Oh. My. God.
Sorry, it was hard to type up why Memphis is so great on my Android, but now that I have some office space, I want you to take a minute to just sit right there and let me tell you how I became the Fresh Prince of town called Memphis.
So, I was unaware of how, um, comfortable my uncle is. I know he has his own company, and flies across the globe and has recently become a published author - but maybe it took the hard fact of driving up to a multi-million dollar estate to have that settle in.
My guest room is ridiculous. I have paid good money to stay in three-and-a-half star hotels this week that pale in comparison. 99% of Americans would be lucky to call it a MASTER BEDROOM. It is beautiful. There is a 40" 1080p HDTV attached to the wall, with a Bose setup and a dock to connect your iPod to.
The bathroom is awesome, with it separated by the tub and toilet in one area and walk-in shower with stone marble floor on the other. In the tub were all kinds of cleaning supplies I couldn't even recognize; so fancy that I only imagine the fanciest of people know how to utilize them (my experience stops at loofahs). The walk-in shower has a commercial dispenser built into the wall for luxury soaps, lotions, etc. Still, I was made a special basket out of customized toiletries, chocolates and the like.
There was a beautiful wooden tray with a wide variety of teas, coffees and biscottis (and a water bottle!), beautiful cups and a high-end coffeemaker. That seemed redundant, because after I had steak and eggs in their kitchen stolen from the set of TOP CHEF (for Cohen, they have this large and awesome refrigerated wine rack built into the island!), I found this awesome machine that will make almost any form of hot, caffeinated beverage based on touch input. It grinds the beans, froths your milk, etc.
I spent most of last night in their pool, goofing around with my well-behaved cousins that are like children from another era (they go to private school, shocker!). The pool house is like a house for some people! Afterwards, I had a classic Italian side dish and grilled surf and turf by the pool side, completed with an amazing imported beer from Belgium (at room temperature!). The backyard is so expansive that he built the children a zipline to get to and from with; it is so cool to see in motion.
Then I went upstairs to the game room, complete with the monster television, Wii and PlayStation 3. There was a professional foosball table, high-end air hockey table, high-quality basketball hoop mounted to the wall, darts, etc.
Today, he is taking me to some minor league baseball game, then a place called Rendezvous for ribs and then maybe party on Beale Street. So yeah, sorry Kentucky, you lose.
