awesome new text-based game

[Eel O'Brian]

it's called "Jesus Goddamned Christ," and the object is to see how much of it you can read without involuntarily clenching your hands into fists and making stabbing motions towards your eyes with imaginary knives

http://kotaku.com/5605784/im-a-game-designer

*three paragraphs*

[magus]

i scrolled and scrolled and scrolled and scrolled and it's like the thing would never end

[Eel O'Brian]

i don't think i've ever written that much about myself in my entire life

[OptimoPeach]

I gave up after he misspelled Birkenstocks

edit: Okay I lied. Terrible car accident, can't look away, etc

[pilonv1]

first line

By Tim Rogers

[Joe Molotov]

I believe the appropriate neologism for this situation is tl;dr.

[Brehvolution]

[Joe Molotov]

When an attractive female asks me what I do, I almost always tell them I'm a freelance writer. The follow-up question is invariably, "What sorts of things do you write about?" The answer I give is some variant on "this and that." Maybe twice I've said, "A little bit of this, a little bit of that." Sometimes I get an "Anything I might have read?" Pick-up artists (a club to which I do not belong) will tell you that conversation with females is a game, and that a third question from a female on the same subject normally means the girl possesses some perhaps-subconscious desire to have sexual intercourse with you. I know these rules because I read a lot of books on various subjects, from life in Russian prison camps to picking up girls. All of the books not about life in Russian prison camps say that you should find a way to turn the conversation about yourself into a conversation about her at this point, to massage her desire to talk to you more, which will basically amount to her massaging her own desire to sleep with you.

Maybe three times I've said "some major pretentious bullshit that if you read it would cause you to roll your eyes so hard that you'd be in danger of having them pop right out of their sockets which I would then write a 20,000 word essay about on some bullshit gaming blog that lets me pretend to be a real journalist while it pretends to be a real source of gaming journalism but that you'd never read even if you had eyes."

[Bebpo]

I used to like Tim Rogers writing style before I actually had things to do in life and now I can't find the time to actually read anything he writes

oh well

[BlueTsunami]

Its like some auto-biographical equivalent of RR.Martin's writing

[Disposable White Guy]

So I skimmed most of this, but the gist of it seems that he used to be a fat nerd shut-in who worked all the fat off and now he's an average nerd shut-in that forces himself to talk to girls?  amidoinitrite

[Sho Nuff]

1 sentence, then I realized it was a Tim Rogers article and closed that tab like it had Super AIDS

[Dickie Dee]

People always ask me what I do. I guess I look like the kind of guy who you'd be curious what I do.

I actually lol'd at this more than I should've.

This is where I stopped btw, from your reactions it sounds like it only got worse.

[Diunx]

Luckily I read the replies before clicking the link.

[chronovore]

he's the sort of person where nothing mundane can ever happen for more than an hour.

If he's sitting in the flat alone, it's because he's been kidnapped by gangsters but Kojima comes by and rescues him by throwing copies of Metal Gear 6 (YOU HEARD!) at the gangsters before he uses his hot DOJO skills to break all their arms. He lets them go though, then because he's so cool and understands honour, they let him work for the Yakuza and he gets to hang with the "King of Tokyo" and blah blah blah blah

reality : sat on couch, played some snes games, ate some cheesy puffs, wanked, thought about going out, get in shower, noticed horrid orange discolouration on penis, paniced, thought about hospital trip, remembered didn't wash hands following cheesy puffs, relaxed - phew, went to combini, early bed.

1 sentence, then I realized it was a Tim Rogers article and closed that tab like it had Super AIDS

I was wondering how long it would take the Tokyopian krue to weigh in with an opinion. The mere mention of Tim Rogers was capable of derailing any thread there, like some kind of otaku version of Godwin's Law.

[Van Cruncheon]

well, that was quite possibly his worst article ever, and that's saying something

[Great Rumbler]

It's like in all those fantasy books where they have some ancient prophecy that was written by a mad man and it rambles on and on and is so vague and inscrutable that it makes no sense at all except that maybe if you read it over and over again, picking apart each sentence and each word, maybe you could glean some illuminating truth from it, but none of us are powerful wizards with thousand-year lifespans to devote the necessary time and effort, so who cares? Also, it's just about some boring guy's boring life, so, again, who cares?

[Great Rumbler]

Basically, I invented World of Warcraft by imagining how much money Legend of the Red Dragon (LORD, for short) would make if it had some graphics.

I loved LORD. Did anybody out there ever play it? It was a text-based BBS game. You were a warrior. You wandered around killing monsters. If you died, you'd have to wait until the next day to play again. You could talk to other players. You could give them gifts. You could have sex with them! Oh god. This is embarrassing — there was this female player. I still remember her handle. It was "Ozzlyn." She and I traded gifts every day. I always thought, "Maybe I should send her a request to have sex." She would have done it, I bet. When you have sex with another player, it gets posted on the local message board. "[Dude's name] had sex with [girl's name]." Well, you could be gay or lesbian, if you wanted. It was a pretty progressive game. It was pretty stupid, and light-hearted, and with a wacky sense of humor. You could also have sex with NPCs. The female bartender's name was Violet. I tried to have sex with her about ten times, and she kept turning me down. One day, she stopped turning me down. Every day after that, the public heard tell of me and Violet having sex. Ozzlyn then stopped sending me gifts. I thought that was funny. Maybe she was jealous that I had pretended to have computer sex with a computer person controlled by a computer instead of pretending to have computer sex with a computer person controlled by a real person.

 

[Eel O'Brian]

i remember lord, and the only time i remember fucking anyone is by making multiple accounts so i could more efficiently kill all the other players on the bbs and send myself gold

[Howard Alan Treesong]

congratulations to Tim Rogers on inventing World of Warcraft

[Howard Alan Treesong]

it's called "Jesus Goddamned Christ," and the object is to see how much of it you can read without involuntarily clenching your hands into fists and making stabbing motions towards your eyes with imaginary knives

[Sho Nuff]

I really don't understand how this guy scams his way into any sort of credible work. How do these people not catch on to his rampant bullshit?

It's Japan. Know the right people and wear the right clothes and you're in

[chronovore]

I really don't understand how this guy scams his way into any sort of credible work. How do these people not catch on to his rampant bullshit?

It's Japan. Know the right people and wear the right clothes and you're in

what the hell were you thinking, then?

[tiesto]

I read this thread, saw it was by Tim Rogers, before even opening the link... so now I know not to even bother clicking on it.... I guess I lost (or won) bigtime.

[Great Rumbler]

I think you won the game.