Help me become an extrovert

[Himu]

My problem mostly stems from the people I'm around in the first place, I guess. I have "friends", well, actually I don't think I know anyone I'd consider an actual friend except one person (being my ex). Everyone else is an acquaintance. I can't talk about deeper stuff with them, and I find almost all of the relationships to be superficial at best.

It has nothing to do with interests, either. I just find that most people I meet aren't worth being friends with to begin with.

How can I be more social? How can I meet people actually worth talking to? Are my standards for friendship too high? I've taken small baby steps by (almost) quitting gaming, and now attempting to be on the internet less.

This is a personal goal I'd like to meet before leaving college because college is the best place to do it, but I hate these people. Help!

[Flannel Boy]

I got nothing.

[Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich]

This is Introvert Central, USA Himu; you won't get any help here

But yeah, I would work on that before you leave college, from my experience it's really hard to get quality friends at work. Especially if you aren't the barhopping type.

[MCD]

How can I be more social?

Buy a Zune.

[Himu]

I don't mind bars, I just don't think I can obtain quality friendship from such places. That said, I did what Willco did about tip (give tip for half of your total), and now the waiter is doing me favors and actively persuing conversation. So that's neat.

[Himu]

Maybe I should volunteer more.

[Beezy]

Don't look for friends at bars, hang out at bars with acquaintances is what I think he meant.

[Don Flamenco]

you can't really become an extrovert.   maybe with medication. 

if you want to have more productive conversations, just ask a lot of questions. 

[Himu]

I have plenty of people I can play games with. I guess they could be considered friends, but we don't really talk much. Again, I have a different group who I see movies with. I'm going with a different group tomorrow to a concert. On Monday's I go to the bar to watch MNF.

So I have different groups for different activities, but the relationships are pretty vapid and transparent.

I guess my problem isn't getting acquaintances. For me that's the easy part. For me, the hard part is turning that acquaintance into an actual friend. I struggle getting past the superficiality and it dominates most of my relationships.

if you want to have more productive conversations, just ask a lot of questions. 

What type of questions? General small talk? I'm good with that, but it never really leads to anything.

[Himu]

Another problem I have is hearing. I guess I should invest in a hearing aid, but I have this feeling that'll only make things worse ("haha, you have a hearing aid" ;etc)

[Bebpo]

Energy from something

dunno, I don't have energy anymore.  

[Rman]

Join stuff--co-ed sports, take classes, dancing or cooking, for example.  Try to get involved in 2 to 3 organizations you care about.  One you leave the social structure of school, you have to be more proactive about meeting new people and maintaining friendships.

[Don Flamenco]

if you already have acquaintances, hang out with them more?   People take time.  if you don't talk about yourself or relate to other people's stories much, think about doing that more.  

[brawndolicious]

I don't really see the problem with having different "acquaintances" for different events.  It sounds like you're getting upset over nothing or you're not sure what to expect from a friend.

[Madrun Badrun]

I got nothing.

I made a Socially Awkward Penguin for Malek and I

[Himu]

I don't really see the problem with having different "acquaintances" for different events.  It sounds like you're getting upset over nothing or you're not sure what to expect from a friend.

Do I really seem in upset in my posts in this thread? I treat more like an issue I have a problem with and like everything else, would like to fix it.

As for not sure what to expect from a friend, that's possible.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

In spite of the past couple of months, I'm pretty social but I'm fairly certain I'm introverted.

I never had problems getting invited to parties or hang outs or whatever because I think anyway, that I'm an interesting person.  You got to make it seem like your time is valuable.  If you're always down to hang out, your perceived social value probably won't be too high.  I had friends from various cliques so I wasn't able to hit every party or be with the same group of people 100%  So I suppose in a way I made myself more valuable because I had other friends, other hobbies, and tried to make sure I added something to the group.

Of course, if you pretend your busy and your friends find out that you spend your "busy" time on the internet, then it is game over for you.  So be an interesting person that has shit to do and have things going for you.  It snowballs from there.

Take that for what it is.

[Tieno]

Introduce some of those acquaintances to EB so you can talk and open up to them here.

[Himu]

Himuro is weird: news at 9

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I guess I would agree with am nintenho about what you expect from acquaintances.  I've always had a couple of very good friends in which we go back 12 years or so.  Then you have more decent friends, dudes that you spend a lot of time with (yes homo) but not ones in your inner circle and vice versa, if you know what I mean.  Then you have a lot of acquaintances, the dudes you say "we got to hang out some time" but never actually follow through with them on that?  Those are what acquaintances are to me.  They're usually the friends of friends or the people you wound up kicking a few beers back with in a bar or a club.  Then you got the larger pool of people you're generally pleasant with but never really hang out with.  You know their names and vice versa and probably have them on Facebook but that is about it.

Himuro Internet regular on a message is weird: news at 9

fixt

[tehjaybo]

If we knew how to be extroverts, we wouldn't have 1000+ posts on an online message board.

/thread

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

If we knew how to be extroverts, we wouldn't have 1000+ posts on an online message board.

/thread

I agree

[Himu]

But...that just described the whole situation pretty well, so maybe it's not my expectations at all. Most of the old friends I had from childhood have grown apart, so that first category is definitely currently vacant unless you count family. The decent friends, people who you generally hang out with on the occasion... I have some of those, but it leaves me completely unfulfilled.

Am I wrong in my opinion that most people you know will be in the acquaintances or "people who's name you know but don't talk to" pool? I've come to the idea that the people I hang out with on occasions feel more like acquaintances, though. I don't know why, I think I have trust issues.

[Himu]

I am going to try out what you suggest texp.

I am going to say yes to any social query for now on and see what happens.

"Wanna play some pool?" Sure, why not.

"Wanna go get a beer?" Why the fuck not?

Hopefully that'll help me get past my trust issues, but I doubt it.

Maybe I should invest in a hearing aid. I think that's my biggest problem. Ever since my hearing got wtf, I tend to shy away from social situations on purpose because people get annoyed with/laugh at the fact I can't hear them and I have to clarify a lot. Or I'll get tired of asking,"Could you repeat that?" and just play along, acting like I heard what the fuck they said when they're practically whispering to me.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

But...that just described the whole situation pretty well, so maybe it's not my expectations at all. Most of the old friends I had from childhood have grown apart, so that first category is definitely currently vacant unless you count family. The decent friends, people who you generally hang out with on the occasion... I have some of those, but it leaves me completely unfulfilled.

Am I wrong in my opinion that most people you know will be in the acquaintances or "people who's name you know but don't talk to" pool? I've come to the idea that the people I hang out with on occasions feel more like acquaintances, though. I don't know why, I think I have trust issues.

Just an out of my ass guess but as we get older, friends move away for jobs, start families, etc.  We're all busy people but if we can find some time to hang out every once in a great while, that is still good enough for me.

I've been posting a lot in this thread because I've been thinking about this quite a bit.  Maybe it's just the first year since graduating college and moving away from most of my friends and I'm taking mental stock of how it's been.  It hasn't been very good - I moved away to where I'm mostly isolated.  That and the heavy work weeks have crippled my social life enough to where there isn't one but even so, I still find ways to hang out with friends once or twice a month.  It isn't enough and I'm going to need to take the advice I've dished.

Although if I get that transfer, I'm right with a lot of my friends again.  I'd like to get it but if not, I'm going to have to start moving on from the college days into new interests and hobbies.  Whatever it is right now is not working for me.

[Himu]

Just an out of my ass guess but as we get older, friends move away for jobs, start families, etc.  We're all busy people but if we can find some time to hang out every once in a great while, that is still good enough for me.

It's either this or the fact we're all such different people to begin with now.

For example, in High School, I was a total gaming nerd and most of my friends were as such.

But now, unless there's a game I really really like, I won't touch a controller for a 1-2 months. Our interests have shifted, we no longer have a common point of interest and they show little growth in their behavior (ie. living at home with mom and dad without a job or going to school, and lacking even an AA degree). There's clearly a conflict here and I don't want to be associated with such people any longer.

Past that, there's also people I grew up with either from school or church, who aren't into games. That's cool, but even they've been relegated to "hey, let's hang out sometime" people which never ever comes through.

So I recognize the problem in my situation but...finding new friends...that's the tough part. It doesn't help I attend out of state. I might as well go back to Texas. I don't feel fulfilled education-wise or relationship-wise in Florida and I hate this place.

[Flannel Boy]

(Image removed from quote.)

  :'(

[Madrun Badrun]

ya  :'(

[The Fake Shemp]

Here, I'll give you some advice:

1. Don't ask for real advice from people on the Internet for starters
2. Don't care what people think
3. Cocky/Funny
4.
5. PROFIT!!!

[Beezy]

That socially awkward penguin works for me a lot too.

I don't feel that way when I'm with my best friends though.

[Don Flamenco]

I am going to try out what you suggest texp.

I am going to say yes to any social query for now on and see what happens.

"Wanna play some pool?" Sure, why not.

"Wanna go get a beer?" Why the fuck not?

Hopefully that'll help me get past my trust issues, but I doubt it.

Maybe I should invest in a hearing aid. I think that's my biggest problem. Ever since my hearing got wtf, I tend to shy away from social situations on purpose because people get annoyed with/laugh at the fact I can't hear them and I have to clarify a lot. Or I'll get tired of asking,"Could you repeat that?" and just play along, acting like I heard what the fuck they said when they're practically whispering to me.

Sounds like a hearing aid would help a lot.  Go to an ear doctor, see what they can do.  I imagine they make pretty discreet ones these days...and sure, people will notice it at first, but they'll ignore it after a bit.  Acknowledge it, have a laugh, move on in the conversation.  And yeah, if people are asking you to go out and you're saying no, there's your problem...even if it's annoying to have to ask them to repeat themselves a lot, they're asking you to go out--they want your company--so it's not annoying them that much.   

Just an out of my ass guess but as we get older, friends move away for jobs, start families, etc.  We're all busy people but if we can find some time to hang out every once in a great while, that is still good enough for me.

It's either this or the fact we're all such different people to begin with now.

For example, in High School, I was a total gaming nerd and most of my friends were as such.

But now, unless there's a game I really really like, I won't touch a controller for a 1-2 months. Our interests have shifted, we no longer have a common point of interest and they show little growth in their behavior (ie. living at home with mom and dad without a job or going to school, and lacking even an AA degree). There's clearly a conflict here and I don't want to be associated with such people any longer.

Past that, there's also people I grew up with either from school or church, who aren't into games. That's cool, but even they've been relegated to "hey, let's hang out sometime" people which never ever comes through.

So I recognize the problem in my situation but...finding new friends...that's the tough part. It doesn't help I attend out of state. I might as well go back to Texas. I don't feel fulfilled education-wise or relationship-wise in Florida and I hate this place.

the one time I had "hardcore" gamer friends, I ditched them within a few months.  they were exactly as you described.  shit was depressing...ask them about anything, get a weak response, then "HEY did you hear about [gaming thing]?!" ugh.  I met them at this community college.  Turned out that most of them dropped out of community college...how in the hell do you pull that off?    

how far are you into school?  you can always transfer back home.  you probably should if you hate it where you are. 

[Mandark]

I've found that people are a lot more comfortable making new acquaintances and dealing with social situations if they can feel a shared cultural bond, something that makes their experiences relatable and helps them understand each other.

Have you considered maybe converting to Islam and seeing if that helps?

[Barry Egan]

 

[FlameOfCallandor]

Dude, put the anime down and do shit that involves other people.

[Himu]

I really don't watch anime, foc.

[Himu]

I've found that people are a lot more comfortable making new acquaintances and dealing with social situations if they can feel a shared cultural bond, something that makes their experiences relatable and helps them understand each other.

Have you considered maybe converting to Islam and seeing if that helps?

[FlameOfCallandor]

Join some clubs on campus. I ept myself busy and even met my girlfriend of almost 3 years that way.

[Madrun Badrun]

I've found that people are a lot more comfortable making new acquaintances and dealing with social situations if they can feel a shared cultural bond, something that makes their experiences relatable and helps them understand each other.

Have you considered maybe converting to Islam and seeing if that helps?

 

[The Fake Shemp]

Mandark is gold.

... Why are you trying to become an extrovert? Why don't you find a set of friends that are comfortable with you being introverted? Not everyone is a social butterfly, and trying to fit a round peg in a square hole usually ends up badly.

[Human Snorenado]

People are overrated.

[Phoenix Dark]

Meeting good friends is kinda a natural process; there's no guarantee going to some place will ensure you meet who you're looking for. I met most of my best friends during high school years, whereas I've met only a handful at university.

The best thing to do is try to meet new people I guess. Maybe join some clubs at school

[Himu]

Mandark is gold.

... Why are you trying to become an extrovert? Why don't you find a set of friends that are comfortable with you being introverted? Not everyone is a social butterfly, and trying to fit a round peg in a square hole usually ends up badly.

I put the wrong word in the thread title. I meant to say 'more sociable'. I know I can't be extroverted, because that's not who I am, it's just the word that initially sprang to mind.

[drew]

This is Introvert Central, USA Himu; you won't get any help here

speak for yourself

[demi]

People are useless Himu, dont worry about conversing with them. You're better off

[EmCeeGrammar]

Don't go to the internet for help.  I've made some progress, and the main contributor to "confidence" is  realising that no matter what, you can't ruin things for yourself easily.  What I mean for you to do is say whatever, do whatever.  In time you'll learn what works and what to say and what doesn't and there won't be any severe consequences by going this route.  I act like an immature asshole alot but alot of the people I  may piss off one day get over it really quickly.  I'm generally liked at work.  My main problem is that I just have a distinct lack of interest in many things, so its hard to maintain a conversation.  Yet if I wanted to pretend interested you'd be surprised how long you can keep someone talking about themselves/interests with the right open-ended questions.

[CrystalGemini]

Why not just love who you are, work at your faults and improve your strengths?

[Barry Egan]

Okay, so you've renounced your faith, and while the perceived subversiveness provided a small kick to the system, the feeling of discontent has returned stronger than ever.  So what options are left for those who don't want to lose face by returning to the Mosque/Church but still need a constant external source of re-affirmation? 

I think its time for Himu to go Self Help. 

[Barry Egan]

I found some essentials for you to start with Humumu



Fuck extroverts!  Curl up in to your Snuggie knowing that it is you who has the real advantage. 



Oprah recommended!



Tom Butler-Bowdon "List of Other Books" has inspired many to have their extremely lazy book idea become a reality!

[FlameOfCallandor]

 

To stop being a nerd just read all these books.

[tiesto]

I'm a pretty introverted dude, but I never really had too much trouble meeting new people... whether it be at work or college. I am lucky in that I still have many of the friends I've had since 11th grade (only problem is that lately they have been extremely reclusive). It takes me a bit of time to open up to people, but the best way to do it is to go along when you are invited to a social event, or attempt to make conversation. When I started my job at NGC, 5 years ago, I was afraid since I didn't know anybody. But I met quite a few people just from talking to them a lot and getting to know them. When they invited me along places, initially I hesitated, since they were a bit of a drive away from me and liked going to more "meat market" type bars. Then I decided "what the hell?", especially after my core group of friends got more and more reclusive.

Ended up having a lot of fun hanging out with the work kids, since they were a bit more proactive and easygoing. Just, if people invite you out, take them up on the offer.. or throw your own party/gathering and invite people. Just keep working at it, and eventually you will find people you just "click" with and are comfortable opening up to.

[Bildi]

As Kranz said, I don't think you can change from introvert to extrovert.  As I understand, an introvert is someone who gets energized from being alone and drained from being around others.  An extrovert gets energized from being around others.

Most of my friends are introverts but I have one friend who is a dead-set extrovert.  We both really enjoy spending time together but afterwards I feel totally drained, whereas she has said she feels like bouncing off the walls.  I never understood why until I read about the fundamental difference between introverts and extroverts.

As an introvert you're probably never going to be able to have tons and tons of friends and be around them all the time because you'll be perpetually drained. 

But it does sound like you could give the people you do meet more of a chance to be your friend. 

[Cormacaroni]

If the only two classifications for everyone are 'introvert' or 'extrovert', I call bullshit. I'd say those are the far ends of the bell curve, with most people being neither.

[Barry Egan]

If the only two classifications for everyone are 'introvert' or 'extrovert', I call bullshit. I'd say those are the far ends of the bell curve, with most people being neither.

strongly agree.

[Mupepe]

fuck you too, himu.  i guess i'm just a motherfucking acquaintance.  :p

try to branch out your interests a little.  take a dancing class.  hell, even join an anime club or something maybe.  sure, a lot of them will be weirdos, but there will probably be another normal there.  join clubs.  anything.  the problem is that you're in the same circle over and over.  the chances of you meeting someone new is slim.  Think back to HS.  How did you usually meet people?  through new classes right?  Just branch out a bit.  that's really all i've got, buddy.

[Himu]

Uh thanks for the tips, I guess? I'm more offended you'd suggest an anime club though. I don't even watch animu anymore and have mostly come to loath it.

[Mupepe]

you love it!

[Himu]

You're right. I jack off to hentai too.

[Reb]

This thread is so fucking stupid.

[Himu]

I'm sorry I can't please you Rebiak. How's a lil' sugah?

[Madrun Badrun]

You're right. I jack off to hentai too.

bookmarking this post to use at a latter date.