I was kind of over this Tiger Woods thing, until the new Vanity Fair article leaked. I figured after the IM's leaked, there was nowhere left to go. But man, there's some great stuff in here.
"Hi, this is Ti," the caller said.
"Who?" she asked.
"Tiger. A couple of friends and I are going out tonight to the Blue Martini, and I was wondering if you wanted to join us?"
They met up that night and ended up having sex at his house.
She said he purred, "You have a perfect body."
Lawton said she grabbed his penis. "Wow," she said. "It was the biggest I've ever seen."
"He wanted that last piece of booty before he could go to his tournament. To make him shoot better," she said.
They met in a parking lot. She said she told him she was having her period and asked if they could avoid intercourse.
But Tiger would not be denied, Lawton said. She said they started going at it next to the golfer's Cadillac SUV.
"He told me to pull my underwear down and pull out my tampon, and we went at it with me pressed up against his Escalade," she said. "He did it from the back."
"The National Enquirer has found out," she wrote.
"They have no proof," he replied.
"Church parking lot," she said.
"Oh, crap," he responded.
"I need to speak with you," she said.
"I can't, I'm at a children's function right now," he said.
And the best part...
According to Jungers and Lawton, Tiger was a real cheap date. The definition of cheap depends on what you think of Subway chicken wraps.
Tiger's not afraid to ford the Red River, and he'll buy you a Subway sammich afterward, now that's a gentleman.
Ben Roethlisberger needs to be writing this shit down, because apparently he's been doing it wrong.
