Author Topic: I'm locked out of my apartment! What should I do? (Read 7789 times)

Barry Egan · « **on:** April 12, 2010, 01:37:04 AM »

It's fucking cold as shit out here $:-\$

CrystalGemini · « **Reply #1 on:** April 12, 2010, 01:38:00 AM »

You seriously don't have a cellphone?

Barry Egan · « **Reply #2 on:** April 12, 2010, 01:39:18 AM »

I used to. Like a couple years ago :'(

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #3 on:** April 12, 2010, 01:40:08 AM »

How come you're on the internet?

MCD · « **Reply #4 on:** April 12, 2010, 01:40:37 AM »

stay calm.

relax.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #5 on:** April 12, 2010, 01:41:02 AM »

The wireless I pay for carries outside the apt

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #6 on:** April 12, 2010, 01:42:53 AM »

Kick the door down.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #7 on:** April 12, 2010, 01:44:14 AM »

[youtube=560,345]aNwvHEme_JE[/youtube]

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #8 on:** April 12, 2010, 01:45:13 AM »

Email the fire department.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Because I'd probably need to explain the joke any way
[youtube=560,345]1EBfxjSFAxQ[/youtube]

[close]

Barry Egan · « **Reply #9 on:** April 12, 2010, 01:48:38 AM »

when I saw my roommate leave the apt. he was in shorts which leads me to believe he will not be returning any time tonight.

On hand I have a redbull, some sunchips and a collection of Shakespeare's tragedies which I now plan on reading until daybreaks and my roommate returns.

I've decided to LIVE BLOG this special all night event for the bore.

Ichirou · « **Reply #10 on:** April 12, 2010, 01:59:11 AM »

You actually can call the fire department to open the door up for you. Jeffrey Wells did it, you can too.

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #11 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:00:06 AM »

Doesn't have a cell phone he needs to email them :'(

Cheebs · « **Reply #12 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:00:17 AM »

Jeffrey Welles is a racist, I wouldn't follow his example.

The Dark Shake 3000 · « **Reply #13 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:01:11 AM »

Quote from: Ichirou on April 12, 2010, 01:59:11 AM

You actually can call the fire department to open the door up for you. Jeffrey Wells did it, you can too.

Give your landlady your old cowboy hat as this year's rent

Ichirou · « **Reply #14 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:01:31 AM »

Quote from: Cheebs on April 12, 2010, 02:00:17 AM

Jeffrey Welles is a racist, I wouldn't follow his example.

He only hates hispanic party elephants, I wouldn't call that racism.

Cheebs · « **Reply #15 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:02:42 AM »

Also who in 2010 doesn't have a cellphone?

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #16 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:04:16 AM »

Arvie as well.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #17 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:05:52 AM »

I can't tell how genuine the fire department suggestions are!

Ichirou · « **Reply #18 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:08:14 AM »

Fire department suggestion is 100% genuine. Like I said, I read a blog posting from Jeff Wells where the same thing happened to him and he called the fire department and they came over and helped him out.

BlueTsunami · « **Reply #19 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:09:53 AM »

One more option is needed

Find Mupepe and have him pick the lock

Ichirou · « **Reply #20 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:10:05 AM »

You just need some ID letting them know you live there.

http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2009/06/interruption.php

I wandered outside yesterday afternoon for something to eat, and when I began to head back I realized I'd left my keys inside and had locked myself out. It took 45 minutes to get back in, and the way I managed it drew a small crowd. Flashing firetruck lights, an extension ladder against the building, loud walkie-talkies, etc. The talk of the neighborhood.

My first move was to buzz myself into the building and ask the fat guy who lives upstairs if I could hang myself out of one of his windows and drop down to my level. His place looks out on a four-walled open-air space that adjoins an open window in my kitchen. He was cool about it, but said the only window is in the bathroom and I might not fit. He was right -- strictly a job for the Asian guy from Ocean's 11 -- and it was too far to drop down anyway.

So I called a couple of locksmiths and was told it would probably cost $150. Didn't like that at all. Then I remembered that my street-facing living-room window was open without a screen. Do you guys happen to have a ladder of any kind?, I said. "Why would we have a ladder?," the guy said. "We're locksmiths." I went over to the hardware store across the street and asked if they had a ladder I could borrow -- nope.

So I sucked it in and called the local fire department -- took me a long while to finally get through -- and asked if they'd mind doing me a favor. Less than ten minutes later a big shiny red truck arrived with three guys aboard. "Have you got ID that says you live here?" the top guy asked. Yes, I do, definitely. They took the ladder off the side of the truck and three minutes later my door was open, situation solved. Thanks, guys -- good of you to do this. "You're welcome, have a good day."

Tax dollars, public utilities...a good thing!

Fresh Prince · « **Reply #21 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:10:13 AM »

They check your driver's license if I'm not mistaken.

Cheebs · « **Reply #22 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:11:17 AM »

Quote from: Ichirou on April 12, 2010, 02:10:05 AM

You just need some ID letting them know you live there.

http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2009/06/interruption.php

I wandered outside yesterday afternoon for something to eat, and when I began to head back I realized I'd left my keys inside and had locked myself out. It took 45 minutes to get back in, and the way I managed it drew a small crowd. Flashing firetruck lights, an extension ladder against the building, loud walkie-talkies, etc. The talk of the neighborhood.

My first move was to buzz myself into the building and ask the fat guy who lives upstairs if I could hang myself out of one of his windows and drop down to my level. His place looks out on a four-walled open-air space that adjoins an open window in my kitchen. He was cool about it, but said the only window is in the bathroom and I might not fit. He was right -- strictly a job for the Asian guy from Ocean's 11 -- and it was too far to drop down anyway.

So I called a couple of locksmiths and was told it would probably cost $150. Didn't like that at all. Then I remembered that my street-facing living-room window was open without a screen. Do you guys happen to have a ladder of any kind?, I said. "Why would we have a ladder?," the guy said. "We're locksmiths." I went over to the hardware store across the street and asked if they had a ladder I could borrow -- nope.

So I sucked it in and called the local fire department -- took me a long while to finally get through -- and asked if they'd mind doing me a favor. Less than ten minutes later a big shiny red truck arrived with three guys aboard. "Have you got ID that says you live here?" the top guy asked. Yes, I do, definitely. They took the ladder off the side of the truck and three minutes later my door was open, situation solved. Thanks, guys -- good of you to do this. "You're welcome, have a good day."

Tax dollars, public utilities...a good thing!

I think you meant to post this:

Yes, yes…if I’d left a cash deposit or a credit-card number then the room would have been assured. I’m not an idiot. But leaving the cowboy hat and plainly stating to the proprietor that I’d come back and wear it the following year (especially after having stayed at the Star in ‘07 and ‘08 and been part of the family there, in a sense) was a very emotionally vivid and pronounced way of stating my intentions. It was a message that is recognized by everyone all over the world. It’s even recognized in the animal kingdom (i.e., leaving your scent on a piece of turf).

If you go out with a girl and she comes home with you and stays the night and she leaves her underwear or bra or socks in your bedroom after she leaves the next morning, we all know that’s a universal message that says, “I want to come back and get to know you better and probably have sex with you again.” Everyone knows that. Leaving an article of clothing, something with your scent and paw-prints and sweat residue on it, means that you intend to come back and spray your scent around some more.

Ichirou · « **Reply #23 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:12:52 AM »

Emotionally vivid cowboy hat

I actually linked that thread and posts on EB a couple of months back. That shit is epic.

The Dark Shake 3000 · « **Reply #24 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:13:11 AM »

Jeffrey Wells is fucking INSANE. Next time I see him at a screening I'm gonna have to try and start a conversation with him.

Ichirou · « **Reply #25 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:13:52 AM »

Try to spray your emotional scent around him so he knows you care.

The Dark Shake 3000 · « **Reply #26 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:15:01 AM »

I'm tempted to walk up and just start dropping random lines from Westerns to see if I can get a rise out of him. He seems to think he is living in one.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #27 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:15:36 AM »

haha it'd be pretty awesome having a fire truck wake up the entire neighborhood so that I could get in to my apartment.

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #28 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:17:18 AM »

wtf... even I have a cellphone and I don't have any friends.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #29 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:18:15 AM »

Unfortunately there are no open windows for me to crawl through so the fire departments big ladder is useless to me. A fire ax maybe.

Ichirou · « **Reply #30 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:19:12 AM »

SHAKE AND CHEEEEEBS

spoiler (click to show/hide)

EMOTIONALLY VIVID COWBOY HAT
(THE BALLAD OF JEFFREY WELLS)

I rode in to Park City
'twas back in aught-eight.
I knew that my stay there
was sure gonna be great.
I had a little gal there,
took good care of me.
I'd rustle up some movies,
she'd brew me up some tea.

She was just like my granny,
She knew just what to do,
If Heath Ledger died,
or if you had the flu.
She had a little hotel -
Well, more like an inn.
Full of coarse Ausralians,
and fightin' lesbians.

When all of my film festin'
was at long last done.
I saddled up my taxi cab
to ride to the setting sun.
I said, "don't you worry, Granny,
I'll be back next year.
I've marked my terri-tory
with a special souvenir.

(Chorus)
E-motion-ally vivid cowboy hat,
I love you more than I love my cat.
You hold my hotel room, while I am away.
I don't need a credit card. I live in L.A.

Now, being a true blue guy,
I called her back next year.
While the phone was ringin'
I popped an ice-cold beer.
But what ol' Granny told me
nearly made me ill.
My mouth, it flew wide open and
I dropped my Miller Chill.

She said, "I'm sorry, Honey,
but our rooms are booked.
You didn't leave a credit card,
and your room got took."
I cried, "You must jokin'
You must be havin'fun.
I left you my dear cowboy hat!
My Gary Cooper one."

She asked "How was I to know
that you"d do like you said?
Hat-scent gestures can't
keep a roof over your head."
I said, "Just like a dog returns
to the last place he shat,
I always come back to the place
I leave my cowboy hat."

(Chorus)
Oh, Emotion-ally vivid cowboy hat,
I love you more than I love my cat.
You're covered with my sweat and my paw prints
I ain't got no use for dollars and cents.

I said, "You've wronged me, Granny
you've hung me out to dry.
I won't hold a grudge though,
I'm not that kind of guy.
Despite what you may have heard,
I am not a grouch.
I'll do you a solid,
I'll crash there on your couch."

I blogged all of my story
for everyone to see.
I'd show those commentators
I'm not all that crazy.
But all of those mouthbreathers,
my actions they had panned!
They didn't know the hat-scent gesture
known all across the land!

Ol' granny didn't much like
all her new-found fame.
She said that I'd blackmailed her,
and brought her hotel shame.
She said, "If you know what's good for you,
I'd suggest this stops.
And if you want your cowboy hat,
I've left it with the cops."

(Chorus)
E-motion-ally vivid cowboy hat,
I loved you more than I loved my cat.
You always took good care of me,
but now you're with the Park City P.D.

[close]

drew · « **Reply #31 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:21:24 AM »

how badly do you want to get inside?

The Dark Shake 3000 · « **Reply #32 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:22:10 AM »

Wells is a crazy man but I still check his site every now and then. He posts a ton of cool exclusive videos and shit; he had video of QT screening Basterds and doing a Q+A at the Museum of Modern Art when I wasn't able to go.

Cheebs · « **Reply #33 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:22:33 AM »

Ichirou · « **Reply #34 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:23:03 AM »

Jeffrey Wells

I have him on my facebook.

The Dark Shake 3000 · « **Reply #35 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:23:43 AM »

Sorry Mr. Grandpa but this is THE OFFICIAL JEFFREY WELLS APPRECIATION THREAD now.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #36 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:24:26 AM »

Quote from: drew on April 12, 2010, 02:21:24 AM

how badly do you want to get inside?

I want to get in without it effecting my damage deposit in any way. $:-\$

Ichirou · « **Reply #37 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:24:38 AM »

Cheebs · « **Reply #38 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:24:49 AM »

I am friends with Jeff on facebook too.

I love him for he refused to accept Waltz would be nominated for an oscar despite 9492842 other wins and then after nominated refused to accept he'd win even after 94982948298 more other wins just cause he hated that movie so much.

The Dark Shake 3000 · « **Reply #39 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:25:53 AM »

I have crossed paths with both of these men. Boy do I feel special.

Cheebs · « **Reply #40 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:27:05 AM »

Jeffrey Welles looks dead there.

Ichirou · « **Reply #41 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:27:10 AM »

Man, he really pussed out in his O'Reilly appearance, did you watch it? He was like "Uhhh, I was just blowing steam on my blog and I didn't really mean anything that I said."

And O'Reilly was all "Maybe you better watch what you say next time then, Mr. Wells.

"

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #42 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:27:50 AM »

Here's a solution- go buy a prepaid cellphone and call your roommate. Boom!

The Dark Shake 3000 · « **Reply #43 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:27:56 AM »

Wells didn't have his cowboy hat. Any film buff worth their shit knows that's the source of Wells' power.

drew · « **Reply #44 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:29:47 AM »

Quote from: My F*cking Grandpa on April 12, 2010, 02:24:26 AM

I want to get in without it effecting my damage deposit in any way. $:-\$

cant really help you then, unless you know how to pick locks, i could explain how to do it, but you probably dont have the supplies outside and ive never successfully picked a door, only stuff like security lock boxes and stuff

Ichirou · « **Reply #45 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:30:34 AM »

Quote from: Cheebs on April 12, 2010, 02:24:49 AM

I am friends with Jeff on facebook too.

I love him for he refused to accept Waltz would be nominated for an oscar despite 9492842 other wins and then after nominated refused to accept he'd win even after 94982948298 more other wins just cause he hated that movie so much.

He did a big takedown campaign on Eddie Murphy when he got nominated for Dreamgirls, too.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #46 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:34:15 AM »

Quote from: Вiff Кoммiёslaуer on April 12, 2010, 02:27:50 AM

Here's a solution- go buy a prepaid cellphone and call your roommate. Boom!

This...is potentially doable.

I just have to find his number.

I'm sure I've saved it to this laptop somewhere...

Barry Egan · « **Reply #47 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:35:49 AM »

Quote from: drew on April 12, 2010, 02:29:47 AM

Quote from: My F*cking Grandpa on April 12, 2010, 02:24:26 AM
I want to get in without it effecting my damage deposit in any way. $:-\$

cant really help you then, unless you know how to pick locks, i could explain how to do it, but you probably dont have the supplies outside and ive never successfully picked a door, only stuff like security lock boxes and stuff

That's cool man. I would like to learn how to pick locks someday though.

The Dark Shake 3000 · « **Reply #48 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:35:58 AM »

Do you have aim? You can just send a text to his phone through that. No need to spend money.

drew · « **Reply #49 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:36:34 AM »

i can possibly save you a trip if you happen to have a letter opener and a couple paperclips

Barry Egan · « **Reply #50 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:39:35 AM »

Quote from: drew on April 12, 2010, 02:36:34 AM

i can possibly save you a trip if you happen to have a letter opener and a couple paperclips

Nope.

Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich · « **Reply #51 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:43:54 AM »

is staples still open? lol

Ichirou · « **Reply #52 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:46:09 AM »

So you're just sitting in front of your apartment fooling around on your laptop?

Barry Egan · « **Reply #53 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:48:41 AM »

Quote from: Ichirou on April 12, 2010, 02:46:09 AM

So you're just sitting in front of your apartment fooling around on your laptop?

Reading Shakespeare and downing red bull mostly, but yes.

Live blog update: Can't find roommates number. Getting too cold. I've decided to move from my outdoor patio to an indoor "lobby" the size of a small closet. Warmer here.

Cheebs · « **Reply #54 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:49:14 AM »

Cant you knock on one of your neighbors door to contact the fire department?

Barry Egan · « **Reply #55 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:49:34 AM »

Quote from: Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich on April 12, 2010, 02:43:54 AM

is staples still open? lol

I can't think of anywhere that might have a letter opener around here.

Barry Egan · « **Reply #56 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:50:09 AM »

I could contact the fire department myself but again, there are no open windows to crawl in through.

Cheebs · « **Reply #57 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:50:32 AM »

They can break open the door

Ichirou · « **Reply #58 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:51:17 AM »

Quote from: My F*cking Grandpa on April 12, 2010, 02:48:41 AM

Quote from: Ichirou on April 12, 2010, 02:46:09 AM
So you're just sitting in front of your apartment fooling around on your laptop?

Reading Shakespeare and downing red bull mostly, but yes.

Live blog update: Can't find roommates number. Getting too cold. I've decided to move from my outdoor patio to an indoor "lobby" the size of a small closet. Warmer here.

Future liveblog updates:

"Extremities starting to get colder and colder. Pulled some old receipts out of my wallet and started small fire to keep self warm."

"Fire went out after thirty seconds. fingers getting numb."

"Can't feel my face."

"h e lppppp"

Barry Egan · « **Reply #59 on:** April 12, 2010, 02:52:11 AM »

Quote

They can break open the door

yea...

if I get really fed up with this I'll consider it. Reading this book is what I'd be doing if I were inside the apartment anyways!

News:

Poll

How should Chipopo handle this nightmare situation?

Author Topic: I'm locked out of my apartment! What should I do? (Read 7789 times)