Author Topic: Lube, really? I mean really?  (Read 4448 times)

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WrikaWrek

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Lube, really? I mean really?
« on: February 18, 2010, 03:23:44 PM »
So, today i gave a ride to this girl that i know from university, and well she invited me in whatever whatever who gives a shit. I start feeling cash when we are in her room and she is sitting on her bed with this very "well?" pose, a kid would miss the chance, and well you roll the dice and either hit it or not.

Jackpot, things are going smooth, until she breaks out the lube from her bedside...suddenly i don't know what to do, i mean really? What kind of ho move is that. I'm perplexed, i give her the O face sooner than expected, and she's all let's get the party started but i'm still in my "what the fuck" zone.

She puts me the condom, and then she lubs it and......she sticks it....and i can't feel a thing. All i see is this girl jumping up and down, smashing my balls with each hit, i don't know if the noises are her making them or if its my dick sliding and splashing in a sea of drift oil, it's getting so intense from her part, my dick is starting to bend, and i start loosing my hood.....she doesn't even say shit, she breaks out dildo, and then i get really scared and she starts doing it herself until she comes.

Then the shame moment, she pats me in the chest twice and says she's gonna take a shower, she will see me tomorrow. I left pale as shit, came home, pet my dog, and opened evilbore.

What the fuck do i do now?

Howard Alan Treesong

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2010, 03:26:06 PM »
:patel
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Reb

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2010, 03:26:24 PM »
Did you come?
brb

HyperZoneWasAwesome

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2010, 03:27:33 PM »
worst case scenario...

post-op transexual who can't naturally lubricate.  But I'm sure you've got nothing to worry about, nope, not at all.

MCD

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2010, 03:27:44 PM »
buy her a strapon.

WrikaWrek

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2010, 03:28:30 PM »
Did you come?

No.

worst case scenario...

post-op transexual who can't naturally lubricate.  But I'm sure you've got nothing to worry about, nope, not at all.

She's 21. Doubt she's a transexual.

Howard Alan Treesong

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #6 on: February 18, 2010, 03:29:11 PM »
No, she's probably a post-op cheeseburger. Occam's Razor.
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HyperZoneWasAwesome

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2010, 03:29:50 PM »
or on antidepressants or some joy-juice killing meds of some sort.

Reb

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2010, 03:31:30 PM »
Did you come?

No.

Jerk it to some porn, admire her equal opportunity abuse of you.
brb

HyperZoneWasAwesome

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #9 on: February 18, 2010, 03:31:57 PM »
by which I really mean, antidepressants because she misses her dick.

Mupepe

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #10 on: February 18, 2010, 03:32:56 PM »

Barry Egan

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #11 on: February 18, 2010, 03:33:06 PM »
sounds like you need to learn how to respect yourself by learning when to say "no" .  Your body is your temple, WrikaWrek.  

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #12 on: February 18, 2010, 03:33:27 PM »
Was she on top of you, I can't really get a mental picture of this
010

Mupepe

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #13 on: February 18, 2010, 03:34:11 PM »
that sound shitty for you.  she's probably going to tell everyone she had to finish herself off because you couldn't do the job. 

Herr Mafflard

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #14 on: February 18, 2010, 03:39:55 PM »
 :lol you gonna get raped again tommorow.

let's hope he's not the clingy type

this is karma for you visualizing your dog that one time and going limp

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #15 on: February 18, 2010, 03:41:38 PM »
I can just imagine Wricka doing the Charlie Brown walk outside to his rented Ferrari
010

demi

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #16 on: February 18, 2010, 03:46:53 PM »
rofl. BUT GUIZE I HAD SEX
fat

drew

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #17 on: February 18, 2010, 03:47:24 PM »
did you like aziz ansari?

rhetorical question, i know

drew

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #18 on: February 18, 2010, 03:48:16 PM »
sounds like you need to learn how to respect yourself by learning when to say "nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" .  Your body is your temple, WrikaWrek.  

fixed

Robo

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #19 on: February 18, 2010, 03:48:36 PM »
Don't get the wrong idea, pal, she's not usually like that.
obo

drew

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #20 on: February 18, 2010, 03:49:38 PM »
no girl has ever said that to me, probably because she knows i dont care

Tieno

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #21 on: February 18, 2010, 03:51:20 PM »
You're no Kosma

smh
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Howard Alan Treesong

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #22 on: February 18, 2010, 04:00:25 PM »
Why can't I stay hard?  If only there was a way to compensate...

[youtube=560,345][/youtube]
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Brehvolution

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #23 on: February 18, 2010, 04:00:49 PM »
Now you know what it feels like to be a girl.
©ZH

WrikaWrek

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #24 on: February 18, 2010, 04:04:35 PM »
Was she on top of you, I can't really get a mental picture of this

Yeah, she was on top.

did you like aziz ansari?

rhetorical question, i know

Loved it.

The guy is some funny ass shit, i didn't realize before that he was the funniest dude in Observe and Report. "You could swing a dead cat around here and hit a good guitar player"

rofl. BUT GUIZE I HAD SEX

Yes, exactly what i'm trying to say....suck it you nerds...you...virgins...  :spitzer

tehjaybo

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #25 on: February 18, 2010, 04:31:28 PM »
Some chicks just prefer more lube.  Man up.  If she was cute, what was the issue?  Maintaining wood is part mental.  Once you were like "wtf?" your dick went into "well, time to get the fuck outta here" mode and went bye bye.  It's happened to me before when I have been in awkward situations (IE: Threesomes, getting jumped by hot chick I barely knew, etc etc)
HURR

Mupepe

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #26 on: February 18, 2010, 04:48:49 PM »
crazy bitches being crazy is a turn off.  just like girls who make over exaggerated porn sounds.  shut the fuck up. 

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #27 on: February 18, 2010, 05:14:11 PM »
Some chicks just prefer more lube.  Man up.  If she was cute, what was the issue?  Maintaining wood is part mental.  Once you were like "wtf?" your dick went into "well, time to get the fuck outta here" mode and went bye bye.  It's happened to me before when I have been in awkward situations (IE: Threesomes, getting jumped by hot chick I barely knew, etc etc)

two dudes, one chick?
010

Diunx

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #28 on: February 18, 2010, 05:17:30 PM »
I still can't believe you are not black.

Some chicks just prefer more lube.  Man up.  If she was cute, what was the issue?  Maintaining wood is part mental.  Once you were like "wtf?" your dick went into "well, time to get the fuck outta here" mode and went bye bye.  It's happened to me before when I have been in awkward situations (IE: Threesomes, getting jumped by hot chick I barely knew, etc etc)

two dudes, one chick?

I believe the other kind only happens in porn sadly.
Drunk

Saint Cornelius

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #29 on: February 18, 2010, 05:21:28 PM »
i'm pretty sure nobody in this thread has ever been laid, or if they have, they were some minutemen for sure.
dap

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #30 on: February 18, 2010, 05:23:19 PM »
Well you're in this thread now too Saint  :smug

Mupepe

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #31 on: February 18, 2010, 05:23:39 PM »
Is that including or excluding you, SC?

I'm a two pump chumper for sure.  I don't understand the "hours of fucking".  I wouldn't even want to do that.  That sounds like a hell of a lot of work.  Let me nut.  Give me a few minutes and let me hop back on and do my thing.  I can quickly recover!  I figure that's from a lot of masturbating out of boredom when I was little.

"Ah shit!  Still nothing on TV!  Get back up, you little fucker!"

Saint Cornelius

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #32 on: February 18, 2010, 05:24:57 PM »
I mean, besides myself.  :zzz

But seriously. How much of a sexual novice do you have to be to get freaked out over LUBE?
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CajoleJuice

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #33 on: February 18, 2010, 05:26:52 PM »
Maybe we're not used to dried-up pussy that needs it. :smug
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Saint Cornelius

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #34 on: February 18, 2010, 05:28:29 PM »
Maybe you don't fuck for a long enough period of time to make the pussy dry.

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CajoleJuice

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #35 on: February 18, 2010, 05:30:23 PM »
Maybe you don't fuck for a long enough period of time to make the pussy dry.



I just got a mental image of a pussy actually drying up in front of my eyes.  :-X
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Barry Egan

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #36 on: February 18, 2010, 05:30:34 PM »
[youtube=560,345]DV2eGDr1gBs[/youtube]

Kestastrophe

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #37 on: February 18, 2010, 05:31:18 PM »
i'm pretty sure nobody in this thread has ever been laid, or if they have, they were some minutemen for sure.

Why would I waste more than a minute of my time doing something that only takes 30 seconds? :drake
jon

OptimoPeach

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #38 on: February 18, 2010, 05:31:56 PM »
Is that including or excluding you, SC?

I'm a two pump chumper for sure.  I don't understand the "hours of fucking".  I wouldn't even want to do that.  That sounds like a hell of a lot of work.  Let me nut.

[youtube=560,345]zpjq8jqrPq8[/youtube]
0:53 on
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Phoenix Dark

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #39 on: February 18, 2010, 05:32:48 PM »
Maybe you don't fuck for a long enough period of time to make the pussy dry.



I just got a mental image of a pussy actually drying up in front of my eyes.  :-X

was it orange?
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WrikaWrek

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #40 on: February 18, 2010, 05:33:28 PM »
Yeah man i'm sure we could all use your years of experience, fucking hundreds of girls.

Lube is so normal, i mean how could you not have come across a normal chick that has lube in her bedside, and just puts it out first time fucking a guy. Yeah, i'm sure that's super normal, and it's great too if you don't like feeling shit.

Cmon, this ain't some porn star that is preping to shoot a scene.

I totaly understand wrika, some chicks get so wet that you dont feel shit. The fact that she popped out the dildo is pretty cool though (means shes not uptight), did you help her out? You should give it another go at least, but if youre not feeling shit then it just wont click in bed I guess.

That said some girls do need some lube sometimes, nothing to be perplexed by.

Well, i guess there's a first time for everything. I didn't help.

OptimoPeach

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #41 on: February 18, 2010, 05:34:17 PM »
Is that including or excluding you, SC?

I'm a two pump chumper for sure.  I don't understand the "hours of fucking".  I wouldn't even want to do that.  That sounds like a hell of a lot of work.  Let me nut.

[youtube=560,345]zpjq8jqrPq8[/youtube]
0:53 on
This deserves to be on both pages
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Saint Cornelius

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #42 on: February 18, 2010, 05:34:26 PM »
distinguished mentally-challenged ejaculation. -whistle-
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Saint Cornelius

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #43 on: February 18, 2010, 05:35:44 PM »
Yeah man i'm sure we could all use your years of experience, fucking hundreds of girls.

Well I am a fucking old man...

Lube is so normal, i mean how could you not have come across a normal chick that has lube in her bedside, and just puts it out first time fucking a guy. Yeah, i'm sure that's super normal, and it's great too if you don't like feeling shit.

Do you know how good it feels to put some lube inside a condom and fuck someone like that? Sounds kinda sexist, like you're horrified that some GURL is more sexually experienced than you are.
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Mupepe

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #44 on: February 18, 2010, 05:36:54 PM »
lube in the condom?  I almost want to wear a condom with my wife to see how that feels now.  sounds awesome.

Saint Cornelius

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #45 on: February 18, 2010, 05:37:29 PM »
It's like fucking without a condom on man. Good shit, I tells ya
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Phoenix Dark

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #46 on: February 18, 2010, 05:38:00 PM »
Holy shit I gotta try that
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Saint Cornelius

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #47 on: February 18, 2010, 05:39:22 PM »
Another thing I was going to suggest, but I don't want the little homie to die of shock
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The Fake Shemp

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #48 on: February 18, 2010, 05:41:25 PM »
I haven't really had to use lube (or a variant) for intercourse, but what's the big deal if someone does? If a chick has lube and dildos, I don't necessarily think she's some kind of coked-up whore or something.

I tend to think that if, y'know, she's coked-up and sucks dick for money.
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WrikaWrek

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #49 on: February 18, 2010, 05:42:35 PM »
You know what is real fucking nice, when a chick gives you a handjob but has lubed your dick. So good.

Yes. But i was dating the girl.

Another thing I was going to suggest, but I don't want the little homie to die of shock

Right right. So have you ever had a 1st encounter with a girl where the girl pulls out of a bottle of lube? Could you feel anything?

I'm gonna be honest, i don't have a cock the size of an elephant's cock, so i didn't feel anything. And i still think it's total ho
« Last Edit: February 18, 2010, 05:44:06 PM by WrikaWrek »

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #50 on: February 18, 2010, 05:44:12 PM »
:rofl
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Phoenix Dark

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #51 on: February 18, 2010, 05:45:50 PM »
come on man, it's my birthday  :'(
010

Saint Cornelius

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #52 on: February 18, 2010, 05:46:12 PM »
Right right. So have you ever had a 1st encounter with a girl where the girl pulls out of a bottle of lube? Could you feel anything?

Dude when I lost my virginity, that shit was a fiasco. I didn't get her wet - I don't know if that's because my skills were shitty or if her punani was busted - but we went at it for hours, all frustrated that I couldn't get it in her.

Little did I know, I just needed a little Astroglide!

I'm gonna be honest, i don't have a cock the size of an elephant's cock, so i didn't feel anything. And i still think it's total ho

I've got a little bitty dick dude, but that shit has like a +5 stamina
dap

G The Resurrected

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #53 on: February 18, 2010, 05:47:01 PM »
lube in the condom?  I almost want to wear a condom with my wife to see how that feels now.  sounds awesome.

Wait you got married again?!

I too will have to try this method it sounds interesting.

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #54 on: February 18, 2010, 05:49:43 PM »
Yeah, and Kosma would know! Sometimes it's a Slip 'n Slide, other times its the Sahara. Best lube up!
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WrikaWrek

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #55 on: February 18, 2010, 05:51:19 PM »
Getting a girl wet is the easiest shit. Work that clit, she will do the rest, as soon as she starts closing her eyes imagining it's brad pitt doing it to her, you go full mount *plock*

Saint Cornelius

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #56 on: February 18, 2010, 05:52:06 PM »
Well you've got your style down pat, young grasshopper... so why the alarm over some lubricant?
dap

WrikaWrek

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #57 on: February 18, 2010, 05:54:17 PM »
I don't know, it was freaky for me i can't explain. Pretty surreal at the time really, maybe i overreacted, or underreacted amirite!?

Howard Alan Treesong

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #58 on: February 18, 2010, 05:56:01 PM »
lube is lube, everyone calm down
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Saint Cornelius

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Re: Lube, really? I mean really?
« Reply #59 on: February 18, 2010, 05:56:27 PM »
I don't know, it was freaky for me i can't explain. Pretty surreal at the time really, maybe i overreacted, or underreacted amirite!?

Just don't worry about it dude. I met a freaky bitch a long time ago that loved to fuck to Helmet's Meantime and she had a penchant for tying me up. I feared for my life, but in the end it was some of the most memorable fucking I've ever had the pleasure of having.
dap