, 04:21:56 AM »

why did you lie you fucking liar?

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #5 on:** August 09, 2009, 04:23:45 AM »

The bottom line is that my music partner quit on me and I need someone else, and L. isn't interested apparently. But this girl actually has the same first name as L., as well as also being a singer-songwriter with somewhat similar musical tastes and a somewhat similar personality who I originally met in similar circumstances at the same bar.

I lied to meet my quota of lies for the week so I can get good items and Satan won't add insurmountable obstacles to next week's challenges.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #6 on:** August 09, 2009, 04:34:04 AM »

Yeah, I'm sure I'll still be making threads like this when I'm 47, only my perception of when girls like me will have gone from occasionally delusional to deeply delusional, and I'll have gone from semi-likable loser weirdo to seriously creepy and disturbing old man.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #7 on:** August 09, 2009, 04:35:42 AM »

This is the girl I originally made this thread about, btw

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #8 on:** August 09, 2009, 04:46:48 AM »

I sent her a pretty dumb message. whatever.

Reb · « **Reply #9 on:** August 09, 2009, 05:37:24 AM »

Yeah, I would opt for a: "Woah, time has flown by, what's up with you?" message.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #10 on:** August 09, 2009, 06:52:55 AM »

Quote

Yeah, I would opt for a: "Woah, time has flown by, what's up with you?" message.

I opted to instead send her a much, much creepier message, but your suggestion would've been my second choice.

Reb · « **Reply #11 on:** August 09, 2009, 07:07:31 AM »

Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on August 09, 2009, 06:52:55 AM

Quote
Yeah, I would opt for a: "Woah, time has flown by, what's up with you?" message.

I opted to instead send her a much, much creepier message, but your suggestion would've been my second choice.

What did you send? Post it!

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #12 on:** August 09, 2009, 07:54:39 AM »

Quote from: my message

are you still up for this? yeah, pretty rude of me to suddenly contact you after seven months. I do kinda-sorta have an excuse in that I had a fairly serious accident last Christmas that left me depressed and not wanting to talk to anyone for a while, and then I didn't reply because I'd already put it off too long and it would be weird, etc. but right now I feel like I need to make music or I'll lose my mind! and I'm sort of planning to just work by myself and make little compositions for clarinet + software synthesizers, with the kind of melody and harmony I like, but working with other people on other things could help provide perspective, etc. (I was working with a friend on electronic music for a while, but he quit ). and I like your style.

Reb · « **Reply #13 on:** August 09, 2009, 07:58:47 AM »

Tieno · « **Reply #14 on:** August 09, 2009, 08:00:21 AM »

Nice, it's honest (well, looks like it).

Don Flamenco · « **Reply #15 on:** August 09, 2009, 11:21:27 AM »

go for it, she's been waiting this whole time...

Powerslave · « **Reply #16 on:** August 09, 2009, 11:59:00 AM »

Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on August 09, 2009, 07:54:39 AM

Quote from: my message
are you still up for this? yeah, pretty rude of me to suddenly contact you after seven months. I do kinda-sorta have an excuse in that I had a fairly serious accident last Christmas that left me depressed and not wanting to talk to anyone for a while, and then I didn't reply because I'd already put it off too long and it would be weird, etc. but right now I feel like I need to make music or I'll lose my mind! and I'm sort of planning to just work by myself and make little compositions for clarinet + software synthesizers, with the kind of melody and harmony I like, but working with other people on other things could help provide perspective, etc. (I was working with a friend on electronic music for a while, but he quit ). and I like your style.

lmao

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #17 on:** August 09, 2009, 11:59:24 AM »

That's a touching photo. Wait, what's that thing in the background?

tiesto · « **Reply #18 on:** August 09, 2009, 12:07:45 PM »

I don't think I have ever tried something like that, and I disagree you should be super honest and open your heart up completely to women... a simple "hey, what's going on? Haven't talked to you in a while" would have been sufficient if you really wanted to contact her. Just go on OKCupid and try to find more ladies on there. Though I heard from someone that Portland has mostly fat chicks $:-\$

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #19 on:** August 09, 2009, 12:09:43 PM »

I wasn't trying to be super-honest or bare my soul or anything, I just thought some sort of explanation was warranted since it's weird to just contact someone out of the blue like that. And if I'm going to give an explanation, better to give the actual explanation rather than invent a story or something.

Don Flamenco · « **Reply #20 on:** August 09, 2009, 12:12:11 PM »

Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on August 09, 2009, 11:59:24 AM

That's a touching photo. Wait, what's that thing in the background?

the last guy who didn't return her call

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #21 on:** August 09, 2009, 12:14:40 PM »

and Portland has all sorts.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #22 on:** August 09, 2009, 12:25:23 PM »

But it's interesting that the Euros here seem to like my message for its purported honesty (unless they're being sarcastic?) while the Ameros are horrified by it. Cultural difference?

I guess a "blah blah blah happened which made me remember you and think 'oh yeah, she was kind of cool, wonder how she's doing', so how are you doing" story would've been ideal, but I would have had to invent it.

lennedsay · « **Reply #23 on:** August 09, 2009, 12:55:06 PM »

Wtf?! I think I would've acted like I never saw the original message. At least you were honest (?) and you might get some sympathy points.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #24 on:** August 09, 2009, 12:57:33 PM »

I thought of that, but it's myspace where you can see if someone's read your message.

lennedsay · « **Reply #25 on:** August 09, 2009, 02:08:25 PM »

Tell her somebody hacked your myspace and read your messages.

Or just act like you read it but you're so busy and important that you didn't have time to write her back. Then she'll think you're way too good for her and she's lucky you remember her.

Tieno · « **Reply #26 on:** August 09, 2009, 02:11:15 PM »

Americans and their lying. First WMD, now this.

brawndolicious · « **Reply #27 on:** August 09, 2009, 02:42:10 PM »

Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on August 09, 2009, 12:25:23 PM

But it's interesting that the Euros here seem to like my message for its purported honesty (unless they're being sarcastic?) while the Ameros are horrified by it. Cultural difference?

Well I'm not saying that she'll pull out the pepper spray the next time she sees you but I tried a similar thing where I legitimately did not read the message for a few months and then I respond with a pretty dorky "oops" post and then I never heard anything back, ever

.

I guess it depends on her current mood and the impression that you left on her how she'll respond. Like a toss of a coin.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #28 on:** August 09, 2009, 02:44:53 PM »

Yes, that's the trouble with other people in general. They all like to allow their behavior to be affected by some internal state I can't access, making forming a reliable mental model of their semantics a practical impossibility. Maybe I should hold out for purely functional companionship.

Rman · « **Reply #29 on:** August 09, 2009, 02:56:52 PM »

You make this stuff way too complicated, dude.

Reb · « **Reply #30 on:** August 09, 2009, 04:24:19 PM »

Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on August 09, 2009, 12:25:23 PM

But it's interesting that the Euros here seem to like my message for its purported honesty (unless they're being sarcastic?) while the Ameros are horrified by it. Cultural difference?

I'm a Euro, and I'm horrified.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #31 on:** August 09, 2009, 04:31:09 PM »

Sorry, the comments period is over. Once I've made a social observation, it stands. 100% Euro approval.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #32 on:** August 09, 2009, 04:52:16 PM »

That's like something a would have sent, only spelt much better. :'(

Why is no one ever attracted to honesty in practice? :'(

Barry Egan · « **Reply #33 on:** August 09, 2009, 04:53:08 PM »

Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on August 09, 2009, 02:44:53 PM

Yes, that's the trouble with other people in general. They all like to allow their behavior to be affected by some internal state I can't access, making forming a reliable mental model of their semantics a practical impossibility. Maybe I should hold out for purely functional companionship.

I can't tell if this is a sincere post or a "persona" post, but this is actually worth trying to find. I think.

muckhole · « **Reply #34 on:** August 09, 2009, 05:08:16 PM »

Quote from: Father_Mike on August 09, 2009, 04:52:16 PM

That's like something a would have sent, only spelt much better. :'(

Why is no one ever attracted to honesty in practice? :'(

Honesty in person usually works out ok, but in the realm of messaging, especially on social/dating sites, it would seem to me that overlong explanations for situations like this where the goal is a real life meet-up could come off as a bit ramble-ish or desperate and could potentially give the person in question more to chew on/pick apart, and wind up hesitating in the end.

Just a brief message saying "Hey, I'd like to see you, sorry for falling out of touch, it's a long story" would have initiated recursive's contact, and if there was follow up, he could have explained himself better then, or preferably waited for the face-to-face to give her the whole story.

Take all that with a huge grain of salt, as I have zero experience with dating/social sites outside of the bore. I get all my online sexy here.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #35 on:** August 09, 2009, 05:34:53 PM »

Because the alternative was not sending anything.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #36 on:** August 09, 2009, 05:41:31 PM »

There's a reason for that: I'm not at all sure whether or not I'm romantically or sexually interested in her, while I'm sure I want to make music (not totally sure if I want an ongoing "partnership", but I'd like to try jamming/brainstorming with her occasionally). I don't even know if she's still single, anyway. She's a "potential interest" only in the weak sense that she's a girl and I like her.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #37 on:** August 09, 2009, 06:21:20 PM »

Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on August 09, 2009, 07:54:39 AM

Quote from: my message
are you still up for this? yeah, pretty rude of me to suddenly contact you after seven months. I do kinda-sorta have an excuse in that I had a fairly serious accident last Christmas that left me depressed and not wanting to talk to anyone for a while, and then I didn't reply because I'd already put it off too long and it would be weird, etc. but right now I feel like I need to make music or I'll lose my mind! and I'm sort of planning to just work by myself and make little compositions for clarinet + software synthesizers, with the kind of melody and harmony I like, but working with other people on other things could help provide perspective, etc. (I was working with a friend on electronic music for a while, but he quit ). and I like your style.

I came in here to troll but this is good. Your cryptic, brief accident detail might ensure she responds back to find out what happened.

Saying "I'm gonna work by myself" maybe wasn't a great idea tho

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #38 on:** August 09, 2009, 07:08:04 PM »

Huh? Why not?

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #39 on:** August 09, 2009, 07:20:13 PM »

lulz, last time it took her a month, and then it took me seven, so maybe the time will continue rising exponentially and this time it will take her 49 months.

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #40 on:** August 09, 2009, 07:46:17 PM »

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #41 on:** August 09, 2009, 07:57:29 PM »

Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on August 09, 2009, 07:20:13 PM

lulz, last time it took her a month, and then it took me seven, so maybe the time will continue rising exponentially and this time it will take her 49 months.

lol

demi · « **Reply #42 on:** August 09, 2009, 08:39:52 PM »

Quote from: muckhole on August 09, 2009, 05:08:16 PM

Quote from: Father_Mike on August 09, 2009, 04:52:16 PM
That's like something a would have sent, only spelt much better. :'(

Why is no one ever attracted to honesty in practice? :'(

Take all that with a huge grain of salt, as I have zero experience with dating/social sites outside of the bore. I get all my online sexy here.

Sorry we don't look like bouncers at a fucking night club, muckhole.

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #43 on:** August 09, 2009, 11:24:14 PM »

internet + social retardness + being attractive =

?

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #44 on:** August 09, 2009, 11:50:10 PM »

Quote

Why is no one ever attracted to honesty in practice? Cry

People aren't attracted to honesty in practice because, for something you say to really be worthy of being called out as honest, it has to be unattractive because if it's attractive, it doesn't really take any special virtue or quality to say it, so no need to pull out the adjectives. Therefore, being honest => saying things that are unattractive to say, and by definition saying unattractive things doesn't attract people, otherwise they'd be attractive things, and saying them wouldn't be especially honest. If you're still confused, ask your logic professor to make up a PowerPoint slide on it.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #45 on:** August 10, 2009, 01:23:37 AM »

Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on August 09, 2009, 11:50:10 PM

Quote
Why is no one ever attracted to honesty in practice? Cry

People aren't attracted to honesty in practice because, for something you say to really be worthy of being called out as honest, it has to be unattractive because if it's attractive, it doesn't really take any special virtue or quality to say it, so no need to pull out the adjectives. Therefore, being honest => saying things that are unattractive to say, and by definition saying unattractive things doesn't attract people, otherwise they'd be attractive things, and saying them wouldn't be especially honest. If you're still confused, ask your logic professor to make up a PowerPoint slide on it.

.

I just sent him an email

Quote

Hi prosser ____, I was talking to this dude online about why this girl won't like a email he sent her. He said something about honestity not being attractive because all things considered honest are also things that are unattractive. I would aprobate if you would make some slides on this subject, outlining it in both predicate logic, and venn diagrams. Also if it is at all possible make an AI system in prolog that reads the contents of an email and rates the honesty of the letter by comparing it against a database of unattractive things to say.

I've been working for like 10 hours on a sudoku slover in prolog. I think I just made a break though though!

Reb · « **Reply #46 on:** August 10, 2009, 05:59:21 AM »

Father_Mike doesn't respect THE BORE.

WrikaWrek · « **Reply #47 on:** August 10, 2009, 08:32:30 AM »

You know what, maybe you should ask your mother for some advice.

Scurvy Stan · « **Reply #48 on:** August 10, 2009, 11:47:49 PM »

Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on August 09, 2009, 12:14:40 PM

and Portland has all sorts.

I was gonna say this will never work but then I saw you lived in Portland so that means your odds aren't half bad actually.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #49 on:** August 22, 2009, 02:59:49 PM »

she replied with a nice message.

women inexplicably forgiving me for being a moron asshole

Reb · « **Reply #50 on:** August 22, 2009, 03:05:17 PM »

CLOSE THE DEAL!

Tieno · « **Reply #51 on:** August 22, 2009, 03:21:43 PM »

see, honesty works! If only more people did this!

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #52 on:** August 22, 2009, 03:40:29 PM »

If you bed her now, you will become my hero Recurse.

lennedsay · « **Reply #53 on:** August 22, 2009, 09:47:30 PM »

Put it in her pooper and make her regret ever replying to you!

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #54 on:** August 22, 2009, 09:59:51 PM »

You're starting to scare me. Is this what marriage and homeownership does to young Midwestern women?

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #55 on:** August 22, 2009, 10:00:15 PM »

lennedsay is the female tauntaun, only hornier.

lennedsay · « **Reply #56 on:** August 22, 2009, 10:09:22 PM »

No, marriage & homeownership happened because of my odd sense of humor.

Mr. Lennedsay

's dirty, awkward talk

lennedsay · « **Reply #57 on:** August 22, 2009, 10:16:33 PM »

So anyway, what's the status of this whole thing? You guys going to hang out (friend zone eminent) or go on an actual date?

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #58 on:** August 22, 2009, 11:52:05 PM »

Eh, I won't reproduce the message but it's vastly more likely to be a friendship kind of thing. She's on tour with her band at the moment but says she'd like to meet after she gets back.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #59 on:** August 23, 2009, 12:08:22 AM »

Dear God, man, who knows what horrible diseases she might have after a tour.

News:

Author Topic: suddenly replying to a girl's message after leaving her hanging for 7 months? (Read 2816 times)