wait, got some of it. My problem was that I had hit the crt/lcd button I guess.
I'm still having the resolution problem. It won't let me display the full resolution?
edit: ya it was hitting that button that caused the problem. It switched between showing the desktop on only the laptop, on both screens (but shows the same desktop), and only on the external. To get the second monitor to show anything at all I had to switch to the second option, but then to get it to work as multiple desktops I had to switch back to the first option and then configure the screen, which it wasn't letting me do until I had cycled though the options! WTF is that about?