Author Topic: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.  (Read 9244 times)

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Van Cruncheon

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duc

Barry Egan

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2009, 11:01:59 PM »
god fucking damnit kentucky. 

Phoenix Dark

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2009, 11:04:19 PM »
Fed is the new black?
010

E-DuB

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2009, 11:05:20 PM »
I'm sorry but was does "fed" mean?

Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2009, 11:08:24 PM »
I'm sorry but was does "fed" mean?

Federalist, government worker, black Muslim socialist fascist communist Nazi devil, etc.
野球

Flannel Boy

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2009, 11:14:05 PM »
An unidentified young man with red hair wearing a God of War t-shirt was seen fleeing the seen.

Madrun Badrun

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2009, 11:15:53 PM »
Quote
Investigators are still trying to determine whether the death was a killing or a suicide, and if a killing, whether the motive was related to his government job or to anti-government sentiment.


lol

Great Rumbler

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2009, 11:17:29 PM »
smh, kentucky
dog

E-DuB

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2009, 11:17:59 PM »
I'm sorry but was does "fed" mean?

Federalist, government worker, black Muslim socialist fascist communist Nazi devil, etc.

Ah, I thought it was some local saying or something.

Flannel Boy

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2009, 11:18:15 PM »
i wonder how Muse will spin this

I don't know, but I hope they chime in. The more time they spend discussing current affairs, the less time they spend making music.

Human Snorenado

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2009, 11:20:58 PM »
I wonder what Michelle Bachmann thinks about this...
yar

Van Cruncheon

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2009, 11:42:54 PM »
she probably tied the rope hersselfs
duc

TakingBackSunday

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2009, 11:50:50 PM »
Ron Paul is j/o-ing his wrinkle dinkle as we speak
püp

Flannel Boy

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #13 on: September 23, 2009, 11:53:57 PM »
Ron Paul is j/o-ing his wrinkle dinkle as we speak

Are you claiming that Paul is gay?

TakingBackSunday

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #14 on: September 23, 2009, 11:56:44 PM »
I thought everyone knew that!
püp

Mandark

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #15 on: September 24, 2009, 12:42:40 AM »
An unidentified young man with red hair wearing a God of War t-shirt was seen fleeing the seen.

Booyah!

OptimoPeach

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #16 on: September 24, 2009, 01:12:07 AM »
An unidentified young man with red hair wearing a God of War t-shirt was seen fleeing the seen.

Booyah!
Bump for Malek's shame
hi5

CajoleJuice

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2009, 01:12:45 AM »
Malek had too much NyQuil.
AMC

Barry Egan

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #18 on: September 24, 2009, 01:15:10 AM »
An unidentified young man with red hair wearing a God of War t-shirt was seen fleeing the seen.

Booyah!

:rock

Himu

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #19 on: September 24, 2009, 01:16:11 AM »
When in 2010 do we take the census?
IYKYK

The Fake Shemp

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #20 on: September 24, 2009, 01:21:01 AM »
Never, now that Glenn Beck has sent out subliminal messages in the latest Muse single for 9/12'ers to lynch Census takers.
PSP

etiolate

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #21 on: September 24, 2009, 01:39:49 AM »
Quote
"Our job is to determine if there was foul play involved - and that's part of the investigation - and if there was foul play involved, whether that is related to his employment as a census worker," said Beyer.

Everything really is slower in the south.

Van Cruncheon

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #22 on: September 24, 2009, 01:41:10 AM »
malek hyper-annihilated

gaze ye too long into the yaere si th and the yaere si th gazes also into thee
duc

Akala

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #23 on: September 24, 2009, 02:15:22 AM »
malek hyper-annihilated

gaze ye too long into the yaere si th and the yaere si th gazes also into thee

 :lol

Bloodwake

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #24 on: September 24, 2009, 08:47:02 AM »
So, to add (or subtract) to the lolz, my mom actually knew and worked with the guy. He was also a substitute teacher for Laurel County schools like my mom. My mom was actually going to join the census as well, but not anymore.

Basically, two things caused this death. Number one: the fact that the government in Clay County is so corrupt and has been since the origin of the county. Basically the coal companies raped the county and after they took their government cronies and everything else out of the county, the lesser intelligent citizens had learned. Stuff like ballot stuffing happen around every election. It's ridiculous.

Needless to say that everyone in Clay County didn't trust the government at all. It also doesn't help that most of the people of Clay County have been left completely fucking stupid due to the coal companies and the government wanting to keep them that way. Most of the smart people leave Clay County for good after graduating high school. The majority of the people are also under the poverty line. Basically, people that live in the hills. Evidently there was a rumor going around that the census takers were actually government spies and the government was going to come and steal everyone's shit. Obviously, not likely, but a sad story in many ways since it shows that the Clay County citizens can no longer trust their government.
HLR

Bloodwake

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #25 on: September 24, 2009, 08:52:57 AM »
Oh yeah, the local paper mentioned NOTHING about

-him being a census worker
-the "fed" being scrawled on his chest.

so I think the FBI is trying to keep this under wraps, or at least they failed to do so when actual news reporters showed up.
« Last Edit: September 24, 2009, 09:00:50 AM by Bloodwake »
HLR

Phoenix Dark

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #26 on: September 24, 2009, 09:07:52 AM »
So, to add (or subtract) to the lolz, my mom actually knew and worked with the guy. He was also a substitute teacher for Laurel County schools like my mom. My mom was actually going to join the census as well, but not anymore.

Basically, two things caused this death. Number one: the fact that the government in Clay County is so corrupt and has been since the origin of the county. Basically the coal companies raped the county and after they took their government cronies and everything else out of the county, the lesser intelligent citizens had learned. Stuff like ballot stuffing happen around every election. It's ridiculous.

Needless to say that everyone in Clay County didn't trust the government at all. It also doesn't help that most of the people of Clay County have been left completely fucking stupid due to the coal companies and the government wanting to keep them that way. Most of the smart people leave Clay County for good after graduating high school. The majority of the people are also under the poverty line. Basically, people that live in the hills. Evidently there was a rumor going around that the census takers were actually government spies and the government was going to come and steal everyone's shit. Obviously, not likely, but a sad story in many ways since it shows that the Clay County citizens can no longer trust their government.

Nah pretty sure one thing caused his death: extremist fucktards
010

Bloodwake

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #27 on: September 24, 2009, 06:27:36 AM »
So, to add (or subtract) to the lolz, my mom actually knew and worked with the guy. He was also a substitute teacher for Laurel County schools like my mom. My mom was actually going to join the census as well, but not anymore.

Basically, two things caused this death. Number one: the fact that the government in Clay County is so corrupt and has been since the origin of the county. Basically the coal companies raped the county and after they took their government cronies and everything else out of the county, the lesser intelligent citizens had learned. Stuff like ballot stuffing happen around every election. It's ridiculous.

Needless to say that everyone in Clay County didn't trust the government at all. It also doesn't help that most of the people of Clay County have been left completely fucking stupid due to the coal companies and the government wanting to keep them that way. Most of the smart people leave Clay County for good after graduating high school. The majority of the people are also under the poverty line. Basically, people that live in the hills. Evidently there was a rumor going around that the census takers were actually government spies and the government was going to come and steal everyone's shit. Obviously, not likely, but a sad story in many ways since it shows that the Clay County citizens can no longer trust their government.

Nah pretty sure one thing caused his death: extremist fucktards

Not extremist. These are probably the people that live in the hills who are tired of being fucked over. Unintelligent and meth-riddled, more than likely.
HLR

Tauntaun

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #28 on: September 24, 2009, 06:28:11 AM »
Be honest they just wanted his super awesome Magic cards.  :smug

spoiler (click to show/hide)
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The Fake Shemp

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #29 on: September 24, 2009, 06:35:04 AM »
Not extremist. These are probably the people that live in the hills who are tired of being fucked over. Unintelligent and meth-riddled, more than likely.

People who lynch a person and write "Fed" on their chest are not extremists? :lol
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Bloodwake

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #30 on: September 24, 2009, 06:40:39 AM »
I'm saying these people aren't intelligent enough to be extremist. They are high as fuck hillbillies who just want to be left alone. These people probably shoot at unfamiliar cars. It's not "extremist" behavior, it's "backwoods" behavior.
HLR

The Fake Shemp

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #31 on: September 24, 2009, 06:45:44 AM »
ex⋅trem⋅ist  [ik-stree-mist] 
–noun
   a supporter or advocate of extreme doctrines or practices.

... while extremists are often political in nature, you do not need to be political to be an extremist. Anyone that believes the proper way to handle a Census taker is to lynch them and write "Fed" on their chest is most certainly an extremist.

You can't even peddle your mutant, inbred hillbilly theory because they're obviously literate enough to write "Fed" (something Arvie can't even do, and he uses the Internet) and that is definitely a political statement.

Your theory would make more sense if he was just full of buck shot and lying by a road, but this was obviously a political statement, dude.
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tehjaybo

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #32 on: September 24, 2009, 07:07:35 AM »
Ho0ly fuck.  Holy fuck wow.  This was Bill Sparkman?  I read through this not even realizing who it was.  My god, I saw that he had died in the paper, and it said it was mysterious or something... but oh my god.  I'd known Bill Sparkman for upwards of 12 years.  He was probably one of the nicest guys anyone could ever hope to meet.  He volunteered for anything that needed help, he subbed at the schools..  hell, back in the day, he was my Scoutmaster.  His son and I were friends growing up.  My god... Josh...   He's got absolutely no one now.  His mother died a while back, and he never had any other family than the two of them.  Jesus christ.....

This fucking shit is the worst.  When things like this happen and hit this close to home, it makes me want to go fucking nape the whole of Clay County.  For someone to ever meet Bill and think that he was an evil person or trying to do some harm to them, they would have to be the most unintelligent, useless, low-life piece of shit in the world.  To think that they took the life of someone so good, and so caring, and yet THEY live?  I can't stand that.  I just want to go vigilante and drive to fucking clay county with the census sticker on my car and kill every motherfucker that started anything.  I cant fucking stand this shit.  I absolutely do not believe this is possible.. 

How the fuck can people like this live with themselves.  My god....
HURR

The Fake Shemp

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #33 on: September 24, 2009, 07:10:39 AM »


"I'll give you a war you won't believe!"
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tehjaybo

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #34 on: September 24, 2009, 07:12:42 AM »
As much as I know this is the internet, it isn't a joking matter to me.  Bill Sparkman was a very good man, and he didn't deserve this. 
HURR

The Fake Shemp

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #35 on: September 24, 2009, 07:14:08 AM »
Oh, I'm not joking. I'm advocating vigilante justice.

It's better to die for something than live for nothing!
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BobFromPikeCreek

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #36 on: September 24, 2009, 07:19:30 AM »
Oh Kentucky.
zzzzz

Bloodwake

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #37 on: September 24, 2009, 07:20:33 AM »
Yeah, I never knew the guy but I did know his son.

It does suck.

If he was census taking anywhere else in the USA, he would probably be alive.
HLR

Phoenix Dark

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #38 on: September 24, 2009, 07:21:41 AM »
What does being an extremist have to do with being intelligent? Sure the higher ups are usually smart, in a manipulative/cunning way. They get stupid people to blow themselves up or blow other people up. So yea...these bumpkins more than fit the bill
010

The Fake Shemp

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #39 on: September 24, 2009, 07:22:08 AM »
So, what you're trying to say is that Kentucky is a worthless state and should be jettisoned from the union?

Is anyone against that?
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Bloodwake

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #40 on: September 24, 2009, 07:24:32 AM »
I resign, yeah, they were probably extremists.

Because I know if the FBI comes up there (like I know they probably will) the people will fight back, and they have the tactical advantage, as well as a large collective weapons cache.
HLR

The Fake Shemp

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #41 on: September 24, 2009, 07:25:40 AM »
Are you kidding me? :lol

If "the people" fight back against an FBI investigation, they'll get their worlds rocked. This isn't Rambo. :lol
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tehjaybo

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #42 on: September 24, 2009, 07:31:55 AM »
Are you kidding me? :lol

If "the people" fight back against an FBI investigation, they'll get their worlds rocked. This isn't Rambo. :lol

I guess you have to live here to realize...


Just because you're an ignorant hick doesn't mean you don't own many weapons and know how to use them and have no qualms about using them against federal agents.  You'd be suprised, Will.  It wouldn't surprise me at all if a few federal agents wound up dead while investigating this, and the FBI dropped it completely to avoid further deaths.
HURR

Dickie Dee

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #43 on: September 24, 2009, 07:34:35 AM »
Quote
Slain census worker was warned about area
Anti-government anger eyed after man found with ‘fed’ scrawled on chest
The Associated Press
updated 12:37 p.m. ET Sept. 24, 2009

WASHINGTON - When Bill Sparkman told retired trooper Gilbert Acciardo that he was going door-to-door collecting census data in rural Kentucky, the former cop drew on years of experience for a warning: "Be careful."

The 51-year-old Sparkman was found this month hanged from a tree near a Kentucky cemetery with the word "fed" scrawled on his chest, a law enforcement official said Wednesday, and the FBI is investigating whether he was a victim of anti-government sentiment.

"Even though he was with the Census Bureau, sometimes people can view someone with any government agency as 'the government.' I just was afraid that he might meet the wrong character along the way up there," said Acciardo, who directs an after-school program at an elementary school where Sparkman was a frequent substitute teacher.


The Census Bureau has suspended door-to-door interviews in rural Clay County, where the body was found, until the investigation is complete, an official said.

The law enforcement official, who was not authorized to discuss the case and requested anonymity, did not say what type of instrument was used to write the word on the chest of Sparkman, who was supplementing his income doing Census field work. He was found Sept. 12 in a remote patch of Daniel Boone National Forest and an autopsy report is pending.

Manchester, the main hub of the southeastern Kentucky county, is an exit off the highway, with a Walmart, a few hotels, chain restaurants and a couple gas stations. The drive away from town and toward the area where Sparkman's body was found goes through sparsely populated forest with no streetlights, on winding roads that run up and down steep hills.

Dangerous terrain
Manchester Police Chief Jeff Culver, whose agency is not part of the investigation because the death was outside city limits, said the area where Sparkman was found has a history of problems with prescription drug and methamphetamine trading.

"That part of the county, it has its ups and downs. We'll get a lot of complaints of drug activity. They'll whittle away, then flourish back up," Culver said. He said officers last month rounded up 40 drug suspects, mostly dealers, and made several more arrests in subsequent days.

FBI spokesman David Beyer said the bureau is assisting state police and declined to discuss any details of the crime scene. Agents are trying to determine if foul play was involved and whether it had anything to do with Sparkman's job as Census worker, Beyer said. Attacking a federal worker during or because of his federal job is a federal crime.

Lucindia Scurry-Johnson, assistant director of the Census Bureau's southern office in Charlotte, N.C., said law enforcement officers have told the agency the matter is "an apparent homicide" but nothing else.

Census employees were told Sparkman's truck was found nearby, and a computer he was using for work was inside, she said.

'Such an innocent person'
Sparkman's mother, Henrie Sparkman of Inverness, Fla., told The Associated Press her son was an Eagle scout who moved to Kentucky to direct the local Boy Scouts of America. He later became a substitute teacher in Laurel County, adjacent to the county where his body was found.

She said investigators have given her few details about her son's death. They did tell her his body was decomposed and haven't yet released it for burial.

"I was told it would be better for him to be cremated," she said.

Acciardo said he became suspicious and went to police when Sparkman didn't show up for work at the after-school program in Laurel County for two days. Authorities immediately investigated, he said.

"He was such an innocent person," Acciardo said. "I hate to say that he was naive, but he saw the world as all good, and there's a lot of bad in the world."

'Saddened'
Sparkman had worked for the Census since 2003 in five counties in the surrounding area, conducting interviews once or twice a month. Much of his recent work had been in Clay County, officials said.

The Census Bureau has yet to begin door-to-door canvassing for the 2010 head count, but thousands of field workers are doing smaller surveys on various demographic topics on behalf of federal agencies. Next year, the Census Bureau will dispatch up to 1.2 million temporary employees to locate hard-to-find residents.

Mary Hibbard, a teacher in Manchester, said she recognized Sparkman on the news as the census worker who visited her house this summer for about 10 minutes. Hibbard said he asked some basic questions including the size of her house, how many rooms it had and how much she paid monthly for electricity.

"I know he has a Christian background," she said. "You come to my house, we're going to talk religion."

Hibbard said she thinks most people in the area were shocked by the death.

"I think the negative publicity of it is a stigma on our county. It makes people think less of us even though this is an isolated incident."

The Census Bureau is overseen by the Commerce Department.

'A shining example'
"We are deeply saddened by the loss of our co-worker," Commerce Secretary Gary Locke said in a statement.

Locke called him "a shining example of the hardworking men and women employed by the Census Bureau."

Kelsee Brown, a waitress at Huddle House, a 24-hour chain restaurant in Manchester, when asked about the death, said she thinks the government sometimes has the wrong priorities.

"Sometimes I think the government should stick their nose out of people's business and stick their nose in their business at the same time. They care too much about the wrong things," she said
.

Appalachia scholar Roy Silver, a New York City native now living in Harlan County, Ky., said he doesn't sense an outpouring of anti-government sentiment in the region as has been exhibited in town hall meetings in other parts of the country.

"I don't think distrust of government is any more or less here than anywhere else in the country," said Silver, a sociology professor at Southeast Community College.

The most deadly attack on federal workers came in 1995 when the federal building in Oklahoma City was devastated by a truck bomb, killing 168 and injuring more than 680. Timothy McVeigh, who was executed for the bombing, carried literature by ultra-right-wing, anti-government authors.

Sparkman's mother is simply waiting for answers.

"I have my own ideas, but I can't say them out loud. Not at this point," she said. "Right now, what I'm doing, I'm just waiting on the FBI to come to some conclusion."

 :maf :( :maf
___

HyperZoneWasAwesome

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #44 on: September 24, 2009, 07:35:20 AM »
was this guy black?

no 51 year old black guy would possibly hang himself.  Not that I doubt this is suicide, but I'm just wondering if he was lynched because of plain old fashioned racism or other factors.

Dickie Dee

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #45 on: September 24, 2009, 07:37:38 AM »
was this guy black?

no 51 year old black guy would possibly hang himself.  Not that I doubt this is suicide, but I'm just wondering if he was lynched because of plain old fashioned racism or other factors.

___

tehjaybo

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #46 on: September 24, 2009, 07:39:35 AM »
He was white. 

And I know Gilbert Accardio very well too.  He was right, but also, this was Bill's job.  If he didn't go, they would fire him.  He didn't really have much of a choice.
HURR

tehjaybo

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #47 on: September 24, 2009, 07:42:36 AM »
Quote
'Such an innocent person'
Sparkman's mother, Henrie Sparkman of Inverness, Fla., told The Associated Press her son was an Eagle scout who moved to Kentucky to direct the local Boy Scouts of America. He later became a substitute teacher in Laurel County, adjacent to the county where his body was found.

Quote
Acciardo said he became suspicious and went to police when Sparkman didn't show up for work at the after-school program in Laurel County for two days. Authorities immediately investigated, he said.

"He was such an innocent person," Acciardo said. "I hate to say that he was naive, but he saw the world as all good, and there's a lot of bad in the world."

HURR

BobFromPikeCreek

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #48 on: September 24, 2009, 07:55:56 AM »
If he was so innocent he would have stuck his nose out of Kentucky's business while at the same time stuck his nose in his own business.
zzzzz

The Fake Shemp

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #49 on: September 24, 2009, 08:32:17 AM »
It wouldn't surprise me at all if a few federal agents wound up dead while investigating this, and the FBI dropped it completely to avoid further deaths.

:lol

Are you kidding? If some inbred fuck is distinguished mentally-challenged enough to murder a single agent, the bureau will level the entire state of Kentucky.

We're talking scorched earth, motherfucker.
PSP

The Fake Shemp

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #50 on: September 24, 2009, 08:38:25 AM »
Yeah, and FBI agents are armed with lollipops and roses.

My solution is a lot less violent than the bureau wiping a shitty, backwater state off the face of the planet. I say, since they hate the government so much, why not just deny them federal funds?

Then we can sit back and watch the entire state fall apart!
PSP

Phoenix Dark

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #51 on: September 24, 2009, 09:00:08 AM »
Wow Willco stop being distinguished mentally-challenged. If the US can't win a land war in Asia, how can the FBI possibly win one in Kentucky?
010

The Fake Shemp

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #52 on: September 24, 2009, 09:09:20 AM »
I'll take the Vietcong over some barely literate, backwater rednecks any day of the week.
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Phoenix Dark

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Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #53 on: September 24, 2009, 09:18:24 AM »
I'll take the Vietcong over some barely literate, backwater rednecks any day of the week.

Kentucky would have the home court advantage and in infinite amount of guns. Most likely the FBI would enter this terrain with no knowledge of the danger ahead. We can assume they'd be moderately armed, perhaps with one (1) support vehicle.

The first thing that would happen is that all the FBI agents' cellphones would lose service, meaning they'd be stuck behind enemy lines with no backup for at least 24 hours. Let's assume the FBI agents would then move their equipment into an abandoned farm shack, heavily surrounded by trees and bushes. It wouldn't take long for Kentuckians to surround the perimeter without being detected. The first victim would most likely be an African American agent sent out to gather sticks for the house's fireplace. His decapitated body probably wouldn't be found until an hour later, when two agents go deep into the woods for sexual intercourse.

Three down, the FBI would be no match as the Kentuckians find a way into the house basement and kill their way upstairs.
010

The Fake Shemp

  • Ebola Carrier
Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #54 on: September 24, 2009, 09:22:11 AM »
That scenario, while chilling and accurate, does not account for the possibility that one of Kentucky insurgents is a undercover CIA operative specialized in domestic terrorism.

Would the operative go along with the slaughter of these FBI agents for the sake of his cover? Or would he use the situation to his advantage, and detonate a small, tactical nuclear device in the midst of the shuffle?
PSP

Great Rumbler

  • Dab on the sinners
  • Global Moderator
Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #55 on: September 24, 2009, 09:23:12 AM »
I'll take the Vietcong over some barely literate, backwater rednecks any day of the week.

Kentucky would have the home court advantage and in infinite amount of guns. Most likely the FBI would enter this terrain with no knowledge of the danger ahead. We can assume they'd be moderately armed, perhaps with one (1) support vehicle.

The first thing that would happen is that all the FBI agents' cellphones would lose service, meaning they'd be stuck behind enemy lines with no backup for at least 24 hours. Let's assume the FBI agents would then move their equipment into an abandoned farm shack, heavily surrounded by trees and bushes. It wouldn't take long for Kentuckians to surround the perimeter without being detected. The first victim would most likely be an African American agent sent out to gather sticks for the house's fireplace. His decapitated body probably wouldn't be found until an hour later, when two agents go deep into the woods for sexual intercourse.

Three down, the FBI would be no match as the Kentuckians find a way into the house basement and kill their way upstairs.

Willco, I think we've got the subject for your next movie!
dog

Phoenix Dark

  • I got no game it's just some bitches understand my story
  • Senior Member
Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #56 on: September 24, 2009, 09:35:47 AM »
I would imagine the syphilis and whiskey would wipe the CIA agent's memory. At least until confronted with the attempted sodomy of his former partner Johnathan's pleas, the CIA agent's memory would come back in a series of slow motion flashback and exposition scenes. Lets assume he would have enough strength to stop the sex act, kill the other three or so members of his Kentuckian cell, and escape the house before it is set on fire by the rest of the Kentuckians, who then dance around the blaze in a bloodlust.

Badly injured, the CIA agent and Johnathan would find the supply vehicle unharmed, and recover the C4 within. With a few hours before daylight, they will then journey deep into the heart of the mountains on a mission that will determine their life or death: the destruction of the local meth lab. It's detonation would send the local denizens into a withdrawal period, allowing the CIA agent to find a payphone and call Washington for backup
010

The Fake Shemp

  • Ebola Carrier
Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #57 on: September 24, 2009, 09:45:13 AM »
Unfortunately, his partner is shot by one of the mountain kinfolk, Buck McGraw, who has been terrorizing the Federal agents throughout the film.

With McGraw's mutant, inbred family en route to the sounds of gunfire (and their distinguished mentally-challenged fellow mutant strength capable of tearing both men limb for limb), Jonathan decides to sacrifice himself with the last case of C4. Tears streaming down his cheek, and blood pouring from his chest wounds, he yells at the protagonist to run away.

The grunts of the mutant inbred children growing closer, the protagonist reluctantly runs through the forest and only looks backwards when he nears the clearing. He sees the hideous group of mutant inbred children descending upon his partner, who slams his hand on the detonator.

His partner, the mutant inbred army, and the meth lab go up in a giant fireball that sends the protagonist flying back two feet.

Johnathan. :'(
PSP

Phoenix Dark

  • I got no game it's just some bitches understand my story
  • Senior Member
Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #58 on: September 24, 2009, 06:09:04 PM »
Further injured and with a broken heart, the agent struggles through the dense forest - ever going up and up a steep climb - the only light coming from the distant moon. The weak light isn't enough to stop him from tripping over what seems to be a rock. Upon closer inspection he realizes this is no rock, but a badly burned body; it must have been thrown into the forest by the violent meth lab explosion. The body is unrecognizable, and covered in a burned lab assistant suit. The left corner of the shirt reads T.E.H.J.A.Y.B.O. Inc. Baffled, the agent recovers his strength and moves on.

After what seems to be hours of walking, the dense forest begins to thin, and the agent can see what seems to be a small town at the bottom of the hill. Slowly he descends the hill. He has no memory of this place. After reaching the bottom, he spots a lone watchmen mere yards away, his right shoulder leaned against a garage. Quietly the agent approaches, and then quickly jumps the man. The struggle doesn't last long, and after breaking the man's neck, the agent checks his pockets. Now armed with a pocket knife, the agent hides the body in the garage. At that moment a scream shatters the silence. Looking out the south window of the garage, the agent spots a horde of Kentuckians descending from the forest. Not long thereafter the small town ignites with life as deformed women and children exit the small houses of the area. Their grunting almost unrecognizable to him, the agent listens closely. To his right he hears the sound of a vehicle coming closer. The FBI supply vehicle. Two Kentuckians exit and move to the back to open the trunk. They drag two prisoners out. "Take them to the garage." Heart pumping, the agent looks around for a place to hide.
« Last Edit: September 24, 2009, 06:11:10 PM by Phoenix Dark »
010

Bloodwake

  • Legend in his own mind
  • Senior Member
Re: kentucky-bore will not stand and be counted.
« Reply #59 on: September 25, 2009, 05:19:31 AM »
They only have one common interest: hatred of the government.

As far as I know, every election in Clay County since, well, ever, has had votes forged or ballot boxes stuffed, from issues all the way from President of the US to County Sheriff.
HLR