Dick Cheney hospitalized with chest pains

[Ichirou]

Washington (CNN) -- Former Vice President Dick Cheney was hospitalized Monday with chest pains, according to his office.

Cheney, 69, is resting comfortably at George Washington University Hospital, and his doctors are evaluating the situation, his staff said in a statement.

Cheney has a long history of heart problems. He has suffered four heart attacks dating to 1978, when he was 37. He had his second in 1984 and a third in 1988 before undergoing quadruple bypass surgery to unblock his arteries. His fourth heart attack happened in November 2000, after he was elected vice president. At that time, doctors inserted a stent to open an artery.

Doctors in 2001 implanted a heart monitoring device to keep track of his heart rhythm and slow it down if necessary. In 2008, he underwent a procedure to restore his heart to a normal rhythm after doctors found he was experiencing a recurrence of atrial fibrillation.

Cheney served under former President George W. Bush from 2001 to 2009. He has been a vocal critic of the current administration since he left office, most recently appearing on ABC's "This Week," where he railed against President Obama's policies on terror and the Iraq war.

He has accused the Obama administration of failing to treat the fight against terrorists as war, citing the decisions to give 9/11 suspect Khalid Sheikh Mohammed a civilian trial, give the failed Christmas Day airline bombing suspect the privileges of the U.S. criminal justice system, and shut down the U.S. military prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Cheney also served in the administrations of former Presidents Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford and George H.W. Bush.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

[The Fake Shemp]

My brother and Cheney share the same heart surgeon. I could have had the chance to take him out, then Cheney could never survive!

[Ichirou]

Why does your brother need a heart surgeon?

[The Fake Shemp]

I don't know what the official name of it is (something-something-tachardia?) because it's ridiculously long and extremely medical, but basically he'd have no control of his heart beat and it would kick into overdrive. It was pretty scary.

He had outpatient surgery to correct it a few years ago, but it's the reason he was disqualified for any kind of military service (which he was bummed about).

[Ichirou]

Did he get a defibrillator or a pacemaker or something installed?

[The Fake Shemp]

No, they went in through his groin and zapped whatever it was that was causing it. Hopefully it shouldn't return. No guarantee, though.

[Ichirou]

wtf...modern medicine, wow.

[The Fake Shemp]

Yeah, I never understood why they went in with a catheter through his groin to zap something in his heart. That seems like a long way to go!

[Ichirou]

"Well, you've got a problem in your chest so we're going to put something into your dickhole."  The mind boggles.

At least they didn't have open his chest up for surgery, that would've been traumatizing.

Maybe they're putting something in Dick's hole right now.

[The Fake Shemp]

Yeah, that would have totally sucked. As is, it just hurt to walk for a few days, he probably couldn't whack it and he was limited in his movement. After that, totally cool.

He got drunk at a bar last year and told some chick that he had heart surgery, to sound all badass.

[Ichirou]

Did it work?

[Brehvolution]

"Son, it's time to come home", mumbled satan.

[The Fake Shemp]

No. I ended up hooking up with the chick he said that to.

He is like polar opposite of me. Really good looking dude, gets cut working at an oyster farm, but has absolutely zero game, no confidence and can't dress.

Put my mind in his body, and I would be unstoppable.

We're talking like Kosma, but classy and selective.

[Phoenix Dark]

Wow that sounds crazy. Glad your bro is doing good, hope it stays that way

Cheney is a pos but I hope he's ok. Would be hilarious if he lives to see Obama capture Bin Laden.

[Ichirou]

Would be hilarious if he lives to see that and that immediately causes him to have another heart attack.

[drew]

it would be hilarious to see him not live and just die right now

[brawndolicious]

No, they went in through his groin and zapped whatever it was that was causing it. Hopefully it shouldn't return. No guarantee, though.

That's awkward.  Your penis like automatically erects when it gets a catheter stuck in it since that makes it less painful (for obvious reasons) so the doctors would have to essentially push the wire DOWN for it to go up into the heart.  Hope he was unconscious, or else at least he gets a hell of a funny to story to tell.

[Cormacaroni]

Would be hilarious if he lives to see that and that immediately causes him to have another heart attack.

How awesome would a PPV fight between Cheney and Bin Laden be? I don't think either has the physical capacity left to actually hit the other at this stage, so it would likely devolve into insults and attempts to incite heart attack/ accidental disconnection of dialysis machine. Maybe they could wave donuts at each other.

[Boogie]

No. I ended up hooking up with the chick he said that to.

He is like polar opposite of me. Really good looking dude, gets cut working at an oyster farm, but has absolutely zero game, no confidence and can't dress.

Put my mind in his body, and I would be unstoppable.

We're talking like Kosma, but classy and selective.

So he's basically me, apart from the "can't dress" part.

[Ichirou]

At least you've got your own mount.

[Mandark]

No. I ended up hooking up with the chick he said that to.

He is like polar opposite of me. Really good looking dude, gets cut working at an oyster farm, but has absolutely zero game, no confidence and can't dress.

Put my mind in his body, and I would be unstoppable.

We're talking like Kosma, but classy and selective.

Avatar 2, starring Jonah Hill and Ryan Reynolds.

[Ichirou]

[EmCeeGrammar]

I think they go trough the groin because its going through an area that doesn't need to bend and the tubes down there are bigger? 

[The Fake Shemp]

So he's basically me, apart from the "can't dress" part.

Eh, I don't think lack of confidence has really been your problem. You an enigma, wrapped in a riddle.

Avatar 2, starring Jonah Hill and Ryan Reynolds.

Finally, a James Cameron movie I can get behind!

[Great Rumbler]

Dick Cheney die? Oh, you guys really are too much.

[lordmaji]

hrmm, yeah. I usually wouldn't wish death on anyone, but hell. if he doesn't survive it's probably for the best.

[brawndolicious]

Five heart attacks.  mebbe he'll see dead people after the next one.

 

[chronovore]

Would be hilarious if he lives to see that and that immediately causes him to have another heart attack.

How awesome would a PPV fight between Cheney and Bin Laden be? I don't think either has the physical capacity left to actually hit the other at this stage, so it would likely devolve into insults and attempts to incite heart attack/ accidental disconnection of dialysis machine. Maybe they could wave donuts at each other.

I'm willing to give each of them a chainsaw.