Trust me: I'm an expert at eating crackers and acting like I own the place.
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FORT COLLINS, Colo. – The parents who set off a worldwide drama by reporting their 6-year-old son was inside a flying saucer-like helium balloon hurtling over Colorado concocted the stunt to market themselves for a television show, a sheriff said Sunday.Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden said at an extraordinarily candid news conference that the boy, Falcon Heene, may not have even been hiding in the rafters of the family's garage during the intense five-hour search for him Thursday afternoon."For all we know he may have been two blocks down the road playing on the swing in the city park," the sheriff said.Alderden said the parents Richard and Mayumi Heene "put on a very good show for us, and we bought it."The sheriff said no charges had been filed yet, and the parents weren't under arrest. He said he expected to recommend charges of conspiracy, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, making a false report to authorities and attempting to influence a public servant.Some of the most serious charges each carry a maximum sentence of six years in prison and a $500,000 fine.Richard and Mayumi Heene were shopping at Wal-Mart with their three sons as Alderden told reporters at the sheriff's station that the whole thing was a hoax.Richard Heene said he's "seeking counsel," though it was unclear whether he was talking about hiring an attorney."This thing has become so convoluted," Heene told The Associated Press as tears welled up in his eyes.He said his wife was holding together better than he was.The sheriff said all three of the Heenes' sons knew of the Thursday hoax, but likely won't face charges because of their ages. The oldest son is 10. One of the boys told investigators he saw his brother get in the balloon's box before it launched.Heene, a storm chaser and inventor, and his family have appeared on the reality show "Wife Swap." Alderden said the couple met in acting school in Hollywood. Richard Heene has described himself as an amateur scientist, but Alderden said Heene has only a high school education."He may be nutty, but he's not a professor," Alderden said.Alderden said interviews with the parents Saturday resulted in enough information to get a warrant to search the house. He said they were looking for computers, e-mails, phone records and financial records.Alderden said the children were still with the parents Sunday morning, and child protective services had been contacted to investigate the children's well-being.Alderden was asked whether officials had concerns for Falcon's safety after the child's comment on CNN that raised doubts for investigators. The boy turned to his dad during the interview Thursday night and said what sounded like "you said we did this for a show" when asked why he didn't come out of his hiding place.On Friday, Falcon got sick during two separate TV interviews Friday when asked again why he hid."Clearly, from all indications, Mr. Heene has somewhat of a temper," Alderden said.Alderden said officials tried Saturday to persuade Mayumi Heene to go to a safe house, but she declined."We talked to her at length about domestic violence, about her safety, about her children's safety," the sheriff said. "We have a concern, but we didn't have enough that would allow us or child protective services to physically take the kids from that environment."A Colorado State University physics professor, using dimensions given by Richard Heene, had told sheriff's officials as they were tracking the balloon Thursday that it was plausible for it to lift off with 37-pound Falcon inside.Once the device landed, sheriff's officials discovered it was made with plastic tarps taped together and covered with aluminum foil, with a utility box made of a very thin piece of plywood, cardboard on the side, held together with string and duct tape, Alderden said.Using the true dimensions, the professor determined it could not have launched with the boy inside, Alderden said.
Lane said the Heenes "are more than willing to voluntarily turn themselves in to face any charges which may be filed against them ... to avoid the public spectacle."
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
So the family is gonna get fucked? On one hand it's good to see the father won't get the fame he craved, but on the other hand this will probably fuck up that family even more
Balloon boy parents get jail time, tough probationFORT COLLINS, Colo. – The parents who carried out the balloon boy hoax were sentenced to jail Wednesday and given strict probation conditions that forbid them from earning any money from the spectacle for four years.Richard Heene was sentenced to 90 days in jail, including 60 days of work release that will let him pursue his job as a construction contractor while serving his time. His wife, Mayumi, was sentenced to 20 days in jail.Richard Heene choked back tears as he said he was sorry, especially to the rescue workers who chased down false reports that his 6-year-old son had floated away in a balloon on Oct. 15. It was a stunt designed to generate attention for a reality TV show."I do want to reiterate that I'm very, very sorry. And I want to apologize to all the rescue workers out there, and the people that got involved in the community. That's it," said Richard Heene, whose wife did not speak at the hearing.Larimer County District Judge Stephen Schapanski then ordered Heene to begin a 30-day jail term on Jan. 11, delaying the start of the sentence for two weeks so he can spend the holidays with his family. Schapanski allowed Heene to serve the remaining 60 days of his jail term under work release, meaning he can work during the day but spend his nights in jail.The Heenes' probation will be revoked if they are found to be profiting from any book, TV, movie or other deals related to the stunt."This, in simple terms, was an elaborate hoax that was devised by Mr. and Mrs. Heene," the judge said.The Heenes pleaded guilty to charges that they carried out the balloon hoax, with deals that called for up to 90 days in jail for the husband and 60 days for his wife.Schapanski ordered Mayumi Heene to serve 20 days in jail after her husband completes his sentence. Her time served is flexible — she can report to jail on 10 weekends, for example — so the children are cared for, the judge said.Prosecutors asked for the maximum sentence for the husband, saying that a message needs to be sent to promoters who attempt to carry out hoaxes to generate publicity. Chief Deputy District Attorney Andrew Lewis also asked for full restitution to reimburse authorities for the cost of investigating the hoax — an amount that could exceed $50,000."People around the world were watching this unfold," he said. "Mr. Heene wasted a lot of manpower and a lot of money in wanting to get himself some publicity."He added, "Jay Leno said it best when he said, 'This is copycat game.' And people will copycat this event. (The Heenes) need to go to jail so people don't do that."He portrayed the Heenes as growing increasingly desperate as their pitches for a reality TV show kept getting turned down by networks — and the family fell deeper into a financial hole. Lewis said the Heenes set in motion the balloon hoax in early October as a way to jumpstart the effort and get some attention.They chose Oct. 15 because the weather was cooperating and the kids were home for school with parent-teacher conferences, allowing the Heenes to report that 6-year-old Falcon had floated away, Lewis said.Once the parents were brought in for questioning, Richard Heene feigned sleep during the lie-detector test, claiming it was some sort of diabetic episode, Lewis said.David Lane, Richard Heene's attorney, pleaded for leniency with the judge and said that the couple "have learned a lesson they will never forget for the rest of their lives." He also said that if someone has to go to jail, let it be Richard Heene and not his wife."That is his plea. That would be something of a Christmas miracle if that can occur," he said.
Once the parents were brought in for questioning, Richard Heene feigned sleep during the lie-detector test, claiming it was some sort of diabetic episode, Lewis said.
Hope he doesn't mind anal rape.
