Tim Rogers writes the worst article ever

[Himu]

http://kotaku.com/5484581/japan-its-not-funny-anymore

 

[Robo]

You didn't even read it.

[Ichirou]

The first thing I do whenever there's a Tim Rogers piece on Kotaku is quickly scroll through it to see how long it is.  The second thing I do is close the fucking page because I'm not going to read that anal retentive moron's verbal diarrhea.

You should do the same, Himu-chan.

[Himu]

I read a portion of it and closed the box.

When he got to "PEOPLE SMOKE TOO MUCH" I just rolled my eyes.

[The Fake Shemp]

blah blah blah BOLDED PART blah blah blah blah blah

[Great Rumbler]

Why did you post this?

[demi]

Sounds good to me. I've always said Japan is a shit place. Sorry the truth hurts, japafag Himuchan.

[Robo]

I want a thorough analysis of Chapter 7 in 1,000 words or less on my desk by tomorrow morning.

[Himu]

Why did you post this?

I DON'T KNOW. It was so BAD I just had to.

[Ichirou]

Why the fuck would you read a Tim Rogers article, bro?  Seriously.

[The Fake Shemp]

Does anyone actually read a Tim Rogers article?

[Himu]

I know you guys hate on the guy big time but this is my first real exposure to his lunacy.

[Cormacaroni]

weird - i just came back from lunch with a friend who complained about this very article. He made the unfortunate error of opening it on his Blackberry, which froze it for about a minute. He said he couldn't believe what garbage it was, and shut it down after about a minute of downward scrolling, looking for the next article. Tim Rogers must be the most widely unread writer on the planet.

[ManaByte]

omfg that thing is tl;dl to the extreme. It needs to be nuked from orbit.

[recursivelyenumerable]

I found it amusing enough, personally.

[OptimoPeach]

What this has to do with videogames: When you buy Super Famicom games in used game shops, the gray plastic is very often stained deep, ugly yellow from existing in houses packed to bursting with cigarette smoke. Sometimes, the consoles themselves are so yellow.

Someone should clue him in to the phenomenon of oxidation. This guy cannot be for real

edit: He also whines about meat in food and people that drink. Is he a gaffot, perchance?

[CajoleJuice]

Holy fucking shit that is a novella

[Himu]

A lot of my friend's snes' are now yellow.

And they don't smoke.

[Great Rumbler]

That article is approximately 16,000 words. For those playing out home, that's about 60 pages.

[Ichirou]

Rogers is a moron, Himu.  My old SNES turned yellow and nobody in my family smokes.  It has to do with the plastic aging.

[Himu]

Putting your SNES in a dark place preserves the plastic. I've left all of my old systems at my parent's house and my SNES is still gray.

[Himu]

What this has to do with videogames: When you buy Super Famicom games in used game shops, the gray plastic is very often stained deep, ugly yellow from existing in houses packed to bursting with cigarette smoke. Sometimes, the consoles themselves are so yellow.

Someone should clue him in to the phenomenon of oxidation. This guy cannot be for real

edit: He also whines about meat in food and people that drink. Is he a gaffot, perchance?

What does he say about meat in food and people that drink?

[Diunx]

What this has to do with videogames: When you buy Super Famicom games in used game shops, the gray plastic is very often stained deep, ugly yellow from existing in houses packed to bursting with cigarette smoke. Sometimes, the consoles themselves are so yellow.

Someone should clue him in to the phenomenon of oxidation. This guy cannot be for real

edit: He also whines about meat in food and people that drink. Is he a gaffot, perchance?

WTF!!!! my last snes was yellow by the end of its life and I sure as fuck didn't smoke when I was 12, who the fucks read the garbage this idiot writes?

[cool breeze]

I'm still scrolling down  

I'm not even halfway down yet! what is this?

[demi]

Plastic yellows because of the UV light

[ManaByte]

The sad thing is, the more people click on that thing the more money he gets paid. Gawker pays per pageview.

[cool breeze]

TAPE

If I buy a drink at a convenience store and say I don't want a bag, they insist on putting a little piece of tape over the barcode. Most of the time, they put it on sideways, instead of vertically — you know, the way that would prevent the barcode from being scanned by a rogue scanner. They do this so you can prove that you paid for the drink, should you roll into another convenient store glugging away.

They should do this in america.  awesome idea.

[Himu]

Allergic to alcohol? What if he gets a wound?

What the fuck. I've never heard of being allergic to alcohol ever.

[Robo]

When you buy Super Famicom games in used game shops, the gray plastic is very often stained deep, ugly yellow from existing in houses packed to bursting with cigarette smoke

yeah, this isn't true at all. I shall find the article that explains why they go yellow but it's NOTHING to do with smoking.

Here it is: http://www.vintagecomputing.com/index.php/archives/189

[Himu]

When you buy Super Famicom games in used game shops, the gray plastic is very often stained deep, ugly yellow from existing in houses packed to bursting with cigarette smoke

yeah, this isn't true at all. I shall find the article that explains why they go yellow but it's NOTHING to do with smoking.

Here it is: http://www.vintagecomputing.com/index.php/archives/189

Looks like a limited edition Zelda snes.

[Diunx]

The sad thing is, the more people click on that thing the more money he gets paid. Gawker pays per pageview.

Well, copy pasting the article would take like 5 pages over here so there aren't a lot of options.

[cool breeze]

Allergic to alcohol? What if he gets a wound?

What the fuck. I've never heard of being allergic to alcohol ever.

I'm not allergic to alcohol, but it kinda burns my throat, if that makes sense.  I'm overly sensitive it, as is my mom, and I'm guessing I inherited it from her.

[Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich]

I am actually allergic to beer. I almost died of anaphylactic (sp?) shock when I was in college after downing a 40. True story, bro.

[Himu]

Arby's

[Don Flamenco]

we should make it a rule to post "O HAI O GOZAIMASU!!!"  as your first post on EB every morning.  or else you aren't part of the team. 


that was some serious livejournal shit...he came off as the hippy in the popplers episode of futurama.  on the other hand, maybe he paints a portrait of what a lot of hopeful weeaboos might be headed in for when they move to Japan?

edit: ah, I see dcharlie is debunking some of this stuff. 

[Ichirou]

dcharlie actually knows Tim Rogers irl.

[bork]

I read some and skimmed the rest.  The TL;DR version is:

-"I like video games and anime and shit from the 80s and 90s!  Fuck the stuff now!"  (Very important reasons to want to live in a country, Tim.) 
-"I like to ride trains and sip Coke Zero!"
-"I hate people who smoke n' shit!  WHY DOES THIS MATTER?!  CUZ THAT FAMICOM GAME I BOUGHT SMELLS LIKE TAR"
-"The foods have meat products in them!"
-"'Mandatory' company parties suck!"
-"A bunch of Japanese culture stuff is annoying to me now!"

Go home, Tim.  You're an over-the-hill weeaboo.  It's time to leave.

BTW, when I was living there, I found those "mandatory" enkais to be pretty stupid.  So I didn't go after going to one or two of them, especially when I noticed that none of the younger teachers ever showed up.  Guess what?  NOTHING CHANGED IN THE WORK PLACE.     Teachers stopped bugging me about going after a while, especially when I made it clear that I didn't drink.  I did get an offer to go to an onsen with all the male teachers, which I politely declined.  "Are you sure?!  It's ONLY 30,000 YEN FOR ONE NIGHT!  You can pay in installments the rest of the year!" 

My enkai story: One of the few I went to was at some shitty little izakaya.  A lot of these places are like little tatami mat rooms in your house, only with someone bringing you food and drink.  Anyway, when it's over, most of the teachers went home.  The few that didn't (all male) went onto a host club.  I declined this invitation.  One of the teachers, who never, ever spoke to me at school, walks up to me and essentially says "what are you, a cigarillo?!"  I wasn't able to do anything before another teacher immediately stepped in and drew a heart symbol in the air with his hands, and said "no, no!  He's all in love with a girl!  Leave him be!"  I told the English teachers that were still there "yeah, and I don't have to pay for mine, either!"  That was fun.

[Ichirou]

- Gunbuster rox.
- Coke Zero sux, but melon soda is awsum.
- Why's he such a pussy?  I remember when I came here five years ago.  Smoking has been outlawed in so many places since then.  Even game centers have cleaned up their act.
- Meat tastes good, turdlinger.
- Company parties rock, you get crunk'd and watch your co-workers go crazy.
- Japanese culture rox.

My rebuttal to his points.

[Himu]

- Company parties rock, you get crunk'd and watch your co-workers go crazy.

Too bad he's allergic to alcohol, amirite

[bork]

- Gunbuster rox.
- Coke Zero sux, but melon soda is awsum.

Melon Soda   I swear, no Japanese likes that shit.  I couldn't get enough of it.   

- Why's he such a pussy?  I remember when I came here five years ago.  Smoking has been outlawed in so many places since then.  Even game centers have cleaned up their act.
- Meat tastes good, turdlinger.
- Company parties rock, you get crunk'd and watch your co-workers go crazy.
- Japanese culture rox.

My rebuttal to his points.

He's a jaded, bitter weeaboo that needs to get over himself and just go home if he's tired of it.  The end.

[Ichirou]

He should just sip on his grape drank and be the only cool and collected one and end up banging the slutty office ladies.  But Rogers would rather go for the gold and try his hand at banging hostesses.

The thing is, if Rogers leaves Japan, what's he got?  What are his TRANSFERABLE SKILLZ from his life in Japan?

[bork]

Maybe that's the problem...maybe he's not getting laid.

[demi]

oh god, now we got admiral japan here lording over all.

[bork]

Another thing.  Maybe he should, I dunno...get the hell out of Tokyo?  Go live in the rural areas?  If all the dude does is write to earn his paycheck, it should be doable.

[Ichirou]

Living in a small town beats the shit out of living in Tokyo, IMO.

[Cormacaroni]

oh god, now we got admiral japan here lording over all.

I think I may steal that for my tag. We should have an elimination tournament!

[bork]

Living in a small town beats the shit out of living in Tokyo, IMO.

A small city is doable, I dunno about a small town or village though.  My wife tonight was all excited because back in her hometown, they just got a 7-11.  

[Cormacaroni]

Living in a small town beats the shit out of living in Tokyo, IMO.

A small city is doable, I dunno about a small town or village though.  My wife tonight was all excited because back in her hometown, they just got a 7-11.  

Hint: In a smalltown, the lone gaijin is Admiral Japan.

[Ichirou]

Living in a small town beats the shit out of living in Tokyo, IMO.

A small city is doable, I dunno about a small town or village though.  My wife tonight was all excited because back in her hometown, they just got a 7-11.  

Why does she care?  You guys moving back to Japan?

[bork]

Living in a small town beats the shit out of living in Tokyo, IMO.

A small city is doable, I dunno about a small town or village though.  My wife tonight was all excited because back in her hometown, they just got a 7-11.  

Why does she care?  You guys moving back to Japan?

She heard about it from one of her friends.  Just a bit of home sickness..."American conbinis suck; I wanna go to a Japanese conbini!" etc etc  Back in that town, there was jack and shit to do.  You had a couple of conbinis, McDonald's, and CoCo's.  The one shopping plaza and bowling alley/gaming center circa 1993 would close pretty early.

Living in a small town beats the shit out of living in Tokyo, IMO.

A small city is doable, I dunno about a small town or village though.  My wife tonight was all excited because back in her hometown, they just got a 7-11.  

Hint: In a smalltown, the lone gaijin is Admiral Japan.

Sounds perfect for Tim Rogers!

[ch1nchilla]

Who is Tim Rogers?

[recursivelyenumerable]

I am planning to go to Japan for the first time ever next (2011) fall. 

[bork]

Who is Tim Rogers?

Some guy who writes 600 page video game articles.

[ch1nchilla]

And yet again, i just wonder how much damage a real "This is what Tokyo is really like" series would do to nerdlingers across the interweb?

Plenty, holy fuck.

Also, the only valid point gleaned from a scroll through that article was that shit really is expensive in Tokyo. To the point where right now I'm enjoying my stay in rural Oregon just because I don't have to spend any money.

[tiesto]

This guy is still around? And his articles have only been getting longer with time? I read one or two of his on the old Insert Credit site, then never looked back. Thought his 15 minutes were up...

I'm one of the lucky ones who never had his SNES yellow on him.

[Great Rumbler]

I like how he puts Dragon Ball Z on this ivory pedestal, but bashes One Piece.

And that he proclaims that anime is dead, but says that Ponyo is one of the best movies that he's ever seen.

[fistfulofmetal]

A lot of my friend's snes' are now yellow.

And they don't smoke.

probably liver failure. would see a doctor asap

[demi]

I like how he puts Dragon Ball Z on this ivory pedestal, but bashes One Piece.

And that he proclaims that anime is dead, but says that Ponyo is one of the best movies that he's ever seen.

His argument is that anime is full of pederast shit these days - the stuff you watch. And he's right.

[Great Rumbler]

I like how he puts Dragon Ball Z on this ivory pedestal, but bashes One Piece.

And that he proclaims that anime is dead, but says that Ponyo is one of the best movies that he's ever seen.

His argument is that anime is full of pederast shit these days - the stuff you watch. And he's right.

He must have forgotten about Gundam Unicorn. Because that just came out and it's pretty boss.

[Himu]

What are you talking about Rumbler, Gundam Unicorn is for pedophiles!