Everything in Korea is totally BOHN TO LUN

[GilloD]

Here's G Dragon. He's like ELvis or something. This video/song is on everyhwre you go and Koreans are constantly going "Pika pika pika tay". It has supplanted 2NE1's 'I Don't Care' as the greatets Korean musical achievement of all time:

[youtube=560,345]LOXEVd-Z7NE[/youtube]

[brawndolicious]

fuck that guy looks like a girl.  dancing in that vagina-blanket doesn't really do him any favors.

[BlueTsunami]

It seems like the style of music videos in general are currently in the 90's. The US will hit 2010 and Korea will start aping Beyonce music vids.

Already been done:

[youtube=560,345][/youtube]

Damn, she's cute 

[Fresh Prince]

[youtube=560,345]NGRj3jFAWcw[/youtube]

girls' generation

heh it's like each couple of lines is taken from a top 10 rnb song. 

[Tristam]

So, new "cultural experience" (as the bilingual Koreans put it) for me today. I went with my friend's soccer team to play in a nearby town and afterward they insisted we go to the sauna. Well, they do it in the buff here, so I was naked with about 60 other Korean dudes in a hot tub and steam room. New cultural experience indeed.

EDIT: Lee Hyori is def cute, but as far as the Korean celebs go I've always had a thing for Jeon Jihyun:

[youtube=560,345][/youtube]

[muckhole]

Back when I was doing the full-time musician thing, the woman at the local convenience store found out we played music, and brought me in a bunch of videotapes of what was supposed to be her favorite bands in Korea, because we, as musicians, would appreciate the musicality regardless of the language barrier. She was always so sweet and nice that my guitarist and I felt obliged to watch some of them in case she quizzed us.

The tapes wound up being hours and hours of H.O.T., a Korean boy band. Hooooo.

Well, they do it in the buff here, so I was naked with about 60 other Korean dudes in a hot tub and steam room. New cultural experience indeed.

Either that's one giant hot tub, or there was more to this "New cultural experience" than you're telling. 

[Tristam]

Back when I was doing the full-time musician thing, the woman at the local convenience store found out we played music, and brought me in a bunch of videotapes of what was supposed to be her favorite bands in Korea, because we, as musicians, would appreciate the musicality regardless of the language barrier. She was always so sweet and nice that my guitarist and I felt obliged to watch some of them in case she quizzed us.

The tapes wound up being hours and hours of H.O.T., a Korean boy band. Hooooo.



(Image removed from quote.)

Well, they do it in the buff here, so I was naked with about 60 other Korean dudes in a hot tub and steam room. New cultural experience indeed.

Either that's one giant hot tub, or there was more to this "New cultural experience" than you're telling. 

Right on the money--it WAS a huge hot tub. But then, I should clarify and say not all dudes were in the hot tub at once. There was also a hot(ter?) tub at like 115 F, and there was a freezing tub as well.

[TEEEPO]

ha, same thing happened to me in seventh grade. a half korean/white girl who i was flirting with lent me her copy of some H.O.T. cd to listen to after school hoping i had great things to say the next day at lunch. i didn't even make it past the 2nd song. little did i know she'd quiz me on it

i had a crush on her up until my senior year in high school. fml

[muckhole]

H.O.T.!!

We need an appreciation thread.

EDIT: Oddly enough, typing H.O.T. Korean into Google image search did not result in a slew of boy band pics.

[chronovore]

H.O.T.!!

We need an appreciation thread.

EDIT: Oddly enough, typing H.O.T. Korean into Google image search did not result in a slew of boy band pics.

Kitty Yung?

[cloudwalking]

Here's G Dragon. He's like ELvis or something. This video/song is on everyhwre you go and Koreans are constantly going "Pika pika pika tay". It has supplanted 2NE1's 'I Don't Care' as the greatets Korean musical achievement of all time:

[youtube=560,345]LOXEVd-Z7NE[/youtube]

wtf, that dude is trying to be like the male korean lady gaga.

new girls generation:

[youtube=560,345]A2NkGHkqDZk[/youtube]

[demi]

So, new "cultural experience" (as the bilingual Koreans put it) for me today. I went with my friend's soccer team to play in a nearby town and afterward they insisted we go to the sauna. Well, they do it in the buff here, so I was naked with about 60 other Korean dudes in a hot tub and steam room. New cultural experience indeed.

Did you peek? Be honest. It's ok if you did. I just want to know if my big american cock would trump their korean rice pellets.

[chronovore]

Yeah, that Hyon Lee stuff had me wondering if I'd moved to the wrong country.

[GilloD]

So, I've been fuckign BUSY for the last like two weeks. I picked up an extra 5 after school classses. It's only 11 kids, but it's 1st grade to 5th grade. So like 2 from each grade. If I thought the skill disparity was huge in a regualr class, some of these kids haven't even started teh alphabet yet and some of them can hold a conversation. It's kind of a pain, but it's pretty chill and the small class is cool. But it requires me to come up with FIVE extra lessons every week. And with that huge skill disparity I out in a lot of TLC into the lessons. Anyway, I've been really busy and just llike. STRESSED out.

Anyway, today I have like an evening to myself. I come home and start to install Dragon Age. My wife comes home and I'm like "Baby, I love you but tonight I am plying Dragon Age until I FALL ASLEEP AT THE KEYBOARD" but I agree that we should go across the street and get some food. It's fucking cold today, but I just throw on a sweatshirt because the Samgyupsal place is across the street. We walk out the door and I realize the keys I grabbed were not the keys for the door.

I have imagined this nightmare many times. Getting locked out of your apartment is always a fucking pain. But in a country where you don't speak the language well? How do you say: "I left my keys inside the apartment". We go down and see the doorman-type and he just kind of waves us off. He ahs no idea what we're talking about. I go to see the landlady, but I remember that Tuesday is her day off. We go and eat and I'm all worried and whatever, btu I remember that the sortbof weird guy who lives on the 4th floor has a Korean girlfriend. We gethim to call her and she talks to the guard. The guard calls around and he can't get ahold on the landlady. I wait outside in the freezing parking garage for abotu 45 minutes to see if she calls. She doesn't, so we do the next best Korean thing: Check into a love hotel. 40 bucks a night! Free condoms and 'Delay Cream'! It'd be nice if my clothes, lesson plans and materials wreen't locked behind 4 inches of steel, but. Take what you can.

[chronovore]

Actually, the "(AND SEXY)" part of the thread title still applies, then.   

[Mr. Gundam]

What an adventure, GilloD!

Check your PMs whenever you're able to get back into your place.

[GilloD]

We got in this morning.

Anyway, new story: I come in to school and a teacher I've never seen before says "November 26 you an' me open class". Open Class ism a big thing here- You teach a lesson and anyone- other teachers, community members etc.- can come and watch. But for some reason they want me to do a 3rd grade lesson.

I've never taught 3rd grade. I do 4,5,6 and Afterschool lessons. I've never seen this teacher before. And now I'm supposed to give an open lesson for a grade level I have 0 experience with? Whatever. So I go to ask my other teacher details about it and she won't tell me. Everyone like freezes up when I ask and gets tense. Is, "What date is it?" a terrible question to ask in public around here? Then she takes me aside and says "Later we talk about it not now".

What the fuuuuuuuuuu.

[bork]

Ah yes, the dreaded open class.

I quickly found that none of the pressure was on me, but on the teacher instead, and it was no longer a problem.  I generally found that it made me, the ALT, look good, and the Japanese teacher who was SUPPOSED to be prepared to teach his/her class English look pretty bad.     There was one class where the teacher approached me weeks in advance, and I helped her make a power point presentation, which resulted in a fantastic lesson; it was pretty impressive, but she kind of "cheated" and had her class practice this particular lesson for several days before the open class happened.  I guess I don't blame her, since this wasn't just teachers that came, but also higher-ups from the board of education.

Most of the other open classes I had were usually pretty bad.  I'd come in and do my thing, then step back and watch the teacher have a mini melt-down in front of his/her peers, from either doing a mediocre/shitty job, being unable to handle the kids, or both.

[GilloD]

Ah yes, the dreaded open class.

I quickly found that none of the pressure was on me, but on the teacher instead, and it was no longer a problem.  I generally found that it made me, the ALT, look good, and the Japanese teacher who was SUPPOSED to be prepared to teach his/her class English look pretty bad.     There was one class where the teacher approached me weeks in advance, and I helped her make a power point presentation, which resulted in a fantastic lesson; it was pretty impressive, but she kind of "cheated" and had her class practice this particular lesson for several days before the open class happened.  I guess I don't blame her, since this wasn't just teachers that came, but also higher-ups from the board of education.

Most of the other open classes I had were usually pretty bad.  I'd come in and do my thing, then step back and watch the teacher have a mini melt-down in front of his/her peers, from either doing a mediocre/shitty job, being unable to handle the kids, or both.

I've been to other Open Classes and they're hilarious. The kids answer questions before they're asked, they all speak perfect, monotone English. They spend like 3 weeks preparing the same lesson 

Also, they canceled my 5th grade again. I haven't seen a 5th grade class in FOUR WEEKS. This job is hilarious.

[bork]

Yes, English teaching's a hilarious way to waste a few years, but there's no way I'd want to do it again or even for as long as I did if I could do it all over again.  Two years is the sweet spot, I think.  Other ALTs used to say this; I did for three years, and I think I agree.  It was really getting boring by the third year.  I was enjoying living overseas though.   

When my contract ended, I stayed around for four more months, job-hunting.  Only applied to one private English school, and it was a complete joke of an interview.  The guy got there like 20 minutes late, flat-out lied to me about how the school operated (he said a bunch of different stuff in e-mails to me), told me that they don't tolerate people who arrive late (even though he showed up late, lol), but then told me how his top teacher was always late for work, and he'd fire her if she wasn't at the top, and then got all pissed off at me when I told him I was making more money then he said I was (he was a JET too).  I wasn't even arguing with him, he was like "You make around 360,000 a month, right?"  And I said "A little more; 380,000, but yeah in that range."  And he gets all defensive about this and indirectly accuses me of lying.  I explained that my contracting organization paid me extra to help cover the rent, but he doesn't believe me.  I later realized that I had a pay stub in my briefcase I could have whipped out, but like it even would have mattered.  No way I would have taken that job, and no way he would have hired me.  That was a fun experience. 

[GilloD]

Yes, English teaching's a hilarious way to waste a few years, but there's no way I'd want to do it again or even for as long as I did if I could do it all over again.  Two years is the sweet spot, I think.  Other ALTs used to say this; I did for three years, and I think I agree.  It was really getting boring by the third year.  I was enjoying living overseas though.   

When my contract ended, I stayed around for four more months, job-hunting.  Only applied to one private English school, and it was a complete joke of an interview.  The guy got there like 20 minutes late, flat-out lied to me about how the school operated (he said a bunch of different stuff in e-mails to me), told me that they don't tolerate people who arrive late (even though he showed up late, lol), but then told me how his top teacher was always late for work, and he'd fire her if she wasn't at the top, and then got all pissed off at me when I told him I was making more money then he said I was (he was a JET too).  I wasn't even arguing with him, he was like "You make around 360,000 a month, right?"  And I said "A little more; 380,000, but yeah in that range."  And he gets all defensive about this and indirectly accuses me of lying.  I explained that my contracting organization paid me extra to help cover the rent, but he doesn't believe me.  I later realized that I had a pay stub in my briefcase I could have whipped out, but like it even would have mattered.  No way I would have taken that job, and no way he would have hired me.  That was a fun experience. 

I feel like not doing a second year would be a waste. I'm making all my lessons and materials this year, next year all I have to do is whip them out. But I could see maybe doing a 3rd and after that it's like. Time to go somewhere else. Take my l00t and live on an island for 6 months or go work in Africa for awhile.

[Mr. Gundam]

Have you and Mrs. ever thought about Peace Corps? My wife's sister and her husband were in Morocco for 2 1/2 years and loved their experience.

[GilloD]

Have you and Mrs. ever thought about Peace Corps? My wife's sister and her husband were in Morocco for 2 1/2 years and loved their experience.

You've never heard my Peace Corps story? It's an EPIC FAIL on the part of the Peace Corps. I'll post it in a little bit, suffice it to say it is LONG and full of woe.

Short version: We were all set to go, they told us to be ready, we were 100% cleared and then one day they E-MAILED andsaid: "lol actually forget it for no reason and dont call us anymore okay bye"

[Mr. Gundam]

Wut.

That's lame.

Also, check yer PMs.

[GilloD]

Wut.

That's lame.

Also, check yer PMs.

I know, I saw. I'll send this afternoon.

[chronovore]

Yes, English teaching's a hilarious way to waste a few years, but there's no way I'd want to do it again or even for as long as I did if I could do it all over again.  Two years is the sweet spot, I think.  Other ALTs used to say this; I did for three years, and I think I agree.  It was really getting boring by the third year.  I was enjoying living overseas though.   

When my contract ended, I stayed around for four more months, job-hunting.  Only applied to one private English school, and it was a complete joke of an interview.  The guy got there like 20 minutes late, flat-out lied to me about how the school operated (he said a bunch of different stuff in e-mails to me), told me that they don't tolerate people who arrive late (even though he showed up late, lol), but then told me how his top teacher was always late for work, and he'd fire her if she wasn't at the top, and then got all pissed off at me when I told him I was making more money then he said I was (he was a JET too).  I wasn't even arguing with him, he was like "You make around 360,000 a month, right?"  And I said "A little more; 380,000, but yeah in that range."  And he gets all defensive about this and indirectly accuses me of lying.  I explained that my contracting organization paid me extra to help cover the rent, but he doesn't believe me.  I later realized that I had a pay stub in my briefcase I could have whipped out, but like it even would have mattered.  No way I would have taken that job, and no way he would have hired me.  That was a fun experience. 

Yeah, that's one of the interviews where you can just go ahead, get up and leave, and even flip the guy off if he asks you where you're going.

[OptimoPeach]

Any more creepy advances from the 4th grade teacher?

[bork]

Yes, English teaching's a hilarious way to waste a few years, but there's no way I'd want to do it again or even for as long as I did if I could do it all over again.  Two years is the sweet spot, I think.  Other ALTs used to say this; I did for three years, and I think I agree.  It was really getting boring by the third year.  I was enjoying living overseas though.   

When my contract ended, I stayed around for four more months, job-hunting.  Only applied to one private English school, and it was a complete joke of an interview.  The guy got there like 20 minutes late, flat-out lied to me about how the school operated (he said a bunch of different stuff in e-mails to me), told me that they don't tolerate people who arrive late (even though he showed up late, lol), but then told me how his top teacher was always late for work, and he'd fire her if she wasn't at the top, and then got all pissed off at me when I told him I was making more money then he said I was (he was a JET too).  I wasn't even arguing with him, he was like "You make around 360,000 a month, right?"  And I said "A little more; 380,000, but yeah in that range."  And he gets all defensive about this and indirectly accuses me of lying.  I explained that my contracting organization paid me extra to help cover the rent, but he doesn't believe me.  I later realized that I had a pay stub in my briefcase I could have whipped out, but like it even would have mattered.  No way I would have taken that job, and no way he would have hired me.  That was a fun experience. 

Yeah, that's one of the interviews where you can just go ahead, get up and leave, and even flip the guy off if he asks you where you're going.

I'm too nice to do that.   :'(  On the same interview trip, I also had an interview at a recruiter.  They had contacted me before and had a phone interview with me, and everything seemed fine.  The guy knew I wanted an entry-level position and no experience in this field, says it's fine, and to come on into Tokyo.  So I go to this office, they put me in a board room, and I wait for the guy I talked to on the phone to come in.  Only he doesn't.  No, instead, the president of the company walks in.  This guy coincidentally was a former JET, too.  And also ex-military.  Despite his picture in the company brochure making him look like a good ol' smilin' corn-fed Kansas boy, he was a huge, huge hard-ass.  The first thing he tells me is that they don't even consider hiring people without at least five-ten years of prior experience.  I'm speechless.  He then basically tells me how he has no time to waste on me, and sends in a much, much nice recruiter to talk to me instead.  While I was waiting for that guy, I threw my hands up and audibly said "What the FUCK am I doing here!?"  The other guy basically made it sound like recruiting wasn't for me, anyway; he said if he were married, he wouldn't do it for the simple fact that I wouldn't have any time to spend at home.  I think that was the last interview I had before deciding to go back to school.  Well, there was one more after that, but it turned out to be for one of those pyramid-scheme scam artist companies...I accepted the interview immediately, but did research on them and fortunately was able to cancel my plane ticket before wasting time and money going out there for that instant disappointment.

[chronovore]

Wow. I don't think I'd even interview with a company that wasn't going to purchase my plane ticket up-front to attend their interview.

I wouldn't expect to attend an on-site interview without having passed all but the last stage of candidacy anyway, but once they're willing to bring you in, it's on them.

[bork]

Wow. I don't think I'd even interview with a company that wasn't going to purchase my plane ticket up-front to attend their interview.

I wouldn't expect to attend an on-site interview without having passed all but the last stage of candidacy anyway, but once they're willing to bring you in, it's on them.

This was all new to me.  I had only had one interview for JET prior.

None of the companies I interviewed at offered to help with travel.  Guess that's just how foreign-run recruiters are; I dunno.  Pretty much all of them figured I already lived in Tokyo.  I think it was Cormac who said that it may have just been them trying to meet their interview quotas for the month.   

The only reason I even looked at recruiting is because I was initially approached by one for an interview.  If they hadn't contacted me first, I never would have started looking in that field.  It's for the best that it didn't work out, I think.  Did get close to a job at one of them, though...they were talking to me about pay, benefits, all that kind of thing, and said it was down to me and two other guys.  Didn't happen though.

[chronovore]

Recruiters -- pfeh! I have met exactly one recruiter who was a worthwhile human; the rest were breathing my oxygen. You should be happy you didn't wander down that path.

[GilloD]

So, I have this big projector screen I use to display Powerpoints and videos and whatever. Games, too. Vocab slides etc etc. It;s the only thing the kids will pay attention to because they're all on the internet 24/7. WHatevs. Anyway, I had a rough like two weeks. The kids were acting horribly, I was getting 0 support from my co-teachers and I just kind of lost my footing. So yesterday I put in like 12 hours of work, really pumped out killer lesson plans for the whole week. I come in today, I teach the first 6th grade class and it goes fucking great. The era of Good Feelings is back! I feel vindicated, it's really going well, everything is perfectly timed A++.

And then the projector breaks. It just won't turn on. And I have nothing to teach. I manage to swing it mostly by talking, but without visual aids the kids are like "wtf is a shoe wtf isa turkey blahblah lemme throw paper at minsu lemme chase jimmy around the room". I actually copy my PPT to posterboard, but it's still kind of shitty. I limp through the day, I spend like 75% of my time trying to keep a room of 40 kids from exploding while my co-teacher sleeps in the office that isn't hers. I try to make worksheets at one point but we're "Over our paper budget". Our paper budget turns out to be LESS THAN 1 sheet per student for the whole semester. Great!

Finally, at the end of the day this tech guy shows up. He immediately knows what's wrong. Here's what he says: "ohhh many school computer tv break. many fixes, yes? so maybe 6 weeks to fix okay". FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Like. I learned on a chalkboard. Fine. But I also wasn't learning French at a conference-style table with no one who spoke English in the room. ANyway. Time to make new paper lesson plans!

[Tristam]

GilloD: Keep a bunch of difficult and time-consuming word searches at the ready for any days you just feel like absolute shit. The learning value is next to nil, but every now and then you have days where you gotta think about what's good for you, not what's good for the kids. And in my experience, nothing keeps them busy and quiet like word searches. If you feel guilty about it, just redeem yourself the next day with a fab lesson plan.

[GilloD]

GilloD: Keep a bunch of difficult and time-consuming word searches at the ready for any days you just feel like absolute shit. The learning value is next to nil, but every now and then you have days where you gotta think about what's good for you, not what's good for the kids. And in my experience, nothing keeps them busy and quiet like word searches. If you feel guilty about it, just redeem yourself the next day with a fab lesson plan.

Yeah, I usually include a small wordsearch on all my worksheets. Problem is that I can't make worksheets and I really can't make worksheets for 6 weeks, heh. Yikes. I am DEMORALIZED

[demi]

Treated like crap in the US, treated like crap in Korea

CAnt catch a break

[Tristam]

GilloD: Keep a bunch of difficult and time-consuming word searches at the ready for any days you just feel like absolute shit. The learning value is next to nil, but every now and then you have days where you gotta think about what's good for you, not what's good for the kids. And in my experience, nothing keeps them busy and quiet like word searches. If you feel guilty about it, just redeem yourself the next day with a fab lesson plan.

Yeah, I usually include a small wordsearch on all my worksheets. Problem is that I can't make worksheets and I really can't make worksheets for 6 weeks, heh. Yikes. I am DEMORALIZED

Nah, you just need access to a printer. Find that and you're golden.

[chronovore]

So, I have this big projector screen I use to display Powerpoints and videos and whatever. Games, too. Vocab slides etc etc. It;s the only thing the kids will pay attention to because they're all on the internet 24/7. WHatevs. Anyway, I had a rough like two weeks. The kids were acting horribly, I was getting 0 support from my co-teachers and I just kind of lost my footing. So yesterday I put in like 12 hours of work, really pumped out killer lesson plans for the whole week. I come in today, I teach the first 6th grade class and it goes fucking great. The era of Good Feelings is back! I feel vindicated, it's really going well, everything is perfectly timed A++.

And then the projector breaks. It just won't turn on. And I have nothing to teach. I manage to swing it mostly by talking, but without visual aids the kids are like "wtf is a shoe wtf isa turkey blahblah lemme throw paper at minsu lemme chase jimmy around the room". I actually copy my PPT to posterboard, but it's still kind of shitty. I limp through the day, I spend like 75% of my time trying to keep a room of 40 kids from exploding while my co-teacher sleeps in the office that isn't hers. I try to make worksheets at one point but we're "Over our paper budget". Our paper budget turns out to be LESS THAN 1 sheet per student for the whole semester. Great!

Finally, at the end of the day this tech guy shows up. He immediately knows what's wrong. Here's what he says: "ohhh many school computer tv break. many fixes, yes? so maybe 6 weeks to fix okay". FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Like. I learned on a chalkboard. Fine. But I also wasn't learning French at a conference-style table with no one who spoke English in the room. ANyway. Time to make new paper lesson plans!

Also, if there's any way to turn the activity competitive, that can help raise general interest. You can pair the students up and have them collaborate on a word search or a brief dialog, then have them present it to the class. It's been 15 years since I taught, but any time you can get the students working with each other and defer attention from one's self, life becomes substantially easier.

[GilloD]

I got super drunk last night because we had a Thanksgiving dinner. SO I wander into work this morning regualr time, except I'm nursing a nasty hangover. It's 8 AM, school doesn't start until 9, I hav an hour to like. Settle in. Except my class is already full of kids.

It turns out that today school starts at 8 and ends at 1:30, but there's no lunch and no break between classes. It's literally class on top of class on top of class. Fuuuuuuuuuuu, but whatever, I'll get to go home early.

NOPE. They changed the schedule because at 3 we're going for a 'Teacher's Trip' to the museum. The length of alotted time for this trip? SEVEN HOURS. SEVEN. 3-10. I won't be home until like 11 PM. I'm so fucking hungry, but we don't eat until SIX. And tired. Hahaha. You guys have the day off. i am dyyyying.

[GilloD]

Oh god. The only two people who speak any English at all are not going.

[Donono]

Your hopes and dreams for the day all end the same way Das Boot ends.

[GilloD]

I am writing this down before I forget that it happened: The 8 Hour Field Trip.

So, today was our 8 hour field trip. I had no idea what to expect as it was described to me thus: 'Tommorrow, we will go to museum, leave at 2, maybe get back at 10". WHich, I don't know about you, but 8 hours at a museum is a lot in a country where you can read the placards, let alone one where they use a MOON ALPHABET. But I'm tryin to be a good sport and so I say: 'Sign me up'.

Fast forward to today- Black Friday, somewhere on the globe. We got drunk last night because we were all sad and not at home and so I was nursing a nasty little hangover. I wander into school regular time, about 8:30, and my class is already full of kids. As it turns out, our little field trip has warped the schedule- Classes start 30 minutes early and there's no gap between them, AKA I;m going to be busy for the next 240 minutes. Whatever, eveyrthing goes well, but I am still kind of homesick and nostalgia-addled and I spend most of the day scheming up ways to get out of the 8 Hour Mystery Tour. A few teachers bail and I'm heartened that I am not alone in my break out ambitions, but when the time comes I get on the bus like everyone else. It's about 2 PM.

They sit me next to the office assistant who, like everyone else in Korea, attends 'English Academy'. Adult English Academies are hilarious- He doesn't know what day of the week it is or how to answer, 'Where is ___?', but he knows the meaning of the words 'avaricious' and asked me is I was 'somulent'. They basically load them up with these bizzaro world vocabulary lists and tell them to meet ENglish speakers to learn the conversation portion. ANyway, he's a nice enough guy and he nods off pretty quickly which is great because I am also knodding off (I am, after all, somulent.).

Sometimes around 3:30 the bus stops and drops us off in a place that can charitably be decribed as nowhere. It turns out we're going to the education museum! Which is a one room school house in the middle of nowhere with giant piles of junk and rotting museum cases in the spare room. The ticket-taking woman is also the presenter woman and she gives us a presentation in the unheated one room school house and it is fucking freezing and I am dying and doing that thing where I smile for no reason. Every few minutes the presenter lady makes a joke about me and 60 Korean people turn around and laugh. Later, she slips back behind the ticket taking desk and sings Kareoke while we view the dilapadated exhibits. Literally, some rooms and just piles of stuff. There's a whole case full of old pencils. Anyway, it's over soon enough and when we leave they tell me: 'Now we walk maybe two miles to bus'.

I'll spare you the filthy spray of mental expletives- We head up the hill, maybe a mile and a half, and we're at some place where the Koreans built a fortress to fight off the Americans in 1871. Awkward! They all want to take a picture with me, either as a peace & love thing or as an ABu Grahib thing, I'm not sure which. I abide and about an hour later we're back on the bus and it's warm and I'm complaint free, aside from the fact that it's around 4:30 and I'm still lonely and I want to go home. But, we're going to dinner. Which is where things start to get hilarious.

[chronovore]

I am waiting for the end of the story, on the edge of my seat. Or is that where you woke up? Because it sounds like a weird dream more than anything else.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Forgive me for sounding like a douchebag but why is it that you're always late or you're the only one there at where you work?

[GilloD]

Forgive me for sounding like a douchebag but why is it that you're always late or you're the only one there at where you work?

I'm not late. I;m supposed to be in at school by 9 AM, I usually come in at 8:30 so I have some time to clean up and write out lessons and make sure I have all my copies etc etc. Today they bumped up everything by 30 minutes but never told me.

My last job was hilarious(ly awful) and people would just like not shown up sometimes.

[GilloD]

We get back on the bus and the bus drives for maybe 15 minutes and we pull into a tiny parking lot and up to one of my least favorite Korean eats places- The raw fish joints. Don't get me wrong, I lile sushi as much as the next dude. Probably more than the next dude. But at a Korean fish joint they have these fish tanks outside and you order whatever and they go get a net and they literally pull the fish out of the tank and go murder it for you. I don't object to the murder (If you order eel, they murder it TABLE SIDE), it's just a fucking LOAD OF RAW FISH. It's several pounds of raw fish. I'm always dying for ANYTHING cooked at the end of those meals. So, we get huge, huge plates of raw fish and live octopus tentacles (Which are my super favorite) and I'm eating and nursing this hangover, still and then the drinking starts.

Koreans LOVE to drink. LOVE LOVE LOVE to drink. And not just like 'Have a glass of wine', they love to pound shots until they black out and puke. They do it several times a week, especially at meals. I'm the only white guy in the whole school so fucking everyone wants to come and tecah me funny Korean words and throw back some Soju with me. I like this and I'm thinking 'Hair of the dog', so the first 3 go down easy. Then the Vice Principal wants to do 2 and the office assistant brings over some raspberry beer thing ('Good for Men's Health' and they all laughed and someone winked at me. Boner juice?) and we kick that and then the principal gives me a can of beer and we have to do this weird thing where. You pour a shot, but because he's older, you have to pour yours out and then you get a second shot and drink that one? Seems like a waste, but okay. Bottom line: I go from 0 to DRUNK DRUNK in about 15 minutes.

And everyone is totally wasted. The Vice Principal who inspires MORTAL TERROR in my co-teachers is making me dance with her. The Principal, who is treated like a walking god M-F, 9-5, picks her up like a fireman and spins her around. Everyone is crunked. So here's where I need to back up real quick: There's a Korean equivalent to the wedgie. It translates out to 'SHit Needles'. Put your two hands together, fingertips touching. Got it? Okay, make a 'bang, bang' gun shape and lace your three other fingers together. Take this perfect jabbing device and send it deep into the anus of the person nearest you. Done? Great. My kids do it to me all the time, it's a really common practical joke. I take ti in stride, but it freaks me the fuck out. I am not used to small Asian kids sticking their fingers up my ass.

Anyway, the VP decides to give the principal the shit needle. She's drunk enough that she steps ON TOP OF our table and deposits two bowls of soup and a beer squarely in my lap. I think it's hilarious, but there's like an actual fishhead sitting on my crotch and concurrently the principal has onyl half jokingly bodyslammed the VP. Like I said: Drunk. Suddenly it's time to leave. I think we're going home. But the good times are just getting started. It's now about 6:30 and we're going to the Noraebang, the private Kareoke rooms that are more ubiquitous than Starbucks.


(My battery is dying, will finish tommorrow. The story ends with Bruce Springsteen)

[Cormacaroni]

I used to have stories like this but we didn't have the internet back in those ancient times. Plus, I blacked out a lot back then.

[bork]

They do the ass-poking shit in Korea, too?!  Is this like the national past time in Asian countries or something?  Can't wait for the final installment of this story! 

Forgive me for sounding like a douchebag but why is it that you're always late or you're the only one there at where you work?

I'm not late. I;m supposed to be in at school by 9 AM, I usually come in at 8:30 so I have some time to clean up and write out lessons and make sure I have all my copies etc etc. Today they bumped up everything by 30 minutes but never told me.

My last job was hilarious(ly awful) and people would just like not shown up sometimes.

Once again echoing my own experiences teaching English, I know exactly what GilloD is going through!  I had the same thing happen where I'd show up for work at the normal time, only to find out the schedule was different, or everyone would get up and go to an assembly without saying a word to me.  Hell, the last day of work at one school, after they had an assembly for me and said goodbyes, they then proceeded to hold another assembly, leaving me to sit by myself in the teachers' room for the last 1-2 hours I was there.

[Tristam]

  I enjoy your stories, GilloD. Things are more tame where I'm at--I experience many of the things that you do, just at a lesser degree of craziness.

lyte edge: Kancho is taken from Naruto, right? Korea imports most of its manga (I think they like to call it manhwa here) from Japan, and I think Naruto is super popular too, so the ass-poking doesn't surprise me.

I've only had it happen to me once though. I was entering the school grounds one morning a few weeks ago, still in morning-commute mode and completely oblivious to everything around me, when suddenly I feel a small, sharp jab directed to my rectum. Mind and body immediately entered "WTF" mode and I turned around and saw one of my kindergarten students (yup, gotta teach the kindergarten class 4 times a month every other month) with a shit-eating grin on her face and the most ridiculous pseudo-innocent demeanor. I didn't know what the hell to say--I can't really lecture her because her entire English vocabulary consists of four words (hello, goodbye, teacher, cookie). I just shook my head and continued walking.

[Great Rumbler]

lyte edge: Kancho is taken from Naruto, right? Korea imports most of its manga (I think they like to call it manhwa here) from Japan, and I think Naruto is super popular too, so the ass-poking doesn't surprise me.

Kancho was around before Naruto.

[Don Flamenco]

I enjoy your stories, GilloD. Things are more tame where I'm at--I experience many of the things that you do, just at a lesser degree of craziness.

lyte edge: Kancho is taken from Naruto, right? Korea imports most of its manga (I think they like to call it manhwa here) from Japan, and I think Naruto is super popular too, so the ass-poking doesn't surprise me.

I've only had it happen to me once though. I was entering the school grounds one morning a few weeks ago, still in morning-commute mode and completely oblivious to everything around me, when suddenly I feel a small, sharp jab directed to my rectum. Mind and body immediately entered "WTF" mode and I turned around and saw one of my kindergarten students (yup, gotta teach the kindergarten class 4 times a month every other month) with a shit-eating grin on her face and the most ridiculous pseudo-innocent demeanor. I didn't know what the hell to say--I can't really lecture her because her entire English vocabulary consists of four words (hello, goodbye, teacher, cookie). I just shook my head and continued walking.

You should have just yelled "TEACHER COOKIE GOODBYE!!!" with a scowl on your face.

[chronovore]

You should have just yelled "TEACHER COOKIE GOODBYE!!!" with a scowl on your face.

And it would work, in context.

[GilloD]

So, the end of that story:

We're all pretty drunk and it's like 8:30 and my pants are wet and it's fucking freezing and I;m having a good time, but it's like. Okay! Let;s go home. I have now been around you for 12 hours and with you for 5.5. But, no sir, it does not end there. We are going to Noraebang.

Quick primer: Noraebag is like kareoke, but you rent a private room for you and 2-20 of your closest friends. It's like 30 bucks an hour. They give you beer and toy instruments and you get fucked up and sing like fools. Koreans have 0 shame regarding Noraebang. The most warbly, pitch-imparied grandma in the UNIVERSE will get up and belt out a tune. They truly don't care how you sound.

So, Noraebang. And everyone is singing in Korean, singing old Korean songs. I'm pretty happy about this, dancing around and then someone shoves the mic in my face. I play it safe- The Beatles- and everyone has a pretty good time and they're generally delighted to see that the white boy is not scared and miserable. Somewhere in this middle of this song the 60 year old first grade teacher starts grinding on my ass which everyone thinks is the funniest thing ever. Then the principal starts dancing with me and kisses me on the neck before yelling SEXY HA HA. Song over, fun was had. 40 minutes to go.

A few minutes pass when that 60 year old teacher grabs me by the hand and pulls me out the door and down the hall. It turns out that they rented a SECOND room that's full of all the 'cool' teachers and the VPs. This room is BANGIN'. People are fuckin losing their minds, it's like major dance time and there are three cases of beer on the table. Awesome. I dance, have fun, go pee and for some reason, when I get vback, the two rooms have combined into one sweaty, packed SUPER ROOM. They shove the book in my face. I am at a crossroads.

The only reliable song at every Noraebang is 'Anarchy in the UK'. It's my Noraebang staple. I quickly decide that this is not in my best interest. But I do need to blow it up and in my harried nervous search, it comes ferried by a trio of angels: Born to Run. Is there a better song? No, there is not. I take a moment and quiet the room down and do my best: "Uduipon!", which I think means everyone, "BORN TO RUN". They reply back: "BOHN TOOOO LUN". Great.

Song starts, it's a little rocky at the start, but everyone seems to be into it. First chorus only a few people jump in with the 'BOHN TO LUN' and I'm thinking, "Well, shoot.". But things are getting better and better and as we approach the final chorus our principal, the minor god himself, stands on the table and says "THE BOSS COME ON". And that very final chorus, the one Bruce belts while those drums rev up, I fall to my knees and all around me are 60 koreans going "BABY WE WAH BOHN TO LUUUUUNNNNNNN". Top 5 Life Moment.

7 hour field trip: Total success.

[Don Flamenco]

YES!!

[chronovore]

Fuckawesome.

[BobFromPikeCreek]

That is amazing!

[Don Flamenco]

Everything in Korea is totally BOHN TO LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Good shit, man.