OPEN CLASS NIGHTMARE (lul. also 400 words of me being a mad whiner)

[GilloD]

So if you're an ESL teacher in Korea you have to do these things called Open Class. At Open Class like 20 teachers come and visit and watch your class. As a result, you put on an enormous dog and pony show. Your Korean co-worker will FLIP THE FUCK OUT because it's the only time of the year anyone evaluates them on anything.

Anyway, we've been preparing for ours for like a fucking month. We've re-done it like 7 times because my co-teacher keeps wigging out. It started with a pretty cool worksheet where kids made their own comics. Then she thought the kids were too dumb for it, so some of the panels got filled in with text and the rest would be done by the kids. Then she decided that wasn't show-y enough, so I removed all the text, clipped the panels like jigsaw puzzle pieces, laminated them, added velcro and then the kids now velcro the word baloons into the comics. It's actually kind of cool! But now she's like STUDENTS CANNOT DO THIS 4 PIECE PUZZLE NO MORE PUZZLE so now it's just one fucjing piece and then she's like AND IT NEEDS COLORS WE NEED TO COLOR THE HANDS SO STUDENTS CAN SEE WHICH WAY THEY ARE FACING and I'mn like duuuuude they're not fucking distinguished mentally-challenged.

Anyway, then she wants movie clips of people doing jobs. Easy, right? FALSE. She wants a recognizable character doing a job the kids can recognize in English. Okay, a little harder BUT WAIT. That character must be a member of a family unit, like a Dad or a Mom. Okay, harder... But I found like 4 or 5, Simpsons and Incredibles and whatever. But then she's like AND IN THAT SCENE SOMEONE MUST ADDRESS THEM AS MOM OR DAD or else students cannot tell what the family member is!

So now I'm on a hunt for unbelivably specific film clips, plus all the other shit she has me wigging out about, plus the rest of my classwork shit.

Fuck this.

[GilloD]

All Korean teachers basically think the kids are distinguished mentally-challenged mongoloids.

[Ichirou]

Will you have kids screaming "PLEASE TEACHER HANGOUL PLEAAAAAASE PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE"?

[chronovore]

Isn't that the point at which you pick up everything you've done, drop it in her lap, and say, "Cool, since you know what you want and it isn't what I've provided, go ahead and get everything together yourself and let me know what we're doing. If you BEHAVE YOURSELF, I might even practice with you once before showtime."
...?

[Joe Molotov]

Sounds like you need a clip from Commando.

[Robo]

This is perfect:

[youtube=560,345]y0Gy_5mlzOI[/youtube]

[GilloD]

It's been made clear to me that my likelyhood of renewal is based on this Open Class as well. Plus, she's chill most of the time but she's turned into some kind of Open Class Werewolf. I can't tell you how many ideas she has vetoed. Like dozens. Enough for 10 open classes. She just thinks the kids are like 100% incapable of anything, which I know they're not.

[GilloD]

god fucking fuuu. On Tuesdays I have 7 classes, so I'm literally on my feet from 9-4:30 with a 10 min break between classes. At EVERY break she was coming up to me and being like I DONT THINK A POLICE CAR WILL MAKE THE CHILDREN THINK OF THE POLICE and I was "Motherfucker what?" and she'd be like WE SHOULD USE A BATON. Whatever. Anyway, I finally have a 20 min break and I sit down to work on this big tree for the open class and she fucking jumps me again and is like WE SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR PICTURES OF TOOLS TO SUGGEST THE JOB TO CHILDREN NOT WORKING ON THE TREE and I'm just like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck leave me alone for 30 seconds.

[Ichirou]

7 classes a day sounds fairly insane.  I can't handle more than 5.

[GilloD]

This is way better the other 99% of the time.

Anyway, she just told me not to use a plane for pilot. She wants me to use a briefcase because "Pilots always carry a briefcase"

[Fresh Prince]

 

[Ichirou]

This is way better the other 99% of the time.

Anyway, she just told me not to use a plane for pilot. She wants me to use a briefcase because "Pilots always carry a briefcase"

She is insane.

[Fresh Prince]

GilloD when are you going to stand up for yourself!?!

[Mandark]

As someone who's not involved in the situation, it sounds hilarious.  Good luck on making it through with your job and sanity.

Anyway, then she wants movie clips of people doing jobs. Easy, right? FALSE. She wants a recognizable character doing a job the kids can recognize in English. Okay, a little harder BUT WAIT. That character must be a member of a family unit, like a Dad or a Mom. Okay, harder... But I found like 4 or 5, Simpsons and Incredibles and whatever. But then she's like AND IN THAT SCENE SOMEONE MUST ADDRESS THEM AS MOM OR DAD or else students cannot tell what the family member is!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bart_on_the_Road

[GilloD]

Nah, this teacher is cool the rest of the time. She's just like. Do whatever. Sounds great! I made a crossword for the kids! But because this is her like. Job evaulation, she is FREAKING the fuck out and doing stupid shit (Like saying breifcxases make people think of pilots) in the process. BobFromPikesCreek had the same problem. They just LOSE THEIR MINDs re: Open Class.

[GilloD]

And like I dont mind doing the work- I like to do a good job, but when the request is like "Come up with somethong other than a plane that makes people think of a pilot", it's like. Wait, what?

Also, she says we have to teach MC because all the kids wanna be an MC. What the fuck does an MC do?

[Fresh Prince]

Rap?

[Akala]

"Come up with somethong other than a plane that makes people think of a pilot", it's like. Wait, what?

1. Plane
2. helicopter
3. Biggles
4. Wings Emblem
.
.
.
.
1,424,122 Cheese fondue
1,424,123 Brief case
1,424,124 Toilet Duck

"we surveyed 100 people and asked them - name a profession that you associate with a Brief Case"
BUZZ
"Partridge family ?"
> PILOT
*crowd laughts*
"ha ha ha, you said.... PILOT... *laughs* if it's up there, i'll give you the money myself.... *lol*
Do we have PILOT?"
*pause*

X

[muckhole]

Shoulda stayed selling peanatbutter in the US

All I was thinking while reading this thread was, "Man, I remember GilloD quitting his other job because of all the extra shit he was being forced to do. This actually sounds worse."

[BlueTsunami]

Sounds like the same office scenario you were in but now a super crazy Korean knock off

Also - why on earth would a pilot need a brief case?

To keep all his SKY MAPS in or something?

This woman is a total water head.

For some reason the imagery of a Pilot with a briefcase comes straight out the 1950's

[BobFromPikeCreek]

My open class wasn't THIS bad. She'd just run around a lot and make completely nonsensical requests, most of which I nodded to and ignored. I'd just make it look like I was trying until she'd get fed up, try to do it herself, and realize that, wow, it really can't be done.

[BlueTsunami]

My open class wasn't THIS bad. She'd just run around a lot and make completely nonsensical requests, most of which I nodded to and ignored. I'd just make it look like I was trying until she'd get fed up, try to do it herself, and realize that, wow, it really can't be done.

[Great Rumbler]

[chronovore]

regardless, point still stands even if someone showed me that pilots brief case it'd be a long long time until i'd gone through all the professions to get to pilot.

Hell, the kid above made me realise that OVERSIZED TINTED SHADES would make me think pilot way before brief case. But the dead give away would be a plane.

I wonder what she'd want you to draw for a fireman?

A massive johnson.

[GilloD]

WHAT THE FUCK

I've been at work until 9 everynight for 2 weeks. I'm here on a Saturday. I've been AUDITED by a lady. This is bizzare.

I know Open Classes are like a big deal and a big dog and pony show, but I think I may be the victim of some kind of elaborate prank. I've poured endless hours into this class, spent pointless evenings changing font sizes and text colors. I sepnt a whole night talking them out of renting an HD movie camera to FILM JUST the completed answers to a worksheet.

Now they're sanitizing my classroom. I have lots of hand-made displays about English holidays and traditions, as well as the seasons and common words. That kind of thing. And they literally came in overnight and took every single thing down and SHREDDED IT.

They've sent a team of auditors to watch us demo our class- The lady took points off for every single word I used that was not VERBATIM from the lesson plan we submitted. They told me I'd 'fail' if I put my hands in my pockets.

Seriously- What's going on here? It's bizzare. There's no longer any trace of English in my English classroom. They took EVERYTHING except the class of the walls and whenever I ask why they just laugh and say 'Oh it is the way it has to go., Please understand'

In the meanwhile, the lesson is a mess because every single auditor gave us weird info and now instead of being a pretty cool, interactive lesson it's a mish-mash of trying to please everyone all the time.

Is it like this for everyone else? I must be on some Korean TV show where they see how far they can push a foreigner before he loses his mind.

I'm really mad about the decorations. My kids made those! And they were in English! And they worked!

This country gets weirder every single day, man.

[Great Rumbler]

You want us to call Amnesty International or something, dude?

[Human Snorenado]

Dust off, nuke from orbit, only way to be sure, etc etc.  Korea sounds like it's populated by the worst people on earth.

[Ichirou]

WHAT THE FUCK

I've been at work until 9 everynight for 2 weeks. I'm here on a Saturday. I've been AUDITED by a lady. This is bizzare.

I know Open Classes are like a big deal and a big dog and pony show, but I think I may be the victim of some kind of elaborate prank. I've poured endless hours into this class, spent pointless evenings changing font sizes and text colors. I sepnt a whole night talking them out of renting an HD movie camera to FILM JUST the completed answers to a worksheet.

Now they're sanitizing my classroom. I have lots of hand-made displays about English holidays and traditions, as well as the seasons and common words. That kind of thing. And they literally came in overnight and took every single thing down and SHREDDED IT.

They've sent a team of auditors to watch us demo our class- The lady took points off for every single word I used that was not VERBATIM from the lesson plan we submitted. They told me I'd 'fail' if I put my hands in my pockets.

Seriously- What's going on here? It's bizzare. There's no longer any trace of English in my English classroom. They took EVERYTHING except the class of the walls and whenever I ask why they just laugh and say 'Oh it is the way it has to go., Please understand'

In the meanwhile, the lesson is a mess because every single auditor gave us weird info and now instead of being a pretty cool, interactive lesson it's a mish-mash of trying to please everyone all the time.

Is it like this for everyone else? I must be on some Korean TV show where they see how far they can push a foreigner before he loses his mind.

I'm really mad about the decorations. My kids made those! And they were in English! And they worked!

This country gets weirder every single day, man.

I'm sorry, that sounds so, so shitty.  It's funny how you are basically having the opposite experience of my class.  Whenever we do open classes I am given complete freedom to do what I want, and the principal and some teachers sometimes pop by to watch what's going on along with the parents, and I've never heard a single negative thing about it.

What they're doing to you sounds really fucked up.  Why would they SHRED the decorations?  Why can't they just keep them in the office till the auditing is done and over with?

[Great Rumbler]

over the Oh-pal-pal thing? i think that would be Mammary International you are looking for

Who's talking about Oh-pal-pal? I don't even know what that is.

[GilloD]

At lunch my VP tried to tell me that the sinking of that SK warship was "Exactly same as 9/11".

Oh man. This country isn't BAD and, look, so far I've really liked my job and when it's NOT open class time, everything is totally cool. But it's just a WEIRD fucking place and anytime you ask anyone anything they just look at you like a cat does.

[brawndolicious]

That 9/11 comparison is just offensive, my people are FAR more destructive than North Korea.

[Fresh Prince]

The first lesson of being a teacher is not to care about the children. You care too much.

[chronovore]

I've heard some crap stories about English teaching in Japan, and GilloD has pretty much blown them all out of the water. It sounds like a scene out of a Stoppard play.