people who bike: what the fuck

[Van Cruncheon]

i get why people bike. i like to ride bikes.

but ASPLAIN TO ME why 9/10ths of the folks who bike to WORK or LOCAL PLACES put on the fucking spandex, especially when they are marshmallow quasi-fuggos. they are not lance fucking armstrong. do they think they are supposed to wear spandex if they are going to bike, because it is what lance fucking armstrong does? do they like to visually advertise that they are OMG BIKERS NOTICE THEN RESPECT ME FOR RIDING A BIKE? you are not biking fast enough to worry about drag, fruits. your surface friction is irrelevant. WEAR NORMAL CLOTHES, because it is hilarious when you show up at a meeting in your distinguished mentally-challenged fellow bike clothes, or when you are 15 minutes late because you "had to change" even though you live five very flat miles away and did not work up a sweat and if you did TAKE A SHOWER. for some reason, this poseurdom enrages me, even though my life in an endless sequence of poseurs.

if you are biking to work, you do not need to wear spandex. you will not sweat enough, and you do not need a reduced drag coefficient. you are also not as fit as you think you are, especially if you are a disgusting old, and nobody wants to see you in blue and yellow and black like some sort of half-inflated willy wonka treat. yuck. plz die.

[Mupepe]

[Tieno]

why is lance fucking armstrong?

[Mupepe]

Real response:

Because most of them are riding that bike to complete an act they've pulling their whole lives of being better than you.  They have to go all out and wear the suit or else the act isn't convincing. 

It's like those guys who own some dumbbells but go out of their way wherever they are to talk about how they lift weights.  It's like that!

[Tieno]

I bike every day, 30 minutes, to the train station, but I wear normal clothes.

me

I've biked for an entire day and wore special clothes

[drew]

of course he hasnt, i mean just look at him

[demi]

mmm quasi-marshmallow people in spandex

[drew]

the next answer is "drinky looks like a goddamn amoeba"

[Mr. Gundam]

Good thing you don't live in my neighborhood. They're EVERYWHERE.

[drew]

theyre probably biking for miles, doing a workout, people just dont wear that shit to go to the fucking grocery store, well maybe they do in san fagsisco or sefagtle, but not here

[Tieno]

theyre probably biking for miles, doing a workout, people just dont wear that shit to go to the fucking grocery store, well maybe they do in san fagsisco or sefagtle, but not here

busted 

[Eel O'Brian]

[Eel O'Brian]

[Fresh Prince]

As the resident bicycle person I can answer this. First of all I do not wear spandex while commuting I wear shy shorts (baggy shorts).

There are three pratical reasons why people wear bicycle shorts. Genghis got two.
The first is support. Bicycle shorts have padding in them to help support your arse. If you take a look at a road bicycle saddle you'll realise how firm and thin they are hence you need that support if you are doing longer rides.
The second is chaffing. Bicycle shorts reduce chaffing. This is pretty important.
The third is sweat. It get's pretty sweaty in between your legs you don't want a fungal infection.

Also about drag there you are wrong Mr Prole. Anybody can ride a bike at 20km\h but to ride a bike at 40km\hr you need to roughly produce 8 times the power. This is because velocity is in one dimension but air which is volumetric is in three hence you are displacing air in three dimensions. So doubling your speed means 2^3 = 8 times the effort or power. So any aero advantage helps reduce the effort neededs good.

But then I see you ask why do some people wear normal clothes while cycling to work i.e Tieno? This is because they are communists and go to work at a sensible pace where they do not work up a sweat. Weather obviously also plays a part in this. Believing in the free market where 'time is money' cyclists often try to get to work to get their a quickest time possible- just like you. BUT then they time themselves each day and try to go faster so in a sense it is a workout + commute. Plus if they are serious they took the long way to work not the short 5 miles but the 40 mile round trip.

That is the thing about cycling. Those 40/50 year old fat arses give us all a bad name.

[Fresh Prince]

Yes that too.

It's like a uniform. You buy a road bike you buy the uniform as well- lycra, sunglasses etc. You buy a fixie you but the uniform- tight jeans, v neck, scarf etc.

The guys who match their kit (what they wear) to the colours of their bike are the worst though.

[Saint Cornelius]

All I know is, motherfuckers that don't use the bike lane... they should get a little love tap from a vehicle.

I'm not saying run them over, just make them think about what the fuck they're doing.

[Van Cruncheon]

I take it you've never rode a road bike a long way.  You wouldn't be asking the question if you had.

oh, i have. but even when i had a body that could cut fucking diamonds, i would never have been caught dead in spandex if i didn't have a massively compelling reason like WINNING A RACE to make me deal with a sportin' uniform so gay even gay people think it looks faggoty. it is better to be mildly uncomfortable and not look like you're out cruisin' for distinguished mentally-challenged fellow dick; or if i am out cruisin' for distinguished mentally-challenged fellow dick, at least i should leave a little to the fucking imagination. when i bike -- even for long distances -- i don't wear fucking spandex. ever. i am not in a race; i don't have a paper number taped to my back. i gain nothing from wearing spandex, and if i avoid it i don't offend NATURE AND GOD.

my point stands: so your ass hurts a little. so there's some chafing. so you hafta pedal a little harder. WAH WAH. the thing that separates a flabbo biker in a rainbow-colored skin suit and the fat kid in full raccoon regalia outside digipen is an academic delta. you're both dressed for a personal fetish lifestyle, and you're an affront to my eyes, to society, and to nature. and babby jesus. he cries when he sees your dick bulge underneath the contours of your forty-something hangbelly. gross.

[Great Rumbler]

Real Talk: More women should wear bike shorts.

Just sayin'.

[Van Cruncheon]

Real Talk: More women should wear bike shorts.

Just sayin'.

yoga pants

i like those new really short lycra gym shorts they wear, too

man, the gym is an awesome awesome place some mornings

[Van Cruncheon]

Real Talk: More HOT women should wear bike shorts.

Just sayin'.

also amended. i have seen enough kickalong pussies (also known as "frontbutt") revealed in intimate detail by spandex to know that the qualifier is very very necessary.

[Great Rumbler]

Real Talk: More HOT women should wear bike shorts.

Just sayin'.

also amended.

Well, that was the implication.

[Mupepe]

www.girlsinyogapants.com

I also have them on facebook.  I get my daily dose of yoga pants

[Fresh Prince]

Yeah if you're not in a race you don't need to wear them. You can always wear shorts on top of them or get shy shorts.

It's like shaving your legs. The practical reason is if you get in a crash wounds are easier to dress without hair but most guys do it since it shows off their muscles.

Sad to burst your bubble but most female cyclists (the ones that wear lycra) are uggo. Female runners on the other hand that I lap are

[Van Cruncheon]

yeah, most female cyclists i see are more diesel than lipstick, as it were, and lycra does not flatter their staid but lumpen physical natures

[Fresh Prince]

Yeah the girls that dress in normal clothes and cycle are so much hotter. So fucking distracting when they are over the handlebars and their boobies are spilling out of their tank top or dress.

[Eel O'Brian]

now i know what yoga pants are

time to fake an interest in yoga and sit in on some classes

[lennedsay]

Good thing you don't live in my neighborhood. They're EVERYWHERE.

Same here.  I live literally on the "Katy Trail" which is a 100 something mile bike trail in Missouri. Fucking yuppies.

They make water bottle holders for your bike. Why do you need to store 3 water bottles in a shirt on your back? You're going to be all sweaty there, and it's going to make it worse. Makes no sense.

[Fresh Prince]

i've never seen that it could be carbohydrate gel

[Phoenix Dark]

a better RE: people who bike in the middle of the god damn street, slowing everything down. especially at night when you have no lighters or anything on your fucking shit GTFO my suburb

[lennedsay]

Yea, they have these stupid shirts with the back pockets for bottles. Not sure what's in there, don't really give a fuck. Basically everybody out here is too rich to work. They just ride their bikes on the trail and fly their damn planes all day long. There's a small landing strip right by the trail, so people with small planes and their pilot's license can take off and fly around by the river and what not. I see the same damn red bi-plane every day. These assholes must spend more on airplane fuel in a year than I make. 

[Fresh Prince]

hmm I wonder it that's a triathelete thing then? if they're tring to get every aero advantage possible then ptting water bottles on your back may make sense.

back pockets are usually for food, keys, mobile, bike pump etc. not so much water bottles because they'd be clumsy to hold.

[lennedsay]

I will say that flying a fucking plane is about as awesome as it gets.

It's along this stretch of highway that's 10 lanes across with minimal traffic and has the Katy Trail on one part and a huge park on the other side. So the drive is gorgeous, so I open the windows and the moonroof and put on Subterranean Homesick Alien from Radiohead, and just watch the planes go back and forth over the highway. Rich fuckers.

Our buddy is in the process of getting his license. Will be awesome.

[Cormacaroni]

holy fuck someone just explained physics to Prole

what is this i don't even

[Bloodwake]

holy fuck someone just explained physics to Prole

what is this i don't even

lmfao.

Luckily I live in Kentucky where none of these bikers reside. At least not in shitsville where I live.

[recursivelyenumerable]

I feel so superior for not caring about this stuff either way. 

[chronovore]

I can deal with the poseur-ness of the outfits, the same way the goff-lolis and the quasi-punks are just showing off their interest. I can also get behind Mupepe's explanation that these people are out to prove they're better than you because they bicycled, and you probably drove a car -- but they'd be unimpressed to find out you walked or skateboarded to the meeting. Lame-Os come in all shapes and kinks.

What I can't stand about bicyclists comes from the militant stance they take whenever dealing with people who are in cars: "SHARE THE ROAD, MOTHERFUCKER~!" Yeah, that encourages cooperation. When I lived in Santa Cruz, these dreadlocked eco-hippies on 2000 dollar bikes would drive in the bike lane, make left turns in front of both oncoming and same-direction traffic, blow through 4-way stops with not even a token tap on their brakes, and then rant and shake their patchouli-scented fists at traffic that was respecting all the traffic laws but wasn't giving them special exception for being eco-hippies.

[Fresh Prince]

I guess I'm an euro-poseur so I can't speak on behalf of those hippies