Author Topic: For my friend Rocketman (Read 7867 times)

donkey · « **Reply #60 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:33:58 PM »

Quote from: Phoenix Dark on December 13, 2006, 06:31:41 PM

I could sneek into a Mormon temple if I wasn't black. Too bad many mormons think black people are the Devil's people

no no brothers are welcome now!

they just had to wait until they got a SIGN from God*

*the goverment and the NAACP

Saint Cornelius · « **Reply #61 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:34:11 PM »

Quote from: Himuro on December 13, 2006, 06:28:50 PM

Mormans masturbate - but they do it as a family.

Dude, I stopped masturbating when I joined the LDS.

And I've been making up for lost time ever since

Himu · « **Reply #62 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:34:44 PM »

Quote from: donkey on December 13, 2006, 06:33:58 PM

Quote from: Phoenix Dark on December 13, 2006, 06:31:41 PM
I could sneek into a Mormon temple if I wasn't black. Too bad many mormons think black people are the Devil's people

no no brothers are welcome now!

they just had to wait until they got a SIGN from God*

*the goverment and the NAACP

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #63 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:34:45 PM »

Quote from: Himuro on December 13, 2006, 06:33:20 PM

Without the goggles??

They're like CAT PEOPLE.

Even crazier than the LDS Mormons in Utah are the fundamentalists like Warren Jeffs. They live in these crazy backwater towns that have basically become modern day theocracies.

Himu · « **Reply #64 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:35:26 PM »

Quote from: Saint Cornelius on December 13, 2006, 06:34:11 PM

Quote from: Himuro on December 13, 2006, 06:28:50 PM
Mormans masturbate - but they do it as a family.

Dude, I stopped masturbating when I joined the LDS.

And I've been making up for lost time ever since

Goddamit. Everytime I see LDS I think LSD.

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #65 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:35:31 PM »

Utah Mormons are FUCK SCARY. I didnt even like the Mesa Mormons and they're at least normal in front of the public.

donkey · « **Reply #66 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:35:48 PM »

Orson Scott Card is a batshit Mormon also...

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #67 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:36:04 PM »

They should basically remake Deliverance, except put four Los Angeles teens on their way to a rock concert that break down in this outskirt town that is run by fundamentalist Mormons.

Himu · « **Reply #68 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:36:21 PM »

Quote from: MrAngryFace on December 13, 2006, 06:35:31 PM

Utah Mormons are FUCK SCARY. I didnt even like the Mesa Mormons and they're at least normal in front of the public.

What did the Utah Mormons act like?

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #69 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:36:42 PM »

They'll swallow your soul!

Himu · « **Reply #70 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:37:01 PM »

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #71 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:37:09 PM »

I've only heard stories, but apparently they still follow the crazy OLD MORMON LAW which means polygamy and uhh lots of other messed up shit.

donkey · « **Reply #72 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:37:18 PM »

Quote from: Willco on December 13, 2006, 06:36:42 PM

They'll swallow your soul!

WHOLE.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #73 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:37:53 PM »

As long as you're fourteen and not a direct daughter - you gonna get raped by some extended family member.

donkey · « **Reply #74 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:39:44 PM »

Quote from: MrAngryFace on December 13, 2006, 06:37:09 PM

I've only heard stories, but apparently they still follow the crazy OLD MORMON LAW which means polygamy and uhh lots of other messed up shit.

that's the RLDS.

which is another funny thing about mormons. they try to distance themselves from the RLDS....even though the RLDS actually follows the scriptures to the letter. the 'regular' mormons just ignore certain parts.

it still literally says " if you don't take 'plural' wives...you are doomed".

i've met many mormons that weren't 'aware' of that fact.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #75 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:41:44 PM »

You're all doooooomed!

donkey · « **Reply #76 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:43:03 PM »

Quote from: Willco on December 13, 2006, 06:41:44 PM

You're all doooooomed!

not me.

i'm halfway there...

Saint Cornelius · « **Reply #77 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:43:58 PM »

Quote from: donkey on December 13, 2006, 06:39:44 PM

that's the RLDS.

which is another funny thing about mormons. they try to distance themselves from the RLDS....even though the RLDS actually follows the scriptures to the letter. the 'regular' mormons just ignore certain parts.

it still literally says " if you don't take 'plural' wives...you are doomed".

i've met many mormons that weren't 'aware' of that fact.

sounds like Roman & his posse on Big Love.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #78 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:45:37 PM »

From what I can gather, he's from a fundamentalist family, but he seems to lean to more mainstream values - except for the fact that he sleeps with multiple women.

donkey · « **Reply #79 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:48:41 PM »

i seem to know more about the Book of Mormon than most Mormons do.

i can rip that religion to SHREDS.

hay guyz! did you know that Native Americans = Jews!

they came from Isreal i hear!

Saint Cornelius · « **Reply #80 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:49:30 PM »

so did you start breaking it down because of your woman, donkey?

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #81 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:50:15 PM »

Yeah, that's the biggest flaw of the origins. Or that their promised land kept moving farther and farther West after every violent episode.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #82 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:51:04 PM »

Is the part where Jesus wasn't actually in the tomb for three days but chillaxin in the U.S. ministering to Native Americans secret or not? I can't remember.

Well not secret anymore lol.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #83 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:51:53 PM »

Also, the EARF is only a few thousand years old.

donkey · « **Reply #84 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:54:06 PM »

Quote from: Saint Cornelius on December 13, 2006, 06:49:30 PM

so did you start breaking it down because of your woman, donkey?

yeah.

i met her long ago and she tried to get me into it....so i read practically the whole book.

.....then i worked on destroying theories.

but i didn't give her any sort of ultimatum. i just told her i had some questions....

so we went and talked to her bishop....and he couldn't answer shit.

we ended up breaking up for awhile because i obviously wasn't into it and it's all she knew.

fast forward a couple years and she ends up getting engaged to some mormon shriv, i run into her.....we elope.

mormons fuck owned.

Saint Cornelius · « **Reply #85 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:55:05 PM »

feel good story of the year! right on man

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #86 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:56:13 PM »

Wow, that's like a Vince Vaughn romantic comedy

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #87 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:56:37 PM »

that story rules! donkey is my anti-Mormon.

donkey · « **Reply #88 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:56:42 PM »

Quote from: Willco on December 13, 2006, 06:50:15 PM

Yeah, that's the biggest flaw of the origins. Or that their promised land kept moving farther and farther West after every violent episode.

that's only the beginning...

where the fuck is ONE artifact from the battle involving MILLIONS on the Hill Comorah (or whatever it's called)? they had sheilds, swords.....WHERE IS ONE PIECE?

don't get me started...

donkey · « **Reply #89 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:58:35 PM »

everyone loves that story.

i work with a bunch of mormons (i met my wife here. she was the receptionist)

and i'm like a hero to the non-mormons here.

AUHAUAHUAUAHAUAH

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #90 on:** December 13, 2006, 07:00:43 PM »

VINCE VAUGN. JENNIFER ANISTON.

in

THE UN-MORMONIST

SUMMER 2007

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #91 on:** December 13, 2006, 07:03:11 PM »

When I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives
Guess he was a Mormon lol

Let's give donkey a tag! I suggest, "The Vince Vaughn of Mormonism"

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #92 on:** December 13, 2006, 07:07:38 PM »

This thread ended up being so much better than any thread about Rocketman had a right to be...

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #93 on:** December 13, 2006, 07:08:17 PM »

Seriously, am I the only one who can imagine a comedy where Vince Vaughn is sitting in a chair with Aniston, and posing these questions to a Mormon bishop?

"So, like, uh, if there were all these "millions" of people fighting, weren't there'd be, uh, a trace - maybe a single shred of evidence - that this event or thing or whatever happened? Eh, buddy?" [smartass glance]

donkey · « **Reply #94 on:** December 13, 2006, 07:08:47 PM »

Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on December 13, 2006, 07:03:11 PM

When I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives
Guess he was a Mormon lol

Let's give donkey a tag! I suggest, "The Vince Vaughn of Mormonism"

awesome.

donkey · « **Reply #95 on:** December 13, 2006, 07:11:51 PM »

i'm happier about it than i look:

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #96 on:** December 13, 2006, 07:20:31 PM »

Quote from: donkey on December 13, 2006, 07:11:51 PM

i'm happier about it than i look:

(Image removed from quote.)

how many pets do you have, you filthy mormon lover!

donkey · « **Reply #97 on:** December 13, 2006, 07:22:10 PM »

just as i was looking up that word before the edit.....

donkey · « **Reply #98 on:** December 13, 2006, 07:22:32 PM »

just those two.

Himu · « **Reply #99 on:** December 13, 2006, 07:27:06 PM »

Quote from: donkey on December 13, 2006, 07:22:32 PM

just those two.

Mupepe · « **Reply #100 on:** December 13, 2006, 08:04:29 PM »

Don't cry to me. If you loved me, you would be here with me.

Saint Cornelius · « **Reply #101 on:** December 13, 2006, 08:06:34 PM »

Quote from: donkey on December 13, 2006, 07:11:51 PM

i'm happier about it than i look:

(Image removed from quote.)

lols

donkey

donkey · « **Reply #102 on:** December 13, 2006, 08:28:34 PM »

i see you Synthesizer....

are you beating off to my dog!?

The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment · « **Reply #103 on:** December 13, 2006, 08:59:48 PM »

GHEY THREAD TOTAL

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Author Topic: For my friend Rocketman (Read 7867 times)