Just filthy with bandits of all sorts. I think they added a bunch in Nights of the Nine. After escaping prison I wandered through the wilderness for miles until I finally found a well-serviced road, and even then I couldn't find directions until I was well upon my journey. I could see the large city in the distance, and the road I was taking certainly felt round-about
The Imperial Road is of stone construction and very hard on the feet. Forunately there are many ruined fortresses along the way for a quick nights rest. UNfortunately they are full of goblins. After slaying the goblins in the first fort I found as well as the human prisoners they were keeping (they hit first) I settled down in the pits of the ruined fort for a good nap. I was awoken by the CHEF who apparently found all his comrades dead and decided to take it out on me. What I didnt get is how I missed him on the way down. Needless to say I was living out my own version of UNDER SIEGE. I did find it funny the Chef wore the most armor of them all. I also took a photo-op on a throne I found in the Fort, but I also found out it was booby trapped and got a giant chain ball in the face.
So I head out down the road towards the imperial city, a few guards pass by, I think wow, this should be safe, lots of guards. Then outta nowhere this guy with a fukin sledgehammer is asking me for a motherfucking toll. God DAMNIT. This hammer is goddamned huge and ive got a shitty leather shield and a shortsword so we're fighting on this bridge and its all dramatic cause its a bridge and I could fall in the water which would lead to a dramatic swim scene, well anyway I back off and just CHUG THOSE MUTHERFUCKIN potions I found in a burned out alchemist store off the road a way back and suddenly im the god damned incredible hulk. I charge the guy and just ginsu his face off.
After stripping him bare I continued alone the span of the large stone bridge, only to find a motherfucking GUARD PULLIN HIS PUD at the other side. I almost attacked him but I took my temper and put it in a little box. Again the journey continued through a patch of trees and over a hill n all that, a guard passes on his god damn horse and I walk by with my sword drawn so he knows im sorta pissed..hopefully. 30 seconds later this fuckin WHORE with the BIGGEST AXE I have ever seen fuckin charges me from across this pair of bridges and im like holy fuck!
I check my potion bag and im fuckin dry. So I sheathe my sword and run for this rock that gives me some kind of fucking magical armor. I get the shit and it gives me a fucking BOW and a demony helm. So im like yeah bitch its ON so im running backwards while im plugging AXE LADY with a gajillion arrows. So she's got like 14 fucking arrows in here and the bitch is still chasing me after chugging her own health potion. So im like fuck this shit. So I run, allllll the way back. I see the guard I had passed maybe a minute ago and im like fucking running with my torch and he finally sees me and saves my life. I try to thank him but he tells me I should move along. What a smug motherfuker.
I make it to some town, I forget the name, It was late I needed a place to stay. So I stumble into a place that is apparently an inn of some sort cause it had the word STABLE in it I think. So I walk up to the lady and she rambles on about some dead emperor blah blah. I want a fucking room but the bitch wont rent me a room. She'll sell me fuckin booze but wont give me a room. Plus her eyebrows get all mean when I talk to her so I guess shes RACIST against lizards shitting in her fancy ass STABLE beds. Fuck HER.
So I stumble into the main road through town and just fall asleep on the ground. Four hours later I wake up and motherfukers are just walking around me like im nothing. GOD DAMNIT IM A LIZARD BUT IM PEOPLE TOO! One of these days this town is gonna get what they deserve.
