Everything in Korea is totally BOHN TO LUN

[Tristam]

This seems like an appropriate place to ask. How is Busan? I wanted to go to Seoul but I might be able to get a job in a Busan public school, which is difficult this late.

If you can get a job at a public school, go for it (anything to avoid the hagwon). I don't really know what difference separate the big Korean cities, but Busan is on the sea with a 3 million+ population, so it should be damned fun and damned crazy.

Like Seoul, there are more foreigners in Busan than in a place like Gwangju (about 1.5 million people, but not a popular destination for foreigners for whatever reason), which has some advantages and some disadvantages. On the upside, you'll meet more buddies who you can speak English with; on the downside, it's possible you won't be quite as much of a commodity among the local women, but I wouldn't worry--you've got big eyes and pale skin, two features that Korean women (and men, seriously) adore.

[Himu]

Has your stay in Korea allowed you more appreciate for even more, gillod?

[BobFromPikeCreek]

I wasn't sure so I kinda let the opportunity go by.  I had to act like really fast. Ooooh well. I kinda really wanted to go to Seoul anyway. I just hope I don't end up in a private school that sucks out my soul since public school jobs this time of year are almost impossible to get.

[Tristam]

I wasn't sure so I kinda let the opportunity go by.  I had to act like really fast. Ooooh well. I kinda really wanted to go to Seoul anyway. I just hope I don't end up in a private school that sucks out my soul since public school jobs this time of year are almost impossible to get.

I thought public schools in Seoul imposed more stringent qualifications on their applicants, like at least a year's ESL teaching experience and a TEFL qualification. Or maybe I'm just confusing that with the EPIK program's stipulated qualifications for applicants who want to teach in Seoul.

[GilloD]

Has your stay in Korea allowed you more appreciate for even more, gillod?

Travel abroad always does that to me. I actually get a weird like. "Oh, the USA RULES" but at the same time when I come back I'm like, "You people are ANIMALS".

Koreans come in 2 flavors: 1: Willing to ruin their entire day to help you and assist you in any way possible, 2: Absolutely fucking heinous, rude, amoral, insane sewer creatures. It's a 90/10 split. Most people are tremendously wonderful, but every now and then you run into something they could make a direct to DVD movie about.

We were at the Immigration Office to try and get our ID cards. It's one of those "Take a Number" systems. We were 556. We walked in at 330. They "lost" our online reservation. So we sat there for like 2 hours. Finally, 556 comes up. It takes us maybe 15 seconds to get up to the desk, but the lady at the desk hit the button like 4 more times. So now 556, 557, 558, 559 and 560 are all standing there and she's saying "560 only. Everyone else new number new number you wait. Too long take!". I pulled my best Korean impression and just stood there pushing my papers towards her saying "ID Card! Id Card! No speak Korean!". I've been told the best way to deal with Korean bureaucracy is just to act like a spoiled distinguished mentally-challenged fellow. And it worked! And the other suckers all took new numbers!

But then it turned out that the hospital FUCKED UP my health exam and didn't put the TB result on my form despite the fact that the Korean government already has SIX COPIES of TWO DIFFERENT FORMS certifying that I don't have fucking TB, but whatever.

So, no ID card. WHich means no health insurance, no bank accounts, no cell phones, no internet, no paycheck. Ugghghghg. Have to go back on Monday.

Other than that. School is insane. My 4th and 5th grade co-teachers speak no English, which means I teach 100% of the time. Teaching is fucking exhausting and nerve wracking, doubly so when the only textbook you have is in KOREAN.

I was warned about double standards and contradictions before coming here, but it's kind of insane how deep it runs. They want like 150% of you to teach English, but the kids don't get a grade, they have no ENglish materials and they actually told kids- in front of me- that this class was  like Prioirty ZERO. BUt then they turn around and go "ENGLISH IS SUPER IMPORTANT YOU SHOULD WORK A THOUSAND HOURS EVERY WEEK". So. WHatever. The lady who approves lesson plans also speaks no English. I could turn one in that says, "Today I will take the children to a field and murder them, and eat the meat from their bones and make a suit of armor from their teeth and masturbate to a picture of a fish" and she'd sign off on it.

I'm sort of at that point where the novelty has worn off and my whole person is kind of trying to figure out how to readjust. It's left me grouchy, but. Okay-ish! We got kicked out of a department store. My wife was looking at clothes and she had a dress in her hand and went to look for a dressing room and all of a sudden some lady ran up and like grabbed her wrist and started yelling in Korean and then secuirty came and escorted us out. I guess it's like. Each floor has multiple stores? There are no walls. It looks like every other department store I've ever been in. But there are invisible lines of demarcation and if you cross one you are SHOPLIFTING.

[GilloD]

I wasn't sure so I kinda let the opportunity go by.  I had to act like really fast. Ooooh well. I kinda really wanted to go to Seoul anyway. I just hope I don't end up in a private school that sucks out my soul since public school jobs this time of year are almost impossible to get.

I thought public schools in Seoul imposed more stringent qualifications on their applicants, like at least a year's ESL teaching experience and a TEFL qualification. Or maybe I'm just confusing that with the EPIK program's stipulated qualifications for applicants who want to teach in Seoul.

We're in Gwanmeyong which is all of like a 15 minute subway/bus ride from Seoul. I had 0 teaching experience, but a degree in English. My wife had loads of teaching experience but no English degree. They gave her a hard time and gave me pick of the litter, haha. As if this job is anything more than like REPEAT AFTER ME LETS PLAY A GAME. This year was trickier than past years, I heard. Economy etc etc

[demi]

Has your stay in Korea allowed you more appreciate for even more, gillod?

Travel abroad always does that to me. I actually get a weird like. "Oh, the USA RULES" but at the same time when I come back I'm like, "You people are ANIMALS".

Koreans come in 2 flavors: 1: Willing to ruin their entire day to help you and assist you in any way possible, 2: Absolutely fucking heinous, rude, amoral, insane sewer creatures. It's a 90/10 split. Most people are tremendously wonderful, but every now and then you run into something they could make a direct to DVD movie about.

We were at the Immigration Office to try and get our ID cards. It's one of those "Take a Number" systems. We were 556. We walked in at 330. They "lost" our online reservation. So we sat there for like 2 hours. Finally, 556 comes up. It takes us maybe 15 seconds to get up to the desk, but the lady at the desk hit the button like 4 more times. So now 556, 557, 558, 559 and 560 are all standing there and she's saying "560 only. Everyone else new number new number you wait. Too long take!". I pulled my best Korean impression and just stood there pushing my papers towards her saying "ID Card! Id Card! No speak Korean!". I've been told the best way to deal with Korean bureaucracy is just to act like a spoiled distinguished mentally-challenged fellow. And it worked! And the other suckers all took new numbers!

But then it turned out that the hospital FUCKED UP my health exam and didn't put the TB result on my form despite the fact that the Korean government already has SIX COPIES of TWO DIFFERENT FORMS certifying that I don't have fucking TB, but whatever.

So, no ID card. WHich means no health insurance, no bank accounts, no cell phones, no internet, no paycheck. Ugghghghg. Have to go back on Monday.

Other than that. School is insane. My 4th and 5th grade co-teachers speak no English, which means I teach 100% of the time. Teaching is fucking exhausting and nerve wracking, doubly so when the only textbook you have is in KOREAN.

I was warned about double standards and contradictions before coming here, but it's kind of insane how deep it runs. They want like 150% of you to teach English, but the kids don't get a grade, they have no ENglish materials and they actually told kids- in front of me- that this class was  like Prioirty ZERO. BUt then they turn around and go "ENGLISH IS SUPER IMPORTANT YOU SHOULD WORK A THOUSAND HOURS EVERY WEEK". So. WHatever. The lady who approves lesson plans also speaks no English. I could turn one in that says, "Today I will take the children to a field and murder them, and eat the meat from their bones and make a suit of armor from their teeth and masturbate to a picture of a fish" and she'd sign off on it.

I'm sort of at that point where the novelty has worn off and my whole person is kind of trying to figure out how to readjust. It's left me grouchy, but. Okay-ish! We got kicked out of a department store. My wife was looking at clothes and she had a dress in her hand and went to look for a dressing room and all of a sudden some lady ran up and like grabbed her wrist and started yelling in Korean and then secuirty came and escorted us out. I guess it's like. Each floor has multiple stores? There are no walls. It looks like every other department store I've ever been in. But there are invisible lines of demarcation and if you cross one you are SHOPLIFTING.

See this is more like it. More of this

[GilloD]

A lot of convenience stores (This one is called "Sold Out", which is a fucking dumb name for a store of any kind) here have tables outside. We can't get WiFi inside, so we'll come out and buy beers and sit at the tables and drink them. But a lot of Koreans just come and sit and don't buy anything. It's weird? Maybe? Anyway, some guy keeps lookinmg right at my screen and pointing and saying something in Korean. I'm just doing lesson plans.

[Human Snorenado]

Who is fetishizing these cultures? I just live here, as does Chronovore. GilloD has never struck me as an anime/j-game enthusiast but I suppose I could be wrong.

I wasn't really talking about you guys, who seem like just what you said- pleasant enough fellows who just happen to live in the East.  But you gotta admit that there's a hefty nerd population that are big ol' weeaboos.

[GilloD]

Who is fetishizing these cultures? I just live here, as does Chronovore. GilloD has never struck me as an anime/j-game enthusiast but I suppose I could be wrong.

I wasn't really talking about you guys, who seem like just what you said- pleasant enough fellows who just happen to live in the East.  But you gotta admit that there's a hefty nerd population that are big ol' weeaboos.

Agreed. There are fewer than I imagined, but there are definitley more than a handful. I don't get it, but. Hey, whatever.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

The one thing I cant stand about crazies moving east is those pathetic losers that never got laid in the west and just moved there for the women. Like these real fugly distinguished effete fellows with pretty asian girls. Sure I understand them, but I dont like them.

I'm pretty sure this is the main reason a lot of them go there.  You can tell because whenever there is a "I taught English in Japan - ask me anything," the question inevitably leads to women: how good looking they are, how easy they are, and how soon can a sweaty fat gaijin can get his pencil wet.  Little is actually discussed about visiting various landmarks or even much at all.  Reason being that most of them don't care as long as they can get their Japanese games and hope that that they'll be superstuds.

I'm sure there are exceptions but a lot of those threads (and pictures) end up showing their true intentions pretty clearly.

[chronovore]

The first time I moved to Japan, 16 years ago, I taught English at a couple places over the course of two years. Most of the foreigners I met were reasonably well socially adapted, mainly choosing to come to Japan to learn about another culture. Most of the foreigners biggest problem seemed to be they weren't really interested in putting in the time to study enough Japanese to communicate with the locals.

However, I agree that there are a lot of people who are in the east because they couldn't make it in the west, either socially or professionally. Funny thing is, those guys don't make any friends over here, either. They may be getting laid, but they aren't getting ahead in life, and I bet they're still desperately lonely at their core.

[Cormacaroni]

like Kosma would keep it in his pants if he was here

[GilloD]

The first time I moved to Japan, 16 years ago, I taught English at a couple places over the course of two years. Most of the foreigners I met were reasonably well socially adapted, mainly choosing to come to Japan to learn about another culture. Most of the foreigners biggest problem seemed to be they weren't really interested in putting in the time to study enough Japanese to communicate with the locals.

However, I agree that there are a lot of people who are in the east because they couldn't make it in the west, either socially or professionally. Funny thing is, those guys don't make any friends over here, either. They may be getting laid, but they aren't getting ahead in life, and I bet they're still desperately lonely at their core.

I am SHOCKED at the number of long-time teachers who can't read Korean. You could seriously teach yourself in 6 hours. It's 24 letters, that's fewer than English. And only like a dozen main shapes. I think it's just lazy not to learn.

[Don Flamenco]

Who is fetishizing these cultures? I just live here, as does Chronovore. GilloD has never struck me as an anime/j-game enthusiast but I suppose I could be wrong.

I wasn't really talking about you guys, who seem like just what you said- pleasant enough fellows who just happen to live in the East.  But you gotta admit that there's a hefty nerd population that are big ol' weeaboos.

Agreed. There are fewer than I imagined, but there are definitley more than a handful. I don't get it, but. Hey, whatever.

wow, like honest-to-god-internet-stereotype weeaboos wearing Naruto shirts and sporting pony tails trying to get some asian poon?  I thought that was just a big internet in-joke...the american reject moving to asia to be accepted.


and fucking WOW @ fan death   we have a similar one though-- that a cat will steal your breath when you sleep.  I don't know where that comes from, but I've heard people joke about it.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

The first time I moved to Japan, 16 years ago, I taught English at a couple places over the course of two years. Most of the foreigners I met were reasonably well socially adapted, mainly choosing to come to Japan to learn about another culture. Most of the foreigners biggest problem seemed to be they weren't really interested in putting in the time to study enough Japanese to communicate with the locals.

However, I agree that there are a lot of people who are in the east because they couldn't make it in the west, either socially or professionally. Funny thing is, those guys don't make any friends over here, either. They may be getting laid, but they aren't getting ahead in life, and I bet they're still desperately lonely at their core.

I'm not saying all of the teachers do this but it is just that a lot of those "Ask me anything, I teach English in Japan!" threads wind up going down that route and rarely move on from there.  The topics are rarely anything more than cost of living, those quirky things those Japanese students do, where is the best place to score Japanese games, and where is the best place to score Japanese ass.  Apparently Gas Panic is a popular place.  I shouldn't know what that place is but I do because of the dozens of sweaty virginal dudes salivated at how it might be the easiest place to score.  Other else than that, they don't talk much about the culture except a few passing remarks.  Which means a lot of them just go from the school to where they can get their games to their apartment.

I want to visit a good number of countries and Japan and South Korea are two of them.  I'd like to see the North but I doubt that will ever happen.  Never know what might happen with the successor so maybe I can in a decade or so.

[cool breeze]

Asia seems so crazy.  Somehow I managed to skip over it despite all the traveling I've done.  Wouldn't mind going to Korea, but would rather visit Vietnam or Japan (not so much Tokyo and cities, more of the countryside)

and the super market, general rudeness (my perspective) is stuff that would drive me crazy.  It sounds like a slightly more pleasant Trader Joe's.

[chronovore]

I'm not saying all of the teachers do this but it is just that a lot of those "Ask me anything, I teach English in Japan!" threads wind up going down that route and rarely move on from there.  The topics are rarely anything more than cost of living, those quirky things those Japanese students do, where is the best place to score Japanese games, and where is the best place to score Japanese ass.  Apparently Gas Panic is a popular place.  I shouldn't know what that place is but I do because of the dozens of sweaty virginal dudes salivated at how it might be the easiest place to score.  Other else than that, they don't talk much about the culture except a few passing remarks.  Which means a lot of them just go from the school to where they can get their games to their apartment.

I want to visit a good number of countries and Japan and South Korea are two of them.  I'd like to see the North but I doubt that will ever happen.  Never know what might happen with the successor so maybe I can in a decade or so.

Good luck with that; I'd be interested in visiting N. Korea if they opened up to the outside the way Eastern Europe seemed to after the wall came down. Prior to that level of change, Kim Jong Il can keep having his cabaret girls and feasts while his population are kept ignorant and starved.

And I do hear you about the guys who are genius-level-Japanese-experts because they've been here for six months and managed to not die, score a job, and get laid (or nearly laid) in a country that hand-holds foreigners more than anywhere else I've heard of. In November, I'll have lived here 10 years total, and I'm still learning new stuff every day.

My least favorite type of foreigner are the ones who go way out of their way to ignore other foreigners, as though they're the first paleface to show up on the island. These guys will just stare past you, pretending they haven't seen you. WATEVERS, ADMIRAL PERRY.

I've heard that the international marriage divorce rate is incredibly high. I suspect if that's the case, it's due to people having unrealistic expectations of what their partner will become in the marriage. A lot of western guys seem to expect that they'll have a live-in cook, accountant, and maid who doubles as an Asian sex plaything, and later on the wife'll raise the kids while they fuck off and play around. On the other hand, Japanese women get their vision of American men from TV dramas and romance movies, so they believe that they'll be courted, respected, and treated considerately by the guy. These two visions don't mesh well.

[GilloD]

I'm not saying all of the teachers do this but it is just that a lot of those "Ask me anything, I teach English in Japan!" threads wind up going down that route and rarely move on from there.  The topics are rarely anything more than cost of living, those quirky things those Japanese students do, where is the best place to score Japanese games, and where is the best place to score Japanese ass.  Apparently Gas Panic is a popular place.  I shouldn't know what that place is but I do because of the dozens of sweaty virginal dudes salivated at how it might be the easiest place to score.  Other else than that, they don't talk much about the culture except a few passing remarks.  Which means a lot of them just go from the school to where they can get their games to their apartment.

I want to visit a good number of countries and Japan and South Korea are two of them.  I'd like to see the North but I doubt that will ever happen.  Never know what might happen with the successor so maybe I can in a decade or so.

Good luck with that; I'd be interested in visiting N. Korea if they opened up to the outside the way Eastern Europe seemed to after the wall came down. Prior to that level of change, Kim Jong Il can keep having his cabaret girls and feasts while his population are kept ignorant and starved.

And I do hear you about the guys who are genius-level-Japanese-experts because they've been here for six months and managed to not die, score a job, and get laid (or nearly laid) in a country that hand-holds foreigners more than anywhere else I've heard of. In November, I'll have lived here 10 years total, and I'm still learning new stuff every day.

My least favorite type of foreigner are the ones who go way out of their way to ignore other foreigners, as though they're the first paleface to show up on the island. These guys will just stare past you, pretending they haven't seen you. WATEVERS, ADMIRAL PERRY.

I've heard that the international marriage divorce rate is incredibly high. I suspect if that's the case, it's due to people having unrealistic expectations of what their partner will become in the marriage. A lot of western guys seem to expect that they'll have a live-in cook, accountant, and maid who doubles as an Asian sex plaything, and later on the wife'll raise the kids while they fuck off and play around. On the other hand, Japanese women get their vision of American men from TV dramas and romance movies, so they believe that they'll be courted, respected, and treated considerately by the guy. These two visions don't mesh well.

You can get in from China and enjoy the COMPLETELY INSANE STATE SPONSORED TOUR for like 1500$.

[Tristam]

Yeah, I don't want to sound self-righteous, but as interested as I am in visiting the North, I'm not contributing a won to its dictatorial regime.

I am SHOCKED at the number of long-time teachers who can't read Korean. You could seriously teach yourself in 6 hours. It's 24 letters, that's fewer than English. And only like a dozen main shapes. I think it's just lazy not to learn.

Yeah, 6 hours sounds about right, although it's still difficult for me to read Hangul at a remotely normal speed.

[bork]

We got kicked out of a department store. My wife was looking at clothes and she had a dress in her hand and went to look for a dressing room and all of a sudden some lady ran up and like grabbed her wrist and started yelling in Korean and then secuirty came and escorted us out. I guess it's like. Each floor has multiple stores? There are no walls. It looks like every other department store I've ever been in. But there are invisible lines of demarcation and if you cross one you are SHOPLIFTING.

There's an infamous little story among JETs that is similar to your experience, only a whole lot worse.  I do remember some people disputing its factuality, but it seems hard to make this kind of thing up.

I'm a first-year JET in a big city. I was arrested on a false charge of shoplifting and put in jail for six days. I was advised/ordered to sign a confession, which I eventually did; then I was released. Though they knew the truth (I am innocent) the Board of Education fired me, for reasons no one knows, but it's likely that it was to save face in one way or another. The situation mishandled from the beginning by the store, the police, and the City Education Center (who technically employs me, not the schools or BOE). There's nothing short of spending long months in court to get my job back, and it's not worth it to me. But I want everyone to know what happened.

Nov. 23--I was shopping in a department store the other JETs and I refer to as "K-Mart"--the place has pretty much everything, and it's cheap. Set up the same way, too, with different departments running into each other, plus there are three or four floors connected by escalators. I was carrying around four items from different parts of the store--slippers, water purifier, shirt, scarf. I didn't grab a cart when I came in; I never do, plus I wasn't planning on buying that much. I was carrying everything, water purifier under my arm, everything else in my hands. I was up on the third floor, away from the carts, and it was getting awkward, holding everything. I had a couple bags with me, one of which was clear, so I put the stuff in there to hold til I got to the register. I chose the clear bag precisely because I didn't want to appear suspicious, and I dumped the stuff in there in plain view of everyone. A few minutes later when I was down near the front door, checking out the sale clothing rack before heading to a register to pay, a security lady grabbed my arm and fired away in Japanese. She pulled me to the back of the store, still speaking Japanese even though I told her I couldn't understand. Again, I never left the store.

She brought me to the back security room and took the things out of my bag. She obviously thought I was trying to shoplift. I tried to tell her that was NOT the case, I wanted to buy the things; I showed her my wallet and money but she would have none of that. Eventually the police showed up, still no one spoke English, and despite the fact that I told them I was new to Japan and couldn't speak Japanese, they continued to talk to me and ask me questions.

They put me in a police car and we headed to the station, where I was led through the station itself, out the back and through an outdoor passageway to a dimly lit, freezing room that resembled a garage. I was alone with eight or ten male officers. They smoked heavily and spoke in torrents of Japanese. One repeatedly raised his voice and always pointed his finger at me while he talked. I was more than a little scared, not to mention angry and completely helpless.

There was one cop, an older guy with what you might call "smiling eyes," who spoke some English and tried to talk to me. He listened to my side of the story and told me that in that store, you aren't allowed to pay for things from departments altogether (unlike K-Mart), plus I had the things in my bag. I explained my reasoning, and pointed out that I hadn't even left the store. He told me the security guard had said that she caught me out in the street, then later she said I was "in the doorway." It seems strange that she changed her mind.

Someone handed me another cell phone and another Japanese-English voice barked at me, "WHY YOU STEALING!" I explained again my side of the story. He interrupted me constantly, ending with, "I KNOW YOU THINK JAPANESE ARE STUPID!" I handed the phone back in disgust. I was still alone with the chain-smoking men who were obviously talking about as if I weren't there, laughing hard then looking down at me as I sat there. One made some kind of gesture towards his chest, and everyone laughed except the nice cop, who just looked at me with a small, embarrassed smile.

A couple hours later I was still there, unable to gauge anything about what was going to happen. I didn't know if we were waiting for something, or if they believed me, or really if they even understood me. They took me back into the station, this time to a tiny room with a table and two chairs. There was a woman officer to sit with me then, as a "female overseer" I guess, and I suspect she should've been with me the whole time. I went through the same story again and again, trying to find out when I could go home, trying to call someone to tell them where I was, but anything I asked for, the answer was no. It became apparent that they weren't even sure what to do with me, and the nice cop came in and made conversation with me--about his uncle in San Francisco, baseball, how I like my job. He told me a translator was coming.

Two hours later, the translator arrived, and the questions began. A cop sat across from me with a computer to take down my responses. I wasn't sure if I had to answer, but I did because I didn't want to prolong this any further. The questioning was ridiculous and long. Among the questions asked were: Do you study martial arts? What is your monthly salary? Apartment rent? Have you ever been awarded a medal by the Prime Minister or Emperor? Do you like to gamble? Do you like to drink? What kind of drinks do you like? What's your blood type? I was ready for the next question to be "Do you like sushi?" When I commented to the translator (whose English was far from great) that the questions seemed irrelevant and unprofessional, he ignored me. When I pressed him about it, he said that his job was only to tell me what the police man was saying to me. I told him I thought this was extremely unprofessional and he ignored me.

They also took my statement about what happened at the store. At times the translator and cop would talk for a long time after I explained something, then there would be another completely random question. I also noticed that if spoke for thirty seconds in English, the translation lasted about ten in Japanese. Again, I wasn't sure even how well the man understood me. I was certainly not able to speak "normal" English with him--I had to speak slowly and use simple words (a skill you pick up quick here, I think).

Eventually we'd come to an impasse about whether or not I had actually shoplifted. I felt I couldn't spell it out any more clearly. I asked the translator if he understood and believed me. He looked uncomfortable. Then I asked if the police man believed me, and he said, "He thinks you are making an excuse."

After that the female guard searched me and the officers went through all my personal belongings. They emptied my purse and coat pockets, went through my wallet. They reminded me of my overly-curious junior high students. I had to explain every single card in my wallet, answer questions about how ATMs work in America, how one gets a driver's license, and when they found an old CTA token, the other people in the office crowded around as I explained the Chicago transit system. I had some packs of Japanese study cards and English flashcards for students, and they took the rubber bands off and counted them, reading each one and sometimes debating the correctness of the Japanese phrases. They were also impressed by the rocks in my coat pocket from Mt. Fuji and Kamakura. I had quite an audience by the time I finished the show-and-tell. Then they told me I was arrested and would be taken to jail so the case could be investigated.

They put me in handcuffs and tied a rope around my waist. I was going to the police headquarters in (big city nearby), where there's a women's detention area. It was 2 am and I hadn't eaten, though I couldn't have anyway due to nerves. I'd been at the police station for nine hours.

When we arrived at the detention center, we went through the same routine of going through and listing all my possession with the guards, even though there was already a detailed listing from the Kawasaki cops. As the Yokohama folks counted my flashcards (328 in all), even the police from my city were rolling their eyes.

After I was handed over, some women took me into a room to change clothes and search me. I stood naked for awhile before they gave me a yukata/robe. When they noticed my bellybutton piercing, they tried to tell me to take it out, but it's not that easy. We had to go back to the translator so I could tell them that it's not like an earring; you need pliers and a professional to take it out. That threw them, because prisoners aren't allowed to have jewelry, and the idea of making an exception doesn't really seem to be part of the Japanese society. Regulations must be followed mindlessly because...they're regulations. One guy actually went to look for pliers to rip the ring out of my navel. I told the translator that it had to be done by a professional, otherwise there would be a serious infection. The prison people consulted each other and finally decided to let it be. I was trying to be strong through all this, keep the tears away and not show my fear. But at that point, everything was so surreal and unbelievable, I just lost it.

They led me to a cell with two women in it, sleeping on the floor: my new home. Didn't sleep well that night.

The next day was Sunday, and a man from the American Embassy came down to see me. It was such a relief to see an American, and speak to someone who understood what I was saying. He told me straight out that once you're arrested, it's very hard to fight the charges. There are all kinds of waiting periods between visits to the prosecutor (they can hold you up to 23 days for pretty much any reason they come up with, and bail is the exception rather than the rule here in Japan). The prosecutor then decides if you're indicted, and if you are, then you have to wait for the trial, etc., and in the meantime you're sitting in prison. The whole process could take up to five months, and then I would have to serve a sentence if I were found guilty (99% of people brought to trial in Japan are found guilty). He told me the fastest way to get out was to plead guilty, and that I might consider that. He said in most cases you stay in jail for a few weeks and the prosecutor doesn't send you to court; you are simply released. At that point, that was the brightest option. I could make a false confession and hope that all I'd have to do was get out of Japan. There was no way I could handle being in a jail cell for months with nothing to do but lose my mind. It wasn't an option.

I also got a visit from my supervisor (we don't work directly for the BOE or schools, but for the Education Center). The head of the Education Center had issued an order, and my supervisor showed it to me through the glass: It said that JET, CLAIR, and the superintendent had been made aware of my situation. I was ordered to hire a lawyer and plead guilty to the charges. There would be "bad press" if I went to court, and I was to settle out of court in any way possible. The paper said nothing about telling the truth or fighting for what was right. It said to plead guilty. I could tell then and I know now that it wasn't my supervisor's decision--in the heirarchy, he's very low and has little power.

I went to the prosecutor the next day and told him I'd tried to shoplift, and that I was very sorry, that this was my first time doing such a thing and that I felt awful and would never think of doing it again. It was harder than I thought to make up a good story and stick with it. All of this was through a Filipina translator whose native language was neither English nor Japanese, and who both the prosecutor and I had a hard time understanding as she spoke to us respectively. The prosecutor ordered me detained for ten days. I would see him again and he would decide if I was indicted or not.

The police from my city came back to question me again a few days later. It was absolutely ridiculous. They were much nicer to me this time, and the interpreter they brought was an absolutely amazing Japanese woman. We were in there for two hours as they took my statement about being guilty and sorry, though the actual business only took about 45 minutes. The rest of the time they were going off on tangents about where to go in Japan over winter break--there's a great ostrich park in Okinawa--and how to say certain things in Japanese or English. At one point one of the guys opened his bag and brought out a huge sack of tangerines, and we all sat around eating them. I had to regretfully tell them, no, I can't bring any back to the jail cell with me, it's not allowed, and they told me to keep our little snack a secret. They said they'd talked to the prosecutor and he would release me within the next week--everything would be okay.

The prosecutor called for me two days later and I managed to convince him that I'd never "steal" again. My supervisors picked me up and over dinner they told me the superintendent was intent on firing me but that she would take a week or two and talk it over with the Board of Education. During that time I was not allowed to visit classes. I wrote a long letter describing my situation to the BOE, and my supervisor translated it and handed to HIS supervisor, who handed it someone else, who gave it to the BOE.

I understood that the Board was concerned about its image, but I believe that the truth should be told (ironic how lying got me out of jail--the truth certainly didn't set me free this time). It's not complicated--it was a bad situation and I did what I had to do. I hoped that they would look past the surface of things and consider me for what I am--a well-liked teacher who does her job well--but I see that this is not a system or society designed to accommodate exceptions. The BOE decided that I was no longer allowed to be in the classroom. They didn't technically fire me, but forced me to quit. Either way, it shouldn't have happened.

I wrote this because even though I can't get my job and life back, I think it's crucial for people to know what happened, and that the system can really screw you here; I aroused suspicions unconsciously, and once the police were called, it was like jumping into a wild river--the current was going to carry me to an inevitable end. There are a million maybes and what-ifs--what if I spoke Japanese, what if I wasn't a gaijin, and so on--but what happened to me could happen to anyone that makes an honest mistake or stops thinking for a second. In this country, you're guilty until proven innocent, and that's a really scary thing for a foreigner.

In the end, maybe things will work out for the best. I have endless support from my boss and the other ALTs, and I'm hoping to stay in Japan and find a new job. I don't want to work under a BOE that doesn't care about its staff, especially the foreign teachers, and who obviously isn't thinking about the students--the reason they have a job in the first place. The police will throw out my record (they promised they would within two weeks, and I also asked my lawyer to makes sure they do) but even then I would not be allowed to return.

If you've made it this far reading, thank you. I know it's a long story and I actually left a lot out. But just please be aware that these kinds of things do happen, and they happen to people who've worked hard, honestly, to get where they are. I will send this letter to JET, CLAIR, my teachers and parents my community, and anyone else who listens. Out of respect for the other ALTs, I won't say what city I teach in--for now, anyway.

[Don Flamenco]

Dammmmn.   That sucks.  but even in the states, you just don't put unpaid merchandise into the bag, ever.  Sounds like that was the issue, more than the invisible lines. 

Still, japanese legal system

[chronovore]

Yeah, there's a lot of questions lately about Japan's 99% conviction rate. There was even a movie by the director of "Shall We Dance?" called "I Just Didn't Do It," based on the true story of a guy who was accused of groping a girl on a train, and ended up having to fight it for years, because the system is basically designed to get you to confess.

When my wife told me about the original news story, she suggested that I dismiss whomever was accusing me, or drag the accuser to the police myself, or just throw her in front of a train. One thing's for sure, I am very careful about where my hands are on crowded trains and elevators.

[Don Flamenco]

whoa, that sounds really good, right up my alley.  Did it get a U.S. release?  I don't see it anywhere on amazon or netflix...

and yeah, I think I read it in a thread here that they want you to repeatedly say you're sorry and confess. 

As for trains, don't some places have men and women split up on trains or is that just an urban myth?

[chronovore]

The train I take to work every day has one car that's "LADIES ONLY" between 07:00 and 09:30 on weekdays. I guess there are no lesbian gropers. I've heard there are transvestites on the cars sometimes, but it's not clear if they're transsexuals or just trying to be the only guy in a car full of women.

I don't know if the film had a US release or not. Doesn't look like it, but it's weird that no-one has picked it up since 2007.

[chronovore]

When I noticed it for the first time, a friend said, "Yeah, those guys are 'Living in their own private Tokyo.'"
/b-52s

[bork]

100% true.  One of the first things I noticed when I got there.     You get guys walking down the street with this scowl whenever they see another foreigner.  It's like gang territory or something.  The best are the nerds; one time during a Tokyo trip to a conference, my wife and I were walking around Akihabara.  We went through all the floors of a Sofmap and when we got to one that had animu/game figures, we saw these two white guys talking about the toys.  When they saw me, they turned red, shut up, and skulked away with the same scowl...hilarious.

[Mr. Gundam]

Most of the other white devils I saw in Japan were Australian.

I remember riding the ferry from Miyajima back over to Hiroshima with my wife after an awesome overnight stay, and there was this dude going on and on and on about how he needed at least three days in Akihabara.

 

[Don Flamenco]

You guys should go up to them, then with your best southern accent, let out a loud, obnoxious "HOWDY, Y'ALL FROM 'MERICA TOO? THIS JAPAYN IS SO GOOFY!"

[chronovore]

Another thing that crops up all the time between foreign males is the use of language as some kind of penis-wagging, alpha-male horseshit. Hit some word the other guy doesn't know yet, "What's that? Oh, you don't know?! This word means ______."  Or watching the other guy's attempt to communicate, waiting for an opportune moment to correct assist him. "Yay, congratulations, your Japanese is better than mine. Here's a gold star for your forehead."

[bork]

Most of the other white devils I saw in Japan were Australian.

I remember riding the ferry from Miyajima back over to Hiroshima with my wife after an awesome overnight stay, and there was this dude going on and on and on about how he needed at least three days in Akihabara.

 

I hate to stereotype, but a lot of the trouble-making fuck-ups I knew were always either Australian or New Zealanders.  This one NZ dude lived near me and would always use the word "bro" after every couple of words.  "HEY BRO HOWZ IT GOIN BRO MAN BRO I GOT SO FUCKED UP LAST NIGHT BRO I CRASHED MY BIKE INTO A DITCH AFTER AN ENKAI BRO GOT THESE BANDAGES AT THE HOSPITAL BRO SHIT BRO!"  There's also some videos out there of dem Aussies fuckin' up on trains and in parks in drunken stupers.  I'm sure they've been posted here before.

Another thing that crops up all the time between foreign males is the use of language as some kind of penis-wagging, alpha-male horseshit. Hit some word the other guy doesn't know yet, "What's that? Oh, you don't know?! This word means ______."  Or watching the other guy's attempt to communicate, waiting for an opportune moment to correct assist him. "Yay, congratulations, your Japanese is better than mine. Here's a gold star for your forehead."

I didn't see this, but instead there were elitist pricks who thought they ran shit because they got there a year or two ahead of everyone else and could "teach" better.  There were a surprising number of little cliques among JETs in my area.  Some of them were real dickheads.  One of the elitist group refused to talk to me and even do a round of cheers at a party when I told him I wasn't drinking (this was for health reasons).  Asshole.

[GilloD]

100% true.  One of the first things I noticed when I got there.     You get guys walking down the street with this scowl whenever they see another foreigner.  It's like gang territory or something.  The best are the nerds; one time during a Tokyo trip to a conference, my wife and I were walking around Akihabara.  We went through all the floors of a Sofmap and when we got to one that had animu/game figures, we saw these two white guys talking about the toys.  When they saw me, they turned red, shut up, and skulked away with the same scowl...hilarious.

Whenever I see a white person I'm super nice. I need someone to commiserate with, heh. There are 4 other Americans on my floor and we sit outside the CStore and drink Soju. Korea! White people are great. 95% of Koreans are amazing.

[GilloD]

Another thing that crops up all the time between foreign males is the use of language as some kind of penis-wagging, alpha-male horseshit. Hit some word the other guy doesn't know yet, "What's that? Oh, you don't know?! This word means ______."  Or watching the other guy's attempt to communicate, waiting for an opportune moment to correct assist him. "Yay, congratulations, your Japanese is better than mine. Here's a gold star for your forehead."

Haha. At the immigration office there was this liek 6'2, muscley white guy and he just kept saying I DONT SPEAK KOREAN but then he was like "Anyone wanna get some kimbap after this? That's like fried rice if you don't know" (It isn't.) "and then maybe we could get some soju, which is Korean beer" (It isn't.). Those guys are awful and horrible and should be avoided at all costs

[Cormacaroni]

god GilloD you're such a koreeaboo, dropping all those furrin wurrds

[GilloD]

god GilloD you're such a koreeaboo, dropping all those furrin wurrds

ANYONG HASEO. GAMSA HAMNIDA.

That's all the Korean I know. That and "hehehhehehehehehehehehehe"

[Cormacaroni]

well hell, even i know that means 'arching ropes of jism'

[bork]

100% true.  One of the first things I noticed when I got there.     You get guys walking down the street with this scowl whenever they see another foreigner.  It's like gang territory or something.  The best are the nerds; one time during a Tokyo trip to a conference, my wife and I were walking around Akihabara.  We went through all the floors of a Sofmap and when we got to one that had animu/game figures, we saw these two white guys talking about the toys.  When they saw me, they turned red, shut up, and skulked away with the same scowl...hilarious.

Whenever I see a white person I'm super nice. I need someone to commiserate with, heh. There are 4 other Americans on my floor and we sit outside the CStore and drink Soju. Korea! White people are great. 95% of Koreans are amazing.

I just got a bad group.  One of the first times I went to a neighboring prefecture to meet a friend of mine, all of the English teacher-types in his area that we came across were super-friendly and easy to talk to.  It was like the polar opposite of the dickheads I was used to.     That's not to say everybody in my prefecture was bad, of course.  I still made some good friends there.

[GilloD]

well hell, even i know that means 'arching ropes of jism'

Actually it means 'TaunTaun'.

[bork]

 

You can definitely see the Korean influence!

[Tauntaun]

I've had Korean wings one time, they were really good. 

[Tristam]

god GilloD you're such a koreeaboo, dropping all those furrin wurrds

ANYONG HASEO. GAMSA HAMNIDA.

That's all the Korean I know. That and "hehehhehehehehehehehehehe"

I can't remember if you teach very young kids, but in addition to my intermediate and advanced classes I teach a phonics class of 1st and 2nd graders and they speak no English beyond the words "hello," "goodbye," "homework," and "teacher." It helps a lot if you know a few Korean words and phrases--especially remember that "ya" is "hey" because no matter how loud you shout in English, they usually won't shut the fuck up until you yell in Korean.

[GilloD]

Stupid question time:

you worked as an IT guy in the States, GilloD and coming from your stories you have a good programming/ db administering knowledge.

Now you work as an English language teacher in Korea.

Ok... ummmm... how does that work? Is the pay that much better (I don't think so, IT specialists learn way, way more than teachers).

I was making 30/k a year at my last job. I had health insurance, but I paid about 60/month for it. AFTER TAXES, my take home was about 20-22k. I paid around 6k a year in rent.

In Korea, I make about 24,000 a year, but I pay NO taxes and NO rent, so that's about 36,000. I also get a housing bonus of $400 a month, so that's about 40k. My wife makes the same now. And we BOTH have health insurance. Korea is also much cheaper than New York.

So it's not a HUGE step up, but it's much less hassle and the money is better. Plus, we get to travel. I get 3 weeks of paid vay-cay in Korea versus 1.5 weeks in New York.

[Cormacaroni]

plus, the won is at a painful low right now. if it picks up over the next year, instant pay rise. (unless your contract is for a dollar amount...)

[GilloD]

Stupid question time:

you worked as an IT guy in the States, GilloD and coming from your stories you have a good programming/ db administering knowledge.

Now you work as an English language teacher in Korea.

Ok... ummmm... how does that work? Is the pay that much better (I don't think so, IT specialists learn way, way more than teachers).

I was making 30/k a year at my last job. I had health insurance, but I paid about 60/month for it. AFTER TAXES, my take home was about 20-22k. I paid around 6k a year in rent.

In Korea, I make about 24,000 a year, but I pay NO taxes and NO rent, so that's about 36,000. I also get a housing bonus of $400 a month, so that's about 40k. My wife makes the same now. And we BOTH have health insurance. Korea is also much cheaper than New York.

So it's not a HUGE step up, but it's much less hassle and the money is better. Plus, we get to travel. I get 3 weeks of paid vay-cay in Korea versus 1.5 weeks in New York.

Hmm, money was a good reason I guess. How long do you plan on staying there?

EDIT: Every place on earth is cheaper than NY I'd wager.

After 2 years the tax exemption expires, so I'd have to take a hard look then. I really wanna do some other things- We have a friend who organizes volunteer opprotunities in Africa, so I'd love to do that. I really want to work on farms, I did a lot of work with a young farmers advocacy org in New York that really inspired me.

This is basically a pit stop to pay off Student Loan debt, see Asia and bank some dollars. And get a great life experience! As for what;s next. DUnno.

[GilloD]

plus, the won is at a painful low right now. if it picks up over the next year, instant pay rise. (unless your contract is for a dollar amount...)

Yeah, that's nice, too. I cringe everytime North Korea breaks a new toy, investors are really skeptical. We're due for a little hike, maybe next year? But withdrawing cash is nice- 500,000 won for 400 bucks. Teehee

[chronovore]

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but when I was in Korea the locals were so nice I almost didn't go back. I was completely out of my depth and while I had very limited Japanese ability, I had NO Korean knowledge other than "watermelon" (suuba)... and I don't even like watermelon. Even without language skills, people seemed incredibly helpful and friendly whenever they weren't failing to make a queue. The Russians in Pusan were a different story though.

Anyhow, yay for you guys in Korea. It's a nice place, even if your northern neighbor is batshit crazy.

[GilloD]

So, my 4th grade teacher speaks like 0 English. But she's always asking me convoluted questions in Korean, at which point I'm like "Haha, My korean is SO BAD!" and then we laugh and she walks away. She's also SUPER WEIRD. Today she like stood outside my office for 30 minutes and scared the shit out of me when I walked out. Then she came in and started using my computer even though I had like 10 windows open. So I said like, "Oh, uh, using. I'm using" and then she walked away without a word and started sleeping in the middle of someone else's class. This is a mere

oh god this story just got GREAT but I have to go update soon hahahjhaskdghdjghjd

[Cormacaroni]

enjoying that hummer GilloD?

[Reb]

So, my 4th grade teacher speaks like 0 English. But she's always asking me convoluted questions in Korean, at which point I'm like "Haha, My korean is SO BAD!" and then we laugh and she walks away. She's also SUPER WEIRD. Today she like stood outside my office for 30 minutes and scared the shit out of me when I walked out. Then she came in and started using my computer even though I had like 10 windows open. So I said like, "Oh, uh, using. I'm using" and then she walked away without a word and started sleeping in the middle of someone else's class. This is a mere

oh god this story just got GREAT but I have to go update soon hahahjhaskdghdjghjd

Ahahaha, I love the end of this post.

[GilloD]

Okay, so she's weird. But I was willing to chalk it to her speaking Korean and my speaking English. Most Koreans will just continue to jabber in Korean and do a lot of charades, but if she was an Anglo-archetype, she'd be the Jane Austen worshipping, never-been-laid type. She seems incredibly shy.

So, today I'm sitting in the office I share with the completely normal Koreans I usually work with. One is like 28, the other is maybe 35ish? Their English isn't super, but we can joke and we teach each other little phrases and whatever. It's nice and they're nice! However, they're away and it's after school so I'm pretty much the only person on that floor of the building. RIght outside my office is the clasroom and it has a raised wooden floor that creaks. So, yeah, it's 2:40, place is deserted and all of a sudden... creak, creak, creak. Stop. Someone pokes their head above the paper we block our window with. It's scary lady. She looks at me and creakcreakcreak she runs out the door to the class. Around 2:50: creakcreak. It stops. I'm like, dude. I am not looking. It's around 3:10 and I have to take a piss, so I open my office door INTO HER. SHE HAS BEEN STANDING OUTSIDE THE DOOR FOR 20 MINUTES SILENTLY WAITING FOR ME TO EXIT. She starts to pepper me with questions like she always does, but I just smile and say "haha, My Korean is bad!" and go to pee.

I come back and she's sitting at my computer again. I direct her to one of the two empty machines and she sits down and works, every now and then she asks me a question and giggles. I'm just like, okay, we've established that I understand like 0 of what you say. But I smile and go back to working.

My sane co-workers reemerge from whatever Korean bureaucratic nightmare had ensnared them. They rather brusquely ask her to leave- It's a really small office. It's about big enough for one, so three of us is very tight, 4 is a no-no, especially when one is a strange, maybe nutty persona non-grata. She acts kind of weird and shuffles out and puts her head down on the desk outside. I feel sort of bad, ut she does have her own office.

A few minutes later, the door creaks open. She says omething to me in Korean and my coworkers pale. So I'm like, "Dudes, what?" and they kind of stammer and they ask her something Korean and she replies and it's clear that they're like. STunned.

Apparently she asked me if she could come home with me and do it.

WHAT. They told her I as married and she said something like, "Oh it could be fun" and then she left. And then she tried to come back in and my co-worker actually shoved her out the door and locked it. We called the Vice Principal who is like GOD there and she said, "I can;t really discuss it, but she has many mental disorders".

So, anyway. Korea?

[GilloD]

Story B:

My office-mates rule. They're super nice. They take me to the bank and the cell phone shop and translate and fight to get me a good deal. They're fantastic and I love them TO DEATH. So today I stopped by the bakery and grabbed some donuts for them. Koreans are not huge on pastry in the AM, but post-Lunch they're game. SO I got like 5 from this lady in the market who makes them on demand. I brought them in, co-workers were delighted, we agree to post-lunch pastry consumption.

Meanwhile, Tues and Weds I teach 5th grade. My 4th grade co-teacher is INSANE with SEXY DESIRE, but my 5th grade teacher is just depressed. She usually hides in the office and cries the whole time. Today she hid in the office, cried and ate all 5 fucking donuts.

End ofTuesday.

[Reb]

Ahahaha, the donuts. :'(

[chronovore]

Ask your co-workers how to tell your 4th grade co-teacher "This is the closest you're going to get to me giving you a 'glazed donut.'"

[Vizzys]

great stories

[Cormacaroni]

the rabbit theft is so close now, so very close. you just need to acquire a rabbit.

[Brehvolution]

Wow

[OptimoPeach]

Are all Korean women as insane as this forum is leading me to believe?

[Tauntaun]

A few minutes later, the door creaks open. She says omething to me in Korean and my coworkers pale. So I'm like, "Dudes, what?" and they kind of stammer and they ask her something Korean and she replies and it's clear that they're like. STunned.

Apparently she asked me if she could come home with me and do it.

WHAT. They told her I as married and she said something like, "Oh it could be fun" and then she left. And then she tried to come back in and my co-worker actually shoved her out the door and locked it. We called the Vice Principal who is like GOD there and she said, "I can;t really discuss it, but she has many mental disorders".

So, anyway. Korea?

Story B:

My office-mates rule. They're super nice. They take me to the bank and the cell phone shop and translate and fight to get me a good deal. They're fantastic and I love them TO DEATH. So today I stopped by the bakery and grabbed some donuts for them. Koreans are not huge on pastry in the AM, but post-Lunch they're game. SO I got like 5 from this lady in the market who makes them on demand. I brought them in, co-workers were delighted, we agree to post-lunch pastry consumption.

Meanwhile, Tues and Weds I teach 5th grade. My 4th grade co-teacher is INSANE with SEXY DESIRE, but my 5th grade teacher is just depressed. She usually hides in the office and cries the whole time. Today she hid in the office, cried and ate all 5 fucking donuts.

End ofTuesday.

Dude, you better keep a detailed journal because I want a book one day.  A BOOK DUDE!   

So can I come home with you and do it?  Send your wife away though, no homo.  Just the two of us, we can make it if we try just the two of us, you and eeeyyyyyyeeee!   

[Barry Egan]

They're letting a woman with mental disorders teach young children.

Korea!

[Diunx]

I had an ezquizofrenic english teacher at school, it was hilarious, she used to said that the devil took naked pics of her and upload them to the internet.