Yesterday 52 years ago, a mustachioed man was born.
The man was half mustache and half penis(quite the incident happened when they thought it was the umbilical chord), and all awesome. Born to a man who had 20+ kids to 9 different women, the mustachioed man was lonely and looked down upon during his childhood. Going from home to home being called the ni'ggers child was tough for our little mustachioed hero.
When our mustachioed hero was 18, he enlisted into the marines and people were wowed by his and his cocks mustache and talent. He went passed through many tough survival tests with flying colors(although he didn't swing that way). One day he said "Fuck these pussies I'm leaving" and fled the marines at night, to which he had to be jailed and was bailed out. His sister and my aunt god rest her soul bailed him out and got money so that she can send him to america to study in Penn State University.
During his time on american soil, the mustachioed man was an atheist and had all kinds of fun. He sang yellow submarine to fuck a beatles loving chick, and went to a Barry White concert so he can fuck more chicks. He owned a guitar and was a real rocker.
He realized that since he was so godly, there must be a god. So he reverted back to islam although he still pretty much is the mustachioed man we all know and love. He came here and got himself a blonde, that blonde is my mother. He was recruited in Aramco and now holds one of the highest positions there. He still is the chain smoking asshole we call the mustachioed man, and now for a select few mustachioed man moments:
-Once in Bahrain there was this chick sitting down and you could see her ass since her pants was so low. Being a mustachioed man who doesn't give two shits, he got behind her and looked down her pants to which everyone noticed and then yelled out to me while pointing at her "YOU CAN SEE THIS GIRLS ASSCRACK BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
-He took me to a bar once and made me flirt with prostitutes so that I can know how to act around women(I was 14).
-He once called a really nice teacher of mine a terrorist. And whenever he sees him he yells out "HEY ITS THE FUCKING TERRORIST HOW YA DOING OSAMA!?" and frequently says "for a terrorist you're not a good one, for example you're still alive"
-He once slapped an egyptian teacher of my brothers who ran away in tears.
-He frequently flirts with women to get price cuts, and he taught me how to do it.
-His favorite movies ever are The Good, The Bad and The Ugly and Superman.
-His favorite band ever is The Police.
-He taught me about Rock N' Roll.
-Hates Bernie Mac with a burning passion, no one knows why. My theory is that Bernie ragged on him during a stand up show he went to.
-Loves the Steelers and Lakers, fucking hates the Broncos and John Elway.
-He talks about sex frequently with my mother going into all the details
-Once in germany he shaved his mustache like Hitlers as a joke and then proceeded to shave it all to which it magically sprouted again.
-He looks like a mix of Bill Cosby, Michael Jordan, Jackie Chan, the dad Alan from Boy Meets World and one certain guy from Michael Jacksons Black and White video.
All hail the Mustachioed Man! for yesterday was his day of arrival.
Happy birthday dad!
