Over the past few years I've done a lot of bad things in my life. I've made choices that have made my life shit. And worse so I've hurt others that I care about dearly. I've tried doing a lot of things to make it all better. But its never been enough. Its always left me asking myself the question "Is it just what I did or what others have done to make things worse?" And doing what I thought was best at times was not a good idea in the end.
I've been stuck in a situation where my emotions own me and have been driving my choices. And like a clock shit always happens again and again. I've done what I can personally do to make things better. I've lied, cheated, stolen. Worse of all from the people that are my family and all for a girl.
I consider this person that kept me in this struggle the love of my life. But I dont love who they are now. I loved who they used to be and what I thought they could be again. But without a way out of that constant cycle there no chance in happiness for either one of us. She hates me cause of what I've done to her. Yet I still stand by and take it and still work my ass of to provide for her. Getting her what she wants and shit like that.
This year coming up is the year I make changes in my life to become a better person. And one thing I have to do is let go of what I love so much. Not cause I cant be that person. I dont want to be a slave to a love that cant be. At least not right now. I'm too emotionally involved with this person so I have to make a clean break.
I sure am gonna look like an asshole but enough is enough. I've been unhappy for long enough in my life. And I need to work on finding that happiness in my life so that I can achieve something with this life of mine. Not to mention i'll finally be able to afford a car.
Anyone got some good suggestions? How I can do this without wanting to think about suicide or some shit like that.
